The Modern Gal, it is very confusing, but I think when you can put some sort of tribute into words (and put the confusion into words, too) it helps a lot.

Robin, thanks for affirming me! It's easy to second guess yourself as a parent, but when grief is involved, too, second-guessing is the last thing you need. We all need extra grace at such moments (and need to offer ourselves grace, too).

jessica, some people just seem to naturally have a more hopeful, joyful take on life, don't they? I do believe, though, it's an attitude I can practice and seek. My grandma inspires me to do that rather than to embrace bitterness and frustration.

Meagan Francis, yes, I felt like I needed to explain to my kids why I wasn't crying a lot. Then I realized they might feel like they were supposed to be crying, too, so if I talked openly about it, it would help them. I guess the lesson to learn is that being honest about where I am always helps my kids grow.