OH such honesty is so refreshing!  I think that it is only from acknowledging the truth of our humanity (that we are self-centered) that we can EVER hope to begin to deal with the problems that our humanity creates.  :)

A few thoughts...

Being in my early 20's...I've lived JUST enough life to begin to experience what you're talking about.  What I've come to realize regarding this topic is what you said in step 2.  You have to think worst case scenario and literally say, "What if this DOES happen to me?"  It's like you said at the end, "Being with people who understand something of what you've gone through is always comforting."  Because of our self-centered nature, I think that one of the only ways to understand something of what someone else is going through is to put yourself in their shoes.  Then you will be able to somewhat feel the fear they're dealing with...the pain...the suffering...whatever it may be.  If you begin to put yourself in others shoes, it enables you to be a better support system for those who the event is actually happening to.  

For me personally, it is my belief in a loving God that I know travels this life with me, who completely understands the events of my life...truly mourning when I mourn...that gives me strength to face these life  scenarios.  For Christians, it's important to trust God with these "what if's" in order to build the supportive community that Christians are *supposed* to foster.   In my opinion, you have to be able to face your own fear and find your own sustaining strength, before you can help others believe in themselves and face their fears.  (Kinda like in an airplane, you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can effectively help others put theirs on.)  

I loved this post.  Such great words... :o)