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<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">May I invite y’all to my table?  I suggest getting a cup of great coffee, tea, or a nice hot chocolate. That is what I’m doing as I enter this interview, because that is one thing I love when just talking and answering questions to dear friends about my journey.</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">1. Think back to a time when your day-to-day life was markedly different in some way than it is today. What made it different? How did you feel about it? What did you enjoy/not enjoy about it?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">My mind goes back to before I came out and went through the journey of just accepting myself. That time in my life was about shaping </span><span style="color: #111111;">myself</span><span style="color: #111111;"> into everyone else. What they loved and who they were, I put on myself. It was my way of being OK. </span><span style="color: #111111;">I did things that others enjoyed and never understood why I just wasn’t as happy as they were. </span><span style="color: #111111;"></span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">2. Can you think of any pivotal moments, when you knew you had to change something negative or claim something important to you? What happened in that </span><span style="color: #111111;">moment, that</span><span style="color: #111111;"> made it pivotal?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">I’m going to speak about two different phases. The </span><span style="color: #111111;">first,</span><span style="color: #111111;"> is what I was speaking about above and part of why I was so moved by the love list project. The first: The pivotal moment in my life back then was becoming so depressed that I had to claim something about myself. It was, not to be dramatic, about life or death. I either had to continue to live life for everyone else—living as though I was any one else but me—or I had to dig deep and fight for myself. I knew I had no other choice at that time in my life. The second: This pivotal moment was when Kristin wrote about something she had found, and the need to claim things she loved outside of her every day constraints. I was in that some place. I was frustrated with working full time and going to university full time. My life seemed to be about work and studying. When I read that entry I realized I needed a new pair of “glassesâ€ to look through. I needed to claim things that were good and promising about my life. I needed to find things that made me happy and </span><span style="color: #111111;">in essence made me, me. To claim those things </span><span style="color: #111111;">that make</span><span style="color: #111111;"> the working and studying, well, worth it. </span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">3. Even though you probably weren’t creating a formal Love List at the time, when you look back, when </span><span style="color: #111111;">were</span><span style="color: #111111;"> major life decisions impacted and driven by what you love most in life? When did you find yourself setting aside what you loved?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">I think this started within my first revelation. My therapist at the time started drawing a tree. He looked at me and said, “I think it’s time we find what roots you.â€ As he drew the tree and made roots we started listing things that root me. Things such as people, but also</span><span style="color: #111111;"> things</span><span style="color: #111111;"> that make me happy. Things I like to do that bring me happiness alone. Nothing connected to anyone other than </span><span style="color: #111111;">myself</span><span style="color: #111111;">. In those moments I started setting aside things I loved and made me </span><span style="color: #111111;">confident within myself. This is when I chased my dreams, such as finishing my degree. Realizing that there are things I do that are claiming back myself so that I can be happy within myself, and do what I feel God has called me to do as well. I don’t mean that in a cookie cutter Christian way, but in a way that decisions I make are exactly what God put in my heart to make me tick.</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">4. What does your life look like today? Better, worse or just different? What’s responsible for making it better/worse/different?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">My life is different today in that I work hard for things that matter most to me. There is no looking at others for how I should be (although I do look to others for help, maybe mentoring would be a good word). Some days I think things are better, and other days they feel just worse, and other days they are neither, they just are. I</span><span style="color: #111111;">’m learning that when they are indifferent and “worseâ€ it is the lens I’m choosing to look through. That is what is good about the love list project, it stops you for a moment and sometimes longer to see what is right. </span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">5. How does compromise come into play? (What have you given up, and what have you gained? How do you know you’re making the right choices?)</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">I’m not sure how to vocalize this and I’m not sure that I’m even doing this right. Even if I am it almost feels it would by pure accident. </span><span style="color: #111111;">The biggest thing I have learned to do is to drop something so that I can reconnect with myself. For me it is easy to get involved in getting an A in a class and mostly just trying to balance a full time job and being a full time student. I have learned I must be honest enough with myself to do something fun, to take in a simple moment that refreshes me to move on.</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">6. What kinds of things have been showing up on your Love List these days?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">What </span><span style="color: #111111;">has</span><span style="color: #111111;"> mostly been on my love list are things that are connected to my job and things that are community oriented. This isn’t by accident. My job is a rough one and sometimes I forget that there are things </span><span style="color: #111111;">it is teaching me. My students are unique in the lessons they teach, and to embrace them through the love list is an amazing journey for me. I have also been looking for community. The love list has inspired me to be aware of moment that I have entered that space. </span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">7. How might you make real changes in your life, based on what you love?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">As I said above I find that I’m pursuing things </span><span style="color: #111111;">that go with what I have found I love. I have hit a bump in the road in this and it has been frustrating I still find myself driven to do things that match what I love. I love bridging people, I love being an activist for those who cannot speak for </span><span style="color: #111111;">themselves, and the list builds from there. In other words, my love list has pushed me to go beyond the surface things, but to do things that truly make a difference.</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt 0pt 18.45pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #111111;">8. Do you have any wisdom or advice to share with others?</span></span></p>
<p style="margin: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I would say don’t give up. I have gone through a week of disappointments and what seems to be a failure. It is important to find those moments that drive you to things you love so that you can find ways to walk in a world that sometimes tells us to find what we love so that we can be happy in our independence. I personally have found by pursuing what I love I can impact people around me without that empty feeling or feeling my energy zapped. Look in the places you think cannot hold things you love. Things you love and that help you recapture your life are sometimes richest in the place you think is a pit of darkness. Put on a new pair of glasses that allow you to see things you never thought you would before. </span></p>

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