Jason, you make some really good points, like this one: "People should be getting married for the right reasons; love, partnership, and friendship among them." And yes, when it comes to my own kids, I'd "rather see people having (responsible) sex before (a successful, lasting, loving) marriage than seeing kids jump into marriage just so they can “do the deedâ€ without guilt." Thanks for devoting so much time and thought to a great discussion!

Katie, thank you for sharing your own story—it's touching, inspiring and a great example of yet another way to go about figuring out what love is, and when the time is right for marriage. Not according to society or the church, but according to you and your partner. I love your clergy perspective, too, particularly what you said about marrying older couples: "I find that because of all of the stuff that has gone before, it is so much easier to talk seriously and deeply about why this commitment, this covenant, this marriage is important. When I ask them, 'why?' they have honest answers." That was certainly my experience as Jason and I went through pre-marital counseling (but I guess I'm biased!). 

Rebecca, I don't blame you for a second for feeling this way: "I don’t like that society/religion/whatever pressures you to [get married]" I'm not sure what people think they're accomplishing—even if the young people being pressured end up getting married, won't they be prone to resentment and bitterness?

Genevieve, I think you summed up this general sentiment quite well: "the pressure to apply the early marriage solution to all relationships is too cookie-cutter to work for everyone." And you mention it again, at the end, when you talk about different—and valid—paths to happiness. I guess that's at the heart of what many of us are talking about here. There are no formulas that everyone can follow, step by step, to ensure marital success and happiness. And sometimes we even surprise ourselves, by deeply wanting something we didn't think we would. After my divorce, I imagined I'd be in a long-term relationship again, but that I'd never marry. I no longer felt like marriage meant anything. Then I met Jason and realized I didn't want to walk away from the institution of marriage—I wanted to really understand it and embrace it, for the first time.

Ryan, hi again. :) I don't want to pick on you, but there are a couple of things in your response to Genevieve that I just have to take issue with, as  Christian mom who has been divorced (someone has to advocate for us!). One is this statement: "I doubt people having premarital sex think anything of divorce. Why would they? That’s why they’re having premarital sex." This just doesn't make any sense to me, and it's not true. *Some* people who have premarital sex might not be thinking much about divorce, but to suggest that everyone who has premarital sex is super casual about marriage and divorce simply isn't accurate or fair. This statement about children of unmarried parents also troubles me: "they miss the opportunity to have the strength I know a traditional marriage brings...." I can't even begin to tell you how many sad, unloved, neglected, messed up and even abused children are raised in homes with "a traditional marriage." Perhaps you could make this claim in an ideal world filled with ideal marriages, but in our world, it just isn't always true.

Meredith, I'm glad you brought that lost point back into the conversation! The point of my post might not end up being the point of our conversation, and that's just fine, but I would really love to hear what people think about that question: What important issues are we ignoring? I love that you brought ALL relationships into the equation, and how you put this: "Children and teens who are happy and secure in themselves and their lives are less likely to be talked into something they’re not comfortable with - whether it’s premarital sex or early marriage." I completely agree.