Great questions, thank you for posting this.   I think one of the most important things in a relationship is to know what you need when you're stressed out.   So much of the fighting I've seen in the marriages/ long term relationships of people I know seems to stem from one partner thinking they are giving the other what they need, when really they are adding to their stress.  If people can't articulate how they need to recover from stressful situations, they can't expect that need to be met.