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<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/aribakker/">arriba</a></h5>
<strong>I'm happy to report that this week I've learned something about how to disengage.</strong>

I realize that for some people, to disengage is the problem, not the solution. They tend to avoid difficult situations and issues so much that they almost never get to the heart of the matter, where so much of the important growth and resolution happens.

<strong>But other people (like me) have a way of scrambling to the heart of the matter too quickly, every time a situation makes their heart-rate increase a notch.</strong> I get worked up emotionally. My logic-based mind kicks in and begins building my case. I forget to listen as carefully as I should, to test the waters, to choose my battles.

For people like me, learning when and how to disengage is critical. <strong>It's too easy for me to become consumed and bogged down</strong> by a frustrating email I receive from my ex-husband, or by an opinion I hear on the radio or online, or by some random thing a friend says in passing. While some are good at shrugging those things off with a glib "whatever," I am always poised to dive in to the heart of the matter. It gets exhausting.
<h4>Learning from good role models</h4>
Jason is a great partner for me in all of this, because he completely relates to my feisty nature and <em>why</em> I get so fired up, but he's also extremely adept at diffusing situations that need nothing more than a simple response. <strong>He knows how to provide closure without pushing more buttons.</strong>

Last night, I practiced his technique in my response to two different emails. In both cases, I not only neutralized the interaction, but I diffused my internal frustration. I went to bed and slept well.

Today, I tried this technique on Twitter, where someone was intent on debating my stance on a mercy and justice issue I happened to mention. I debated for a while, trying to clarify my point, but I was growing increasingly frustrated by the interaction. Finally, I said <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">"debates are fun, but there comes a moment when you realize their world view is so wildly different from yours it's a waste of time," and I respectfully bowed out of the discussion. </span></span>

<strong>It felt good, and healthy! I was able to let go of the emotional side of it—let go of the need to follow something to its bitter and probably pointless end.</strong> By doing that, I'm not letting others use my emotions to hold me captive. I realize it will take some time before this becomes a natural response for me (and maybe it never will be my first impulse), but I know it's a path I can choose. That's progress.

So what's your tendency when things get intense? Do you over-engage or over-avoid? Or maybe you've discovered a good balance?