Hamish, attempts at diplomacy can be tricky can't they? Regarding your question about Jason, he did not have a problem at all with my choice. I think the fact that he was also married before makes a big difference. His name has never changed, of course, but his understanding of marriage, what it means, and what's actually important has changed, in ways very similar to my experience. I honestly don't think my girls have thought much about it, but perhaps they will when they're older. We live in a progressive college town, though, where anything and everything goes—they are certainly not alone in not sharing their mom's name. At any rate, it can be quite the conundrum, which is why I think you need to make choices you're comfortable with, whenever possible, rather than choices based on your parents' wishes, tradition, etc.

Songbird, your story and explanation of why you took your new husband's name is so fascinating. In some ways, the reasoning is very similar to what led me to NOT take my new husband's name, but I certainly don't think one choice or the other better expresses the desire to embrace marriage again, anew. The added complexity brought by your semi-famous relative is quite a twist, and this makes perfect sense to me:  "Taking this new name turned out to be an act of unexpected self-creation." It seems like your decisions were very spirit-led. You listened to your heart.

Jason, yes, old societal habits have a way of hanging on, particularly when there are forms and mail involved. Have you ever asked your mom why she decided to not change her name after her divorce? (I think it has something to do, probably, with how old people are when they divorce, if they have positive ties to their parents, if the divorce is amicable, etc.)

Dave, that is a good solution. Our church directory does something a bit like that.

Gen, you speak the truth! "...sometimes, the issue of labels isn’t even about how you want to be seen by others–it’s about how they want to see you!" Which is exactly why I'd like to let go of my ideas about expectations entirely. I can't think of a time when someone else's expectations for me have made me the least bit happier.

Alli, your comment regarding what your hyphenated name would be is cracking me up! But this observation seems very true: "This sometimes seems like an exercise in pride and self-promotion. Must children come with credits or are they allowed their OWN names and identities?" And your final thoughts about family are great: "No formula encapsulates it and therefore, sometimes it needs more than one name to cover it."

Passionista, I think you're right—names *are* indeed symbolic, but their symbolism is personal, not universal. That, of course, means that not everyone is going to go about it the same way, which means we're just going to have to get used to living in this world with our differences. At least it seems that way to me. :) Thanks for your comment!

(With that, good night! I'll respond to the rest of your amazing comments in the morning!)