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(147, 1, '2008-11-12 20:09:42', '2008-11-13 00:09:42', '', '124315323_f72ee4be69_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '124315323_f72ee4be69_m', '', '', '2008-11-12 20:09:42', '2008-11-13 00:09:42', '', 145, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/124315323_f72ee4be69_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(148, 1, '2008-11-12 20:18:28', '2008-11-13 00:18:28', '', '1205847589_41cb473f2c_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1205847589_41cb473f2c_m', '', '', '2008-11-12 20:18:28', '2008-11-13 00:18:28', '', 145, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/1205847589_41cb473f2c_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(149, 1, '2008-11-12 20:21:45', '2008-11-13 00:21:45', '', '1205847589_41cb473f2c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1205847589_41cb473f2c', '', '', '2008-11-12 20:21:45', '2008-11-13 00:21:45', '', 145, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/1205847589_41cb473f2c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(150, 1, '2008-11-13 19:57:04', '2008-11-13 23:57:04', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2028739158_8572fc7f55_m.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-151" title="2028739158_8572fc7f55_m" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2028739158_8572fc7f55_m.jpg" alt="" width="302" height="302" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/59953599@N00/">gotplaid</a></h5>\r\nThe week that <a href="http://www.threadless.com/">Threadless</a> released <a href="http://www.typetees.com/product/623/Haikus_are_easy_but_sometimes_they_don_t">this tee-shirt design</a> (above), at least a half-dozen people I knew asked if I had seen it. I, in fact, had already seen and ordered it. (Good thing it wasn''t near my birthday, or I might have ended up with one for every day of the week.)\r\n\r\nThe shirt made everyone think of me because I wrote a haiku almost every day for more than two years. My habit began on August 24, 2004, and continued until October 25, 2006, to be exact. Knowing the dates makes it feel like those tiny poems comprised a living creature, a close companion that was born and later died.\r\n\r\nBut let''s not get overly sentimental about it. In many ways, haiku writing was simply part of my morning ritual: pour cereal, put Fritos and grapes in baggies, walk kids to school, shower, brush and floss teeth, write haiku, start dishwasher...you get the idea.\r\n<h3>Part structure, part stretching, part emotion-dump</h3>\r\nThe best thing about haiku-writing was it gave me the structure I desperately needed as a freelancer. Other people get dressed in work-appropriate clothes, leave their homey homes and travel to an office, where their work day clearly begins (or at least is supposed to begin).\r\n\r\nWorking at home (and sometimes in my workout clothes, without brushing my teeth) makes the transition from life to work much fuzzier. I need structure, and mental and visual cues to keep me from wandering around the house and folding laundry all day. The structure of the tiny, ancient Japanese poem served me well.  <strong>As soon as I sat down at my computer each morning to write my haiku, the beginning of my writing day was marked, as clearly as a pistol marks the start of a horse race.</strong>\r\n\r\nThe strict five-seven-five syllable format of the haiku creates the perfect confines for a good writing assignment. You have to figure out what you want to say; you have to decide what is most essential to what you want to say, and what can be left out; and finally, you have to find the juiciest possible words, with the proper number of syllables. That usually entails thinking of several ways to say the same thing, until you arrive at the perfect combination of form and content. Writing practice doesn''t get much more focused than that.\r\n\r\nBesides providing a good writing exercise for me, crafting a daily haiku also provided a necessary outlet for my moods and thoughts. It''s similar to journaling, but more subtle and focused. When I look back at my days and days of haiku, I can immediately identify where I was in my life, and what I was feeling and experiencing, even if I wasn''t writing directly about it. It''s like identifying a scent that takes you directly back to a moment in your past, even though the scent itself might not be significant.\r\n\r\nThe two-year stretch when I was in the haiku habit is particularly interesting to look back on, because it begins a year after my divorce and ends almost a year after I met Jason. So many ups and downs represented.\r\n<h3>Where an ancient form meets a new one</h3>\r\nTwitter has essentially replaced my haiku habit, which has its positives and negatives. I have been encouraging students at my Media Bistro copywriting seminars to use Twitter as a writing exercise, because it forces you to figure out what you want to say and how to say it best in a very confined space (140 characters or less). I generally like the interaction that''s inherent with Twitter, too. You can write something funny or touching or controversial, and get immediate reactions.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nBut, as I was reading through my old haiku today, I was feeling sad that I let that practice die. Ironically, the whole reason I even looked at my collection of 17-syllable poems today was because of a <a href="http://www.copyblogger.com/twitter-writing-contest-2/">Twitter haiku writing contest.</a> First prize is a MacBook Air!!\r\n\r\nI''ve never considered myself a poet, by any stretch of the imagination. But it''s clear that this contest was made for the likes of me. I must enter something.\r\n\r\nAnd although I''d like to start writing some new ones (the first one, below, was written today), I''ll share some random older haiku with you now. If you have a favorite, please let me know which one it is! I only get one entry. (I get the feeling they''re more interested in clever/funny than in touching/sweet. Submissions are due this Sunday.)\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">I’m in coat, mittens.\r\nMy neighbor? Short sleeves, capris.\r\nSo who''s the strange one?</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">The world ticks along,\r\nmore like a bomb than a heart,\r\nyet it stays intact.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"It''s an addiction!"\r\nhe claims, taking my yarn-lust\r\nto a new level.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Life is like some soup:\r\nFor best richness and flavor,\r\nplease do not dilute.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Will your marriage last?\r\nTake the quiz!" the headline reads.\r\nThe Web''s stupid side.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Now is not the time!"\r\nwas her response to his love,\r\na five-year-old''s crush.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">I''ve forgotten how:\r\nto not work; to walk mid-day;\r\nto love my sofa.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Girls shriek from the house.\r\nWe sit outside, blissfully\r\nfeigning ignorance.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Pondering life''s work:\r\nDoes fun beat security?\r\nDoes praise trump money?</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Silliness lets loose,\r\nas if all week it had been\r\ntugging at a leash.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* * *</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">It''s "impending joy,"\r\nhe says; I grin over how\r\nsmoothly "doom" was swapped.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>', 'Tales of a former haiku addict', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'confessions-of-a-former-haiku-addict', '', '\nhttp://www.copyblogger.com/twitter-writing-contest-2/', '2009-01-24 22:45:35', '2009-01-25 02:45:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=150', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(151, 1, '2008-11-13 19:40:23', '2008-11-13 23:40:23', '', '2028739158_8572fc7f55_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2028739158_8572fc7f55_m', '', '', '2008-11-13 19:40:23', '2008-11-13 23:40:23', '', 150, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2028739158_8572fc7f55_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(152, 1, '2008-11-16 01:02:55', '2008-11-16 05:02:55', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/147572526_d88b85bea0.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-153" title="147572526_d88b85bea0" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/147572526_d88b85bea0-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="377" height="250" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 240px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/thomaspurves/">Tom Purves</a></h5>\r\nPeople blog for every reason under the sun and about every topic imaginable. Some bloggers believe firmly that "true blogs" consist of short daily posts in a specific format, while others blog in whatever way fits their style and subject matter.\r\n\r\n<strong>But there is one thing I think all bloggers can agree on: their deep, abiding love for reader comments.</strong>\r\n\r\nSure, a big part of that love rises out of the insecurities that erupt as soon as we finish a new post and hit "publish."   We desire some affirmation that''s bigger than our fears, to overshadow them. We need to know that the many thoughts and ideas we''re regularly bundling up and sending out into the world aren''t just swirling around aimlessly in the abyss.\r\n\r\n<strong>I can honestly say, though, that I love the opportunity for dialogue—the back and forth, the pushing and pulling and questioning—even more than I love the sweet affirmation.</strong>\r\n\r\nThe topics I like to write about can only be turned over in my own mind so many times, before they begin to lose meaning rather than gain it through the close examination. I talk to Jason, and to anyone in my "live community" who''s willing to engage, but I still crave more dialogue as a means to more understanding.\r\n<h3>Dialogue vs. conversation</h3>\r\nWhile many people think of "dialogue" as synonymous with "conversation," the Austrian-Israeli-Jewish philosopher <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Buber">Martin Buber</a> understood the two as very different. Dialogue, he said, is an  effective means of on-going communication, while conversation involves a more direct attempt to reach some conclusion or to express particular viewpoints.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nAs more people discover my blog and leave comments, I''m really beginning to get a taste of the beauty of on-going, open-ended communication. My recent post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143">Politics, religion and sex</a> really got people talking more than any post I''ve written to date, both here at Halfway to Normal and at <a href="http://www.jesusmanifesto.com/2008/11/11/politics-religion-and-sex/">Jesus Manifesto</a>, where the piece was also published. I have to admit, it''s been exciting—even if the dozen or so comments don''t begin to compare in number to the 50-plus some bloggers get on every post. (I''ve always been a quality-over-quantity kind of girl, anyway.)\r\n<h3>Shining spots of light on shadowy issues</h3>\r\nAlthough you can certainly go back and read all the comments on both sites, I want to highlight some excerpts here, as a demonstration and celebration of thoughtful, engaging comments. (I''d like to republish them all, but I realize that doesn''t make much sense.)\r\n\r\nBut just look at what''s here, in this little taste: A sharing of a personal experience, an affirmation of someone else''s comment, an thought about parenting, a book recommendation, some shared wisdom, and a stab at better defining the problem. Pretty darn exciting, if you ask me.\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It seems to me that mystifying and spiritualizing sex can make it harder to accept and understand what is happening when I do become involved in sexual activity, which then makes it even harder to understand how I want to act (or not act) during the experience, and also how I understand my feelings afterwards. ... I think what Brandon said about bringing up Christians in the way of reconciliation and patient other-mindedness could be huge. Living in community now challenges me in that daily, and I feel like I really am getting better at living with people, and learning to make reconciliation more important than my own "rights" or desires.</em>\r\n<strong>SarahLynne</strong> (on Jesus Manifesto)</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I think we wait too long to engage our children in the conversation about sex and then we vomit all the technical aspects on them at once, and freak our children out about IT. Instead we should be using teachable moments through out their lives.</em>\r\n<strong> Randy Olson</strong> (on Jesus Manifesto)</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I highly recommend the book </em>Growing Strong Daughters <em>(2nd ed.) by Lisa Graham McMinn, a prof of sociology and mother of 3 daughters. ... She, too, talks about how the focus No No No before marriage can lead to many women having difficulty saying Yes Yes Yes after marriage. About how all the things many churches teach lead to the idea that sexual sins are the worst sins ever, and that sex carries a tint of shame no matter what.</em>\r\n<strong> Natalie Hart</strong> (on Halfway to Normal)</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>...people/teens usually do not live our values if we are left to work them out individualistically. Living what we believe to be best works far better when there are supported pathways, supported integrity, supported choices, supported openness, etc.</em>\r\n<strong>Ron S.</strong> (on Halfway to Normal)</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It seems to me that the Purity movement is a form of fundamentalist reaction to our lack of community in fragmented postmodern America. It is an attempt to impose the restraints that would exist naturally in a village or a tight ethnic community. As such it tends to come off as bright &amp; shiny evangelical fascism. ... The problem I have with most of the debate about sexuality in this country is that it''s simplistic. I''m sorry, but sex is complicated. It''s not a problem to be solved by imposing vows of chastity on prepubescent girls or passing ballot measures against gay marriage. (That''s a whole different can of worms.)</em>\r\n<strong> Joseph of Antioch</strong> (on Jesus Manifesto and Halfway to Normal)</p>\r\nA whole different can of worms, indeed. And how exciting that we can all open it together, creating not just a conversation, but a true ongoing dialogue in the tradition of Martin Buber. <strong>After all, it''s not about reaching a conclusion; it''s about inviting others to shine spots of light on the shadowy pieces of issues—the ones we might never have examined, or perhaps even noticed, on our own.</strong>', 'All this nonsense is really about the dialogue', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'all-this-nonsense-is-really-about-the-dialogue', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143\nhttp://www.jesusmanifesto.com/2008/11/11/politics-religion-and-sex/', '2009-01-24 22:45:05', '2009-01-25 02:45:05', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=152', 0, 'post', '', 2),
(153, 1, '2008-11-17 00:53:17', '2008-11-17 04:53:17', '', '147572526_d88b85bea0', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '147572526_d88b85bea0', '', '', '2008-11-17 00:53:17', '2008-11-17 04:53:17', '', 152, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/147572526_d88b85bea0.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(154, 1, '2008-11-18 20:01:37', '2008-11-19 00:01:37', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2499985724_32d0eb9ba4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-155" title="2499985724_32d0eb9ba4" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2499985724_32d0eb9ba4-300x207.jpg" alt="" width="355" height="244" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/restlessglobetrotter/">Jason Rogers</a></h5>\r\nWalking a line is one of the hardest things in life to do. Johnny Cash wrote a song about it then proved just how difficult it was to actually accomplish (if the song is indeed about faithfulness to his first wife, as it seems).\r\n\r\nThere are a variety of lines we each try to walk at different moments. Like drinking <em>just enough</em> at the high school reunion to relax, but not so much that you make a fool of yourself. Or having lots of friends, but not so many that the friendships get diluted and cease to be meaningful. Then there''s the constant issue of staying up late enough to do all the things you want and need to do, but not so late that you are a completely useless wreck the next day.\r\n\r\nIt''s about balance. An ability to walk delicate lines might be one of the main badges of maturity (although this just occurred to me, and I haven''t really thought it through completely...).\r\n\r\n<strong>Lines of ideology are even more difficult to walk than lifestyle lines.</strong> They''re more exciting and rewarding, though, too. The tension that comes from the push and pull, as we sway and veer and then regain our balance, is both exhilarating and excruciating.\r\n\r\nI know, because I''m constantly trying to figure out how to do it with this blog. My old Halfway to Normal tagline was "Living a life in between." I recently changed it to "Finding myself neither here nor there," but the essence is still the same: I''m attempting to tread a fine line in the things I write about: between work and life, faith and culture, church and state, and big ideas and simple everyday musings.\r\n\r\n<strong>It isn''t easy, but I hope that if I figure out how to do it well, I can also pull together a community of others who are neither here nor there—I know I must not be alone.</strong>\r\n<h3>So...where''s the school for line-walkers?</h3>\r\nMuch of how we learn about such things, of course, is by trial and error. In my own experiments, I''m discovering that walking the line is much like crossing a log that''s fallen across a stream: sometimes it pays to be really careful and cautious about where you position each next step; other times you do better by just taking a deep breath and letting momentum and luck carry you across.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nThe best way to learn about walking the line, though, is to find examples of others who are successfully walking similar lines. When you''re lucky enough to find them, they will both instruct and inspire, like the best mentors and teachers.\r\n\r\n<strong>Here are two examples I''ve recently learned from and been inspired by. </strong>To some extent they both involve walking that very narrow church-state line—one I''ve been very drawn to lately, it seems. (For examples, check out posts like <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=109">Do the right thing</a>, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=67">God, irony and rain</a>, and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143">Politics, religion and sex</a>.)\r\n\r\n<strong>I think my church''s ability to walk lines with integrity and humility is one of my favorite things about it.</strong> I''m a big fan of separating church and state, so I was glad our pastors weren''t directly addressing the presidential election or the candidates in the weeks leading up to November 4.\r\n\r\nAt the same time, though, my church is very clear about its stance on peace, mercy and justice, and everyone knows those things are tied to politics, whether we like it or not. So how do you acknowledge all of that, as a fellowship, without getting sucked into taking sides?\r\n\r\nI was really moved, this past Sunday, when Seth, one of our pastors, shared this "official" statement and then prayed in response to the election. I asked if I could share it here.\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>1) We acknowledge that within our congregation we have people from all political walks of life and we WANT it to be that way. We never want to become partisan or political in tone...</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>\r\n</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>2) However, as a church we DO embrace, historically and currently the Civil Rights Movement—eloquently defined by Martin Luther King''s ''I Have A Dream'' speech, and by his life. We are constantly battling the fallout of hundreds of years of oppression and slavery in this country and we still have much work left to do to make King''s dream a reality.</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>\r\n</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em> </em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>3) Whether or not you think Obama will be a good president, whether or not you voted for him, his election is nonetheless a victory that goes beyond a normal political victory. It is both a sign of significant healing that has taken place and hopefully also an agent of healing for the racial divisions that still exist here in America.</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>\r\n</em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em> </em></div>\r\n<div style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>4) With that in mind we want to pray as a community for protection for the Obama family. There are still people in this country that are infected with the disease of racism. We do not hate such people, we embrace King''s model (more accurately, Jesus'' model) of reaching out to those who are full of hate and fear with love and grace and compassion. But we will pray against the forces of fear, prejudice and elitism. We will pray for peace, protection, and continued healing from the sins of the past, and that Barack Obama will govern wisely during his tenure as President.</em></div>\r\n<h3>There''s a line between Obama and abortion, too</h3>\r\nOf course, it''s not surprising that a church like mine attracts plenty of people trying to find the right belief-life balance. Nic, a friend in my small group, recently shared this Huffington Post article with the rest of us: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-schaeffer/an-open-letter-to-preside_b_143251.html">An Open Letter to President-Elect Obama About Abortion</a>.\r\n\r\nBefore you run away, with your hands over your ears, keep in mind that this was published on the <em>Huffington Post</em>. The author, Frank Schaeffer (son of the theologian and founder of L''Abri, Francis Schaeffer), refers to himself as pro-Obama and pro-life, yet he believes abortion should remain legal. There are ways, he says, to ultimately reduce the number of abortions in this country through social programs for families and children, without picketing and pushing to overturn Roe vs. Wade.\r\n\r\nHere''s an excerpt (keep in mind it''s written as a letter to Obama):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It''s your "Nixon goes to China" moment. As a progressive Democrat you are in a position to defuse the situation and heal the culture wars in a way that no Republican president has been able to do. Surprise the pro-life movement with a sincere, sustained "bully pulpit" for life, and a substantive set of a programs to reduce abortions, while <em>also</em> defending Roe. You can do both!</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>None of this means that you, the Democratic Party or the progressives movement has to give up principles about reproductive rights. In fact, it means that those principles can better be defended in the long term because you will have claimed the moral high ground.</em></p>\r\n<strong>Can you see what''s going on with Schaeffer''s line walking? Not only is it possible, he says, to "do both." Doing both actually creates the possibility of "healing of culture wars," too. Bonus!</strong>\r\n\r\nMy intention isn''t to get into the issue of abortion, here. It''s to point out how powerful and beautiful line-walking can be. Although it''s not always possible (and I still have much to learn), in our best moments we can balance two seemingly opposing objectives, <em>and</em> create something even bigger—and perhaps more important—in the process.', 'Walking the line', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'walking-the-line', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=109\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=67\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143', '2009-01-24 22:44:35', '2009-01-25 02:44:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=154', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(155, 1, '2008-11-18 19:53:18', '2008-11-18 23:53:18', '', '2499985724_32d0eb9ba4', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2499985724_32d0eb9ba4', '', '', '2008-11-18 19:53:18', '2008-11-18 23:53:18', '', 154, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2499985724_32d0eb9ba4.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(156, 1, '2008-11-20 23:07:51', '2008-11-21 03:07:51', '<img class="alignnone" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/images/2552829978_169ecc7b70.jpg" alt="" />\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/cmoewes/">Chris Moewes</a></h5>\r\nSoon after my first husband and I separated, in 2003, I bought the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Alone-Jonathan-Franzen/dp/0312422164"><em>How to Be Alone</em></a> by Jonathan Franzen.\r\n\r\nIt''s kind of funny, when I think about it now. I had read enough of Franzen''s earlier work to know I wasn''t buying a practical, how-to guide that would actually give me strategies for being alone.\r\n\r\nBut I was definitely drawn to the title—to the very idea of being alone, and to the concept that you could learn to do it better.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind, I''m an extrovert. Without a doubt, I am energized by being around other people, thinking out loud and sharing ideas. I had also, essentially, never lived alone in the 33 years before my first husband moved out. I knew I had a lot to learn about this being alone business.\r\n\r\n<strong>One of the first things I learned was that "alone" and "lonely" are two different things.</strong> My greatest fear about divorce was a fear of loneliness, but I quickly discovered that being with someone in a distant marriage is much lonelier than being alone.\r\n\r\nBeing alone is actually defined as being "apart or isolated from others." Clearly there are many different ways to be alone, and I''ve tried my hand at several of them. After getting a divorce and quitting my "real job" for freelancing, I even cultivated an affection for certain ways of being alone, which is something I didn''t think I''d ever embrace.\r\n\r\nBut there are definitely moments when "being alone" tips into the category of "lonely." It just so happens that I had the opportunity to identify two such moments just this week.\r\n<h4>Alone, with kids</h4>\r\nThe first incident occurred Tuesday. Jason was entertaining clients from out of town for the evening, so it was just the girls and I. Being in single parent mode is nothing new, but on Tuesday we were all more tired than usual. The after school hours stretched into dusk and then to darkness. The girls bickered with each other, and needed snacks and rides to piano lessons. They interrupted me repeatedly with questions about math homework and crocheting projects, while I tried to finish a blog post. They busied themselves with scissors and glue and paper and yarn, turning the serene living room into something quite the opposite.\r\n\r\nEventually they made it clear (through button-pushing and tears) that they were getting hungry. Oh right. Jason wouldn’t be home at any moment to rescue me, either by taking over in the kitchen or by taking over with the kids. Memories of single parenting hit me like a unpleasant dousing with icy water.\r\n\r\nIt''s not so much that the situation required two adults, four hands, or two authoritative voices (although that never hurts). Technically, I could do everything that needed to be done on my own—I had done so for many months, when the girls were much younger and needed even more from me.\r\n\r\nNo, the kind of aloneness I felt comes from recognizing, all at once, what''s undeniably lacking in an overwhelming moment: camaraderie. It''s a realization that no one''s on your side—there''s no moral support, no one to roll your eyes and be sarcastic with, or to commiserate with. There''s no one to take a deep breath and forge ahead with.\r\n\r\n<strong>I was frustrated and annoyed, and suddenly I realized no one else in the room understood how I felt. That''s when alone becomes lonely.</strong>\r\n<h4>A table for one</h4>\r\nThe very next evening, I was sitting alone in a restaurant in St. Louis, eating dinner after a long day of traveling followed by client meetings.\r\n\r\nEating alone in public is always a curious activity. Some people do it all the time, of course, so I’m sure they don’t think twice about it. But when you''re married, have children, and rarely travel for business, eating a meal takes some getting used to, every time.\r\n\r\nIt''s not like riding a bike for the first time each spring, when the skills and balance and feel of it come instantly back. It''s more like putting on a brand-new pair of cowboy boots: Each time it feels new and stiff, and slightly constrictive. You feel self-conscious—not quite like yourself in your movements or your perception of how you look. (Yes, I happen to know a bit about cowboy boots because I worked at a dude ranch in Colorado one summer.)\r\n\r\nWhy is this true about eating alone, but not about any other alone activity? Think about it. There’s nothing odd about driving, biking or walking alone. Nothing strange about sitting in a park alone with a book, or being in a café alone. You can even dance alone in a crowded club, do yard work alone, go shopping alone, and be a tourist alone. I''ve gone to movies and concerts alone, and although I''ve longed for someone to deconstruct the experience with afterwards, it doesn''t feel strange.\r\n\r\nSo what <em>is</em> it about eating a meal by yourself, with others nearby?\r\n\r\nWhen I was younger, I think my discomfort with eating alone probably was centered more around worrying “What is everyone else in the restaurant thinking? Do they feel sorry for me, and imagine I have no friends?â€\r\n\r\nNow, I can honestly say that’s not it. When I''m eating alone, I’m not thinking about what anyone else is thinking (isn’t that the chief beauty of growing older?). I’m thinking about all the thoughts swirling around in my head, and how they naturally want to fly free when I eat. It’s an automatic response: fork goes to mouth, food goes in, words come out.\r\n\r\nEating is inherently communal. Especially dinner. I guess that''s why I''d rather sit alone in a crowded restaurant than order room service—just being around other people and hearing the hum of other conversations is better than nothing.\r\n\r\nBut still. <strong>A plate of food in front of me, and all of those thoughts in my head, with nowhere to go. That''s when alone becomes lonely.</strong>\r\n\r\nSo what good does it do to identify these personal tipping points? Good question. If only I had someone to eat dinner with, I''m sure we could figure it out, together.\r\n\r\nOr at the very least, we could feel confused together, which is much better than feeling confused alone.', 'When alone becomes lonely', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-moment-when-alone-becomes-lonely', '', '', '2009-02-17 11:42:33', '2009-02-17 15:42:33', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=156', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(157, 1, '2008-11-23 22:12:16', '2008-11-24 02:12:16', '<img class="alignnone" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/images/IMG_knit.jpg" alt="" width="425" height="318" />\r\n\r\nFirst of all, <strong>this is not a post about knitting.</strong> Really. It''s a post about life. We all deal with life, right? So you should find something that will apply to you (unless you never have dreams or plans, or maybe you have them, but you never screw them up along the way). If you deal with life <em>and</em> you happen to knit, bonus.\r\n\r\nI''m a seasonal knitter. Basically, I let the gardening season dictate my knitting season: if there''s gardening to be done, and the days are still long and mild, you will NOT find me knitting.\r\n\r\nAfter the first frost, I put away my gardening gloves and unpack my knitting needles. My first project of the season is generally something small that I make for myself, before I start knitting holiday gifts. This year I ordered some new shades of my favorite baby alpaca yarn and decided to make myself a hat—a stripey, soft, warm hat.\r\n\r\nAs my "tweets" below (in bold) indicate, I had some problems along the way. In my attempts to not make myself crazy as I tried righting the wrongs, I became all philosophical about how knitting is like life.\r\n<h4>Stage 1: Overly romantic plans, dreams &amp; inspiration</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content">Nov. 10: </span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content">walked to cafe. brrrr. must finish knitting my hat. not that I don''t have a hat, but a new baby alpaca stripey one will make me very happy. </span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nIn this initial stage, you recognize a need: Something''s missing in your life. In my case, it was getting cold, and I envisioned the very thing to warm and cheer me: a new hat. I romanticized how I would sip tea and listen to Nick Drake, knitting my evenings away while Jason sat nearby reading snippets of the <em>New Yorker</em> aloud to me. I imagined how easy the project would be, and how satisfied I would feel (and how great I would look) when I wore it.\r\n<h4>Stage 2: Something''s not quite right (but optimism lives on)</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content"> Nov. 15: </span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content">finished making the stripey baby alpaca hat, but the decreases aren''t quite right. I properly adorned apple cake w cream ch frosting, tho. </span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nHmm...at this stage, you''ve met your goal with relative ease. It didn''t turn out quite like you envisioned, though. Not ready to face the problem, you set it aside and turn to some other task you know you can conquer. My finished hat looks really cute—until I put it on and see its goofy cone-head effect. Maybe I can fix that by getting it wet and blocking it...or maybe create a seam to help control the problem.... I think I''ll put the hat away and go frost my cake instead.\r\n<h4>Stage 3: Disappointment, denial &amp; avoidance</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content">Nov. 16: </span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content">wrote a blog post to avoid sitting on the couch, near knitting (ie: the hat I finished that doesn''t look quite right &amp; needs to be fixed). </span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nYou know, deep down, that there aren''t any quick fixes. The problem needs to be dealt with properly, but you''re not quite sure what that means. Plus you''re still feeling bruised and emotional about the whole experience, and you know you would start crying if you faced it. Distraction is the perfect antidote, so I avoid the living room where my knitting bag sits, and instead spend the evening at the dining room table, busying myself with something I have more control over: writing a blog post.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h4>Stage 4: Catharsis: undoing all that went wrong</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content">Nov. 17:</span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content"> ripping out rows of knitting gone wrong can be exhilarating or excruciating, depending on your state of mind. much of life is like that.</span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nWhen you''ve had a couple of days to get over your disappointment, and you''re feeling stable because pretty much everything else in your life is going OK, you''re in a good place to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak. I''m not so sure how I''m going to ultimately fix my hat problem, but I know the first step is ripping out the last 20 or so rows of stitches. There''s no getting around it. Once I accept that and begin to pull on the tail of yarn, watching everything come apart, round and round in circles, it''s really pretty darn satisfying. It was all wrong, after all, and I''m not about to leave it that way. I rid myself of the mistake, so I can start over.\r\n<h4>Stage 5: Starting over: equal parts relief and fear</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content">Nov. 22: </span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content">determined to finish making my hat tonight. for the second time. (getting things right the second time seems to be a pattern for me.) </span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nThere''s something very humbling and scary about starting over. You realize the way you went about it before isn''t going to work—you have to try something completely new. But what? You already put your faith in one set of instructions, and they failed you; how will you know which ones to trust? I look in lots of knitting books, at many hat patterns, trying to figure out which set of decrease instructions sound right to me. I think and think about it, but eventually I have to throw myself into it and just try something. As I plunge ahead, I know that if I don''t get it right this time, I might never make another attempt. The whole endeavor would most likely get trashed, or shoved into the back of some drawer or closet.\r\n<h4>Stage 6: Success after failure is even sweeter</h4>\r\n<strong><span class="entry-content">Nov. 22:</span></strong><em><strong><span class="entry-content"> I''m wearing my fabulous new stripey hat and cooking huevos rancheros! </span></strong></em>\r\n\r\nWhen it''s all said and done, and the finished product is yours, your love for it is more fierce and textured and real because of all you went through to get to that point. There are stories and lessons woven right into its very being. As I weave the final tail of yarn through the stitches, taking them off the needles and pulling the crown to a neat, flat finish, I am pleased beyond belief over this humble little hat I just made. When I put it on my head, feeling its gentle warmth and snugness, and Jason admires the two of us, I glow. I''ve been wearing it almost constantly ever since.', 'Life imitates craft, in six stages', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'life-imitates-craft-in-six-stages', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:08:13', '2009-01-25 00:08:13', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=157', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(158, 1, '2008-11-26 12:45:59', '2008-11-26 16:45:59', '<img class="alignnone" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/images/toys2.jpg" alt="" />\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/73416633@N00/">Colin Rose</a></h5>\r\nSome days are really good.\r\n\r\nThe kids wake up cheerful, I have time for a shower, the sun shines, my favorite table is available at the cafe, and the ideas just flow out of me faster than I could possibly process and write them down. Sometimes I even have several days like this in a row.\r\n\r\nThe last 48 hours have represented the <em>other</em> sort of days.\r\n\r\nEverything is difficult and just plain wrong. I''m inefficient, spacey and pessimistic. My hair is suddenly full of static (why is this?), I inevitably chose to wear clothes that I don''t feel comfortable in, and apparently I''m walking around with a "Give Me A Hard Time About Inconsequential Things" sign on my forehead.\r\n\r\n<strong>Oh, and the one thing I can count on about days like this? I won''t have a good idea to save my life.</strong>\r\n\r\nSo it kind of stinks that I was feeling an extra amount of pressure to come up with a great post yesterday, before leaving town for Thanksgiving in Michigan. The first 12 hours of the day were a total waste.\r\n\r\nI came up with a few blog post ideas, but then flat-out rejected them. They were all clearly flawed.\r\n<h3>Welcome to the Island of Misfit Ideas</h3>\r\nI started wondering, though, about all of those poor ideas that I so routinely, harshly banish. Remember the reject toys in Rudolph? (OK, they were misfit toys, but because they were misfits they became rejects.) I started imagining a sad island with all of my misfit ideas, never given a chance.\r\n\r\n<strong>What if there''s a nugget of truth or brilliance hiding in one of them, beneath the dull grime?</strong> Or maybe an idea is just a sketch, now, but in a year or two I''ll pull that sketch back out and base a masterpiece on it? What if?\r\n\r\nSome of you might think this is just a lame gimmick for a person who felt like she had to write something and couldn''t think of anything good to say. It''s quite possible. I''m still skeptical myself.\r\n\r\n<strong>But for those of you who think there''s potential for moments of beauty and brilliance in the common, mundane, and even homely, I give to you: My Rejects.</strong>\r\n<h4>Exhibit A: Parenting is really hard work.</h4>\r\n<strong><em>Rejected on the grounds that some moments are too depressing to share.</em></strong>\r\n\r\nThere''s not much more to say about this, except:\r\n- My daughter and I recently spent a ridiculous amount of time debating outerwear requirements and what constitutes "a cold day."\r\n- We repeated the debate, almost verbatim, less than 48-hours later.\r\n- I eventually realized, as I always do with this daughter, that our argument wasn''t really about [fill in the blank] at all.\r\n- And now, once again, I''m feeling a profound sense of dread about my children becoming teenagers in the not-too-distant future.\r\n<h4>Exhibit B: Sometimes some Christians <em>almost</em> get it right...</h4>\r\n<strong><em>Rejected on the grounds that I might seem cranky and impossible to please.</em></strong>\r\n\r\nPeople seem to like it when I put on my Christians Against Christians t-shirt. They also really respond when I write about sex, like I did a couple of times recently. So when my friend Suzanne pointed out <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/24/us/24sex.html?_r=2&amp;em">this New York Times article</a> to me, I thought it was post fodder made in heaven.\r\n\r\nIn my recent post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143">Politics, religion &amp; sex</a>, one of the main points I make is that Christians need to talk more openly about sex. In the article I read today, "Pastors Advice for Better Marriage: More Sex," Christians were talking a lot about sex. So I should be happy, right?\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nBut then I read that the pastor "issued his call for a week of ''congregational copulation.''" Ugh. He also called his Seven Days of Sex idea a "sexperiment." Eeew! In church? And then, he really made me mad, with this:\r\n\r\n<em>"If you’ve said, ‘I do,’ do it,â€ he said. As for single people, “I don’t know, try eating chocolate cake,â€ he said.</em>\r\n\r\nSeriously? That''s a pastor''s approach to sexuality and single people? No wonder people get fed up with churches.\r\n\r\n<strong></strong>\r\n<h4>Exhibit C: A humorous take on high school reunion prep.</h4>\r\n<em><strong>Rejected on the grounds that it''s really not that funny.</strong> </em>\r\n\r\nThis was basically Jason''s idea. First, when my childhood friend Jody was DMing me on Facebook to see what I was going to wear to our reunion this weekend (I know—poetic), Jason suggested I go vintage and wear one of my prom dresses (which happen to be at our house...but that''s another story).\r\n\r\nThen he suggested that we spend the afternoon leading up to the reunion going to all the places I used to go in high school. "Like we could go to Cheddars for mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce and then go make out in the car somewhere?" I asked. "I don''t think so."\r\n\r\nI just need to face it: The late 80s is not an era I want to recreate, and high school reunions are strange no matter what you wear.\r\n<h4>Exhibit D: Going home and being thankful.</h4>\r\n<strong><em>Rejected on the grounds that this is SUCH a Norman Rockwell cliche. Gah!</em></strong>\r\n\r\nBut I am going home, to the very house that my parents and brother and I moved to when I was five. And there''s snow in Michigan, and a fire in the fireplace, and my mom''s good cooking.\r\n\r\nI am thankful for so much, too. I often marvel at how blessed I am to have the parents I have. Both of my grandmothers, in their nineties, are still alive, and we''ll get to see them in Michigan. I still can''t believe that Jason and I met—that I don''t have to wander through life feeling like no one really gets me. And my daughters. They''re a triptych of beautiful blessings (yes, even the one who gives me trouble about outerwear).\r\n\r\nAnd all that I am thankful for, as it turns out, looks even more beautiful when viewed from the middle of a few very bad days.', 'I give you...the rejects', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'i-give-to-youthe-rejects', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143', '2009-01-24 20:07:42', '2009-01-25 00:07:42', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=158', 0, 'post', '', 2);
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(159, 1, '2008-12-01 19:31:59', '2008-12-01 23:31:59', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/33968122_dc135bdd9f1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-161" title="33968122_dc135bdd9f1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/33968122_dc135bdd9f1.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="327" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/london/">Jon Rawlinson</a></h5>\r\nI attended my 20th high school reunion Saturday evening. It''s given me plenty of opportunities to reflect on youth and aging—who we were, who we are and what happened in between.\r\n\r\nEveryone at my reunion has approached identity and aging in different ways, with different strategies (or, in some cases, the complete lack thereof). But we all shared this same basic narrative: We all struggled, as teenagers, to define who we were. And in the 20 years since, we''ve all had to adapt and adjust those identities—and our own perceptions of them—as the world around us has shifted and changed.\r\n<h3>The identity crisis of The Blog</h3>\r\nBlogs have been around for about 10 years, already. As a concept, it''s been doing some aging, too (though not as much as my classmates and I).\r\n\r\nThe aging of The Blog has inspired lots of thought and reflection, lately, about the current state and future of blogging. People seem more determined than ever to figure it out and define it, conclusively: What should a blog look like, and what purpose should it serve? How does the current state of The Blog connect to what it started out being?\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s a classic identity crisis. The granddaddy of all Blogs is looking at himself in the mirror, saying "I''m not who I thought I was. I don''t serve the roles I used to serve.  My identity is no longer anchored in the traits I thought I could always claim."</strong>\r\n\r\nMost identity crises are sparked by changes happening around us (and usually without our permission). We wake up one day and realize our hair is turning grey, or our children are becoming increasingly independent and don''t need us in the same ways.\r\n\r\nFor The Blog, it''s new developments like Twitter that catch it by surprise, making it suddenly feel old. Posting something on a blog used to be the most immediate way to get news and information out to the world. Now other applications are more immediate, and allow for more nimble interactions and responses.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h3>The magic formula: part adaptation, part acceptance</h3>\r\nI think <strong>successful aging requires two responses: adapting and accepting.</strong> To age with grace, you just need to figure out what to get feisty and combative about, and what to embrace and be grateful for.\r\n\r\nThat''s a hard task for aging people, of course, and it''s just as difficult for The Blog to sort out. Maybe that''s why The Blog doesn''t seem to be aging very gracefully.\r\n\r\nSome people who are worried about the future of The Blog focus on the adaptation response. They''re problem solving, eager to get innovative and make sure blogging doesn''t become irrelevant. In today''s post on the FASTforward blog, <a href="http://www.fastforwardblog.com/2008/12/01/the-uncertain-future-of-blogging/">The uncertain future of Blogging</a>, Jevon MacDonald suggests some pretty interesting ideas about bridging the gap between long-format blog commenting and rapid-fire Twitter discussions, bringing the two together.\r\n\r\nI don''t think the survival of blogs is in danger, but I''m all for exploring ways to improve the format and the conversation. Blogs shouldn''t settle into ruts and expect to be just as vibrant as they once were. That would be like realizing you''re getting weak and flabby, and just succumbing, rather than joining a gym or changing your diet.\r\n\r\n<strong>There are others who see the changes brought by Twitter and Facebook as a natural evolutionary process, offering an opportunity for The Blog to move away from its frenetic teenage years into a more comfortable, sustainable adulthood.</strong>\r\n\r\nThe "Slow Blog" movement is an example of this. The recent <em>New York Times</em> article, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/23/fashion/23slowblog.html?_r=2">Haste, Scorned: Blogging at a Snail''s Pace</a>, suggests that blogs focusing on immediacy and the rapid-fire regularity of posts are "the equivalent of fast food restaurants — great for occasional consumption, but not enough to guarantee human sustenance over the longer haul."\r\n<h3>Embracing dynamic shifts</h3>\r\nIn the same article, Danah Boyd, a doctoral candidate at the University of California, Berkeley, who studies popular culture and technology, says: “I think that those people who were writing long, thought-out posts are continuing, but those who were writing, ‘Hey, check this out’ posts are going to other forums. It’s a dynamic shift.â€\r\n\r\nI just want to suggest that a dynamic shift of this sort is OK. Really, it is.\r\n\r\n<span style="color: #000000;"><strong>And I don''t think we need to be worrying about The Survival of The Blog. </strong>The point, after all, isn''t the blog, for the blog''s sake. What matters are the ideas, the information, the stories, and the perspectives. If those things are solid, they will age gracefully and survive, even as the formats, the vehicles, and our definitions of the platforms shift and change.\r\n</span>', 'Will blogs learn to age gracefully?', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-aging-blog-and-its-identity-crisis', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:06:52', '2009-01-25 00:06:52', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=159', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(160, 1, '2008-12-01 19:08:49', '2008-12-01 23:08:49', '', '33968122_dc135bdd9f', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '33968122_dc135bdd9f', '', '', '2008-12-01 19:08:49', '2008-12-01 23:08:49', '', 159, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/33968122_dc135bdd9f.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(161, 1, '2008-12-01 19:09:22', '2008-12-01 23:09:22', '', '33968122_dc135bdd9f1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '33968122_dc135bdd9f1', '', '', '2008-12-01 19:09:22', '2008-12-01 23:09:22', '', 159, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/33968122_dc135bdd9f1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(162, 1, '2008-12-02 16:54:28', '2008-12-02 20:54:28', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3029528819_09ac4307dd_m.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-163" title="3029528819_09ac4307dd_m" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3029528819_09ac4307dd_m.jpg" alt="" width="364" height="241" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 240px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mjhoy/">Michael Hoy</a></h5>\r\nFor people who don''t get <a href="http://twitter.com/">Twitter</a>, or who are simply determined to prove how pointless it is, the quintessential argument against it tends to be this: "Why would anyone care what you''re having for lunch?"\r\n\r\nThese people imagine Twitter as the checked off version of a meaningless, mundane to-do list, something along the lines of this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Eating bowl of soup, then washing dishes."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Sorting through junk mail before watching TV."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Taking a break from work to use the bathroom."</p>\r\n<strong>Many Twitter loyalists have put a lot of energy into proving that Twitter is much more than that. And it is.</strong>\r\n\r\nTwitter is where I tend to first hear breaking national and international news. People on Twitter help other people get jobs. They share advice and recommendations, they make you think about important issues in new ways, and they raise awareness and funds for social causes. I''ve even seen notices for missing children and calls for kidney transplant donors on Twitter.\r\n\r\nI''m here to tell you: It <em>is</em> a meaningful and useful form of social media.\r\n<h3>But I must confess.</h3>\r\nAbout an hour ago, I did, in fact, share with my Twitter followers what I was having for lunch:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content"> loving the classic at-home lunch: turkey &amp; swiss on rye, chips and a clementine. coffee &amp; ginger snaps are next.</span></em></p>\r\nAfterward, I thought about what it means to share something so basic and everyday, and why I would even bother (especially if I lose followers who are much more SERIOUS about their tweets—it hasn''t happened, that I know of, but I wouldn''t be surprised if it did).\r\n\r\n<strong>Off the top of my head, here''s why I would bother to share what I''m eating for lunch:</strong>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>Everyone lives wildly different lives, in different places, but taking a break from our activities to eat is something essentially human that we have in common.</li>\r\n	<li>While eating a mid-day meal is not surprising, <em>what</em> I eat—and where and with whom, and how bored or content it makes me feel—does say something about me (or at least something about the sort of day I''m having). The little details make the mundane come to life.</li>\r\n	<li>We spend a lot of time and effort trying to be stunning, smart, productive and witty with each other, and in the process we often silence the many activities and thoughts that connect us, whether it''s something very basic (like lunch) or very honest (like a worry or fear).</li>\r\n	<li>Ambient awareness, a phenomenon I am very fond of (and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=65">wrote about here,</a> in relation to  bonding long-distance with my brother) simply doesn''t happen unless you swirl a certain proportion of everyday details into the mix of more profound and witty observations.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<strong>So consider yourself warned: I will, from time to time, tell you what I''m having for lunch.</strong> By all means, please return the favor and share details of your lunch with me, when you feel so inclined. (On Twitter, I''m @kt_writes.)', 'Why I care what you''re eating for lunch', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'who-cares-what-im-eating-for-lunch', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=65', '2009-01-24 20:06:12', '2009-01-25 00:06:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=162', 0, 'post', '', 4),
(163, 1, '2008-12-02 16:51:19', '2008-12-02 20:51:19', '', '3029528819_09ac4307dd_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3029528819_09ac4307dd_m', '', '', '2008-12-02 16:51:19', '2008-12-02 20:51:19', '', 162, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3029528819_09ac4307dd_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(229, 1, '2009-01-20 19:04:00', '2009-01-20 23:04:00', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/3213300392_bb2911064e.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-230" title="3213300392_bb2911064e" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/3213300392_bb2911064e.jpg" alt="" width="349" height="466" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/calculat0r/">calculat0r</a></h5>\r\nI was really surprised to realize, at about 10 this morning, that I couldn''t bear to be alone today.\r\n\r\nI''ve written about being alone before. I''m an extrovert who has gotten pretty good at being alone these last several years. First I took the plunge into freelance writing, which meant working every day in isolation, away from the office interactions I was used to. Then I became a single mom, which translated to many evenings at home alone, after my girls were tucked in.\r\n\r\nThis morning, I was happy to send the girls off to school (for the first time since last Wednesday, I might add, to give you a sense of just <em>how</em> happy I was). After I kissed Jason goodbye, I was perfectly content to settle down at my computer in the sunny dining room, with the radio tuned to NPR so I could follow the inauguration happenings while I worked.\r\n\r\nAt about 8:30, I Tweeted this (<a href="http://twitter.com/">what''s a tweet</a>, you ask?):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">feeling SO good. the girls are in school for the 1st time since last Wed., the sun is shining, and what''s-his-name is on his way out.</span></em></p>\r\nNot surprisingly, it''s right when you think you have something <em>down</em> that you''re thrown off. For some reason, it didn''t occur to me that I wouldn''t want—no, wouldn''t be <em>able</em>—to experience the inauguration festivities alone.\r\n<h4>Panic creeps in</h4>\r\nAs I listened to the reporters do their play-by-play I got restless. And fidgety. To be honest, I almost panicked, as I realized that I. Could. Not. Witness. This. Historic. Moment. Alone. Period.\r\n\r\nEspecially without a TV (I''ll explain that some other time).\r\n\r\nAt approximately 10:30 CST, I Tweeted this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">I feel so excited and antsy and far too alone. this is when working at home sucks. have to go find someplace with people. and a TV. </span></em></p>\r\n<span class="entry-content">And then, a few minutes later, this:</span><em><span class="entry-content"> </span></em>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">OK. can''t be alone any more. J just called--I''m getting in the car now to meet him so we can experience this together.</span></em></p>\r\nAs I raced across town (where I live, "across town" translates to about an eight-minute drive) I listened to Rick Warren''s invocation in the car. He was reciting the Lord''s Prayer as I tried to refrain from muttering obscenities under my breath about the driver in front of me.\r\n\r\nAs I parked, I heard Joe Biden being sworn in. I walked into our friend''s living room, where Jason was waiting, just in time to hear Aretha Franklin sing America the Beautiful, as only she could, wearing a hat only she could pull off.\r\n\r\nI sat next to Jason and gripped his hand as we listened to Obama take his oath and give his speech.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">finally with people and a TV, feeling overwhelmingly full, tingly, awe-struck. it''s done. unbelievable. no words.</span></em></p>\r\n<span class="entry-content">Well, no words except these, that suddenly crossed my mind as Bush and Cheney left the scene: </span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content"><em>that big wind you just felt? that was the world exhaling.</em></span></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>The collective exhale</h4>\r\nThere were so many reasons, in that moment, to exhale. Not just to exhale, but to exhale together, in unison. As Obama said in his inaugural speech:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.</em></p>\r\n<em>We gather.</em> Yes. The first, most important thing we must do, starting today, is gather together, or as Rev. Joseph Lowery said in his benediction, <em><span class="entry-content">to turn </span></em><span class="entry-content">to</span><em><span class="entry-content"> each other, not on each other. </span></em><span class="entry-content">Amen. So let it be.\r\n</span>\r\n<h5>For more posts about the election of Barack Obama, see:</h5>\r\n<h5><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=133">Old baggage and new beginnings on election eve</a></h5>\r\n<h5><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=135">What will our kids remember about election day?</a></h5>', 'Why I couldn''t be alone inauguration day', 0, '<em>I''m pretty good at being alone, but some moments demand to be shared.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'why-we-must-be-together-today', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=133\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=135', '2009-01-26 12:57:03', '2009-01-26 16:57:03', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=229', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(164, 1, '2008-12-04 15:03:51', '2008-12-04 19:03:51', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/reunion.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-165" title="reunion" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/reunion-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="345" height="258" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 90px;">That''s me, sharing some memories with Jody.</h5>\r\nIt''s already been five days since I attended my high school reunion. In part, I''ve been taking some time to do the typical human thing: cautiously processing ideas around aging, who I was and who I am, and how I relate (or don''t) to these people I grew up with.\r\n\r\nAs a writer, I''ve been waiting for The Big Idea: the fabulous metaphor or the unique perspective that will make people chuckle and nod and reflect poignantly.\r\n\r\nIt wasn''t happening. To get myself started, I wrote this on a piece of paper:\r\n\r\nMy reunion was__________________.\r\n\r\nHere are the adjectives I came up with: funny, surprising, surreal, entertaining, short, distracting, awkward, touching, fun, strange, and, for a few brief moments along the way, rather dull.\r\n\r\n<strong>In other words, a high school reunion is a lot like life. </strong>Here''s my humble dissection of it.<strong>\r\n</strong>\r\n<h4>Getting ready</h4>\r\nYou spend a lot of time planning, anticipating and worrying about such an approaching event, even though you know it will be over in a flash. I tried to prepare myself primarily by connecting with childhood friends on Facebook, most of whom I hadn''t been in touch with for 20 years. Jody, my best friend through elementary school, even sent me a message to find out what I was planning to wear, which I found very ironic, in a good way.\r\n\r\nTwo days before the reunion, after Thanksgiving dinner, Jason dug my yearbooks out of my childhood bedroom. I laughed and cringed in equal parts (what were we thinking with that crazy hair?) while pointing out the people I was closest to and sharing stories and memories as they washed over me in unpredictable waves.\r\n<h4>The entrance</h4>\r\n<strong>No matter how great you look, how handsome your husband is, and how pleased you are with your career, you are bound to be seized by a moment of panic and self-doubt </strong>as you walk into a room filled with the little Jimmys and Jens you grew up with. What if we can''t find a place to sit with anyone I know? Why don''t I recognize this person who''s rushing toward me, all excited? What will I talk to everyone about? What if I''m the only one wearing jeans? <em>Why</em> am I the only woman wearing glasses?\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h4>Grasping for common threads</h4>\r\nThank God for stories. I mean it. I am thanking the God of heaven and earth for thinking to make us lovers and tellers of stories. I''ve always known, of course, that people love stories, but I''ve never really stopped to wonder what it is that''s so irresistible about them. Now I''m pretty sure it''s this: <strong>We love stories because they connect us to other people, beyond the constraints of time and geography.</strong>\r\n\r\nMemories and stories were the lifeblood of the reunion. Jody and I told about the time we let her baby sister slip off of her parents'' satin bedspread onto the wood floor; about how her dad always forced me to eat peas; and how we lost the outboard motor in the middle of the lake at her family''s cottage.\r\n\r\nZane, who grew up next door to me, talked about the time his older sister took several of us to our first concert ever: The Cars (I think it was 1984). I gave Greg a hard time about how he managed to sneak into every last club photo in our senior yearbook, including the honor''s society. During dinner, Jason sat next to the very first guy I ever kissed—7th grade, in the balcony of our small town movie theater. Angie told me I introduced her to makeup (which I have no memory of), and Jen told Jason how I repeatedly saved her butt in biology, particularly when it came to understanding DNA models (again, not something I remember)\r\n<h4>Inevitable surprises</h4>\r\n<strong>Every reunion is bound to include some surprises.</strong> For me, the biggest one was that Pete C. is a pastor. The best sort of pastor, from what I can tell: the kind who''s excited about his vocation, and also drinks beer and has a sense of humor. Pete got up to welcome everyone and say a prayer before dinner (yes, I went to the sort of public high school where no one is surprised—let alone upset—by a prayer before dinner). Before he prayed, he said "I know you''re all sitting there thinking ''How the hell did Pete end up becoming a pastor?''" I found this extremely funny and refreshing.\r\n\r\nThen I found out the second part of the surprise: Pete is a campus minister at Illinois State. That''s in Normal, Illinois, the town 45 minutes West of here that inspired the name of my blog. AND he knows two of our favorite people here in Urbana, Nic and Heather, very well. They went through his campus ministry, served in leadership roles, and now go to my church and small group. Jason and I are having both families over for dinner, soon. God clearly loves surprises as much as he loves stories.\r\n<h4>Pure abandon</h4>\r\nAfter we had squeezed all of the awkwardness, surprise, laughter and catching up that we possibly could out of three or four hours, <strong>there was nothing that sounded better than dancing—to the same music we danced to in the eighties, but with a pure abandon that we couldn''t quite grasp at the time.</strong> We were more self conscious then, less sure of who we were, and some of us were trying <em>too</em> diligently to figure out where we fit in.\r\n\r\nOn the dance floor at the reunion, none of those things seemed to matter. Sure, maybe the cash bar played a role in that. We never had one of those at dances in the high school gym. But we''ve also had 20 years to work through the question of who we are. And now we know it''s a process, not a conclusive goal, and we "fit in" to the bigger picture simply by virtue of starting our journeys in roughly the same place, and making it this far.', 'Dissecting my high school reunion', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'dissecting-my-high-school-reunion', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:05:35', '2009-01-25 00:05:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=164', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(165, 1, '2008-12-04 14:45:06', '2008-12-04 18:45:06', '', 'reunion', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'reunion', '', '', '2008-12-04 14:45:06', '2008-12-04 18:45:06', '', 164, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/reunion.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(166, 1, '2008-12-05 19:46:50', '2008-12-05 23:46:50', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/chicago.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-168" title="chicago" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/chicago.jpg" alt="" width="310" height="413" /></a>\r\n\r\n<em>Here are the tweets (micro-blog posts of 140 characters or less) I wrote between yesterday at 3 p.m., when Jason and I got on the road to Chicago, and today at 3 p.m., when we returned to our much smaller and less chilly town.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>One of the reasons I like <a href="http://twitter.com/">Twitter</a> is it offers a writer''s equivalent of an artist''s quick pencil sketch—the essence of the story or scene. Another thing I like about Twitter is the interaction it invites.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>I think this series of tweets and replies (from people I know in "real life" and some I''ve met only on Twitter) offers good examples of both.</em>\r\n<h4>Thursday afternoon, December 4</h4>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: just finished a conference call with two GREAT clients. now getting on the road to Chicago.</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">on 57 north, reading the ridiculous guns save life "poems" the farmers like to display at the edge of their fields. (3:50 p.m. Dec. 4)</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">stopped at mcdonalds to use the bathroom (herein lies my love-hate relationship w coffee) &amp; they were blasting hip hop. took me by surprise.</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">close enough to the Chicago loop to be down to 20 mph. heading straight for the "serious tower," as the girls used to call it.</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong></strong><span class="entry-content"><a href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes"></a>Wordydiva: Ha! Cody also.</span></p>\r\n\r\n<h4><!--more--></h4>\r\n<h4>Thursday evening, December 4</h4>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">hmm...it''s 21 degrees in the Windy City, and I want to do a bit of shopping. trying to decide how dedicated I am to the concept...</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">I''ll never cease to be amazed by how bitter cold this city is, or by the # of people who refuse to wear hats.</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content">nmp620: I used to be one of those people who refused to wear a hat.</span></p>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">getting ready to go out, and I''m taking forever. in a stupid way, not a luxurious way.</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">in some crazy, steamy piano bar w half of Chicago, everyone singing along to Dancing Queen. wow. I wasn''t ready for this.</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content">nmp620: I have a piece of flair that reads: "I dream of a world where people spontaneously erupt into choruses of Dancing Queen."</span></p>\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/howlatmoon.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-169" title="howlatmoon" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/howlatmoon-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>\r\n<h4>Thursday, after-hours, December 4 &amp; 5</h4>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">moving on to the next place. the entire outdoors smells like chocolate, like someone organized a city-wide brownie bake-off.</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content">Wordydiva: I bet I know kind of where you are...</span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong></strong><span class="entry-content">smussyolay: </span><span class="entry-content">i call it ''the big cookie.''  i''m "in the big cookie."  it''s blommer''s.</span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content">smussyolay: it always makes me happy to be in the big cookie. actually, they were in trouble for chocolate air pollution!</span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 60px;"><span class="entry-content">kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">aha! I don''t know how anyone who''s in that hood on a regular basis can stay thin. just breathing makes you crave chocolate.</span></p>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">now eating fries &amp; drinking a martini w blue cheese stuffed olives.</span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/english_bar.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-170" title="english_bar" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/english_bar-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>\r\n<h4>Friday morning, December 5</h4>\r\n- kt_writes: SO hungry. J brought cereal &amp; coffee up to the room. how lucky am I?\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/breakfastathotel.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-171" title="breakfastathotel" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/breakfastathotel-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">bright, cold morning in Chicago. getting ready to head out for 2nd breakfast at the Bongo Room. yum.</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="entry-content">nmp620: My old hood! I used to live at 1324 1/ N. Milwaukee. I''m sure it doesn''t exist or if it does, it''s probably no longer a rat hole.</span></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Friday afternoon, December 5</h4>\r\n<span class="entry-content">- kt_writes: </span><span class="entry-content">goodbye big city. back home, I go to a cafe to get some work done &amp; see 5 people I know well. none of them are at the cafe together, either.</span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">\r\n</span>', 'Chocolate air, Dancing Queen & other Chicago stories', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'chocolate-air-dancing-queen-other-chicago-stories', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:04:47', '2009-01-25 00:04:47', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=166', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(167, 1, '2008-12-08 02:27:29', '2008-12-08 06:27:29', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/2133417156_ae3d02d331.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-172" title="2133417156_ae3d02d331" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/2133417156_ae3d02d331.jpg" alt="" width="464" height="348" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pagedooley/">Kevin Dooley</a></h5>\r\nThis past year, for Mother''s Day, my daughters made me a "coupon book." The coupons included, among other things, two 10-minute back rubs, one custom drawing (of the subject of my choice), and, my personal favorite, "a half hour of not being bothered."\r\n\r\nI love the idea of the homemade coupon book. Not only is it meaningful for the recipient, but the giver goes through an interesting process creating the coupons. The project requires you to ask "What does __________ value most? And what do I have to offer?"\r\n\r\nImagine trying to make a coupon book for yourself, though. It''s not nearly as easy as thinking of coupons for friends and family. Go ahead. Try it. What would your book of coupons <em>for</em> you, <em>from</em> you, contain?\r\n\r\nThe self-back rub is tricky, and liable to leave you more tense than when you started. A coupon for $500 in shoes at Zappos would be nice...but the expense sort of defeats the purpose. And although I''d LOVE to leave myself alone for a good chunk of time, it never seems to work—my brain keeps churning and wondering, questioning and annoying me.\r\n<h4>So...what gifts <em>can</em> you give yourself this holiday season?</h4>\r\nThis question was actually posed to me by <a href="http://www.magpie-girl.com/">Magpie Girl</a>, a fellow blogger and online soul sister. (She gathered together a collection of posts on the topic, which you can read <a href="http://www.blogher.com/soulcare-what-gift-will-you-give-yourself">here on blogher</a>.) I was immediately drawn to the question, but sort of stumped, too. <strong>The things we strive to give others tend to be much harder to give ourselves.</strong> Forgiveness. A compliment. A second chance. Compassion.\r\n\r\nWhy are we so hard on ourselves? And why so stingy? <strong>Sure, it''s in "giving that we receive," but that doesn''t make giving to ourselves selfish.</strong> It might, in the end, actually benefit the people closest to us—in giving to ourselves, <em>they</em> receive. (As one of my favorite sayings goes, "If Mama isn''t happy, no one''s happy.")\r\n\r\nSo I decided to make a list. Here''s what my coupon book to myself will have in it (you might notice I have some guilt issues). I''d love to hear what you would (or maybe will?) give yourself this holiday season.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h4>Good for saying NO four times (guilt-free).</h4>\r\nThere''s a big part of me that wants to be the mom who''s always at the school helping kids with their reading and writing. And the person who dreams up many great ideas for church and community service and then actually makes them all magically happen. And the friend who gladly runs around town delivering meals and helping others rake their leaves, clean their garages and scrub their floors.\r\n\r\nI <em>want</em> to be that person, and I am whenever I can be. But the reality is, my own yard, garage, and floors could really use some attention. And sometimes the most important thing I can do in the world is just ensure a peaceful, relaxing evening or Saturday at home, as a family, without anyone running around trying to be super-human.\r\n<h4>Good for making kids eat school lunch twice a month.</h4>\r\nMy kids are far more enlightened about food than I ever was when I was their age. They <em>really</em> don''t like getting hot lunch at school. When I was a kid, getting hot lunch once a week was a HUGE treat. My brother and I would clip the week''s menu out of the local paper, examine it, put our initials by the lunch we wanted most, then hang it on the fridge for reference. My kids like to take lunch boxes to school, packed with goodies like orzo salad with kalamata olives and feta, a turkey-avocado sandwich on pumpernickle, or a Tupperware of black bean dip with sour cream and fresh tomatoes, and tortilla chips for dipping. I don''t blame them—I like those things, too. And I like knowing they have something much healthier than anything they would eat at school. Plus, sending them off with a lunch makes me feel like I''m sending them with a bit of love to unwrap in the middle of the day.\r\n\r\nBut <em>man</em>, I get tired of making lunches. Sometimes there''s something else I really need to do and I run out of time; other times I just plain forget. When that happens, we''re scrambling around the kitchen the next morning even more than usual, throwing lunches together and making everyone tense. I think, every once in a while, I should just tell my girls they''re going to have to eat hot lunch at school. And I won''t feel bad about it. I can even tell them it''s good for them—not in the way a healthy lunch is, but in a character-building way that will make them appreciate good food even more.\r\n<h4>Good for one ultra-early bedtime each month, with a book.</h4>\r\nThe chunk of time after the kids go to bed, before I go to bed, is a hot commodity. I generally have about three hours of time, and about six hours worth of things I''d like or need to do. Most evenings, Jason and I end up cleaning parts of the house, making school lunches, catching up an emails or getting a jump start on the next day''s work. We also just spend time together, and sometimes go out or spend time with friends, and I love all of those things. But I also remember when I used to read books. Constantly. How did I have the time? I''d like to consider it my responsibility to leave my computer untouched, get a good book, and go to bed when the kids go to bed, once a month.\r\n<h4>Good for two hours of learning chords on the mandolin.</h4>\r\nThis goes back to the challenge of parsing out those precious evening hours. It also gets to the heart of something I really want but can never seem to set aside time for: more music-making in my life. My soul needs it. I''ve owned a mandolin now for more than ten years, and although I can read music on it and pluck out tunes, I''ve never just sat down to learn and practice playing chords. I''m going to do it (and going to stop feeling bad every time I see the mandolin in the closet).\r\n<h4>Good for a cafe upgrade or sweet treat, as needed.</h4>\r\nThis coupon requires a couple of dollars, but it''s more about treating myself to something special than it is about money. When I started freelancing, six years ago, I gave myself permission to go to a cafe each day, if needed, to work. I don''t have a dedicated office space at home or elsewhere, and often, a change of scene is critical to meeting a deadline. I decided buying a double Americano each day is perfectly reasonable. Sometimes, if I''m feeling hungry and am in a good groove with my work, I''ll get a piece of toast with butter. I have a really difficult time, though, convincing myself that it''s OK to splurge on a cappuccino, or buy a scone or brioche. I''m not saying I would do that regularly. I''m just talking about those certain days, when I feel like a little extra treat would go a long way in boosting my mood.\r\n\r\nThere are, after all, things that matter more than money (and a clean house and all those other things we convince ourselves are SO important). Your well-being is one of them. Asking yourself what you need this busy season, and figuring out how to make those things happen, can have an amazing ripple effect in your life.', 'The gifts you should be giving yourself', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-gifts-you-should-be-giving-yourself', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:04:16', '2009-01-25 00:04:16', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=167', 0, 'post', '', 5),
(168, 1, '2008-12-05 19:32:09', '2008-12-05 23:32:09', '', 'chicago', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'chicago', '', '', '2008-12-05 19:32:09', '2008-12-05 23:32:09', '', 166, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/chicago.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(169, 1, '2008-12-05 19:32:54', '2008-12-05 23:32:54', '', 'howlatmoon', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'howlatmoon', '', '', '2008-12-05 19:32:54', '2008-12-05 23:32:54', '', 166, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/howlatmoon.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(170, 1, '2008-12-05 19:33:33', '2008-12-05 23:33:33', '', 'english_bar', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'english_bar', '', '', '2008-12-05 19:33:33', '2008-12-05 23:33:33', '', 166, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/english_bar.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(171, 1, '2008-12-05 19:34:19', '2008-12-05 23:34:19', '', 'breakfastathotel', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'breakfastathotel', '', '', '2008-12-05 19:34:19', '2008-12-05 23:34:19', '', 166, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/breakfastathotel.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(172, 1, '2008-12-08 01:59:10', '2008-12-08 05:59:10', '', '2133417156_ae3d02d331', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2133417156_ae3d02d331', '', '', '2008-12-08 01:59:10', '2008-12-08 05:59:10', '', 167, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/2133417156_ae3d02d331.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(173, 1, '2008-12-08 02:00:35', '2008-12-08 06:00:35', '', '332133100_f324d2a48d', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '332133100_f324d2a48d', '', '', '2008-12-08 02:00:35', '2008-12-08 06:00:35', '', 167, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/332133100_f324d2a48d.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(174, 1, '2008-12-09 16:18:33', '2008-12-09 20:18:33', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/t-shirt.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-176" title="t-shirt" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/t-shirt-300x286.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="286" /></a>\r\n\r\nGod clearly wants me to write something about Signs.\r\n\r\nWait. Don''t leave. Not signs, as in end-time signs. I''m talking about the kind that Some People like to put in front of churches, along highways or in store windows. I think I''m supposed to write about them because I recently had two "sign encounters" in one day.\r\n\r\nThe first was when Jason and I drove up University Avenue last weekend. It''s a main east-west thoroughfare in our town, so we drive it often. A vacuum cleaner store we pass always has a sign displaying some fundamentalist-sounding religious statement. It typically says something like "Jesus Saves" or "The blood of Jesus can wash you clean."\r\n\r\nI always look at it, even though I really don''t want to, sort of the way I look at roadkill. It makes me cringe. I don''t get why people feel compelled to advertise their beliefs like that, all fire and brimstone, in their place of business, no less. For some reason, there''s something extra strange about displaying such proclamations in the window of a <em>vacuum cleaner</em> store. Not that people who vacuum don''t need Jesus, but it just strikes me as extra funny.\r\n\r\nAnyway, as we drove by this weekend, I noticed the store owner had recently changed the sign to this:\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/vacuum-sign-2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-178" title="vacuum-sign-2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/vacuum-sign-2.jpg" alt="" width="382" height="399" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>"KIRBY BAGS BELTS SHAMPOO" sold here. And oh, by the way, "ONLY JESUS CAN PREVENT ETERNAL FIRES."</strong>\r\n\r\nI didn''t know whether to laugh or cry, or to get a can of spray paint and scrawl "Not all Christians are like that" somewhere nearby. These types of signs <em>think</em> they''re pointing to Jesus, but all accounts of Jesus show he lived a life of compassion and love. A sign like this points <em>away</em> from compassion and love.\r\n\r\nI can get really worked up about these things, but in that moment, I chose instead to laugh. Jason and I started brainstorming better sign ideas. I mean, really, if the store owner MUST put such signs in his window, at least he could be clever about it.\r\n\r\n"How about LIVING WITHOUT JESUS IS LIKE LIVING IN A VACUUM?" I suggested.\r\n\r\n"Nice," Jason said. "What about JESUS CAN SUCK UP YOUR SIN? or JESUS CAN SWEEP OUT YOUR SOUL?"\r\n\r\n"Yes!" I said. "Or your dust bunnies. And remember, JESUS'' VACUUM CLEANER NEVER NEEDS REPLACEMENT BAGS," I added.\r\n\r\nAnyway, we had fun with it, and if you have sign ideas, you must share them with the rest of us. But this is not the end of my story about signs. It took a more serious turn, which I will tell you all about tomorrow.', 'Vacuum cleaners, signs and Jesus', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-the-signs-are-really-pointing-to', '', '', '2009-01-24 20:03:27', '2009-01-25 00:03:27', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=174', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(175, 1, '2008-12-09 13:56:56', '2008-12-09 17:56:56', '', 'vacuum-sign', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'vacuum-sign', '', '', '2008-12-09 13:56:56', '2008-12-09 17:56:56', '', 174, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/vacuum-sign.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(176, 1, '2008-12-09 14:15:02', '2008-12-09 18:15:02', '', 't-shirt', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 't-shirt-2', '', '', '2008-12-09 14:15:02', '2008-12-09 18:15:02', '', 174, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/t-shirt.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(181, 1, '2008-12-12 16:00:21', '2008-12-12 20:00:21', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nakedtree.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-182" title="nakedtree" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nakedtree.jpg" alt="" width="330" height="441" /></a>\r\n\r\nLast Saturday afternoon, we put up our Christmas tree and then I updated my Facebook status:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Kristin loves having a pre-ornamented tree in the house.</em></p>\r\nThe "naked" tree was so natural and fresh-smelling. Without the lights and ornaments, it somehow looked like it was growing up out of the floor, making its presence in the living room even more exotic and surprising.\r\n\r\nNot soon after my status update, Becky commented:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>what does that mean? it came with its ornaments? you really love it? The girls did it while you were at your reunion?? Enquiring minds want to know!!!</em></p>\r\nAh, yes. "Pre" can mean "before" or "already." Even though I was sitting there looking at the tree, and knew exactly what I was referring to, my words were unclear. I tried to straighten things out, and Becky responded:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>so funny. no, I meant I love having a tree in the house BEFORE it''s decorated. you know--au-naturale, at least for a while.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>OH!! that makes much more sense and seems way more you!! phew!! I thought you''d been body snatched...</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h3>What do you mean, she''ll never grow up?</h3>\r\nWords and syntax are funny, complicated things. My friend Kellee devotes her entire website, <a href="http://www.grammaruntied.com/">The Tongue Untied</a>, to grammar and punctuation, and how carelessness and misuse can lead to serious confusion. (If you''ve ever read the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation/dp/1592400876"><em>Eats, Shoots &amp; Leaves</em></a>, you know what I''m talking about.)\r\n\r\nMany of these misunderstandings are pretty funny, if you look at them from the right angle. Here''s another exchange that happened to me just this week, on Twitter. (Keep in mind that MomsterGina and I have never met, and we just recently started following one another on Twitter. I know, Twitter is strange.)\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>kt_writes: <span class="entry-content">on our walk to school this am, my youngest told me "I want to be able to grow up." so honest &amp; self-aware. so heartbreaking.</span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>MomsterGina: <span class="entry-content">Curious, why does your [daughter] think [she] may not grow up?</span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>kt_writes: <span class="entry-content">she''s the youngest of 3, and she doesn''t want me to walk her into the school any more. wants ME to let her grow up. :(</span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>MomsterGina: <span class="entry-content">Oh! I totally took that as she had some terrible illness and wasn''t going to grow up or...? I''m dramatic.</span></em></p>\r\nDramatic indeed! (Plus MomsterGina is pretty funny.) But just like with the bare, <em>au-naturale</em> tree sitting in my living room as I typed on Facebook, I had a visual to work with that my Twitter followers couldn''t see: my healthy, vibrant, eight-year-old daughter holding my hand and skipping down the sidewalk to school in her clunky, hand-me-down boots. Of course I wouldn''t, for a second, think my tweet could be interpreted <em>literally</em>—that somehow she wasn''t going to grow up. But I can see how someone else might think that, particularly because I exaggerated when choosing the word "heartbreaking." Watching your littlest child get big is bittersweet, but there are certainly many things in life that are much more heartbreaking.\r\n<h3>Why we mess up and what we can do about it</h3>\r\nWhen you make a living as a writer, like I do, it''s easy to get over-confident about your ability to say what you mean. But I still manage to be unclear. And when I''m called on it, I probably feel more stupid than the person who makes a living as, say, an accountant or landscape architect.\r\n\r\n<strong>Facing these miscommunications, no matter how small, is not only humbling, it''s very important.</strong> It makes me think about the two posts I wrote earlier this week about people who try to communicate big things on little signs: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=179">"Make love, not signs"</a> and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=174">"Vacuum cleaners, signs and Jesus."</a> Miscommunicating can hurt and do damage.\r\n\r\nThere are a number of reasons signs may be prone to miscommunication. One is the limited amount of space a sign gives to say what you need to say. That clearly came into play in my recent Facebook and Twitter foibles.\r\n\r\n<strong>But the bigger issue, I think, is rooted in how far-removed we can be from the perspectives of others.</strong> When I have something tangible right there in front of me—whether it''s my Christmas tree, or my daughter, or evidence of God''s grace in my life—it''s easy to make a lot of assumptions, which can leave plenty of holes in my efforts to communicate. It''s important for me to remember that Becky and MomsterGina and people like Ryan (from the "Make love, not signs" post) aren''t always seeing what I''m seeing.\r\n\r\n<strong>And that''s where conversation becomes critical. Because we''re always going to say it wrong from time to time, no matter how careful we try to be. </strong>It''s important to say (and to hear others saying) "I don''t get it," or "What did you mean?" It''s even important to say and hear "I don''t like how that was put. It makes me feel crappy."\r\n\r\nThen we can back up a bit, talk and listen some more, and try to get it right from there.', 'Yes, even "real" writers say it wrong', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'yes-even-real-writers-say-it-wrong', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=179\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=174', '2009-01-24 20:01:45', '2009-01-25 00:01:45', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=181', 0, 'post', '', 12);
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(177, 1, '2008-12-09 14:48:26', '2008-12-09 18:48:26', '', 'ryan', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'ryan', '', '', '2008-12-09 14:48:26', '2008-12-09 18:48:26', '', 174, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ryan.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(178, 1, '2008-12-09 15:50:32', '2008-12-09 19:50:32', '', 'vacuum-sign-2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'vacuum-sign-2', '', '', '2008-12-09 15:50:32', '2008-12-09 19:50:32', '', 174, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/vacuum-sign-2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(179, 1, '2008-12-10 14:49:51', '2008-12-10 18:49:51', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ryan1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-180" title="ryan1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ryan1.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 240px;">Photo of Ryan at Mike-n-Molly''s by Jason Berg</h5>\r\nYesterday I wrote one of my Christians Against Christians posts, about a sign in a vacuum cleaner shop that really enraged me. (<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=174">God, vacuum cleaners and signs</a>)\r\n\r\nLater, that same night, I encountered another sign. Actually, I encountered a story—a real-life reaction to a sign—which is what it''s really all about in the end.\r\n\r\nJason and I were out hearing some local musician friends play a show at a bar. It was holiday-themed, so each of the four bands were playing a couple of holiday songs along with their usual stuff.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.myspace.com/ryangroffmusic">Ryan</a>, a good friend of ours, played last. When he was ready to shift gears to some holiday tunes, he said something like this (I''m paraphrasing, and yes, he said I could share it here):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Almost every day I pass by the Presbyterian church, and on their sign right now it says "Is Christ in your Christmas?" Well, my grandpa, who was a Christian minister, was the biggest a**hole I''ve ever known. So I don''t really want Christ in my Christmas. </em></p>\r\nRyan went on to say that he really resented that sign being there every day, in his face, trying to push something on him he doesn''t want, and tell him what the holiday season should mean to him.\r\n\r\nThe whole thing made me feel terrible. In a good way—not terrible about myself, but terrible for him. That''s compassion, I guess. Ryan is the most loving, generous, optimistic friend a person could have. He thinks a lot, he''s open and reflective, and he shares it all with others, through his music and in his life. He''s on a journey, just like the rest of us (and he''s much more actively on the journey than many people I know).\r\n\r\nThen a stupid sign has to get all up in his face.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nI don''t blame Ryan for a second, for feeling the way he does. I don''t know much about his grandfather, but I do know that some of the people I have despised most profess to be Christians (and, of course, some of the people I love and respect most are Christians, too).\r\n\r\nI also don''t blame people—certainly not churches...but I''m not sure about vacuum cleaner stores—for wanting to share what they believe and urge people to think. Thinking is good. Especially during an over-commercialized holiday in a world that''s pretty messed up. And there are certainly plenty of signs out there that are far more aggressive than "Is Christ in your Christmas?" (The one I wrote about yesterday, for example: "Only Jesus Can Prevent Eternal Fires.")\r\n<h4>Where''s the compassion in a sign?</h4>\r\nMy point isn''t to blame or defend anyone. My point is that these types of signs—whether they''re more or less offensive—usually don''t point to Jesus, compassion or love. They more often point to judgmentalism and hypocrisy, and sometimes rely on fear mongering.\r\n\r\n<strong>Too many Christians, it seems, are focused on the wrong things, and I think that stems from being too far-removed from the perspectives of others.</strong> What would Christianity look like if everyone was at least <em>trying</em> to imagine how their words affect people? What if everyone actually took the time to find out, by having real, caring conversations with as many people as possible?\r\n\r\nI''m generalizing, of course. Plenty of people are having these kinds of caring conversations. And maybe (but I kind of doubt it) some of those same people are in charge of deciding what messages to put on the signs.\r\n\r\nBut in most cases, it feels like Christians who are putting signs up on the side of the road are just taking the easy route—the quickest way to check "Share the gospel with others" off their to-do list. And I honestly believe a lot of these churches, when they decide what to put on their signs, are shrugging, and saying "Who knows if it will help, but it can''t hurt."\r\n\r\nObviously it can hurt. A lot.\r\n<h4>Living like Jesus instead of putting up misleading signs</h4>\r\nJesus made love, not signs. The kind of love Jesus made, of course, was the Agape sort, and we''re never going to have much luck accomplishing love like that. We can, though, be more intent on <em>living</em> like Jesus than we are on <em>talking</em> about him. We can at least start creating honest connections with others, by being ourselves and being compassionate.\r\n\r\n<strong>Personally, I would love to see all the signs just go away.</strong>\r\n\r\nIf you''re a church, though, and some kind of a sign seems like a good idea, how about communicating something like this: "Our doors are open if you need food, friendship, help, or just someone to listen." Or maybe this: "We''re on a journey, trying to figure out how God is working in our lives. Everyone interested in this journey is welcome to join us."\r\n\r\nI realize they''re not snappy or clever ideas. They''re just more honest, and that seems like a good place to start.', 'Make love, not signs', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'making-love-not-signs', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=174', '2009-01-24 20:02:47', '2009-01-25 00:02:47', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=179', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(180, 1, '2008-12-09 17:52:18', '2008-12-09 21:52:18', '', 'ryan1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'ryan1', '', '', '2008-12-09 17:52:18', '2008-12-09 21:52:18', '', 179, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ryan1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(182, 1, '2008-12-12 15:36:58', '2008-12-12 19:36:58', '', 'nakedtree', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'nakedtree', '', '', '2008-12-12 15:36:58', '2008-12-12 19:36:58', '', 181, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nakedtree.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(183, 1, '2008-12-15 16:10:46', '2008-12-15 20:10:46', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nativity.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-185" title="nativity" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nativity.jpg" alt="" width="459" height="352" /></a>\r\n<h5>This is the nativity scene my parents have had for as long as I can remember. When I was in\r\nhigh school, my puppy got a hold of baby Jesus and gave him a good chew.</h5>\r\nI''m going to tell you an Advent story. Not the one about my dog chewing up the baby Jesus from my parents'' Very Special nativity scene (although I will touch on that later). The Advent story I want to start with is one I heard for the first time yesterday, in church. It begins in the 1960s, with two friends and some LSD.\r\n\r\nThe point of this story will become clear, but just in case you''re not interested in Advent or LSD, and you''re thinking of leaving, here''s why I''m writing this post: The classic stories and symbols of the season often come across as worn out, diluted or just plain empty, leaving us to wander us through December without anything but our shopping lists to anchor or guide us. I''m hoping this story will offer a different way of thinking about Advent.\r\n\r\nThe story is actually Judy''s. She goes to church with me, and was "interviewed" yesterday by Jim, one of our pastors, as part of his teaching on what he was calling "signposts of hope."\r\n\r\nJudy began her story by telling us about a friend she used to do LSD with. One day when they were tripping, her friend hallucinated and Jesus appeared to him, telling him to stop doing LSD. To Judy, who was not at all religious and was in fact raised Jewish, the idea of <em>Jesus</em> appearing to her friend, telling him to change his life, was as crazy as any idea she could imagine.\r\n\r\nHer friend, though, did change his life. Then he urged Judy to read the Bible, which she did—cover to cover. By the time she finished, she said, her life had changed. Everything she had somehow always known, deep inside, suddenly made sense and took shape, both in the Bible and in her life.\r\n\r\nAnd everyone lived happily ever after. The End.\r\n<h3>Real Advent stories involve some tears</h3>\r\nActually, that''s not quite how real Advent stories go. We might sing about little babies born in stables that somehow never cry, but I''m pretty sure Jesus did lots of crying, just like we all do. This world can be a really harsh place.\r\n\r\nJudy encountered more than her share of harsh realities. Her younger sister, whom she was very close to, was diagnosed with cancer and died a rapid, horrific death. A year later, on the anniversary of her sister''s death, a close friend died.\r\n\r\nTo begin recovering from her losses, Judy traveled to Hawaii. She was a very strong swimmer, but one day while swimming in the ocean, a riptide carried her too far from shore. As she realized she was going to drown, she said it occurred to her that perhaps she had a subconscious desire to die.\r\n\r\nSuddenly, though, a small prayer rose up in her: "God, help me." Although she hadn''t seen another person for well over an hour, no sooner had the prayer been thought, and a man was bobbing along next to her in the ocean, asking if she needed help. He was an Australian Olympic swimmer in training, swimming between the Hawaiian islands. He put Judy on his back and swam her to shore.\r\n\r\nIt''s an amazing story, but this isn''t the Happily Ever After part, either. Sorry.\r\n\r\nJudy went through many ups and downs over the next several years, eventually drifting away from God and her Christian community. One day, when she was in the midst of caring for her dying mother and worrying about a lump she had recently discovered in her own breast (which did, in fact, turn out to be an aggressive cancer), there was Pastor Jim, passing her on the sidewalk. They hadn''t seen each other for 18 years.\r\n<h3>Hope in the darkness</h3>\r\nThere is much more to Judy''s story, of course. Each day she lives, the story is extended. So why is it an Advent story? Judy said it best, yesterday: "There''s lots of darkness. The amazing thing is when you''re in that darkness, God reaches in and pulls you out, back to the light."\r\n\r\nAnd Jim tied it all together this way: "Our hope isn''t in the fact that we''ll finally get it right. It''s that God goes before us, and he''s putting up signposts of hope along the way."\r\n\r\nWe were asked to think about what our own personal signposts of hope have been. One of the things I love about my church is that it recognizes all types of signposts, whatever form they take. It recognizes that we''re all in different places, and need to be spoken to in different ways at different times. Sometimes we''re tuned into the subtleties of our hearts, or something we read; other times we need to almost die, or we need our very worst vice to be the deliverer of hope and good news.\r\n\r\nThe point is that Advent and Christmas aren''t exclusively tied to a certain collection of stories and symbols that automatically trigger hope for everyone—a nativity scene, a star, a ring of candles, or a calendar counting down the days.\r\n\r\nAdvent is ultimately about having hope that with God''s guidance, we''ll emerge from the darkness, back into the light. The symbols of that hope are powerful, and absolutely unique to each of us. We only need to identify them, and allow them to remind us.\r\n\r\nOne of my symbols of hope is my house, which I believe God led me to during one of the darkest times in my life. (I wrote about it here, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=26">A turning point with a street address</a>.)\r\n\r\nAnd sometimes the classic symbols work, as well. They just might require some tweaking. For me, another symbol of hope <em>is</em> Jesus in the manger—in particular, the one I grew up with, marred by an unruly puppy''s sharp teeth, and somehow representing even more hope, because of it.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/jesus.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-186" title="jesus" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/jesus-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>', 'A different kind of Advent story', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-different-kind-of-advent-story', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=26', '2009-07-09 13:39:26', '2009-07-09 17:39:26', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=183', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(184, 1, '2008-12-15 15:23:55', '2008-12-15 19:23:55', '', '2305209294_6dc570d094', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2305209294_6dc570d094', '', '', '2008-12-15 15:23:55', '2008-12-15 19:23:55', '', 183, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/2305209294_6dc570d094.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(185, 1, '2008-12-15 15:25:07', '2008-12-15 19:25:07', '', 'nativity', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'nativity', '', '', '2008-12-15 15:25:07', '2008-12-15 19:25:07', '', 183, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/nativity.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(186, 1, '2008-12-15 16:03:00', '2008-12-15 20:03:00', '', 'jesus', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'jesus', '', '', '2008-12-15 16:03:00', '2008-12-15 20:03:00', '', 183, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/jesus.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(187, 1, '2008-12-17 14:14:54', '2008-12-17 18:14:54', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/340396990_fa0b4752bb.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-188" title="340396990_fa0b4752bb" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/340396990_fa0b4752bb.jpg" alt="" width="471" height="354" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/jaja_1985/">Jaja_1985</a></h5>\r\nMy friend Dorie and I met for lunch yesterday. I needed it. Not only were we due for some catching up, I was also hoping some of Dorie''s magic would rub off on me.\r\n\r\nYou know how you appreciate different friends for different reasons—one is the introspective friend, another is the wry and witty one, and then there''s the one who gets all worked up about politics and injustices. <strong>We like being around different people, because who they are <em>does</em> rub off. </strong>After spending time together, we find ourselves thinking more critically, or our sense of humor is sharper, or we feel incited to action.\r\n\r\nDorie is my happy, light-hearted friend. I can always count on her to be buoyant, and somehow she manages to be that way without seeming (or being) the least bit fake. What''s even more impressive is that she manages to be genuinely buoyant when everything in her life isn''t perfect. It''s amazing. If you don''t have a friend like her, I highly recommend that you find one.\r\n\r\nOr be friends with me and my friends, because I''m friends with her. Apparently happiness has the power to seep through three degrees of separation.\r\n<h3>A little research to back it all up</h3>\r\nAlthough we don''t need scientific researchers to tell us that people''s moods and attitudes rub off on us, I found this article, <a href="http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/christakis_fowler08/christakis_fowler08_index.html">Social Networks and Happiness</a>, really fascinating. The study, by Nicholas A. Christakis of Harvard and James H. Fowler of UC-SD, found this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">..social networks have clusters of happy and unhappy people within them that reach out to three degrees of separation. A person''s happiness is related to the happiness of their friends, their friends'' friends, and their friends'' friends'' friends—that is, to people well beyond their social horizon....</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> Happiness, in short, is not merely a function of personal experience, but also is a property of groups. </span></em></p>\r\n<strong>The research also suggests that the same principle applies to online social networks.</strong> They traced the pattern on line, in part, by studying the profile photos within a network of friends. (So if you''re looking extra glum in your Facebook or Twitter profile, I might just have to drop you.)\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h3>That one thing money can''t buy</h3>\r\nI <em>really</em> didn''t need a couple of scientists to tell me you can''t buy happiness. That''s why I married a really happy man rather than a really rich one. Well, I also didn''t know any really rich ones, but Jason''s inherent happiness was very attractive from the moment I met him, and I never looked back.\r\n\r\nBut what do you think the increased happiness probability is of adding one happy friend to your circle, compared to having an extra $10,000 in income?\r\n\r\nEach additional happy friend increases your probability of being happy by about nine percent, the study says, compared with only a two percent increase in probable happiness from the money. (The study used $5,000 in 1984 dollars, which annoyed me, so I found a special inflation calculator to help me translate.)\r\n\r\nIt makes me feel very rich, indeed, for being married to a happy man. It also makes me not at all surprised that I crave a regular dose of Dorie on the side. Maybe I should try talking her into a weekly lunch. Even if I pay for her lunch, I''ll probably end up with a happiness budget surplus. Let''s see, if I multiply the cost of having lunch with Dorie every week by the extra  happiness I''ll gain, and divide that by the lost billable hours.... But wait, when I''m happy I''m more creative and efficient, so that complicates the equation. And math makes me unhappy, so I''ll stop here.', 'Where to get some happiness ', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'where-to-get-some-happiness', '', '', '2009-01-24 19:59:43', '2009-01-24 23:59:43', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=187', 0, 'post', '', 2),
(188, 1, '2008-12-17 14:07:14', '2008-12-17 18:07:14', '', '340396990_fa0b4752bb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '340396990_fa0b4752bb', '', '', '2008-12-17 14:07:14', '2008-12-17 18:07:14', '', 187, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/340396990_fa0b4752bb.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(189, 1, '2008-12-19 16:55:57', '2008-12-19 20:55:57', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/kt-fb.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-192" title="kt-fb" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/kt-fb.jpg" alt="" width="465" height="311" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>I found an old friend this past week. Thanks to Facebook, of course.</strong>\r\n\r\n"Finding" someone on Facebook is relatively easy to do, and therefore it''s a relatively common to hear about. On the surface, this might diminish some of the magic, at least in the telling of the story. It''s not like I hired a private investigator to track my friend down. I just had to think for a few days before I could remember her married name. You can yawn if you want.\r\n\r\nBut when you haven''t been in touch with someone for a decade, and suddenly you''re communicating again, and that contact is making you examine and think about a huge chunk of yourself and your past, it''s a big deal. Finding Jen this week has been a big, exciting deal.\r\n\r\nI have to confess, I hadn''t thought about Jen in years. But out of nowhere, these past few weeks, she''s been on my mind. I think in part it''s because I''ve been feeling a hole of sorts in my life—a girlfriend-shaped hole that can only be filled by one person who really gets you, and is always ready (by "always" I mean every day) to hear the latest and greatest or most miniscule and ridiculous parts of your life. I have lots of good friends, but it''s been almost a year since I''ve had that kind of friend.\r\n\r\nSo, my soul has been hungry for a friend. That hunger has naturally made me think about the people in my past who have been that kind of friend to me. And that made me wonder what the "qualifications" for such a friend might be.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nWhen it gets down to it, I think my quest for a friend mirrors my life quest and the whole point behind this blog: I want to be comfortable in my halfway to normal state, and I want to have people around me who  <em>get</em> and accept who and where I am. This is how I put it in response to the comment Jen left on my previous post, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=187">Where to get some happiness</a>:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Jen, I think it was in writing various blog posts that I started thinking about you again, after so many years. You most likely came to mind because you were always one of those rare people who seemed to GET and accept my halfway to normal state--perhaps even before I did, myself.</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h3>One foot in one world, one in another</h3>\r\nMy own particular halfway to normal-ness takes form in many aspects of my life, but the struggle between the spiritual and secular worlds has always been most prominent. In some instances, I think the split is perceived—the two worlds aren''t actually that different; my mind is simply playing tricks on my heart. At other moments, though, there''s no doubt that the divide between the worlds is very real, and I''m caught in between.\r\n\r\nThe struggle and its connection to my friendships began when I was a teenager. I went to a public high school and didn''t want to be pegged as overly religious, so I kept that part of who I was in check. Then I went to a Christian college, and was amazed at how freeing it was to have that spiritual part of you accepted, and even assumed.\r\n\r\nSort of freeing, that is. Until you realize that some of the assumptions being made are not ones you want to claim. And then you realize other assumptions are ones you can''t rightly claim. You''re really not as "good" as everyone thinks you are or expects you to be. Suddenly, you realize, the foundation for your facade has been poured.\r\n\r\nIt was at that particular moment in time that I met Jen, the summer after my sophomore year of college. We were living in a big house together on the Jersey Shore (a story for another time). She was perhaps the first Christian friend I could be fully myself with. And although she went to school in Pittsburgh and I was in Grand Rapids, we made the long drive to visit one another several times, and wrote weekly postcards to stay close and generally feel less alone in the world.\r\n\r\nYes, that''s the kind of thing people did back in the early 1990s to stay in touch, when they couldn''t afford big long distance phone bills and didn''t know  a thing about email. Fifteen years later, though, we find one another on Facebook, soak up ambient awareness on Twitter, and find new ways to be halfway to normal together, again. And I''m very thankful.', 'A lost and found friend', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-lost-and-found-friend', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=187', '2009-01-24 19:58:40', '2009-01-24 23:58:40', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=189', 0, 'post', '', 4),
(190, 1, '2008-12-19 16:50:57', '2008-12-19 20:50:57', '', 'jen-fb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'jen-fb', '', '', '2008-12-19 16:50:57', '2008-12-19 20:50:57', '', 189, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/jen-fb.tiff', 0, 'attachment', 'image/tiff', 0),
(191, 1, '2008-12-19 16:52:03', '2008-12-19 20:52:03', '', 'jen-fb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'jen-fb-2', '', '', '2008-12-19 16:52:03', '2008-12-19 20:52:03', '', 189, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/jen-fb.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(192, 1, '2008-12-19 16:54:30', '2008-12-19 20:54:30', '', 'kt-fb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'kt-fb', '', '', '2008-12-19 16:54:30', '2008-12-19 20:54:30', '', 189, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/kt-fb.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(193, 1, '2008-12-22 02:05:23', '2008-12-22 06:05:23', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3123422055_9ba39b12f8.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-195" title="3123422055_9ba39b12f8" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3123422055_9ba39b12f8.jpg" alt="" width="469" height="301" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/columbuscameraop/">Ryan</a></h5>\r\nLast night we celebrated Christmas with our three girls. Then I cried.\r\n\r\nWell, it didn''t happen quite like that. We opened presents, ate a scrumptious lasagna dinner, and played with the new Wii together. Then the girls snuggled in sleeping bags to sleep next to the tree, while Jason and I snuck downstairs to play a bit more Wii. Eventually we went to bed and turned out the lights, and <em>that''s</em> when I cried.\r\n\r\nMy girls are going to be with their dad for Christmas this year, just like they have been every other year since 2004, the first Christmas I survived as a mother without my children. They''ll be away for a full week, in fact—far away in South Carolina. And although I''ve gotten through it before, somehow it seems to get harder, not easier. Divorce, not surprisingly, makes a mess of things.\r\n\r\nThere are some nice perks, of course. Several of our friends like to say how lucky Jason and I are to have regular "built in childcare" (aka ex-spouses). One of our friends often jokes that he and his wife need to figure out how to get themselves an ex-spouse they can regularly send their kids to.\r\n<h4>The bitter and the sweet go hand in hand</h4>\r\nDivorce isn''t something I like joking about, really, but I see what he means. Every other week Jason and I have four kid-free days together. We cook expensive food and eat at about the time we''d otherwise be herding the kids up the stairs to put on pajamas and brush teeth. We go out to dinner and don''t have to calculate the cost of the meal <em>and</em> a sitter''s fee. We drive up to Chicago and spend the weekend going to hear bands we like and eating burritos at 2 a.m. In general, we refuel, and strengthen our bond as a couple. We <em>are</em> lucky to have that built-in time to make it happen, and to know that our kids are happy and safe, with people who love them as much as we do.\r\n\r\nBut there''s another side to that coin, of course. We don''t get to choose when we see the girls and when we don''t. Sometimes we miss important moments with them, and fairly often we just plain miss them, in general. Being able to peek in at them while they''re sleeping, smoothing their hair and kissing their cheeks,  is one of my favorite nighttime rituals. On nights the girls are away, their beds seem to flaunt their emptiness—we go to bed lacking that day''s final glimpse of warm fuzzy jammies, hugged stuffed animals and peaceful, sweet expressions.\r\n\r\nAnd Christmas. <strong>If you have children, Christmas without your children seems almost not worth celebrating.</strong>\r\n\r\nI know that it <em>is</em> worth celebrating, though, so I''m forced to pause and wonder how to approach this aspect of my life. <strong>Living a divided existence is not at all what I wanted for myself or my children, but it''s something I can''t ignore or change. So how do I deal with it, and be a wise and loving mom in the face of it? </strong>What can I learn, and how can I grow (even though I usually just want to feel sorry for myself)?\r\n\r\n<strong>One thing I can learn from the sadness is compassion.</strong> Being sad helps me be a bit more in tune with others who might be missing someone they love over the holidays, or who might not even have someone to love. I get a taste of the emptiness that can accompany a person''s heart, especially this time of year.\r\n\r\nAlong those lines, <strong>missing my girls at Christmas makes me grateful for what I have.</strong> I''m a mother. I birthed two amazing children who are a joy to be around (well, most of the time), and I''ve experienced the joy of incorporating a stepdaughter into my family. Sure, I endured a difficult first marriage and survived a divorce, but I emerged on the other side, better in many ways for the whole experience. And even when my daughters are away, I''m not alone. I have Jason in my life.\r\n<h4>Taking the mess and making something good</h4>\r\nFinally, if I really want to be pragmatic and philosophical about my sadness, I can see an important lesson to be learned. (I know—I must be really desperate to find some sweetness to pair with the bitter.) I think the sadness can help me better understand what God''s love and redemption, in relation to our own messes and mistakes, really look like.\r\n\r\n"Redemption" is the kind of word that makes lots of people squirm. It just sounds all old-school and high-churchy—even bloody, sacrificial and downright unpleasant. But since my divorce, and my turning away from God and ultimate return, I''ve become rather fond of the word. It has some real salience in my life.\r\n\r\nWhat I''m learning is that being redeemed isn''t about magically "recovering" and walking away from the messes you make, with a clean slate. It isn''t about everything being shiny and perfect. <strong>Redemption, from what I can tell, is about gathering the pile of mess to you and offering it up, to see what beautiful new thing can be made <em>from</em> the wreckage.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt''s like crafting a delicious meal out of an assortment of whatever you can find in the fridge, or creating a beautiful work of art from objects found at the dump or in a recycling bin. It''s embracing what you might at first want to throw away, and looking at it in a new light, using new tools to fashion it into something stunning.\r\n\r\nThat is, after all, what Christmas is all about—even more fully, I suppose, when some sadness is involved.', 'I''ll take a side of sadness with my cheer', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'my-cheer-comes-with-a-side-of-sadness', '', '', '2009-02-17 11:40:08', '2009-02-17 15:40:08', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=193', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(194, 1, '2008-12-22 01:46:21', '2008-12-22 05:46:21', '', '79469550_b7e5fac53c_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '79469550_b7e5fac53c_m', '', '', '2008-12-22 01:46:21', '2008-12-22 05:46:21', '', 193, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/79469550_b7e5fac53c_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(195, 1, '2008-12-22 01:51:07', '2008-12-22 05:51:07', '', '3123422055_9ba39b12f8', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3123422055_9ba39b12f8', '', '', '2008-12-22 01:51:07', '2008-12-22 05:51:07', '', 193, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/3123422055_9ba39b12f8.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(196, 1, '2008-12-24 01:53:41', '2008-12-24 05:53:41', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/132591947_e83478eda8.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-197" title="132591947_e83478eda8" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/132591947_e83478eda8.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="352" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/gish700/">gish700</a>.</h5>\r\n<em>It''s a busy week, so when I ran across a copy of this little story I wrote in 1996, I decided it was perfect for today''s post. As I typed it in, I found myself critiquing my writing—so typical for anyone who creates and is looking back on something they created long ago. But I was also fascinated by this person I was then, who is so clearly connected to who I''ve become, in spite of all that has changed. I resisted the urge to edit, and am sharing with you the original version. Merry Christmas.</em>\r\n\r\nOne Christmas Eve, when I was eleven, we broke tradition. Instead of a big dinner, the Kennedy Center Christmas concert on television, and then the candlelight service at church, we loaded the wrapped packages and skis and skates into the car, and spent the evening traveling north, to the cabin.\r\n\r\nThe drive that night was dreamlike. We left in darkness and falling snow to meet the others, who had driven up the day before. It was so bitterly cold that the car''s heater couldn''t sufficiently warm the air, so my mother and Aunt Lesley and I bundled up tight in the back seat under a sleeping bag. I felt like Laura Ingalls and her family during <em>The Long Winter</em>, traveling in their horse-drawn sleigh with fur lap robes tucked around them and Pa''s bear freezing into dozens of tiny icicles as he urged the team along.\r\n\r\nWhile my father concentrated to identify the curve of the road through the flakes that flew suddenly out of the dark and toward the windshield, illuminated by the headlights, my mother and aunt led us through a long string of Christmas carols and songs.\r\n\r\nWhen it was time to stop for a late dinner, we drove by several dark restaurants before finally seeing a pizza place that looked promising. It was closing for the night, but the manager saw our desperation and gave us a pizza—someone else''s wrong order. Back in the cold car with the lukewarm pizza box on our laps, slices being passed around, I felt a surge of contentment and closeness to my family on this adventure, with its small hardships and blessings.\r\n\r\nLater, the northern Michigan road took more curves and dips, and we drove for miles at a time without seeing another car, or saying a word. Suddenly, my brother asked out of the cold, sleepy silence why some countries had nuclear bombs. The question seemed foreign in the context of that peace, yet it seemed the only "why" to ask, taking on a desperateness and clarity for a family very much together on Christmas Eve.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nI had scarcely heard the words "nuclear bomb" before, and while I don''t recall my mother''s exact response, I know it was gentle, yet frank. The possibility of such power and devastation terrified me. I wanted to stay in that moment forever, safely wedged between my mother and aunt under the sleeping bag, with my father carefully navigating us through the snow, and my brother beside him, seeming so grown up. I wanted all of us to remain together in that small space, traveling through snow and woods and dark silence on Christmas Eve.\r\n\r\nI must have finally fallen asleep, because suddenly the unpaved roads leading to the cabin awoke me with their gentle, familiar rocking. The darkness around us was complete in those snow-covered woods. Then we saw the glowing windows of the cabin through the trees. Warmth and family were waiting inside.\r\n\r\nAs we pulled into the drive and I struggled to fully awake from my dream-like state, I saw the Christmas tree in the window. Earlier that day, my uncle had skied into the woods to cut it down, and then had covered the branches with only candles—dozens of flickering lights—like a promise of Christ''s birth and a tomorrow.', 'Christmas Eve, 1981', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'christmas-eve-1981', '', '', '2009-01-24 19:56:11', '2009-01-24 23:56:11', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=196', 0, 'post', '', 2),
(197, 1, '2008-12-23 16:17:36', '2008-12-23 20:17:36', '', '132591947_e83478eda8', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '132591947_e83478eda8', '', '', '2008-12-23 16:17:36', '2008-12-23 20:17:36', '', 196, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/132591947_e83478eda8.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(198, 1, '2008-12-27 20:42:20', '2008-12-28 00:42:20', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/usmap_k-tin.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-199" title="usmap_k-tin" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/usmap_k-tin.jpg" alt="" width="470" height="349" /></a>\r\n\r\nWhen I was growing up, there was only one definition of family on Christmas: my mom, dad, brother, grandparents and me, in Michigan. Even into my early adulthood, it was hard to imagine it any other way.\r\n\r\nThen I got married and started spending every other Christmas in un-Christmasy Florida with my husband''s family. Eventually, my brother moved far away to Portland, and began spending many of his Christmases out there. Then I had children and started looking at Christmas from the perspective of a parent rather than a child.\r\n\r\nWhen my girls were five and three years old I got divorced, and what defined my own little nuclear family changed in heart-wrenching ways (as I wrote about in <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=193">I''ll take a side of sadness with my cheer</a>). Now I have a new husband, along with a new family, to incorporate into holiday celebrations.\r\n\r\nIn other words, <em>life happens</em> to Christmas, just like it happens to our ideas about tradition, "normalcy" and family.\r\n\r\nAs Jason and I made various phone calls to people we love on the 25th, I thought about our family, and what defines any family. There is no definition, really, so I''ll just share a portrait of one family on Christmas day.\r\n<h4>St. Johns, Michigan</h4>\r\nMy parents woke up alone in the house, their children and grandchildren all far away. They drove to the nursing home to visit my 93-year-old grandma, who isn''t well enough to leave, and to pick up my 94-year-old grandma and bring her back to their house. By the time I called to with everyone a Merry Christmas, my best childhood friend Rhonda, along with her husband and their two kids, were arriving to spend the day with my family. Rhonda''s parents both died several years ago, and last month her last true relative, Aunt Georgia, also died. Rhonda''s kids call my parents Grandma Joi and Grandpa Bill, and together, they all created a family, enjoying food and conversation together on Christmas day.\r\n<h4>Portland, Oregon</h4>\r\nAfter shoveling his car out from Portland''s biggest snowfall in 50 years, my brother Bill drove across town to spend Christmas with his girlfriend and her mom and brother. His relationship with his girlfriend is only a few months old, so while he  really enjoys her family, he doesn''t know them well or have a history with them. When he called me on Christmas evening, I was 1,800 miles away, heading out for a wintry walk with Jason, his mom and our nephew. Bill seemed very far away, but we discovered we had both eaten a beef roast for Christmas dinner, even though when we were kids, our mom always served ham.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h4>Greenville, South Carolina</h4>\r\nMore than 500 miles away from me, my daughters were playing with their cousins at their aunt and uncle''s house. When they called to tell me about their day—what they ate for Christmas breakfast, what they got in their stockings, how their grandparents and two other cousins surprised them by driving up from Florida—I thought how odd it is that this family used to be my family too, pre-divorce. I struggled to connect their reality with mine. Hearing Q''s and S''s voices, little bundles of personality and affection delivered through phone lines, made me as happy and sad as a person can be in one moment.\r\n<h4>Chicago, Illinois</h4>\r\nWhile Jason and I spent the day with his mom, dad, sister, nephew and uncle, my stepdaughter H celebrated Christmas with her other family, in a house not far from us. She also visited the emergency room, where she was diagnosed with Scarlet Fever, which meant she wasn''t able to spend the afternoon and evening with us as planned—my father-in-law is in remission from leukemia, so it was too risky. Instead, we got phone updates throughout the day, while H rested at the home of her other grandparents, with her mom, her mom''s partner and their baby.\r\n\r\nAs the day drew to a close, we made one last phone call, to Jason''s brother. He didn''t answer his phone, so we all shouted a Christmas greeting via voicemail, doing what we could to connect, but feeling the inadequacy.\r\n\r\n<strong>I thought about the day''s phone calls and about family—what it looks like, what defines it, and how we fashion it as best we can, when and where it''s needed:</strong>\r\n\r\nMy parents, celebrating warmth and connection with their "adopted" children and grandchildren, instead of their own.\r\n\r\nMy brother, so far away, spending the day with people I''ve never met, but eating a Christmas dinner similar to mine.\r\n\r\nMy girls, creating new memories with people who will always be important to them, but who are no longer a part of my life.\r\n\r\nH, with one of her four sets of grandparents, two of her three moms, and a brother who is not related by blood, but who she''s known since he was born.\r\n\r\nAnd me, missing my biological family—my children and parents and brother—but grateful for Jason, for a sister like I''ve always wanted but never had, and for new parents, who make me feel comfortable and loved.\r\n\r\nMy Christmas was far from ideal, but it painted a clear picture of how blessed we are, in this imperfect world, that family can take so many forms and fill our voids in so many ways.', 'A portrait of a family on Christmas', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-portrait-of-a-family-on-christmas', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=193', '2009-02-17 11:38:22', '2009-02-17 15:38:22', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=198', 0, 'post', '', 1),
(199, 1, '2008-12-28 01:39:27', '2008-12-28 05:39:27', '', 'usmap_k-tin', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'usmap_k-tin', '', '', '2008-12-28 01:39:27', '2008-12-28 05:39:27', '', 198, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/usmap_k-tin.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(200, 1, '2008-12-29 21:51:08', '2008-12-30 01:51:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/883649938_858daac6b8.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-201" title="883649938_858daac6b8" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/883649938_858daac6b8.jpg" alt="" width="451" height="342" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/meanestindian/">Meena Kadri</a></h5>\r\n<strong>As the new year approaches, I''ve decided I will strive to live less intentionally\r\nin 2009.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''m sure at several points in my past I''ve vowed to do just the opposite. Living "more intentionally" is one of those things that seems really impressive and desirable at first glance. But what does it really mean? And what might I be missing, in the process?\r\n\r\nWhat we''re drawn to about intentionality, I think, is the level of implied thoughtfulness, presence and control. When you''re being intentional, life isn''t happening <em>to</em> you or <em>around</em> you, it''s happening because you decide that it should. You can explain it, respond, and even make quick adjustments as needed, because there are fewer surprises.\r\n\r\nWhen you look at <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intention">definitions for "intention,"</a> you see words like "goal," "objective" and "purpose" a lot, along with this sort of thing:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="sense_break"><span class="sense_content">- a determination to act in a certain way </span></span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>- what one has in mind to do or bring about </em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>- a more carefully calculated plan </em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>- implications of effort directed toward attaining or accomplishing</em></p>\r\nOf course, there''s nothing wrong with any of that. <strong>There is something wrong, though, with the assumption that doing every last thing with intention always results in a more desirable, admirable life.</strong> It''s time for most of us (especially us uber-logical, rational types) to compensate a bit.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n<h4>No, the opposite of "intentional" is not "random."</h4>\r\nOne way to achieve a better balance in any part of our life is to define and then embrace the <em>opposite</em> of the thing we''re trying to counter. If you''re too sedentary, you need to embrace some activity and exercise; if you talk too much you need to practice listening. You get the idea.\r\n\r\nSo what''s the opposite of being intentional? Being random and not grounded?  It''s easy to go there, but I''m starting to think about it in a different way. If being intentional involves asking "why" a lot, and knowing exactly why you are or aren''t doing something, then the opposite involves <em>not</em> asking why. If we simply can''t break the "why" habit, we need to start giving ourselves a different "answer"—maybe <em>just because</em> will do the trick.\r\n\r\nHere are some typical why''s for me: Why should I regularly read these certain blogs I read, and not those? Why should I call this friend to make dinner plans rather than that friend? Why should I buy this book rather than that one, or make the drive tomorrow morning rather than tonight?\r\n\r\nThe real question is, do I really need a list of rationale explaining every decision I make? Or can the so-called rationale simply be this: <em>Because it feels right. Because I''m an instinctive creature. Because I want my heart to have a say, and when I come up with smart explanations for everything, my heart gets left behind.</em>\r\n<h4>Good things come to those who trust their instincts</h4>\r\nWhen I think about the best things that have happened in my life, I realize they were guided far more by instinct than rationale. Some of the decisions that led to the best things in my life really didn''t <em>make sense</em> at all.\r\n\r\nYet I can feel myself getting caught up in a world (particularly a professional world) that is calculated, precise, formulaic and predictable. If I want this person to consider my book, I need to make friends with these people, which means I need to do these things and write often about those topics. I need to look at market niches and target audiences and well-defined brands, and then I need to be relentless in my pursuit of whatever it is I''ve identified. I need, in other words, to be intentional, calculated and goal-driven or I will not succeed.\r\n\r\nNot only does that path make me feel really tired, it also takes the joy out of my work, which ultimately causes it to backfire. It distances me from what I am drawn to, what I feel, and what I <em>sense</em> I should be doing or writing about next—<em>just because</em>. And nothing good can come from any of us moving away from that.\r\n\r\nHere''s to a less-intentional 2009. Happy New Year.', 'Striving to be less intentional in 2009', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'striving-to-be-less-intentional-in-2009', '', '', '2009-01-24 18:43:32', '2009-01-24 22:43:32', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200', 0, 'post', '', 7),
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(202, 1, '2009-01-02 18:36:02', '2009-01-02 22:36:02', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/party.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-203" title="party" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/party.jpg" alt="" width="454" height="341" /></a>\r\n\r\nSometimes the best party is the unplanned sort.\r\n\r\nThat''s the kind of party we ended up having on New Year''s Eve, when our modest collection of people and activities morphed into true party proportions.\r\n\r\nThe visit from my parents was planned, as was the arrival of my sister-in-law and our nephew. But everything else about the evening took on a life of its own, in the best sort of way.\r\n\r\nIt turned out that a variety of friends were around with nothing really planned, so we gladly absorbed them into our food and fun. Everyone brought snacky foods, and we ended up with quite a nice spread. We had plenty of vodka for mixed drinks, and eventually sent someone out to buy beer, for the non-cocktail types.\r\n\r\nThe adults were content to meander through a variety of conversation topics, taking turns playing bar tender, disc jockey, and holding our friends'' ultra-mellow baby. The eight kids played Wii, took goofy photos of each other, and created puppets and put on a puppet show. All of their activities were punctuated by regular pit stops in the dining room for snacks.\r\n<h4>Fewer expectations bring more good times</h4>\r\nFrom the host''s perspective, I think I''ve put my finger on what''s so nice about a party that just happens rather than the kind that is planned: You let yourself off the hook. There are no expectations, so no guilt. You don''t try to think through every last detail, and then kick yourself for forgetting something. You don''t concoct the perfect mix of guests and then feel responsible for orchestrating the conversations and activities. Although I''m sure there are other people we could have invited over, had we realized we were having a real party, we just couldn''t spend time dwelling on that, or feeling bad.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nIt just happened the way it happened, allowing everyone to accept it for what it was, and to simply be glad that we were bringing in the new year together, not alone.\r\n\r\nIn light of my previous post, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200">Striving to be less intentional in 2009</a>, I''m thinking this non-party party was my first unintentional act of 2009 (even though the party technically started in 2008). <strong>Thanks to some great comments shared by readers, I''ve been reflecting even more on this idea of being less intentional.</strong> Here are a few follow up thoughts I''ve had:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>In her comment on my previous post, Barb Chamberlain brought up "serendipity," which she says she likes to think of as “the things that happen to those who pay attention.â€ The word "serendipity" has always made me giggle, but the sentiment—and Barb''s definition—is exactly what I had in mind as I was writing that post. Another reader, Jodi, mentioned "being open" in her comment. <strong>Together, being open and paying attention perfectly describe what I want more of for myself this year.</strong> I believe there’s something bigger going on around me, and that my instincts or the nudgings of God’s spirit (or whatever you want to call this phenomenon) are usually more spot-on than my logic and intellect.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>Another reader, blackwasp19, brought the word "contrived" into the conversation: "There is a thin-line, but important distinction, between intentional and contrived," he wrote. Exactly. Contrived is what I get when I try too hard to reach a specific outcome. It doesn''t matter whether I''m planning an ideal party, seeking followers on Twitter, writing a blog post, or finding the perfect house to buy or church to attend, the outcome is the same: <strong>when I try too hard to make something happen the way I think it should happen, the results leave me frustrated and disappointed.</strong></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>Finally, I think <strong>most of life is about finding balance, which requires knowing yourself.</strong> I know that I personally spend too much time trying to orchestrate and plan things, which not only prevents me from going with the flow and experiencing surprises, it also sets me up for disappointment and self-criticism when things don''t pan out. That''s just me. I''m sure, though, that there are people out there who could stand to be a bit <em>more</em> focused on planning and details in 2009.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nI know I''ve been saying I''m going to be less intentional, but I <em>am</em> going to be more intentional, when it gets down to it—about opening up and letting go. I think we can all strive for balance by doing more of the things that maybe don''t come as naturally to us.', 'Exhibit A: The less-intentional party', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-unplanned-party-approach-to-life', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200', '2009-01-24 18:44:31', '2009-01-24 22:44:31', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=202', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(203, 1, '2009-01-02 17:53:33', '2009-01-02 21:53:33', '', 'party', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'party', '', '', '2009-01-02 17:53:33', '2009-01-02 21:53:33', '', 202, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/party.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(204, 1, '2009-01-05 17:01:35', '2009-01-05 21:01:35', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/977585621_704d343a97.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-205" title="977585621_704d343a97" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/977585621_704d343a97.jpg" alt="" width="396" height="396" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fdecomite/">fedcomite</a></h5>\r\nToday, as I was thinking about my blog and what to write about next, I had an idea, which I then "tweeted:"\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">thinking about how to take my new year''s post about being less intentional &amp; make it into a series, reporting on my attempts &amp; successes.</span></em></p>\r\nJason, who read my tweet at work, immediately sent me a text: <em>That''s an awesome idea baby!</em> Clearly I never have to wonder why I married this man. But that''s another story.\r\n\r\nI also got this response, from someone on Twitter:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">Wait, you are going to be intentional about not being intentional, and then you are going to chart your progress?</span></em></p>\r\nSigh. Put that way, it does sound pretty funny.\r\n<h4>The beauty of unintentional blogging</h4>\r\nBeing questioned is good. It forces me to reverse engineer my ideas to see how sound they are, and to check the clarity of my communication. Keeping a regular blog is intense, and I don''t even post daily. I often find myself making sudden, big, intuitive leaps of thought, that are immediately formulated into sentences and laid out there for all to inspect.\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nIt happens to be one of the things I really like about blogging—it''s much more organic than article or book writing. There''s something about writing in Wordpress, with that "Publish" button off to the side, that changes the timing of how I think and write, and how things happen. When I write essays or chapters in Microsoft Word, my expectations are higher. I think more in outlines and am likely to enforce "sleeping on" anything before it''s sent out to the client or editor.\r\n<h4>The winding path in my brain</h4>\r\nThis more organic approach to ideas and writing falls right in line with my New Year''s Resolution to be less intentional, which is the focus of my previous two posts. When I trace the line from how I came to my original idea, interacted with others thoughts along the way, and then wandered my way to where I am now, it looks like this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- I heard a teaching at church including stories about people who followed their instincts, did things that didn''t make "sense," listened and paid attention.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- I reflected on how much I rely on planning, reason and logic in everything I do, and how much stress it causes, particularly in relation to the payoff. I thought: What a good resolution for me for 2009!</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- The next day, I needed to write a blog post. I decided to take this idea and turn it into a <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200">New Year''s post</a>. I came up with a thought-provoking, attention-grabbing way to word my resolution: I have decided to be less intentional.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- That post inspired comments. Those comments took my loose idea and turned it into a conversation. That conversation honed and solidified what I was thinking, which resulted in  another post, originally called <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=202">The unplanned-party-approach to life</a>.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Today I was thinking about how lame resolutions are when they can''t be evaluated and measured in some way. I was also thinking about the comment Deb left on my post. She was intrigued by the concept of being less intentional, and said "I''ll be following you to see how it is working for you." Accountability! Yes!</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- I came up with the idea of regularly sharing stories about my attempts to be more open, and to connect those stories into a series, of sorts, with a recognizable headline style. I changed the headline of second post to "Exhibit A: The less-intentional party," and imagined what I might write next ("Exhibit B: The less-intentional Bible Study," and maybe "Exhibit C: The less-intentional Saturday").</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- I wrote this Tweet: <em><span class="entry-content">thinking about how to take my new year''s post about being less intentional &amp; make it into a series, reporting on my attempts &amp; successes. </span></em></p>\r\n<span class="entry-content">Oh wait. I''m back where this post started (and I hope you haven''t nodded off along the way). What was the point of this exercise again? Right. </span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content">I feel pretty good about the organic-yet-solid way I got from my original idea to where I''m at now. I also think it''s possible for <em>me</em> to practice letting go. But maybe that''s not a universal thing—maybe it''s just because I know myself and my tendencies. I even know how and when to self-intervene, if I put my mind to it (which is exactly what I''ve decided to do).\r\n</span>\r\n\r\nBut since we''re back where we started, by all means, <em>please</em> join the discussion! Do you think people can make plans to be more open, or can it only happen spontaneously, in the moment?', 'Retracing my steps to the original idea', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'retracing-my-steps-to-the-original-idea', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=202', '2009-01-24 18:45:16', '2009-01-24 22:45:16', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=204', 0, 'post', '', 2),
(205, 1, '2009-01-05 16:49:43', '2009-01-05 20:49:43', '', '977585621_704d343a97', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '977585621_704d343a97', '', '', '2009-01-05 16:49:43', '2009-01-05 20:49:43', '', 204, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/977585621_704d343a97.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(206, 1, '2009-01-06 18:24:35', '2009-01-06 22:24:35', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/door3.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-209" title="door3" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/door3-300x300.jpg" alt="" width="355" height="355" /></a>\r\n\r\nOver the past few days I''ve been struggling to accept that I might be more introverted than I ever imagined. Or at least I''m more bound to routine than I''ve ever wanted to admit.\r\n\r\nI find it interesting that it''s sort of a big deal for me to say this. It''s even more interesting that I somehow feel bad about it, or bad about myself because of it.  Why is that?\r\n<h4>That other long arm: Guilt</h4>\r\n<strong>Mean Old Guilt is always a good one to point the first finger at.</strong> When I get tired of being around my kids day in and day out, I secretly worry that I must not be a good mom, or that my attitude will permanently scar them. Growing weary of the girls feels wrong, especially in light of how often I so desperately miss them, as I''ve written about before (in <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=193">this post</a> and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=39">this one)</a>. Why can''t I just be grateful for every single moment I have with them? (Insert self-kicking here.)\r\n\r\nGuilt doesn''t limit itself to nuclear families, of course. <strong>The extended family provides an ideal environment for guilt to take root and grow.</strong> <em>Of course</em> I was relieved on Saturday when the last of our visiting family had finally packed up and gone home, and I could restore the dining room table back to its usual size and be more successful at estimating how many eggs we''d go through in a morning. ("What? We''re out of eggs <em>again</em>?")\r\n\r\nAnd, <em>of course</em> I felt guilty about feeling so relieved that all those people we love were gone. The fact that Jason and I have extra wonderful families that we genuinely enjoy spending time with multiplies the guilt somehow—like I have no right to grow weary of having extra people who love me around the house. (Insert more self-ridicule here.)\r\n<h4>Self-image and reality don''t always line up</h4>\r\n<strong>But I don''t think I can blame it all on guilt. I think there''s another infamous culprit at work: Self-image.</strong> I like to think of myself as a certain kind of person, and I don''t like having that image thrown off. For instance, I pride myself in being a people-person who''s always up for fun and interaction, conversation and house guests. Ultimately, I think I still am that person, by nature. I just need more refueling time than I used to, so I need to recognize and take care of that.\r\n\r\nThe other part of how I want to see myself—as a free-wheeling, spontaneous, up-for-anything kind of gal—is probably not something I can really claim. In fact, when my routines get thrown too far out of whack for too many days in a row, I''m a lot like a grouchy toddler whose meal and nap schedule has been thrown off. I need to admit it and round up some coping strategies.\r\n\r\nWhatever it is that makes me feel bad about needing a routine and some alone time, I''m working on coming to terms with it. Because there''s no denying: After I sent the girls out the door to school yesterday, I was a super happy freelance writer in a quiet house, sitting at the dining room table in sweats, drinking coffee and diving back into my work routine. And being happy about that is perfectly fine.', 'I want to be alone: Ditching the guilt', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'i-want-to-be-alone-ditching-the-guilt', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=193\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=39', '2009-02-17 11:36:20', '2009-02-17 15:36:20', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=206', 0, 'post', '', 5),
(207, 1, '2009-01-06 18:14:43', '2009-01-06 22:14:43', '', 'door', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'door', '', '', '2009-01-06 18:14:43', '2009-01-06 22:14:43', '', 206, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/door.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(208, 1, '2009-01-06 18:17:51', '2009-01-06 22:17:51', '', 'door2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'door2', '', '', '2009-01-06 18:17:51', '2009-01-06 22:17:51', '', 206, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/door2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(209, 1, '2009-01-06 18:23:23', '2009-01-06 22:23:23', '', 'door3', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'door3', '', '', '2009-01-06 18:23:23', '2009-01-06 22:23:23', '', 206, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/door3.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(210, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', 'So, given this cultural setting, any salvation that needs a sophisticated sales pitch is a salvation that won''t really do anything. It will make you holy the same way a new pair of Nikes makes you athletic—which is to say, not at all. It only changes your religious brand. Yet this is the only kind of evangelism possible when we separate salvation from life in the redeemed community, because it''s in the redeemed community that God has ordained the enduring demonstration of his power, against which nothing can prevail (<a class="text" title="view Scripture passage at NLTStudyBible.com" href="javascript:linkToScripture(''Matthew+16%3A18-18'');">Matt. 16:18</a>).\r\n\r\nConsider the centrality of the church in the scheme of salvation as articulated in Ephesians: "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God''s people and members of God''s household" (<a class="text" title="view Scripture passage at NLTStudyBible.com" href="javascript:linkToScripture(''Ephesians+2%3A19-19'');">2:19</a>).\r\n\r\nThis way is not walked alone, but with a community of believers who will uphold and encourage the new Christian in a difficult and challenging faith. There''s substance there, demonstrated by a faithful church whose life together is a visible testimony to the truth of our claims about the power of the gospel. In a consumerist society, baptism into such a church is about the most subversive thing imaginable.\r\n\r\nThe problem with implicitly salesy evangelism is bad theology, not bad technique, and it requires more than a simple change in method. If you feel like a used-car salesman talking about Jesus, the solution to the perceived lack of authenticity isn''t a smoother pitch—it''s a renewal of the church. The potency of personal evangelism is, as it has always been, the simple and earnest retelling of what God has done in the lives of his people. Of course, this requires a community to back up our claims.\r\n\r\nSpiritual consumers, therefore, will approach the church with the same narcissism they bring to other brands. What am I expressing about myself if I buy Brand Jesus? How will Christianity fulfill my vision for me?\r\n<p class="text">We must therefore be concerned about market segmentation infiltrating the church. It has resulted in two unacceptable outcomes: utterly homogenous churches representing consumer-based "clusters," and homogenous groupings within larger churches.</p>\r\n<p class="text">Both divide us along racial, socioeconomic, and age- and gender-based lines, each of which predicts consumer behavior. This is certainly a "pattern of this world" (<a class="text" title="view Scripture passage at NLTStudyBible.com" href="javascript:linkToScripture(''Romans+12%3A2-2'');">Rom. 12:2</a>).</p>\r\nFrom Christianity Today, <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/january/10.20.html?start=1">Jesus Is Not a Brand</a>', 'Jesus is not a brand', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-01-07 18:33:09', '2009-01-07 22:33:09', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=210', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(211, 1, '2009-01-08 11:42:47', '2009-01-08 15:42:47', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/11314489_a7c52be257.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-212" title="11314489_a7c52be257" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/11314489_a7c52be257.jpg" alt="" width="426" height="320" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/procsilas/">Procsilas Moscas</a></h5>\r\nNumbers mean a lot to us. We are driven by them, because we measure success and worth by them.\r\n\r\nI, for instance, occasionally fret about how many followers I have on Twitter (about 150). The number means something to me because I can compare it to scores of others who have over 1,000 and even as many as 30,000 followers. The other day I heard someone complaining about Facebook''s arbitrary friend limit (5,000) because he was rapidly approaching it. I had no idea there was a friend limit. Why would I? It isn''t likely that I—or any of my 240-some friends—need to worry.\r\n\r\nBefore you start to wonder, I''m not about to be that kid in high school who pretends she actually doesn''t <em>want</em> to have more friends, because being popular really isn''t that cool anyway.... Of course, numbers <em>do</em> measure and mean something, in certain circumstances. People with that many Twitter followers and Facebook friends are clearly some combination of smart/interesting/kind/entertaining (along with savvy and determined, and most likely sleep-deprived).\r\n\r\n<strong>But the opposite isn''t necessarily true. Smaller numbers, comparatively, do not always indicate the presence of all that''s dumb/boring/mean/humorless.</strong> I''ve been trying to remind myself of this and keep things in perspective as I build the kind of network a writer needs to get any attention in today''s world. It''s a steady, messy inner battle involving ego, reason, patience and humor.\r\n<h4>What we can learn about numbers from a church</h4>\r\nToday I read an article that was both inspiring and humbling, in unexpected ways. It did more to put the idea of numbers in perspective than anything I''ve heard or read in a long time. Check out these numbers:\r\n\r\n<!--more-->\r\n\r\nFor 60 years, the 91-year-old Gordon Cosby has been preaching at Church of the Savior. Since it was formed 6 decades ago, the church has been known throughout Washington D.C. as an activist powerhouse, starting dozens of organizations that serve thousands of people. Just to give you a sense of the scope, last year one of those organizations found jobs found for 800 people, while  another found 325 units of affordable housing for families in need.\r\n\r\nSounds like the work of a mega church, doesn''t it? Actually, Church of the Savior is an anti-mega church. How small is it? When Cosby preached his final sermon last Sunday, about 70 people gathered to hear him speak.\r\n\r\nWhy, when I read that, was my first though "How sad!"? Because <strong>I am blinded and fooled by numbers. Numbers are on the surface. To get what''s really behind the numbers—or to get past the numbers completely—you have to go deeper.</strong>\r\n<h4>Staying small has made their impact big</h4>\r\nIn this case, going deeper meant reading the rest of the <em>Washington Post</em> article, <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/05/AR2009010503341.html?wprss=rss_print/asection">Activist D.C. Church Embraces Transition in the Name of Mission</a>. This is where the humbling and inspiring part kicked in.  Listen to just a few of the very cool things about this church:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- The article describes the church''s basic philosophy like this: "A commitment to serious, inward contemplation as well as ambitious social justice work. No spectators. Action over institution."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- The church has what the article calls an "aversion to bigness." (I''ve always heard this called the "daughter church" model.) "In the mid-1970s, the church broke more fully into different groups. And in the late 1990s, Cosby rattled many church members by proposing that they go further: legally become separate entities and eventually dissolve the Church of the Saviour, the umbrella structure."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- The article quotes 91-year-old Cosby as saying this: "''We''ve got to move from believing so deeply to doing,'' he preached. <strong>''We''ve got to keep in mind the discrepancy between belief and embodiment.''"</strong></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- And then there are these amazingly inspiring paradigm shifts: "After decades of bringing white, middle- and upper-class people into neighborhoods around Columbia Road and Adams Morgan to serve the poor and lecturing to seminarians and faith leaders, <strong>Cosby has concluded that societal change might go in the other direction.</strong>"</p>\r\nWow. Talk about turning it all on its head. It kind of reminds me of something someone said about the last being first and the poor being rich. And for some extra irony, get this: "[Cosby] noted that megachurches, now struggling to manage their size, have come to the church for guidance on how to be small."\r\n\r\nI love it. I''m inspired. I''m ready to see the world differently.', 'When small is big & numbers are nothing', 0, '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'when-small-is-big-numbers-are-nothing', '', '', '2009-01-24 18:41:56', '2009-01-24 22:41:56', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=211', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(212, 1, '2009-01-08 11:37:26', '2009-01-08 15:37:26', '', '11314489_a7c52be257', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '11314489_a7c52be257', '', '', '2009-01-08 11:37:26', '2009-01-08 15:37:26', '', 211, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/11314489_a7c52be257.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(214, 1, '2009-01-09 19:54:39', '2009-01-09 23:54:39', '', '331179811_9ed79b86bf', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '331179811_9ed79b86bf', '', '', '2009-01-09 19:54:39', '2009-01-09 23:54:39', '', 213, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/331179811_9ed79b86bf.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(215, 1, '2009-01-12 17:45:53', '2009-01-12 21:45:53', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2585275184_e91b991fc1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-216" title="2585275184_e91b991fc1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2585275184_e91b991fc1.jpg" alt="" width="444" height="296" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/charlietphoto/">Charles Thompson</a></h5>\r\nThis morning, President Bush held what is most likely his last press conference of his presidency. As always, plenty of what came out of his mouth simultaneously maddened and mystified me. (For instance, when he said, "I never sold my soul for popularity." That''s clear. Too bad he sold it for other reasons, like greed and revenge.)\r\n\r\nBut what got me worked up more than anything else was his response to the question "What mistakes did you make in office?" Bush completely rephrased the question, substituting the word "disappointments" for "mistakes" in his response. Discovering there actually were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, for instance, was a "disappointment."\r\n\r\n<strong>Since when is "disappointment" a synonym for "mistake?"</strong>\r\n\r\nApparently since Bush claimed that it''s so, and the media blindly reported it that way. Most of today''s headlines on this matter say pretty much the same thing: <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090112/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_newser_mistakes">"Bush cites mistakes, disappointments."</a> The verb is just switched out from one headline to the next—some say "discusses," some use "lists," and I even saw a "concedes." But always "mistakes, disappointments." What''s with that comma?\r\n<h4>"Mistakenly" using the wrong word has consequences</h4>\r\nI totally get why an outgoing president would want to avoid talking about mistakes. George W. Bush isn''t the only outgoing president who has tried to sidestep the "mistake" question. (If anyone out there knows of an outgoing president who honestly owned up to mistakes and called them mistakes, please let me know who it was!)\r\n\r\nBut when you look at the true definitions of those two words, and you look at some of the things that have come to pass under Bush''s leadership, his use of the word "disappointment" is offensive.\r\n\r\nA <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mistake">"mistake" is defined as</a> "an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc."\r\n\r\n<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/disappoint">"Disappoint" is defined as</a> "To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of." (And "disappointment" is simply "the state or feeling of being disappointed."\r\n\r\nSo I might be disappointed by the meal I ordered at my favorite restaurant, or by the customer service at a nice shoe store. But is it right to say the abuses at the Abu Graib prison were disappointing? Particularly if I was, at the time, the world''s most powerful person, with all the power necessary to put an end to those abuses?\r\n\r\nIt''s true that the words "mistake" and "disappointment" can go hand in hand. I can make a mistake, which is generally thought of as an unintentional error, and can feel disappointed in myself and the results. But for me to focus immediately on my disappointment, skipping over the important process of admitting error and apologizing for it, is a dangerous, slippery slope.\r\n\r\n<strong>I know, because I''m not very good at admitting my mistakes</strong>—my errors in judgment, my carelessness, my tendency to make hasty conclusions. Thank goodness I''m not the president of the United States!\r\n<h4>Most of us could do better at admitting mistakes</h4>\r\nI am a wife and mother and daughter and friend, though, so it''s important that I become better at this. Being able to say "I made a mistake, and I''m sorry about how it affected you" matters a lot to the people I care most about. It can also have a powerful ripple effect in my broader community. For starters, the more I learn to do this, the more likely my children will be to do the same in their lives, which will make it easier for their friends to follow suit.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to so many of the people of the world who have real power—the CEOs and senators, and even the pastors and school principals—I''m saddened and frustrated by your lack of humility and strength, and in your failed leadership in this area. Yes, you''re human, just like all of us "normal" people sitting around me in the cafe as I write. And how do we so often define being "human?" That''s right: We say (perhaps too defensively) "I''m human, I make mistakes."\r\n\r\nIf the rest of us are saying we know you''re not perfect—it''s OK to <em>make</em> mistakes—why is it so hard for you powerful people to <em>admit</em> to those mistakes? And how different would the world be if you did?\r\n\r\nIt might be a day of lasts for George W., but today marks a first for me: I''m actually going to thank our 43rd president for something—for making me think more carefully about the meaning of words, and for helping me see the importance of calling a mistake a mistake.', 'Learning to call a mistake a mistake', 0, '<em>Our 43rd president inspires a closer look at the words "mistake" and "disappointment."</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'learning-to-call-a-mistake-a-mistake', '', '', '2009-01-26 12:54:57', '2009-01-26 16:54:57', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=215', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(216, 1, '2009-01-12 17:42:51', '2009-01-12 21:42:51', '', '2585275184_e91b991fc1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2585275184_e91b991fc1', '', '', '2009-01-12 17:42:51', '2009-01-12 21:42:51', '', 215, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2585275184_e91b991fc1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(217, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '<p class="MsoNormal"><strong>5. Don’t cry at work</strong>\r\nNewsflash. Women cry a lot and men don’t. So let’s just stop telling women to be men at work. No point. People who do best in their careers are people who are their true selves.</p>\r\n<p class="MsoNormal">And, I have first-hand research on this topic, because I have <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/01/12/2009/01/05/7-things-to-consider-before-launching-a-startup/">cried</a> at all levels of my career. To be fair, I cry mostly when I have PMS. But whatever. PMS is just your body telling your brain that you need to start crying about the stuff<span> </span>that you’ve been ignoring all month.</p>\r\n<p class="MsoNormal">Here’s the big secret about crying though. Men who are secure with themselves and their position in the world actually deal with women crying just fine. So any guy at work who cannot deal with you crying needs to get some therapy in order to be more self-assured. You, on the other hand, are doing just fine with those workplace tears.</p>', 'Don''t cry at work', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-01-13 13:36:48', '2009-01-13 17:36:48', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=217', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(218, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', 'From Pete Rollins book How (Not) to Speak of God\r\n\r\n<em><strong>In opposition to the fundamentalist, wh can be defined as one who believes what they believe, the Christian can be said to operate with an a/theistic discourse , which makes claims about God, while simultaneously acknowledging that these claims are provisional, uncertain and insufficient. This a/theistic approach is one that understands how our questioning of God is never really a questioning of God but only a means of questioning our understanding of God. It is a discourse not unlike that of the original cynics, who, in opposition to the common caricature, were deeply moral individuals who questioned truth as presented by society precisely because of their deep love of truth. An a''theistic faith thus acknowledges the importance of both theism and atheism in faith.</strong></em>', 'theism and atheism', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-01-13 14:20:01', '2009-01-13 18:20:01', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=218', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(219, 1, '2009-01-13 18:10:29', '2009-01-13 22:10:29', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2493920959_5fda2dbfb8.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-220" title="2493920959_5fda2dbfb8" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2493920959_5fda2dbfb8.jpg" alt="" width="333" height="500" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ilker/">ilkerender</a></h5>\r\nThe other day I heard the phrase <strong>"Let your soul catch up with you"</strong> for the first time.\r\n\r\nYou know those moments when you see or hear or taste something for the first time, and you know right away it''s new and special? It was like that for me. "Let your soul catch up with you" resonated immediately, even before I had time to think about what it really meant or how it might translate in my life.\r\n\r\nI realize that this phrase has the potential to turn quickly cheesy. Imagine it, for instance, printed on an inspirational poster and hanging in the office of a Christian counselor, or as the title of a self-help book, written in an outdated font across a badly designed cover.\r\n\r\nBut I heard the phrase in church, as spoken words coming out of the mouth of Jim, one of my favorite pastors. He was talking to us about listening to God—why it''s important, what keeps us from doing it, and how we can each find methods to help us to do it better in our own ways. <strong>I instantly realized that I am way too far out ahead of my soul, submerged deep in the white noise of life.</strong>\r\n<h3>Letting my words catch up with my ideas</h3>\r\nThe first image this phrase brought to me, strangely enough, was the sensation of working on those old word processor/typewriters of the late 80s and early 90s. Remember those? They looked like an electric typewriter but they had those little readout screens, and didn''t actually print out the section you had just typed until you hit return.\r\n\r\nI have been an ultra-fast typist since taking typing class in high school (this seems like something random enough to safely boast about, right?). I distinctly remember working on those word processors, knowing exactly what I wanted to say, my fingers flying to keep up with my mind. And then I had to wait, as the words I had already typed eventually appeared on the little screen, waiting for them to catch up, like an echo of my thoughts.\r\n\r\n<strong>Waiting was important—I didn''t want to get too far ahead of myself and end up making mistakes. </strong>The thoughts might take flight from my mind in an impressive fashion, but that didn''t mean they''d land properly or ring true once printed in black and white. When you hit return, after all, it was still ink on paper, just like a typewriter—making edits took some effort.\r\n\r\nSo I waited for all of those ideas to catch up to me. I checked them against my heart and let them begin to settle in, before hitting return and picking up where I left off, ideas and fingers flying.\r\n\r\nAt the time, I despised the word processor''s leisurely pace. I hated waiting, and felt sure that being held up in this fashion would set me back in some important way down the road.\r\n\r\nNow I can see that I''ve lost a lot of good along with whatever shreds of care and patience I had back then. Today, even a moderately slow computer or internet connection drives me batty. <strong>There are plenty of annoying interruptions in my day, but there isn''t anything forcing me to practice slowing down and waiting—not in my writing, and certainly not in my soul.</strong>\r\n<h3>Learning to be more like a sherpa than an old word processor</h3>\r\nAs Jim shared with us in his teaching Sunday, the phrase "Waiting for your soul to catch up" is actually rooted in Himalayan sherpas, not in outdated technology. (Isn''t it amazing how our minds naturally gravitate toward the analogies we can relate to?)\r\n\r\nThe story is that sherpas, who spend a lot of time encouraging, pushing and pacing their climbers toward the summit, will suddenly stop climbing and put down their equipment, as if they''re waiting for something or someone.\r\n\r\nNot surprisingly, this seemingly random break is very disconcerting for many Westerners. When they ask why they''ve stopped climbing, the sherpas'' reply is "We are waiting for our souls to catch up with our bodies."\r\n\r\nI move too quickly. My thoughts fly and swirl, and I can generally relate to the word "frenzy" far more readily than to the word "calm." I try to push through big ideas and major life changes in record pace; if they don''t resolve themselves quickly, my impulse is to simply abandon them and move on.\r\n\r\n<strong>But I don''t want to get too far ahead of my soul, any more.</strong> I certainly don''t want to think of my soul as a clunky, antiquated, annoying old word processor that I''m forever waiting on.\r\n\r\nInstead, I want to be like the sherpa—to take in the view, to allow my racing mind and body to rest, and to respect the wise pace of my soul as it catches up.', 'Sherpas, outdated technology and souls', 0, '<em>Living like a sherpa involves respecting the pace of your soul.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'waiting-for-my-soul-to-catch-up', '', '', '2009-01-26 12:55:24', '2009-01-26 16:55:24', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=219', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(220, 1, '2009-01-13 18:06:55', '2009-01-13 22:06:55', '', '2493920959_5fda2dbfb8', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2493920959_5fda2dbfb8', '', '', '2009-01-13 18:06:55', '2009-01-13 22:06:55', '', 219, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2493920959_5fda2dbfb8.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(221, 1, '2009-01-15 21:28:08', '2009-01-16 01:28:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2173368376_122a67fe20.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-222" title="2173368376_122a67fe20" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2173368376_122a67fe20.jpg" alt="" width="451" height="338" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/johnspooner/">John Spooner</a></h5>\r\nDo you remember when you were, oh, maybe 12 or 14, and you honestly thought you''d be a true grown up when you were 19?\r\n\r\nAnd then how at 19 you thought you''d be a bona fide adult when you were 25?\r\n\r\nBut then, at 25, maybe you felt annoyed when you were carded at a bar, and when it seemed like you weren''t taken seriously by the man at the car dealership, or by a senior colleague at the office.\r\n\r\n<strong>Often, when we finally reach those benchmarks we''ve been anticipating, we find they''re nothing like we imagined.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to getting older, we''re not nearly as wise and balanced as we thought we''d be by a certain age—in many ways we still feel like our teenage selves, just in more tired bodies, and with some surprise grey hair.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to fitness, we might be able to run the distance we set as our original goal, but our bodies don''t look and feel like we imagined they would by then. And when we finally get a job with the salary we used to dream of, we still feel more financially strapped and stressed than we thought we would.\r\n<h4>The magic number, minus the magic</h4>\r\nThis is my 100th published post here on Halfway to Normal. Almost exactly six months ago, when I resuscitated my blog after a several-month hiatus, I wrote my 32nd post. I didn''t know where this adventure would take me, I only knew I had stories to tell, so I had to give it a try and find out.\r\n\r\nAt that point, if I had paused to think ahead to my 100th post (which I didn''t, but I can pretend), I would have been in awe at the thought of it. I would inevitably know <em>so much</em> about blogging by then.\r\n\r\nBy post 100, the whole process would be natural and seamless, right? I''d simply sit down four times a week to write my little observations and tell my little stories. I''d write quickly and efficiently, of course, baring my soul without a second thought, then clicking the "publish" button to send my thoughts out into the world.\r\n\r\nHere''s the reality (you can guess where this is going, I bet): Even though I <em>have</em> learned a lot about blogging and the so-called blogesphere—I''m not nearly as lost as I was—I still feel very much like a toddler. Maybe the more accurate analogy is that I feel like a teenager in a very foreign culture. Set loose with just a rudimentary language phrase book, no map and some spare change.\r\n\r\nAt post 100, I still don''t have a blog roll published, to share with the rest of you links to the blogs I like to read. I still can''t figure out how to get the header next to my rss feed button (the orange one that lets you subscribe to my blog) to work like it should. Which reminds me, I have <em>no idea</em> how to find out how many people have even subscribed to my blog, if they were determined enough to find the right button in the first place.\r\n\r\nSo I''m not tech savvy. But even when it comes to the actual writing, I''m still brimming with self-doubt every time I hit "publish" on a post that I think might be too sentimental, too "religious," too vulnerable, or simply <em>too something</em>. And I still put far too much weight on reader comments and statistics, as I try to figure out what people like and don''t like.\r\n\r\nIn other words, I thought I''d be at a very different place by the time I reached this moment.\r\n<h4>Celebrate, even if the occasion isn''t quite what you imagined</h4>\r\nI also thought I''d be all excited to do something fun and celebratory, like a big birthday bash, or a giveaway. (I guess other bloggers sometimes do these sorts of things when they hit this landmark.) I remember reading <a href="http://writerdad.com/blogging/happy-100/">the Happy 100 post</a> at <a href="http://writerdad.com/">Writer Dad</a>, a blog I really like. He posted a picture of balloons and asked people to leave comments sharing what they like about his blog, or what they think he could do better. I thought it was a great idea and even told him I might copy him when my big day came.\r\n\r\nNow that I''m here, it''s really tempting to just let the moment pass by without mention or fanfare, like someone who doesn''t tell anyone its his 40th birthday.\r\n\r\nBut then, I realized that would be a bit like turning 21 and buying a bottle of wine to drink all alone. Even if 21 isn''t all that you imagined it might be, it''s still a milestone. There are still people around you, who care about you and feel like the moment is worth celebrating.\r\n\r\nAnd there''s lots to celebrate.<strong> Perhaps the most amazing thing about this moment, for me, involves thinking about all of you—the readers who one way or another found Halfway to Normal and continued coming back. </strong>\r\n\r\nEven though I recently wrote <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=211">a post</a> about how numbers don''t always mean that much, reaching this 100-post mark made me curious to see how many people have left comments on my blog in the past six months. Eight-eight different people. <em>Eighty-eight!</em> And only one of them is my mom (although she is, probably, my biggest fan). Most of those 88 people have commented more than once, gradually becoming a part of my community, even if I''ve never met them in person.\r\n\r\nSo <em>you</em> are the people I''m going to have this little celebration with, however humble it might be. It''s important to mark occasions with others. It makes us more deliberate about looking back at where we were, and feeling a sense of accomplishment.\r\n\r\nMarking a milestone, much like the start of a new year, also gets us looking ahead to what''s next. And just today, "what''s next" for Halfway to Normal pretty much knocked on my virtual door, in the form of a talented blog designer with lots of skills and good ideas. Essentially, I''m going to mark this milestone by getting myself a present.\r\n\r\nI can''t think of a more fitting way to celebrate, and I can''t wait for you to be able to enjoy the results with me.', 'Eeking some magic out of a milestone', 0, '<em>Life''s benchmarks rarely measure up to our expectations.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'wheres-the-magic-in-the-milestone', '', 'http://writerdad.com/blogging/happy-100/\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=211', '2009-01-26 12:55:53', '2009-01-26 16:55:53', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=221', 0, 'post', '', 14),
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(223, 1, '2009-01-17 17:07:00', '2009-01-17 21:07:00', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2751237878_66d6a13c44.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-224" title="2751237878_66d6a13c44" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2751237878_66d6a13c44.jpg" alt="" width="453" height="328" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/10413717@N08/">Smabs Sputzer</a></h5>\r\nDoes anyone know where the conglomerate of mother-in-law stereotypes comes from? Like was there some movie or TV show with a certain type of mother-in-law—the bossy, nosy, demanding, tiring type—and it was funny so it stuck?\r\n\r\nOr is there really some complex chemistry inherent in our relationships with our mother-in-laws? It''s probably something Freud could explain. I''m going to email my friend Nathan, who’s a grad student in clinical psych, and find out.\r\n\r\nBut in the meantime, I''m also conducting a highly scientific survey about mothers-in-law on <a href="https://twitter.com/">Twitter</a> (although I’m pretty sure Nathan won’t approve of my methods, which is why he’s a psych grad student and I’m not).\r\n<h4>The results are in: Most people <em>really like</em> their MILs</h4>\r\nHere''s how a handful of people on Twitter responded to my request "<span class="entry-content">I need some quick help for a blog post on mother-in-laws. what are the stereotypical adjectives/images that come to mind? are they true 4 u?"</span>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">@wisekaren: <em>My MIL is awesome. She and I are like 2 peas in a pod! I always say Andy married his mom. ;-)</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">@jenluit: <em>my mil died three years ago. she was many things, but not stereotypical. She was brazen, funny, sad, loving, and super duper talented.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">@Mrs_PJs: <em>I think nosy is a stereotype. I have to be careful what I tell mine (who I ADORE) b/c she tends to spread news quickly.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">@mksteele: <em>my friend''s mother in law is the spitting image of marie barone from everybody loves raymond. critical, passive aggressive, nosey</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em></em>@rharlow: <em>sorry, I''m in the LOVE category. quick question... were all you "love" responses from guys? I have a hunch they were.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">@Wordydiva: <em>I puffy heart my MIL... with glitter. I know this is not the case for all.</em></p>\r\nEither no one on Twitter dared say anything negative about their own mother-in-law, or the whole mother-in-law schtick doesn’t hold water.\r\n<h4>What makes <em>me</em> a MIL expert, you ask?</h4>\r\nIt doesn''t hold water for me, and I''m sort of a mother-in-law expert (only by virtue of having had first-hand experiences with <em>two</em> MILs, as opposed to one or none).\r\n\r\nThere are many consequences of getting divorced and remarried that you never think of when you’re in the heart of the drama. You’re focused on dividing books and art and your best pans and knives, and worried about money and your kids, and how everyone’s going to hold up through it all.\r\n\r\n<strong>You don’t sit around and ponder what it will be like to lose a whole family. At least I didn''t. You certainly don''t let your mind wander down the road far enough to imagine gaining a whole new family,</strong> like I eventually did when Jason and I got married in 2007.\r\n\r\nI''m thinking about all of this, because this weekend we’re heading up to Chicago to see all of Jason''s family—parents, siblings, an aunt and uncle, cousins, and even dogs (dogs-in-law?). Even though these in-laws have only technically been "mine" for about a year and a half, it seems like they''ve been my family for much longer (in a good way).\r\n\r\nMy father-in-law is almost a mashup of my own wonderful mom and dad. It''s a really bizarre and comforting sensation. Sometimes it makes me feel <em>a bit too much</em> like Jason and I grew up in the same house. Eeww.\r\n\r\n<strong>But then there''s my mother-in-law to remind me that Jason and I did <em>not</em>, in fact, share the same childhood. </strong>Mary feels like someone I''ve <em>never</em> known in all my life. Not even in another life.\r\n\r\nMary is a one-of-a-kind, in all the best ways. She surprises me, inspires me, and makes me look at life from completely different angles. Her laugh is joyful, and she laughs freely at herself, which is far too rare a skill. Mary also gives the longest hugs I’ve ever been on the receiving end of, and she generally has a way of exuding unconditional love.\r\n\r\nSome day I want to write her whole life story, but for now I''m going to ask her if I can share some highlights of her story here, next week. Stay tuned.', 'MIL stereotypes seem to be MIA', 0, '<em>Mothers-in-law got a bad rap, but I lucked out.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'mil-stereotypes-seem-to-be-mia', '', '', '2009-01-26 12:53:24', '2009-01-26 16:53:24', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=223', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(224, 1, '2009-01-17 19:56:07', '2009-01-17 23:56:07', '', '2751237878_66d6a13c44', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2751237878_66d6a13c44', '', '', '2009-01-17 19:56:07', '2009-01-17 23:56:07', '', 223, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/2751237878_66d6a13c44.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(225, 1, '2009-01-19 17:19:01', '2009-01-19 21:19:01', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/119758983_f37608e4f5.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-226" title="119758983_f37608e4f5" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/119758983_f37608e4f5.jpg" alt="" width="396" height="376" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/clairity/">Clairity</a></h5>\r\nIf you''ve spent much time here, you''ve probably noticed that this blog is basically a laundry list of things I didn''t expect in my life. Luckily all of those things are woven with stories, which is probably what makes the blog worth reading.\r\n\r\nAnyway, here''s something I <em>must</em> add to the list: I didn''t expect to ever know a former teenage runaway who was eventually taken in by the Hell''s Angels. I <em>certainly</em> didn''t expect such a person to be my mother-in-law.\r\n\r\nSee? I <em>told</em> you in my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=223">previous post </a>that my mother-in-law is one-of-a-kind. You thought I just meant she was a talented artist, or she baked amazing cakes, didn''t you? No, her story is a whole lot more interesting than that.\r\n<h4>How a girl named Frankie Jean got a new name</h4>\r\nI''ll kick the narrative off by saying that my mother-in-law was not given the name "Mary" by her parents, when she was born in Northern California in the 1950s. She was given the name Frankie Jean.\r\n\r\nI know—I would change that name as fast as I could, too. But Mary didn''t change it. The Hell''s Angels gave her the name Mary when they took her under their wing (nice eh? Angels and wings). They also got her a new social security card, and she''s been Mary ever since.\r\n\r\nMary had good reason to persist in her efforts to run away from home. She tried several times before she finally succeeded. She is nothing if not determined.\r\n\r\nEventually, she arrived in Chicago and decided to stay awhile. She was spare changing on the street when she met Tim, my father-in-law. He was handing out fliers to an event organized by <a href="http://www.areachicago.org/p/issues/6808/rising-angry/">Rising Up Angry</a>. I don''t know if Mary thought Tim looked extra fine, or if she just knew she was angry and might as well meet some other angry people. Whatever the inspiration, she went to the event, saw Tim there, and the rest is history, as they say.\r\n<h4>My husband: a product of sweet rebellion</h4>\r\nTim has an interesting story in his own right. He grew up in one of Chicago''s most affluent north suburbs, and went to what''s still considered one of the best public high schools in the country. About a month before he graduated in 1970, the Kent State shootings happened, and Tim dropped out of school. He couldn''t see the point of having a degree when everything seemed to be falling apart.\r\n\r\nIn some ways, I''m sure that hooking up with a spare-changing runaway was the perfect frosting for Tim''s rebellion cake, but he and Mary are still married, so there was clearly more than rebellion at work.\r\n\r\nMary''s life certainly improved after meeting Tim, but it was never easy-breezy, to say the least. They had very little money, even though they had a variety of jobs and Mary made some money arm wrestling in bars (true story).\r\n\r\nWhile Mary''s body struggled with alcohol and drugs, her heart and mind struggled to reconcile a lot that had happened in her past. She had a baby back in California to retrieve, along with family she had to deal with. Then in 1975, she had another baby—my husband, Jason. Mary and Tim eventually got married, and later had Jason''s sister.\r\n\r\nWhen Jason was in elementary school, Mary began working on the futures floor of the commodities market in Chicago, eventually working her way up into a career she''s had ever since. When Jason was 10, his parents were able to move their family out of a moderately dangerous Chicago neighborhood to a modest South Evanston neighborhood with good public schools. They started going to an Episcopal church, too, and Mary hasn''t had a drink for more than 20 years.\r\n<h4>Just what I needed</h4>\r\nClearly, I don''t need to explain why I decided to tell Mary''s story. It has all the elements of a great story.\r\n\r\nBut it also intersects with my own story in important ways. I''m not just talking about the fact that Mary and Tim made this baby who seems to have been put on this earth just for me to spend my life with.\r\n\r\nIn the years leading up to <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6">when I met Jason</a>, in 2005, I was feeling really crappy about myself and my life. Part of me was wanting desperately to be the person everyone seemed to <em>think</em> I was: happy, put together, lucky, and just plain <em>good</em>. Another, even bigger part of me was dying to make peace with who I really was, while worrying, deep down, whether that kind of person could be loved by the people I wanted love from.\r\n\r\nSo can you imagine what it felt like to meet Jason, and the wonderfully loving, fun, and messed up family he came from?\r\n\r\nIt felt like love and complete acceptance. It felt like freedom—like nothing I could say or do, let alone anything I had ever done, could shock or upset them.\r\n\r\nIt also made me really believe something I was just beginning to grasp: that the difficult messes we face ultimately save us, in the end. They save us from being oppressed and silent. They save us from being mediocre and false. They save us from staying where we are simply out of fear, or lack of inspiration.\r\n\r\nWhich, of course, is why we have to keep telling our stories.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/p1010446.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-228" title="mary" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/p1010446-300x225.jpg" alt="My wonderful mother-in-law, Mary" width="300" height="225" /></a>\r\n<h5>My wonderful mother-in-law, Mary</h5>', 'How Frankie Jean left Cali & became Mary ', 0, '<em>My mother-in-law''s story, which is really a story for everyone.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-frankie-jean-left-cali-became-mary', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=223\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6', '2009-01-26 12:56:35', '2009-01-26 16:56:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=225', 0, 'post', '', 18),
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(227, 1, '2009-01-19 17:17:04', '2009-01-19 21:17:04', '', 'mary', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'mary', '', '', '2009-01-19 17:17:04', '2009-01-19 21:17:04', '', 225, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/mary.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(228, 1, '2009-01-19 18:00:54', '2009-01-19 22:00:54', '', 'mary', 0, 'My wonderful mother-in-law, Mary', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'p1010446', '', '', '2009-01-19 18:00:54', '2009-01-19 22:00:54', '', 225, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/p1010446.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(230, 1, '2009-01-20 18:54:52', '2009-01-20 22:54:52', '', '3213300392_bb2911064e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3213300392_bb2911064e', '', '', '2009-01-20 18:54:52', '2009-01-20 22:54:52', '', 229, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/3213300392_bb2911064e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(231, 1, '2009-01-22 15:11:16', '2009-01-22 19:11:16', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/73056234_80b6273d38.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-232" title="73056234_80b6273d38" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/73056234_80b6273d38.jpg" alt="" width="433" height="293" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/katietegtmeyer/">Katie Tegtmeyer</a></h5>\r\nJason managed to get his hands on a "keepsake" copy of <em>The New York Times</em> yesterday. When you think of all the powerful inauguration day images the <em>Times</em> had at their disposal, it''s interesting to see <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/us/politics/21inaug.html">the photo</a> they chose to feature, front and center.\r\n\r\nI absolutely LOVE it.\r\n\r\nThe first thing you notice, of course, is the expressions on the faces of Michelle and Barack—particularly how they look in contrast to the serious, grim, white faces around them. (I realize the Obamas have reason to smile, and the secret service people have reason to be serious. It''s still a nice contrast.)\r\n\r\n<strong>But my eyes were quickly drawn to what I love best about the photo: the Obamas'' gloved, clasped hands.</strong>\r\n\r\nCheck it out. Olive green and black leather, firmly intertwined. And the way Michelle''s left hand reaches over to hug the arm of the hand she''s holding, just for emphasis? *Blissful sigh*\r\n\r\nIt''s like a fairy tale to think that our President and First Lady might actually <em>be</em> as in love as they appear to be. They might even inspire a national renewal of loving marriages and affectionate acts—of gazes that take the time to lock, and of whispered words that inspire a smile.\r\n\r\nThere''s also something else I love about this photo of the Obamas. I look at it and I think <em>I know what that feels like.</em>\r\n\r\nNo, I don''t know what it feels like to be the stars of the Presidential Inaugural Day Parade, or to have thousands upon thousands of adoring fans clapping and yelling and even crying as I walk by.\r\n\r\n<strong>But I <em>do</em> know what it feels like to hold the hand of someone I love—to feel that reassuring pressure that says you''re all right, everything''s all right, we''re in this together.</strong> I know what it feels like to be so in love that you need to be physically connected; and then even after you are, it doesn''t quite express how you feel, so you hug the arm of the hand your holding, too.\r\n<h4>Mission #1: Converting my man to a hand-holder</h4>\r\nWhen Jason and I met, he actually had an aversion to holding hands. Let me be clear: Jason is the warmest, most affectionate husband and father around. Remember, he came from the womb of the longest-hugging-mother ever. (You can <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=225">read about her here</a>.)\r\n\r\nThere was something about hand-holding in public, though, that felt uncomfortable to him. It seems to stem from the fact that the woman he dated for a few years before meeting me was anti-hand-holding, in a big way. He was conditioned to think it was silly, so I''ve had to gradually reverse those effects.\r\n\r\n<strong>Like the best minor relationship struggles, our hand-holding issue became an inside joke for us. </strong>Once, early in our relationship, when Jason was trying to explain how he felt about hand-holding, he said it would be different if we were traveling and didn''t know anyone. "I''d be happy to hold your hand in Manhattan," he explained. (As he recalls, my dry response was "Don''t do me any favors.")\r\n\r\nNow Jason is mostly over this problem, but we''re still sharing a secret, in a small way, when we hold hands. That''s why it was extra funny that we ended up holding hands on the local news last week. We actually grabbed hands and started rather exuberantly swinging our arms when we noticed the camera, not thinking the clip would actually be used.\r\n\r\n<em>(It''s really not worth watching, but if you must, you can check out <a href="http://www.wicd15.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wicd_vid_44.shtml">this clip</a>. We''re crossing the street together, about halfway through, and then I''m interviewed about how cool it is that our town is getting Zipcars.)</em>\r\n\r\nIt''s not like we hold hands all the time when we walk. Usually, we don''t. And, in general, I''m not a huge fan of public displays of affection. There are certain forms that are clearly over the top.\r\n\r\nIt never seems to fail, when I''m working on my computer at a cafe, that some long-lost pair of lovers (who in reality have probably been apart for all of three or four hours) is reunited, mere inches from my elbow. I live in a hormone-raging university town. This kind of thing happens a lot.\r\n\r\nBut there''s definitely something special about hand-holding.\r\n<h4>Remembering what it''s like to be a child</h4>\r\nWhen I look at the picture of Michelle and Barack, and I think about my own strong desire, at certain moments, to hold my husband''s hand, it makes me wonder what exactly is at the heart of that impulse.\r\n\r\nAs is often the case, my children trigger the light bulb in my mind and point me to the truth.\r\n\r\n<strong>We never forget, it seems, what it was like to feel small and lost in such a big, confusing world. We never lose that deep urge to feel physically connected to someone who loves and accepts us, and is looking out for our best interests.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt''s something we never grow out of, even as we grow up, and maybe grow out of hand-holding for a while, then begin to see it as a romantic expression. I think as adults, every time we hold a hand we''re brought back to that same emotional place.\r\n\r\nThis tweet, which I wrote at 3:15 p.m. on January 16, after walking my girls home from school, seems the perfect closing image:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">my kids are growing up so fast. I''m very glad to at least have one who still automatically reaches for my hand when we walk together.</span></em></p>', 'I want to hold your hand (so sue me)', 0, '<em>The Obamas inspire thoughts on a certain kind of closeness.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'i-want-to-hold-your-hand-so-sue-me', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=225\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=225', '2009-06-15 16:01:42', '2009-06-15 20:01:42', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=231', 0, 'post', '', 29),
(232, 1, '2009-01-22 14:59:27', '2009-01-22 18:59:27', '', '73056234_80b6273d38', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '73056234_80b6273d38', '', '', '2009-01-22 14:59:27', '2009-01-22 18:59:27', '', 231, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/73056234_80b6273d38.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(233, 1, '2009-01-24 15:19:42', '2009-01-24 19:19:42', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/193227170_2f7ce35a61.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-234" title="193227170_2f7ce35a61" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/193227170_2f7ce35a61.jpg" alt="" width="459" height="345" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/gaetanlee/">Gaetan Lee</a></h5>\r\nYesterday afternoon, I set out on foot to take care of some errands, wanting to soak in the sunshine and relative warmth.\r\n\r\nAs I walked, my mind wandered, as it is prone to do anyway, and even more so when I''m walking. I must have subconsciously recognized a small aching emptiness in me—one that I identify with my need for female companionship—because I started thinking about my friend Susan. I thought how nice it would be to sit down with her and talk. I even wondered if I should walk by her house on my way home from the post office and bank.\r\n\r\nNot two minutes later, about five blocks from my house,  I turned the corner and there was Susan. She was less than half a block away, walking straight towards me, pushing her one-year-old twins in their stroller through the slush.\r\n\r\nI was so surprised, that it took me a few seconds to realize it was actually her. It took her a few seconds to recognize me, too, mostly because she was lost in thought, distressed about some news she had just received. We were both heading downtown, so we started walking together, Susan venting, me listening (and the babies doing that great thing babies tend to do in strollers: sitting and staring).\r\n\r\nIt suddenly occurred to me: <strong>Meeting Susan on that block, at that moment, when we both needed one another, simply couldn''t have been a coincidence.</strong>\r\n<h4>Why do these non-coincidences happen?</h4>\r\nLots of people have experiences like this. It seems we''re simultaneously awe-struck and a little freaked out when we reflect on something perfect that happened, but could so easily have gone a different way. Sometimes it''s a small gift, like running into a friend at the moment you most need one.\r\n\r\nOther times it''s a bigger message delivered at a bigger moment. A friend of mine was in Costa Rica about a year ago when he found out his mother had died. As he was walking the beach with his wife and son, processing his grief, he was compelled to walk toward the water''s edge, pause, and pick up a very ordinary-looking twig. On it, in blue ball point pen, someone had written—in English, mind you—"There is no love greater than a mother''s love for her child."\r\n\r\nWhy was that stick there, on that deserted beach? Why was he there? And why did he see it, and bend down to pick it up?\r\n\r\nOK, let''s pause here. Are any of you starting to feel a tiny bit nervous? Like any second I''m going to start talking about angels or destiny or something?\r\n\r\nYou can relax. <strong>I really don''t know what to think of these stories, or what to call that "thing" that mysteriously happens in our lives from time to time.</strong>\r\n\r\nAll I can do is review the few things I do and don''t know about these moments, and see if any of you have thoughts and ideas to add to the mix.\r\n<h4>What I know:</h4>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- In case you were wondering, I do happen have more than one friend in town. For some reason, at that moment, I was thinking about Susan (who happens to be someone I only get to see once a month or so).</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- There are numerous routes I can take from my house to the business district, about 10 blocks away. There are many routes Susan could take from her house to the bakery, where she was headed. There are many hours in a day, when we each could have set out on our errands. I could have easily decided I had too much work to do, and Susan could have decided it was too much trouble to bundle her babies up for an outing.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>Clearly, I believe there''s something bigger going on—it''s not luck or coincidence doing its random work in our lives.</strong> You can point to "the stars" or thank "the gods" or call it "serendipity," but something seems to orchestrate these moments in our lives, from time to time. I happen to think it''s God with a capital G, so that''s how I''ll reference it. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to swap in something else. I don''t want to lose anyone in the conversation.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Even though he could, God doesn''t make us do certain things, or make us walk in certain directions. In other words, I don''t believe this life is one big puppet show.</p>\r\n\r\n<h4>What I don''t know (well, there''s plenty, but here''s a taste):</h4>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- If God is in the business of making our paths cross with friends, and strategically placing message-delivering twigs, how does he decide when to make something like that happen, and when to not bother?</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>How are we supposed to feel about a God that steps in and takes care of things so perfectly at some moments, but seems to leave us hanging at others?</strong> Or about a God who seems to disproportionately make poetic things happen for some people more than others?</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Do we have a role in ushering in these moments? Is it possible that moments like these are always on the brink of happening, and we just need to be awake and respectful of the nudgings? Could it be our responsibility to be open, and pay attention?</p>\r\n<strong>That''s all I''ve got right now. Which is why I really need you to chime in. What do <em>you</em> think?</strong>\r\n<h5>For more posts on similar topics, see:</h5>\r\n<h5><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200">Striving to be less intentional in 2009</a></h5>\r\n<h5><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=28">An endless trail of crumbs</a></h5>', 'What do you call that thing that''s not a coincidence?', 0, '<em>Are those amazing moments just luck? Synchronicity? God''s hand?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-do-you-call-that-thing-thats-not-a-coincidence', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=28', '2009-01-26 12:58:19', '2009-01-26 16:58:19', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=233', 0, 'post', '', 24),
(234, 1, '2009-01-24 14:59:33', '2009-01-24 18:59:33', '', '193227170_2f7ce35a61', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '193227170_2f7ce35a61', '', '', '2009-01-24 14:59:33', '2009-01-24 18:59:33', '', 233, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/193227170_2f7ce35a61.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(235, 1, '2009-01-24 21:05:33', '2009-01-25 01:05:33', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/ktpurple.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-379" title="ktpurple" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/ktpurple.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n\r\n<em>This is taken from an interview that was originally published on <a href="http://chuckwestbrook.com/introducing-kristin-tennant-and-halfway-to-normal/">Chuck Westbrook''s Blog</a>, January 19, 2009, as a part of his "under-appreciated blog project."</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Who is Kristin Tennant?</strong>\r\n\r\nI live in what meteorologists like to refer to as East-Central Illinois. Roughly, that translates to “a couple hours south of Chicago in the middle of a cornfield.â€ It’s a university town, which is fun, but I have nothing to do with the university. This inevitably leads to people asking me how I ended up here, which is a messy, complicated story.\r\n\r\nI have been making a living as a copywriter for 15 years, first in design and branding firms, and then as a freelancer since 2002. My clients are based in Chicago, St. Louis, Grand Rapids and New York (that’s right—lots of different places, but not the one I live in). A few times a year I also teach copywriting seminars for Media Bistro in Chicago. Although I specialize in branding, I am loathe to brand myself. Funny how that works.\r\n\r\nMy husband Jason and I got married in 2007. His daughter and my two girls—ages 12, 10 and 8—look as biologically related as any three sisters could. It’s at once amazing and creepy. Jason and I are a great match for many reasons, but one of my favorites is that we both love to cook and invite people over.\r\n\r\n<strong>What is this blog about?</strong>\r\n\r\nMy blog is a collection of stories and observations from a life that hasn’t turned out like I thought it would. I didn’t expect to go through a divorce when my girls were three and five. I didn’t expect to end up stuck in a small town in Illinois. I didn’t expect to really like my ex-husband’s new wife, or to be good friends with my new husband’s ex-wife. I didn’t expect to be seriously questioning my faith upon discovering that a lot of Christians suck, nor did I expect to embrace it again in completely new ways.\r\n\r\n<strong>Why is it called Halfway to Normal?</strong>\r\n\r\nThere’s a town called Normal, Illinois, about an hour West of here, and the whole concept has become a metaphor for me. Every day I learn more about being comfortable and content with who I am in this less than “normalâ€ state. My hope is that anyone who relates to that struggle will enjoy my blog.\r\n\r\n<strong>Why do you blog?</strong>\r\n\r\nI blog because I have been compelled to write for as long as I can remember, and because I have stories to tell—the kind of stories I wish someone was telling me as I muddle along through life.\r\n\r\nWriting keeps me thinking; blogging has the added benefit of satisfying the extrovert in me. Just think—by becoming a part of the conversation, you’re all helping to relieve my husband, family and friends from some of their duties.\r\n\r\nFinally, I blog because life is messy and complicated, and a blog is a great format for sorting it out together.\r\n\r\nMy stories might be mine, but ultimately I hope my blog is about all of you. Let’s be honest—you aren’t reading my blog because you really want to know everything about me. How dull. No, you’re hoping you might find out something about yourself. Reading personal narratives is like going to the therapist, but it’s free, and you don’t have to worry about parking. Reading your comments and feedback will be therapy for me. If it goes according to plan, we’ll all be better off in the end.\r\n\r\n<em>I''m sure this is more about me than you ever needed to know, but if you''re interested in more, check out <a href="http://www.smilepolitely.com/culture/blogging_on_her_way_to_normal/">this article</a> about my blog in the online magazine Smile Politely.</em>', 'About me', 0, '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'about-2', '', '', '2009-06-12 14:40:25', '2009-06-12 18:40:25', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?page_id=235', 2, 'page', '', 0),
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(237, 1, '2009-01-24 21:08:19', '2009-01-25 01:08:19', '', 'Archives', 0, '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'archives', '', '', '2009-01-24 21:13:00', '2009-01-25 01:13:00', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?page_id=237', 8, 'page', '', 0),
(238, 1, '2009-01-24 21:09:09', '2009-01-25 01:09:09', '<strong>COMING SOON!!</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>Kristin Tennant</strong> has been working as a copywriter for ten years. She spent five years in design firms before becoming a freelancer. Her focus—developing a written voice to create overall brands for her clients—has given Kristin opportunities to serve as a brand consultant as well as a copywriter.\r\n\r\nShe has developed the written voice for <a href="http://www.izzydesign.com/index.asp">izzy design</a> through product brochures, showroom signage, web copy, and magazine advertisements. She worked closely with designers to create the initial brand for the online film community <a href="http://www.spout.com/">spout.com</a>, writing website copy as well as ad copy, film festival signage, creative business card and letterhead concepts, and blog posts. Kristin also serves as the editor of <a href="http://solacemag.com/">Solace Magazine</a>, and has written for a variety of publications for Washington University and the University of Illinois, from recruitment viewbooks and department brochures to feature-length articles for alumni magazines.', 'Portfolio', 0, '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'portfolio', '', '', '2009-04-03 16:20:59', '2009-04-03 20:20:59', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?page_id=238', 10, 'page', '', 0),
(239, 1, '2009-01-24 21:09:49', '2009-01-25 01:09:49', 'I love getting your comments on the blog and am always craving more dialogue. Please share! If you''d rather contact me directly, feel free to email me using this form.\r\n<span style="color: #888888;"> </span>\r\n\r\n[contact-form 1 "Contact form 1"]', 'Contact', 0, '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'contact', '', '', '2009-01-26 01:21:48', '2009-01-26 05:21:48', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?page_id=239', 5, 'page', '', 0),
(240, 1, '2009-01-24 23:07:23', '2009-01-25 03:07:23', '<a href="http://bernthis.typepad.com/bernthiscom/">Bern This</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://bettyduffy.blogspot.com/">Betty Duffy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://blackwasp19.wordpress.com/">Black Wasp</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/">Brazen Careerist</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.mychickencheese.com/">Chicken &amp; Cheese</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://chuckwestbrook.com/">Chuck Westbrook</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://collectiveinkwell.com/">Collective Inkwell</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://datingjesus.wordpress.com/">Dating Jesus</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/">Divine Nobodies</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://thehappiestmom.com/">The Happiest Mom</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://hollyhousestudio.blogspot.com/">Hollyhouse Studio</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/">How to Matter</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://ihatemymessageboard.com/">I Hate My Message Board</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.jenx67.com/">Jenx67</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.jesusmanifesto.com/">Jesus Manifesto</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/">Jesus Needs New PR</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/">Jim Palmer: Divine Nobodies</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.alifeintranslation.com/">Life in Translation</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://levite.wordpress.com/">Levite Chronicles</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.magpie-girl.com/">Magpie Girl</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://mckinneyoatescereal.wordpress.com/">McKinney-Oates Cereal</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://modite.com/blog/">Modite</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://mothershaffer.wordpress.com/">Mother Shaffer</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.reallybadparentingadvice.com/">Really Bad Parenting Advice</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/">Stuff Christians Like</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.tjhirst.com/">TJ Hirst</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.theeconomyisnthappening.com/blog/">The Economy isn''t Happening</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.jungleoflife.com/">The Jungle of Life</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://tumblingblocks.net/blog/index.cfm">Tumbling Blocks</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.wordydiva.com/">Wordy Diva</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://writerdad.com/">Writer Dad</a>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://300wordsaday.com/">\r\n</a>', 'Blog love', 0, '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'bloglist', '', '', '2009-10-14 11:37:12', '2009-10-14 15:37:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?page_id=240', 9, 'page', '', 0),
(241, 1, '2009-01-26 11:25:32', '2009-01-26 15:25:32', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ktin-glasses.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-243" title="ktin-glasses" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ktin-glasses.jpg" alt="" width="395" height="296" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;"><em>Photo by Jason Berg</em></h5>\r\nIn the span of a week, earlier this month, I got five inches cut off my hair <em>and</em> I got new glasses. I felt <em>so</em> different that I pretty much avoided mirrors for a few days, just because my reflection startled me so much.\r\n\r\nAs I ventured out into the world—going to the cafe, mingling with other parents on the school yard, meeting a friend for lunch—I felt more self-conscious than I think I have since I was 14. It wasn''t that I didn''t like the new look. I just didn''t want all of the attention such drastic change would surely attract.\r\n\r\nBut no one noticed.\r\n\r\nWell, Jason noticed (he also knew I was getting my hair cut, and he helped me pick out my glasses).\r\n\r\nAlso, another regular at my cafe, whose name I don''t recall, noticed.\r\n\r\nFor the most part, though, I walked around feeling like a stranger to myself, and just the same old person to everyone else. I guess I could be grateful that I didn''t get the attention I didn''t want to get. It felt strange, though. I tweeted this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="entry-content">when your haircut seems extreme to you &amp; no one notices, does that mean you''re overly self-aware or that others go through life half asleep?</span></em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Shining a spotlight on what''s new</h4>\r\nI don''t want to go through that weirdness again, so I''m just going to make an announcement here: <strong>I have a brand-new, super great blog design!!</strong>\r\n\r\nA couple weeks ago I hired the wonderful Ryan and Sarah of Oktober5, in honor of publishing my 100th post, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=221">Eeking some magic out of a milestone</a>, on January 15. And here we are, releasing the new design just as I reach the halfway mark of being featured as part of <a href="http://chuckwestbrook.com/introducing-kristin-tennant-and-halfway-to-normal/">Chuck Westbrook''s under-appreciated blog project</a>.\r\n\r\nSo? What do you think? Do you like it?\r\n\r\nI realize that many of you will hardly notice the change, but I''m almost giddy with excitement over the new design. First of all, it looks very light and clean, and the colors and mood feel like a good reflection of who I am.\r\n\r\nI''m even more excited about how the new design functions. I think it will be much easier for you to find and read the posts you want, as well as follow and participate in the discussion.\r\n<h4>Here are a few new features for you to check out:</h4>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- The <strong>index tabs</strong> at the top (home, about, contact, archives, bloglist, portfolio) keep that info always-handy, freeing up space on the sidebar for other cool features. The "contact" tab lets you send me a direct correspondence, the "archives" tab lets you find all 100+ posts by month and year, or by category. (The bloglist will come soon, I promise, and an online copywriting portfolio will eventually make an appearance.)</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- As some of you know, problems with my RSS feed button in my old blog design gnawed at me plenty. Now the <strong>buttons to subscribe and find me on Twitter</strong> are impossible to miss. Not only are they very visible, but they''re very pretty, thanks to my husband''s drawing skills. (You will also be able to subscribe via email very soon. The button is there, I just need to get the service.)</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Now that there''s extra room in the sidebar, I''m able to <strong>highlight recent reader comments</strong>. This is a great way to follow discussions—particularly the ones happening around older posts, that would otherwise be buried. (To get your picture to show up next to your comments, register at <a href="http://en.gravatar.com/">Gravatar</a>.) There''s also a <strong>"Most popular" posts list</strong>. If you''re wondering what defines "popular," the auto-generated list pulls in the five posts with the most traffic.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- If you''re looking for something in particular, you can go to the <strong>archives</strong>, or use the <strong>tag cloud</strong> (for instance, if you click on "sex" or "Christians against Christians," you will pull up all the posts I''ve tagged with that word or phrase). There''s also a <strong>search tool</strong> below the tag cloud. (Jason immediately typed in his name and felt very loved when he saw how many posts mention him.)</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Finally, my favorite part of the new design: All the way at the bottom of the most recent post, you''ll see three columns, each with a new category header: <strong>Belief, doubt &amp; hope; Culture, ideas &amp; paradigms; and Love, family &amp; community</strong>. I have boiled what used to be eight categories down to three. What you see at the bottom are the three most recent posts in each of the three categories. Not only does it give you a quick way to find nine recent posts, but it lets you focus in on your favorite category, if you want. (Plus, Ryan designed that whole section so it looks super cool.)</p>\r\nOne of the things I like best about this change, though, is how it came about. I didn''t think to myself "I have to hire someone to redesign my blog" and then go out searching for someone to do it. I got to know Ryan and Sarah on their blogs and Twitter, and the very day I was writing my 100th post, Ryan posted a Tweet saying he wanted to build a blog design business and needed to beef up his portfolio.\r\n\r\nThe timing was right, Ryan felt like the right person, so I went for it. In the end, it feels like another example of being open and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200">striving to live "less intentionally"</a> in 2009. And I''m liking it.', 'Look again. Notice anything different?', 0, '<em>Change is good. Especially when we notice it.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'look-again-notice-anything-different', '', 'http://chuckwestbrook.com/introducing-kristin-tennant-and-halfway-to-normal/\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=221', '2009-01-26 12:58:44', '2009-01-26 16:58:44', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=241', 0, 'post', '', 19),
(242, 1, '2009-01-26 02:43:51', '2009-01-26 06:43:51', '', 'ktin_new', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'ktin_new', '', '', '2009-01-26 02:43:51', '2009-01-26 06:43:51', '', 241, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ktin_new.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(243, 1, '2009-01-26 02:45:42', '2009-01-26 06:45:42', '', 'ktin-glasses', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'ktin-glasses', '', '', '2009-01-26 02:45:42', '2009-01-26 06:45:42', '', 241, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ktin-glasses.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(244, 1, '2009-01-26 11:09:54', '2009-01-26 15:09:54', '', 'screenshot-2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'screenshot-2', '', '', '2009-01-26 11:09:54', '2009-01-26 15:09:54', '', 241, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/screenshot-2.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(245, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', 'I wanted to share my stories and thoughts on how Twitter has helped me grow personally.\n\nFor me, it comes down to these 4 things:\n\n   1. Transparency & Values: Twitter constantly reminds me of who I want to be, and what I want Zappos to stand for\n   2. Reframing Reality: Twitter encourages me to search for ways to view reality in a funnier and/or more positive way\n   3. Helping Others: Twitter makes me think about how to make a positive impact on other people''s lives\n   4. Gratitude: Twitter helps me notice and appreciate the little things in life\n\nFrom this post: http://blogs.zappos.com/blogs/ceo-and-coo-blog/2009/01/25/how-twitter-can-make-you-a-better-and-happier-person', 'Twitter makes you better', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-01-26 13:37:28', '2009-01-26 17:37:28', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=245', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(246, 1, '2009-01-29 01:50:46', '2009-01-29 05:50:46', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/oregon_street.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-249" title="oregon_street" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/oregon_street.jpg" alt="" width="453" height="340" /></a>\r\n\r\nIf I could have one hour of summer right now, to spend how I want, I would choose to sit on my front porch with a few people I love, and enjoy a beer.\r\n\r\nI really miss our porch during the winter months. I''m starting to ache a bit, just thinking about it.\r\n\r\nHaving a house with a front porch has been a top priority of mine for years. One of the first essays I wrote—for myself, not for school—was about porches. This was more than 10 years ago, before I had children, when I spent many evenings walking my old neighborhood in St. Louis.\r\n\r\nThe porch essay has in-depth theories about how front porches improve our lives and our communities. I talk about architectural styles and the importance of knowing your neighbors, and I reference how inventions like television and air conditioning changed the flavor of neighborhoods. I spout grand ideas about how ordinances should be passed requiring new houses to have front porches. Half joking, I even go as far as to suggest that people should be <em>required</em> to spend a certain amount of time of their porches.\r\n\r\nAs a piece of writing, it''s overly romantic, much like my approach to life was then. But I can still get worked up about front porches.\r\n\r\nWatching the world pass by is what I love most. From the front porch, you don''t miss anything, and in our neighborhood, there''s plenty to <em>not</em> be missed. It must have something to do with living in a university town, where people have really irregular schedules and are always half-delirious from sleep deprivation.\r\n\r\nEven in the dead of winter, I see some of the strangest sights. The other night, Jason pointed out that a man was bouncing down the snowy sidewalk—in the dark mind you—on some sort of spring-loaded stilts.\r\n\r\nBut summer is peak entertainment season, of course. Thinking about how much I miss porch-sitting, and how much I love our crazy neighborhood, I was inspired to go through my collection of Tweets to create a warm-weather sketch. Here''s what I found.\r\n<h4>A neighborhood sketch, in Tweets</h4>\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>June 16, 9:22 AM:</strong> <em>Starting my work day. I can hear my elderly neighbor playing her flute, competing with the birds.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>June 19, 11:11 AM:</strong> <em>took a walk. my hood &amp; its people are achingly beautiful: toddler &amp; mom making very slow progress down sidewalk; elderly man tending garden.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>June 25, 9:37 AM:</strong> <em>neighborhood scene: guy riding bike down brick street while drinking coffee from a regular ceramic mug.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>June 25, 9:44 AM:</strong> <em>just got to cafe. guy on bike is here, getting a refill. I got a closer look at his mug. it says "damn, I''m good."</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>July 13, 9:34 AM:</strong> <em>on walk: heard a man making his baby giggle, smelled bacon &amp; pancakes, saw an elderly asian woman adjusting the small US flags in her garden.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>July 17, 6:37 PM:</strong> <em>neighborhood scene: elderly couple taking evening walk, wearing jaunty straw hats and holding hands.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>August 1, 1:34 PM:</strong> <em>just saw a guy on a bike pulling a double-decker trailer contraption with 8 other bikes on it. I kid you not.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><em></em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>August 17, 8:28 PM:</strong> <em>just chatted w my neighbor on her porch while our kids played kickball. felt like summer evenings of my childhood, but now I''m the mom.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>August 20, 6:36 PM:</strong> <em>porch sitting w J &amp; wine. just saw an academic-looking older couple walk by, the woman wearing oven mitts &amp; carrying some sort of cobbler.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>September 5, 5:45 PM:</strong> <em>took a walk. saw: a man walking 3 dogs &amp; smoking a pipe; fall squash ripening in gardens; a mom &amp; toddler walking to meet dad @ bus stop.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>September 16, 1:43 PM:</strong> <em>man across the street is taking his cat for a walk. on a leash. he does it all the time, and each time I find it humorous &amp; sort of sweet.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>September 22, 7:23 PM:</strong> <em>dusk is settling. the girls are outside w neighbors, puppies, clarinets, soccer balls and lots of energy.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>September 27, 3:31 PM:</strong> <em>we just saw a guy walking down the sidewalk in our neighborhood wearing just a terry robe, w a towel over his shoulder &amp; a toiletry bag!?!?</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>September 30, 12:31 PM:</strong> <em>someone just walked by the house w an iPod, singing at the top of her lungs.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><em></em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>October 10, 2:24 PM:</strong> <em>sounds &amp; smell of a chain saw across the street take me to my grandparents'' cottage in NE Mich &amp; the fall chore of stocking the wood pile.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>October 19, 10:35 PM:</strong> <em>we were having so much fun porch sitting &amp; talking after dinner w friends, that we didn''t get the kids home to bed until 9:30. bad parents.</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>October 21, 5:42 PM:</strong> <em>is leaf raking simply quaint by nature? everyone who passes by is smiling extra brightly at me. (or maybe it''s the leaves stuck in my hair?)</em></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="entry-content"><strong>October 30, 5:58 PM:</strong> <em>glad I went for the post-work walk rather than sofa-flop. gorgeous fall eve. saw several pumpkins being carved &amp; made friends w a few cats.</em></span>\r\n<h4>What do you see happening around you, when you slow down to a porch''s pace?</h4>\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/982941430"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/965268974"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/954611564"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/937444226"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/931057126"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/911281319"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/890622384"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/874969217"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/857243472"></a></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="meta entry-meta"><a class="entry-date" rel="bookmark" href="http://twitter.com/kt_writes/status/841224470"></a></span>', 'A porch, a neighborhood, a world', 0, '<em>On the front porch, time slows, and a neighborhood becomes a whole world.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-porch-a-neighborhood-a-world', '', '', '2009-01-28 21:52:39', '2009-01-29 01:52:39', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=246', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(250, 1, '2009-01-30 14:18:56', '2009-01-30 18:18:56', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/443874838_62ea09374a.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-251" title="443874838_62ea09374a" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/443874838_62ea09374a.jpg" alt="" width="431" height="336" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/prakhar/">Prakhar Amba</a></h5>\r\n<span class="RealName"><span class="fn n"><span class="family-name"></span></span></span>The past two weeks, as the focus of <a href="http://chuckwestbrook.com/introducing-kristin-tennant-and-halfway-to-normal/">Chuck Westbrook''s Under-appreciated Blog Project</a>, have been really amazing. I''ve met many new colleagues and friends who have commented here and found me on Twitter. You''ve all engaged me in many new conversations and ideas, and I''ve seen my blog begin to become the kind of interactive community I''ve always hoped it would be.\r\n\r\nI love the feedback and compliments, of course, but what I love even more is when you push me to think, and when you add richness and texture to my stories with your own stories. The back-and-forth interaction has made me wish, many times, that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee and real conversation with each of you.\r\n\r\nIn the spirit of that wish, I''d like to try something I''ve never done here (although other bloggers have certainly done it). <strong>I''d like to invite your questions, and I''ll do my best to answer them in a post this weekend. </strong>\r\n<h4>What would you ask me if we sat down to have coffee together (or tea, if you prefer)?</h4>\r\nYou can ask what I learned about love and marriage through divorce, or about my greatest parenting challenges. You might want to know what I like on my pizza, or where my daughter''s names came from, or how I define a perfect Saturday morning. Or go ahead and ask how I deal with certain messy issues in light of my beliefs and faith, or what I like least about myself.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''ll do my best to answer as honestly as I can, trusting that being real and open with you will reap great rewards as we all feel more open to being real.</strong> You can leave your questions here, as comments to this post, or can email them to me or DM me on Twitter.\r\n\r\nBut here''s the challenge to you. I''ve been tagged so many times on Facebook for the 25 Things meme, that I''ve lost count. As I was thinking about opening myself to your questions, I had the idea of asking for 25 questions. My answers will become my 25 Things list. (I know—I''m being both sneaky <em>and</em> lazy, eh?)\r\n\r\nThink it''s possible? Am I crazy to think that 25 of you are really interested in knowing something about me? I guess I''ll find out.', '25 things start with 25 questions (from you)', 0, '<em> I''m looking for 25 people who will sit down and ask me a question.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', '25-things-start-with-25-questions-from-you', '', '\nhttp://chuckwestbrook.com/introducing-kristin-tennant-and-halfway-to-normal/', '2009-01-30 14:18:56', '2009-01-30 18:18:56', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250', 0, 'post', '', 29),
(247, 1, '2009-01-27 12:35:29', '2009-01-27 16:35:29', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/1289741854_738177dbb2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-248" title="1289741854_738177dbb2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/1289741854_738177dbb2.jpg" alt="" width="411" height="311" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fooey/">foéÖþoooey</a></h5>\r\n<strong>I''m feeling really good this morning.</strong>\r\n\r\nWell, I''m all stuffed up and snotty, it''s bitter cold and grey outside, and Jason is out of town. All of this means I''ve set the bar really low, which probably has a lot to do with why I''m feeling so good about the morning. But there''s nothing wrong with that, is there?\r\n\r\nOn mornings when Jason is home, we function like a well-oiled machine. I get in the shower while he starts breakfast. I pack lunches while he plays bell hop for the girls, helping them with a random assortment of needs that mostly involve finding missing shoes and library books. I walk the girls to school (well, at least the littlest one, who still holds my hand), and Jason gets his shower.\r\n\r\nThis is <em>not</em> how I expect things to go when I''m parenting on my own.\r\n<h4>Sometimes everything goes right when you least expect it (surprise!)</h4>\r\nThis morning, although I was bracing myself for general chaos and the need for my Stern Voice, all went smoothly. Even swimmingly.\r\n\r\nS, our eight-year-old night owl, woke up early, all on her own, got dressed and was downstairs reading before I was even out of bed. Q (10) didn''t have any clothing crises. H (12) was well-rested and not frantically finishing homework. Everyone was happy and calm.\r\n\r\nEven me. When H requested a fried egg and Q and S wanted soft boiled, I thought "no problem—I can do both." (And I did, without breaking any yokes.) I finished packing lunches, made a French braid in S''s hair, and calmly informed Q that she would be walking her sister to school this morning (seeing as how I was still in my pajamas).\r\n\r\nI even had the time and presence to really hug them all and smile, looking them in the eyes as I said goodbye. (Note: I <em>always</em> hug them as I send them off, but many mornings it feels more rushed and absent-minded than I''d like.)\r\n<h4>Simultaneously learning and letting go</h4>\r\nAs I sit in the quiet house (still in my pajamas, but hey), reflecting on what went right this morning and how I can ensure a repeat tomorrow morning, two ideas are taking shape:\r\n\r\n1. In many ways, I set the tone for the morning—by how I said good morning to each of the girls, by my relaxed body language as I moved around the kitchen, and in the way I asked for help buttering the toast and fixing the tea. I took on an over-arching, nothing-will-exasperate-me attitude, and it made a difference. I know it might seem kind of strange to be taking note of this. I mean, I <em>am</em> an adult, right? This is pretty basic stuff. But I know I often forget how quickly my tone spills over onto others around me, and how naturally they absorb it.\r\n\r\n2. Even knowing and applying this knowledge, I realize tomorrow morning might go horribly. Someone might oversleep. Someone might use all the hot water. There might be bickering, or scrambling around to find some critical piece of homework. If this is how tomorrow goes, I''m going to try really hard not to kick myself, or find someone to pin the blame on. I''m also going to try really hard not to compare one morning with the morning before it, and assume it went badly because I did something wrong.\r\n\r\n<strong>In general, I think it''s great that we can learn from mistakes, think strategically about solving problems, and find ways to emulate our best moments and repeat our best responses.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>But there''s a danger in thinking that we can "make things work."</strong>\r\n\r\nFirst of all, it isn''t a realistic way to see ourselves, so it''s bound to affect how we treat ourselves. I spend too much time beating myself up over how I "should have known better" or "could have done something better." And it''s not helpful.\r\n\r\nMany factors play into every moment, every day. I am not responsible for all of them. Even the ones I am somewhat responsible for can''t go off without a hitch time and time again. If they did, I would be perfect, or pretty close to it, wouldn''t I? And if I think perfection is even <em>approachable</em>, how does that affect my treatment of my kids, and Jason, and others?\r\n\r\nSo today, I am grateful that the morning went smoothly. I will learn something from it, but I''m not going to pat myself on the back for it and raise the bar for tomorrow. Instead, I think I will shore up my supply of grace and acceptance, so I''m ready to extend it to myself, and others.', 'A magic morning (and a realistic outlook)', 0, '<em>Some days, things go perfectly. But expecting a repeat can mean trouble.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'learn-from-your-successes-just-not-too-much', '', '', '2009-06-15 16:00:59', '2009-06-15 20:00:59', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=247', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(248, 1, '2009-01-27 12:28:27', '2009-01-27 16:28:27', '', '1289741854_738177dbb2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1289741854_738177dbb2', '', '', '2009-01-27 12:28:27', '2009-01-27 16:28:27', '', 247, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/1289741854_738177dbb2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(249, 1, '2009-01-28 00:14:44', '2009-01-28 04:14:44', '', 'oregon_street', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'oregon_street', '', '', '2009-01-28 00:14:44', '2009-01-28 04:14:44', '', 246, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/oregon_street.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(251, 1, '2009-01-30 14:15:27', '2009-01-30 18:15:27', '', '443874838_62ea09374a', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '443874838_62ea09374a', '', '', '2009-01-30 14:15:27', '2009-01-30 18:15:27', '', 250, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/443874838_62ea09374a.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(252, 1, '2009-02-02 14:00:08', '2009-02-02 18:00:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/question1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-253" title="question1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/question1.jpg" alt="" width="375" height="390" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 180px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/orphanjones/">John Lambert Pearson</a></h5>\r\nIn <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250">a post last Friday</a>, I invited my readers to ask me 25 questions. I''ve loved watching them emerge—some make me smile and remember, others make me think, and also feel a bit panicky about the challenge of how to articulate things I <em>know</em> but haven''t necessarily put into words before.\r\n\r\nSo you''ve done your part. Now it''s my turn. Rather than trying to answer all 25 questions in one shot, which would result in the longest blog post ever, I decided to create three posts, one for each of my three main categories. Brace yourselves: I''ve tackled some of the heaviest questions first.\r\n<h4><em>What do you say when your children or a dear friend asks “what do YOU think I should do?â€ (<a href="http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/">Leona</a>)</em></h4>\r\nI help them think about what is good in the world: forgiveness, love, giving to others, and being the person they truly are, in a way that feels right to their core. Then I remind them of the things that get in the way of what''s good—things like pride, selfishness and fear. And then I tell them they have to decide what feels right, in their hearts, more than in their heads. Finally, I tell them to move forward boldly and to remember that even if their choice ends up not being the best one, God can redeem any mess we create.\r\n<h4><em>Why do you feel the need for a faith at all? I’m agnostic (to make light of it), but I’m interested to know how you feel and, more importantly, why? (<a href="http://cjw666.wordpress.com/">CJ</a>)</em></h4>\r\nI believe there is overwhelming evidence pointing to the truth of a God who loves us and has a vision for the world that is more perfect than anything we can envision or accomplish on our own. I''m not talking about scientific or historical evidence so much, although there is that. (Of course, there''s also evidence pointing to why we <em>shouldn''t</em> believe, which is why I don''t spend much time building that kind of "case" for faith.)\r\n\r\nI''m talking about the evidence that''s woven through the life stories of people who believe. Many evil things are done in the world—some in the name of God, some in the name of pride and selfishness, and many in the confused name of all those things. But evil is not difficult to accomplish. Social justice and mercy and love and forgiveness are the truly difficult things—the things that require strength and power from something much bigger than humans and the mess of the world.\r\n\r\nWhen I look at the lives of people like Desmond Tutu, Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King Jr., as well as at my own story and the lives of many people I''ve known personally—from my mom and my husband to the pastors of my church—I know there is something bigger than us to believe in, and that believing makes a real difference in the world.\r\n<h4><em>If you could tell the entire world a story about Jesus what would the story be? (<a href="http://www.jenx67.com/">Jenx67</a>) </em></h4>\r\nI would tell the story from Luke 7:36-50, or at least variations on that story, as realized in my own life and the lives of others. It''s the story about Jesus having dinner at the home of an important, educated, wealthy man, with other important men. While they are reclining at the table, a prostitute approaches Jesus, and washes his feet with her tears, dries them with her hair, and pours perfume on them.\r\n\r\nJesus protects the dignity of the woman, even though there is no social or political gain in doing so—rather, quite the opposite—and he risks much by putting the self-righteous host in his place. Ultimately, and most importantly, this is a story about compassion and forgiveness, which is everything. As Desmond Tutu says, "Without forgiveness, there is no future." This is the truth Jesus has modeled for the world.\r\n<h4><em>If you could have three wishes granted, the first one for the world, the second one just for your family, and the third one just for yourself, what would they be? (<a href="http://artofthefirebird.com/">Julia</a>)</em></h4>\r\nPerhaps this is cheating, but I realized that the wish I want for the world is one that my family and I need to embrace, too, and that embracing it would make our lives much more satisfying and whole. So here''s the one wish, for everyone: I would wish that all people could suddenly see everyone else through eyes of overwhelming compassion. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we did?\r\n<h4><em>What’s your all-time favorite song, and why is it your favorite? (<a href="http://blog.lifeconcoctions.com/">LeslieB</a>)</em></h4>\r\nI grew up in a house full of music, and I love a very broad range of music. For some reason, I didn''t want to chose a "religious" song, because I didn''t want to seem all pious and traditional.\r\n\r\nBut if I could only have one song for the rest of my days, there''s no doubt it would be Amazing Grace. And it''s clear why I love it: It combines the best of musical composition and poetry. It can be sung and played in many styles and moods—I''ve heard it done as gospel and soul, as acoustic folk, startlingly loud on bagpipes, and acapella. I listened while my dad jazzed it up beautifully on his clarinet at my wedding, and I''ve sung it countless times to my children since they were babies, just as my mom sang it to me. It transcends time, and it communicates the only message we need to hear: "I once was lost, but now I''m found, was blind but now I see."\r\n<h4><em>What do you most regret in your life? (Becky) </em></h4>\r\nI regret wasting many hours and years trying to figure out who I "was supposed" to be, and how to be that person. I should have been exploring and fully embracing who I am, and believing that God made me (and loves me) exactly this way for a reason.\r\n<h4><em>In an online world where so much is virtual and even many of your friends you’ve never met, how do you decide who is the authentic you, and how do you nourish that self? (Nick B.)</em></h4>\r\nIdentifying the "authentic me" has been an almost full-time job these past few years. Much of it involves turning off my brain and tuning into my heart, so to speak. When I start feeling socially anxious or stressed, and not like myself, it''s often because I''m virtually or physically spending too much time around someone (or a collection of people) who somehow lure me away from my true self. I know what it feels like to be with people who make me feel <em>more</em> like myself, so I have learned to see what''s going on in my relationships, and make adjustments.\r\n\r\nWriting my blog, as honestly and openly as I can, is what nourishes my true self. The more authentic I can be  on my blog, the more I can be sure that I''m attracting the right friends for the right reasons.\r\n<h4><em>Why does your blog bio say “daily defyingâ€ rather than “daily defining?â€ (<a href="http://yoursidedoor.com/">Robinana</a>)</em></h4>\r\nI love words and meanings, but life has gradually shown me that we spend far too much time trying to "define" things. To define is to pretend that we can be definitive about something: What it means to be a Christian. What it means to be a family. What it means to be "normal." By saying, instead, that I''m <em>defying</em> what it means to be this certain type of person (a divorced-Christian-liberal-remarried-Midwestern-mommy-writer), what I''m actually defying is the possibility of any one definition, and poking fun at the very idea that any of us could be defined.', '25 questions part I: Belief, hope & doubt', 0, '<em>Thoughts on regret, Jesus, defiance and other topics you raised.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', '25-questions-part-i-belief-hope-doubt', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250', '2009-02-05 02:07:34', '2009-02-05 06:07:34', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252', 0, 'post', '', 6),
(253, 1, '2009-02-02 13:53:42', '2009-02-02 17:53:42', '', 'question1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'question1', '', '', '2009-02-02 13:53:42', '2009-02-02 17:53:42', '', 252, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/question1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(254, 1, '2009-02-04 11:34:38', '2009-02-04 15:34:38', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2536358399_c16896768f.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-255" title="2536358399_c16896768f" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2536358399_c16896768f.jpg" alt="" width="451" height="300" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/eleaf/">Ethan Lofton</a></h5>\r\n<em>This is the second installment of answers to the questions many of you asked in response to <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250">this post</a>. These questions are grouped loosely within the category "Culture, ideas &amp; paradigms." Check back tomorrow for my answers to your questions about "Love, family and community." And thanks again for making me smile and making me think. I wish we could actually sit down and have that cup of coffee together.</em>\r\n<h4><em>What was the first music you bought for yourself with your own money? In case you’re too embarrassed to admit yours, mine was the soundtrack to Xanadu. (Natalie Hart)</em></h4>\r\nWhat could possibly be embarrassing about the early eighties? :) The first time I bought my own music with my own money, I rode my bike to the Ben Franklin five-and-dime and bought a 45 of Pat Benatar’s "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." I was probably in 5th grade. (By the way, I also owned and LOVED Xanadu, but it was a Christmas gift, not an allowance purchase.)\r\n<h4><em>Is it better to be the editor with final authority and a free hand to re-shape a writer''s work, or to be the writer responsible for the creation of the work but subject to the demands of editors and publishers? (Jim Arehart)</em></h4>\r\nI’d rather be the writer. When I’m wearing my editor’s hat, there''s a constant internal struggle. On one hand, I''m so acutely aware of how I would have written it differently; on the other hand, I have a strong desire to respect another writer''s voice and perspective. It’s a very fine—and therefore stressful—line to walk.\r\n<h4><em>When did you first begin to write? (Cpond)</em></h4>\r\nI have been compelled to write for as long as I can remember. I''ll have to ask my parents to share an anecdote about one of my earliest creative endeavors, but my own earliest memories of sitting down and crafting something descriptive and poetic revolve around writing letters to my grandparents, who lived far away in California (I wrote about that <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=114">here</a>). When I think about it now, letter writing was an exercise in observation, storytelling, character development, detailed description, and closure—all perfect practice for the type of life writing I do on my blog.\r\n\r\nOh, another important detail: My parents gave me a wonderful desk for my birthday one year, when I was in elementary school. It was the kind of desk with a door that swung down to create the writing surface. Inside the desk were numerous cubbies for letters, and shelves for stationery and journals. It was the sort of desk a girl could sit at and imagine herself as a "real" writer.\r\n<h4><em>Have you ever taken family vacations anywhere besides Michigan? (Lorna)</em></h4>\r\nThe five of us have been a family for only a couple of years, so we''ve had a strong desire to catch up on some family tradition-building. In light of that, we''ve made renting a cottage on Lake Michigan near Saugatuck our vacation priority for three summers now. We’ve also enjoyed many weekend trips to Chicago and St. Louis, and in the next several years we’d love to take the girls to Portland, Washington D. C., and maybe even New Zealand, where my uncle and cousins live.\r\n<h4><em>I would ask about freelancing and your work/home balance. Does it get easier as your kids get older? How do you “turn off workâ€ at the end of the day? What advice do you have for other freelancers—what lessons have you learned? (Anne)</em></h4>\r\nThe first thing I learned about "working from home" is that I can work "physically" from home, but I can''t work in that mental and emotional space that I call home. In other words, the highly romanticized vision of getting two hours of solid work done while your toddler takes a two-hour nap isn''t worth getting attached to.\r\n\r\nI have always done my work from home when my kids are away—at part-time daycare when they were little, and now at school and day camp in the summer. In order to truly get anything accomplished, I have to be able to mentally transform myself and my space into work mode. When I can''t <em>do</em> that transformation—because there are dishes to do or the air is otherwise full of maternal condensation—I pack up and go to a cafe.\r\n\r\nGetting my expectations in order is also key for me. The moment I hope my kids will play nicely together after school so I can wrap up a project, I am sure to be disappointed and take out my frustration on them. Once in a while I can get some time-sensitive work done when they''re home, though, and then I can be pleasantly surprised and grateful. (I wrote more about freelancing in the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=61">Collaborating alone</a>.)\r\n<h4><em>What color was your first bike? (Nick B.)</em></h4>\r\nThe first bike that was truly mine—not a hand-me-down from my brother—was a yellow banana seat bike with orange and white accents and streamers on the handle bars. It was a birthday present, and it came with a name, of course, written in script on the chain guard: Desert Rose.\r\n<h4><em>What’s your favourite magazine? (<a href="http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/">Leona</a>)</em></h4>\r\nI have subscribed to <em>The New Yorker</em> since I graduated from college. By now, it’s so enmeshed in my sofa routines that it''s hard to imagine being able to relax in the same way with any other magazine. There are many reasons other than habit to read it, too. The quality of the writing is always impressive; the political and social commentary makes me think; the fiction and poetry move and entertain me; the long, long articles prove there''s something worth having a long attention span for; the cartoons make me laugh.\r\n<h4><em>What are your favorite and least favorite things about growing up in a small Midwestern town like St. Johns? (Brent)</em></h4>\r\nThe best thing about growing up in a small town was the freedom. We were allowed to bike wherever we wanted—to friends'' houses, the pool, the tennis courts, the bakery for custard-filled long johns, the dime store to buy gum and records. Saturdays and summers were endless, and the whole town was ours.\r\n\r\nThe worst thing about growing up in a small Midwestern town was the lack of exposure to diversity. I think when you grow up in a place where most people are similar in many ways to most other people, it gives you a sense that there''s such a thing as "normal." (And you all know how I feel about that.) Luckily, my parents were devoted to travel and cultural experiences. We spent a lot of time visiting a whole gamut of big cities—from San Francisco to Detroit—and we went to a church in downtown Lansing with a great ministry to the homeless.', '25 questions part II: Culture, ideas & paradigms', 0, '<em>Thoughts on writing, small towns, the 1980s and other topics you raised.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', '25-questions-part-ii-culture-ideas-paradigms', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=114\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=61', '2009-02-04 11:43:52', '2009-02-04 15:43:52', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=254', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(255, 1, '2009-02-04 11:15:00', '2009-02-04 15:15:00', '', '2536358399_c16896768f', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2536358399_c16896768f', '', '', '2009-02-04 11:15:00', '2009-02-04 15:15:00', '', 254, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2536358399_c16896768f.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(256, 1, '2009-02-05 21:48:56', '2009-02-06 01:48:56', '<h4><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/504443770_b0f7743d87.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-257" title="504443770_b0f7743d87" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/504443770_b0f7743d87.jpg" alt="" width="462" height="347" /></a></h4>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fontplaydotcom/">Dennis Hill</a></h5>\r\n<em>OK, here''s my last installment of the 25 questions posts, which came out of <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250">this crazy idea</a> I had last week. You people were not joking around! These questions are really difficult! They involve defining things like "love" and "friendship." Sheesh! I know, I asked for it. And like most difficult things in life, I think I''m better for having pushed my way through it. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you''ve enjoyed hearing my answers, I''d love for you to consider sharing your own answer to one of these questions. </em>\r\n<h4><em>What do you find to be your most surprising lesson about love after all you’ve been through? (<a href="http://themoderngal.blogspot.com/">The Modern Gal</a>)</em></h4>\r\n<strong>That different people <em>experience</em> love in different ways, which means they need to be <em>shown</em> love in different ways.</strong> It''s so easy to project our own understanding of love onto other people, and then to be all miffed over why they''re not feeling as loved as we think they should. Not only did I learn that people need different expressions of love, I also learned there isn''t a hierarchy—certain expressions of love or certain needs aren''t inherently better than others. These lessons came out of many difficult months of counseling, and from the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1233864990&amp;sr=8-1"><em>The Five Love Languages</em></a>, which I highly recommend (for the concepts, NOT the quality of the writing).\r\n\r\n<strong><em>Explain the genesis of a scar (physical) you still have from childhood/teenagedom. (Natalie Hart)</em></strong>\r\n\r\nWhen I was about 10, I was playing with my next-door neighbors in their yard and needed to go home for some reason. I remember looking at the gates—the obvious entrances and exits for our yards—which were only about 20 feet away, and deciding that climbing over the chain link fence would be more fun. I ripped open my shin on one of those sharp pokey parts at the top of the fence, had to get a tetanus shot, and still have a scar. (By the way, I''m so glad you specified <em>physical</em> scar.)\r\n<h4><em>Is there a dog in your future and if not, what are your past experiences with pets? (Cobalt Blue) </em></h4>\r\nHow much did our middle daughter pay you to ask that question? We have been lobbied hard for years, now, and are considering getting a dog in about a year. We really love my brother''s dog and my brother-in-law''s dog; perhaps we''ll just steal one of them. I grew up with dogs: Sasha, who we got when I was five, and Daisy, the puppy I talked my parents into letting me have when I was 15.\r\n<h4><em>If you had only one wish what would it be? (Jody Wells)</em></h4>\r\nSince I already shared my serious "wish for the world" in my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252">first installment</a>, I''ll give you a more frivolous one: That Jason and I could take the girls to the site of our honeymoon: the town of Oia on Santorini, Greece. I would want to stay in the same little apartment at <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationPhotos-g482941-d617178-Aris_Caves-Oia_Santorini_Cyclades.html#18638133">Aris Caves</a>, overlooking the caldera, and explore the town and the island, eat amazing food, relax and read on the terrace. Pure bliss!\r\n<h4><em>What is the best present you ever received &amp; ever given? (Elaine Tolsma-Harlow)</em></h4>\r\nThe best present I''ve ever received...that''s a tough one. If I had to pick just one, I''d say the afghan my mom crocheted for me about five years ago, when I was a single mom. It''s so big and warm and comforting, and <strong>every stitch represents her love and care for me.</strong> I guess it''s my grownup version of a security blanket!\r\n\r\nTwo years ago at Christmas, Jason and I put together sets of whole-spice blends to give to our friends. We tried out many different combinations of spices, for flavor and beauty; made big batches and bottled them in spice grinder bottles; then created labels with the ingredients and fun taglines. The box had a label with this haiku:\r\n\r\n<strong>Life here can be dull/but eating, laughing with friends/is the perfect spice.</strong>\r\n<h4><em>If you could spend an hour doing anything you wanted, something for you, what would you do? (<a href="http://www.travelinlocal.com/">LisaNewton</a>) </em></h4>\r\nThere are many things I love to do for myself and actually get to do on a regular basis, like taking long walks and going out with my husband. And if it was warmer out, I would spend an hour on my porch with people I love. But the thing I really love that I too rarely get to do is enjoy a long, leisurely conversation with a good friend (see my definition of "friend," below). Preferably over coffee or lunch.\r\n<h4><em>When your daughters ask you “What does it mean to be in love?â€ how will you/do you/did you answer? (Nancy Pagaduan) </em></h4>\r\nMy daughters haven''t asked me this question yet, but when they do, I will tell them that <strong>when you''re truly in love, the person you''re in love with makes you feel <em>more</em> like yourself than you have ever even felt on your own.</strong> The sensation is one of completion and <em>right</em>ness. It feels like all the little holes and missing details in you, that otherwise keep you from being all that you might be, are made complete by what this other person brings to you, and vice versa. I will also tell them that just <em>feeling</em> that way about someone doesn''t mean they''re automatically supposed to marry that person. :)\r\n<h4><em>Of the 255 "friends" listed for you on facebook, how many/what percentage are actually friends? (Dennis McNulty)</em></h4>\r\nThis question demands that I concoct and share my base definition of "friend," doesn''t it? Hmmm. Here goes it: <strong>A friend is someone who cares about and accepts the <em>real</em> you, and is willing to be real with you in return. </strong>A friend wants the best for you—she/he hurts when you hurt and is joyful when things in your life go right. "Trust" is an important part of it all, and a natural byproduct of people being real with each other and wanting the best for the other.\r\n\r\nWith that definition in mind, I would say 171 of my 258 Facebook friends fall into the category of true "friend." (Don''t worry, I didn''t actually go through and count, but I think that''s a pretty good guess!)\r\n<h4><em>How has your experience with social media (twitter, facebook, blogging, etc..) changed your understanding of community? And special bonus question, why do you look so good from behind? (Jason, your husband)</em></h4>\r\nAh-hem.\r\n\r\nTwo things have happened regarding social media. The first is that <strong>I''ve broadened my understanding of community to include people I hardly ever see and even those I''ve never actually met.</strong> I''m amazed by how connected I feel to many of the people who comment regularly on my blog, even if I''ve never met them. Certain people on Twitter have become a part of my daily life, providing banter, laughs, support, and generally making me feel less alone.\r\n\r\nHaving said that, I can sense how I protect myself in social media communities. <strong>There''s an element of trust and accountability that''s missing in online community.</strong> Even if I feel like I really know these people, do I? Is it possible to fully trust someone you''ve never looked at, eye to eye? We exercise a lot of control in these relationships, dipping into them when we feel like it and disappearing when we''re "not in the mood" or when someone''s getting on our nerves. That isn''t a very realistic picture of life or community. In many ways I''m old-fashioned, I guess. <strong>I''m still a big believer in the power of sitting down and breaking bread with others.</strong> Nothing virtual will ever take the place of that.\r\n<h4><em>Bonus:</em></h4>\r\nAnd why do I look so good from behind? Because when God was making me he knew how much my husband would one day appreciate that certain curvature. :) It''s God''s way of saying "I know what you like, Jason, and I''m cool with that."', '25 questions part III: Love, family & community', 0, '<em>Attempts to define love, friendship & what makes the perfect gift.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', '25-questions-part-iii-love-family-community', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252', '2009-02-17 11:32:04', '2009-02-17 15:32:04', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=256', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(257, 1, '2009-02-05 17:43:13', '2009-02-05 21:43:13', '', '504443770_b0f7743d87', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '504443770_b0f7743d87', '', '', '2009-02-05 17:43:13', '2009-02-05 21:43:13', '', 256, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/504443770_b0f7743d87.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(274, 1, '2009-02-18 12:36:47', '2009-02-18 16:36:47', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-275" title="3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e.jpg" alt="" width="484" height="363" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fizzcity/">Brad Edwards</a></h5>\r\n<strong>When it comes to friendships, it''s been sort of a rough 12 months for Jason and me.</strong>\r\n\r\nWell, that''s kind of misleading. We have plenty of wonderful people in our lives to call up when we need help with a project, or want a couple of people to play cards with or share a meal with. What we haven''t had for the past year are "best friends"—those favorite-any time-anywhere-go-to-without-thinking people that you have in your lives every now and again.\r\n\r\nI realize writing about best friends might sound very "high school." But the few times in my life that I''ve had this kind of friend living in the same town with me—I think exactly four times since college—I''ve been really happy. <strong>As human beings, we''re all oriented to needing friends. But maybe some people are more geared to intense friendships. And maybe I''m one of those people.</strong>\r\n\r\nIn all four cases, these friendships involved my husband and I <em>loving</em> both halves of another couple. In all cases, we were happy hanging out as two-guy- and two-girl-pairs, or all together. Each of those friendships involved eating dinner together at least once a week, often spontaneously, and calling each other first whenever we had a babysitter and a reason to go out—a birthday to celebrate, a show to go see, or some other adventure.\r\n\r\nBut that''s enough over-romanticizing about best-friendship. Like I mentioned, Jason and I don''t have that right now, and I''ve been feeling a certain, vague sadness about it. The feeling sort of comes and goes, but it''s there.\r\n<h4>Heading in a new direction rather than seeking a replacement</h4>\r\nHere''s something I''ve observed about human nature: <strong>When we have something we see as good, and then somehow we lose it, our first impulse is to get a replacement.</strong> Pronto. Do you have that impulse, too? I haven''t exactly been <em>pursuing</em> best friends, because I know it doesn''t work that way, but I <em>have</em> probably had some low-range friendship radar up.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''ve also been trying to be less intentional</strong>. (If you missed what that''s all about, I wrote about in the posts <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200">Striving to be less intentional in 2009</a>, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=202">The less intentional party</a>,  and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=204">Retracing my steps to the original idea</a>.) And this morning, I found myself drawing a line from this "friend issue" to my "less intentional" concept.\r\n\r\nJason and I were driving downtown, talking about our plans for the weekend, and this thought occurred to me: <strong>Not having best friends allows us to be more open with our time, which gives us more opportunities to invite different people over, and add depth to several of the more nominal friendships.</strong> We don''t have those automatic, go-to friends that we call every time we feel like hanging out with people, so we''re forced to be more open and creative in how we think about our social life.\r\n\r\nI don''t want to mislead you into thinking I''m a perennial glass-half-full kind of girl—the kind who''s always finding silver linings and taking lemons and making lemonade. <strong>But I <em>do</em> think that trying to be less intentional—more open—these past several weeks has helped me to see more positive potential in things that look negative on the surface.</strong>\r\n\r\nAnd that feels good. So I think I''m going to run with it for now.', 'A less intentional (more open-ended) social life', 0, '<em>Maybe there''s a bright side to not having best friends.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-less-intentional-social-life', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=200\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=202\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=204', '2009-02-20 02:00:19', '2009-02-20 06:00:19', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=274', 0, 'post', '', 6);
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(258, 1, '2009-02-06 19:36:01', '2009-02-06 23:36:01', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/874896167_e443221cab.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-259" title="874896167_e443221cab" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/874896167_e443221cab.jpg" alt="" width="441" height="452" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mckaysavage/">McKay Savage</a></h5>\r\nAs you may have noticed, I was handed many tough questions for my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250">recent series of posts</a>, but one was, without a doubt, the hardest and scariest of all for me: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252">Why do you feel the need for a faith at all?</a>\r\n\r\nThe question itself is just a huge one. No way around it. Thousands of people have written millions of words on the subject.\r\n\r\n<strong>But it''s also always been a somewhat embarrassing question for me.</strong> I''ve made great strides in moving beyond the stage of my life that involved often hiding what I believed until I felt "safe," but a hint of sheepishness is still there. (Yes, I believe that God listens to me when I talk to him, and he has special things to say to me, and that Jesus was both God and man, which makes all the difference. And <em>yes</em>, I know that all sounds utterly insane.)\r\n\r\nIn a post last fall, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=75">Open mouth, insert whatever''s real</a>, I wrote about a conversation my small group from church had, back in September, about what keeps us from sharing our story. By that, I don''t mean walking up to people and trying to convert them. I just mean bringing our faith into the conversation when it makes sense.\r\n\r\nAs we discussed this, we saw that a number of things get in the way of saying what our heart is telling us to say. But a clear winner emerged: fear. Specifically our fear that non-Christians will dismiss us as soon as they discover what we believe.\r\n\r\nThis week at small group, we talked about a different fear—not the one that arises in those moments when we <em>think</em> about mentioning our faith but decide not to, but the one that hits us, head-on, when someone asks, "Why do you even bother to believe?"\r\n\r\nIt''s true, I can''t say I''ve been asked that question, flat out, very many times. But still. <strong>The thought of trying to answer it is scary! Not answering it is even scarier!</strong>\r\n<h4>Trying to pin down what "just feels right"</h4>\r\nTo help beat down the fear, each person in my small group has been contemplating how they would articulate not <em>what</em> they believe, necessarily, but <em>why</em>. <strong>"Why" is much harder to put into words, because so much of it is just a feeling,</strong> and most of us have been conditioned to not trust and respect our own feelings, let alone the feelings of others.\r\n\r\nOne guy said he sees loads of evidence that a faith in Jesus—truly trying to live like Jesus, serving others, focusing on the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fruits_of_the_Holy_Spirit">fruits of the spirit</a>—has a positive affect on the world. Period.\r\n\r\nAnother guy said he grew up "hating church," but then he met some people—a particular family at our church—who were "Christians and they were free," as he put it. <strong>"They weren''t just following the rules, they were actually living with a kind of freedom</strong>, that was completely evident."\r\n\r\nSomeone else said everything he believes to be true about the world—<strong>everything that actually <em>works</em> in the world, in a way that just <em>feels</em> <em>right</em>—lines up with who Jesus is and how Jesus teaches us to live.</strong>\r\n<h4>A peace that can''t be pinned down</h4>\r\nAs I sat there, listening to everyone working hard and digging deep to put it all into words, I felt an amazing sense of peace move in, crowding out my fear and embarrassment and evasiveness.\r\n\r\nIt wasn''t because everyone was so convincing, and their explanations were so solid and smart. It was because <strong>they were willing to be so concretely passionate about something so big and abstract.</strong> They were able to gather up and embrace a collection of things that are typically difficult to embrace in this world: The grey areas. The things that can''t be seen. The feelings and ideas that go against our intellect. The hope of something better.\r\n\r\nAnd in a way, that alone—just the mere fact that a collection of average humans can take such a leap—is evidence and explanation enough. At least for me, right now.', 'Sometimes the abstract breeds clarity', 0, '<em>Maybe belief has less to do with hard evidence than embracing the abstract. </em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'cultivating-a-concrete-passion-for-the-abstract', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=75', '2009-02-07 03:10:53', '2009-02-07 07:10:53', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=258', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(259, 1, '2009-02-06 19:32:42', '2009-02-06 23:32:42', '', '874896167_e443221cab', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '874896167_e443221cab', '', '', '2009-02-06 19:32:42', '2009-02-06 23:32:42', '', 258, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/874896167_e443221cab.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(260, 1, '2009-02-09 02:22:30', '2009-02-09 06:22:30', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/room.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-261" title="room" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/room.jpg" alt="" width="463" height="347" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\n<strong>Do you know what would make my life much, <em>much</em> more comfortable?</strong> A nice, big two-story addition on the back of our house.\r\n\r\nOur back yard is plenty big, and we have it all planned out. On the first floor we''d gain a half bath, an expanded dream kitchen, and a cozy den with a fireplace. Upstairs we''d add a master bedroom and bath. We''d have lots of storage for our way-too-much-stuff, and the five of us wouldn''t have to vie for our home''s ONE bathroom, which would surely make us smile at each other more in the mornings. In short, life would be <em>perfect</em>.\r\n\r\nBut it isn''t going to happen. At least not right now. Not when we''re in the throes of this economy, with our savings account not nearly as padded as we''d like and our daughters'' college funds almost non-existent.\r\n\r\n<strong>So we''re making do.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat phrase immediately takes me back to <em>Little House on the Prairie</em> books. Ma Ingalls was the Queen of Making Do. She would have a little paper parcel of white sugar and another of white flour, and maybe a few apples down in the cellar. Pa would happen to kill a rabbit on his way home from the fields, and Laura and Mary would scavenge some scraps of paper and cut something pretty out to decorate the table with, and voila! They had a feast. Even in the worst of times. (And, of course, there was always Pa''s fiddle music to make it festive.)\r\n<h4>Different struggles, similar tactics</h4>\r\nIt''s hard to really romanticize my family''s attempts to "make do," the way I always romanticized the Ingalls family, out on the harsh prairie.\r\n\r\nThe general approach, though, is similar. <strong>It involves taking stock of what we have, and determining what we need. It takes creativity, ingenuity, planning, and everyone pitching in ideas, time and sweat equity.</strong> And it''s <em>very</em> rewarding, just as I imagine it has always been for people who find ways to do more with less.\r\n\r\nBesides the Bathroom Problem (sorry, it just seems to deserve capitalization), the biggest issue in our house is that two of our three girls have to share a bedroom. I could write a whole post about why I think it''s great for siblings to experience sharing a bedroom. I could also write a whole post about what makes it less than ideal.\r\n\r\nBut the point here, right now, is that we have a five-member family in a three-bedroom house. Some of us have to share. Period. Jason and I set a fine example by stepping up first and volunteering to share a room. Then we had to figure out how to divvy up the girls, and how to make a bedroom that used to belong to just one girl work for two.\r\n\r\nWe cobbled together a temporary solution when Jason and his daughter (H) first moved in, and the middle and oldest girls shared. Then we devised a new plan a year later, when we switched things up and the biggest (H) and littlest (S) girls shared. It was working OK. Sort of.\r\n<h4>Devising plan B</h4>\r\nActually, with every passing day, our 12-year-old was increasingly less thrilled with the English fairy wallpaper border that was here when I bought the house. Oh, and our eight-year-old never wanted to have her friends come over because she didn''t have enough space in her room to get her toys out and really <em>play</em>. That''s no fun.\r\n\r\nWhen Jason and I realized our dream addition wasn''t going to happen in 2009, we also knew the bedroom situation wasn''t sustainable long-term.\r\n\r\nSo we put our heads together, sketched out a plan, and looked in catalogs for ideas (at kids'' rooms so over-the-top perfect they''re laughable, but we were still able to find some great color combinations and things to do with paint). We set aside some money for a cool IKEA freestanding shelving unit, which can serve as a partial room divider, giving each girl her own sense of space.\r\n\r\nThis was our big painting weekend. It felt good to have a low-budget, methodical project with rewarding results. I love working side-by-side with Jason, listening to music, telling each other stories from our past, then sitting back after a long day and admiring our work.\r\n\r\nToday, all three girls put on their painting clothes and got involved. I actually thought having them "help" was going to drive me mad, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. They were so eager to learn paintbrush techniques, and so happy to be a part of the transformation that is taking place.\r\n<h4>No real hardships, but still—important lessons</h4>\r\nI know that many, many people are making do with much less than we are. I don''t want to make it seem like I think we''re enduring real hardships over here. I certainly don''t want to belittle all that we have, or the many struggles of others.\r\n\r\n<strong>But still. I''m very glad about all of the things our children are learning through this process.</strong> They''re learning problem solving, brainstorming, and how to sketch out ideas. They''re learning that wallpaper is no fun to remove, but that skillfully working a paintbrush and roller can be a lot of fun. They''re learning that working together on a project, as a family, can be just as exciting as having a game night—and it might even be a richer bonding experience.\r\n\r\nAnd most of all? <strong>They''re learning that having a dream of what "perfect" might look like is a fine thing, but that doesn''t always mean you can just go out and put an addition on your house.</strong> What you <em>can</em> do, though, is choose to re-engineer your concept of perfection, make do with the resources you have, and feel richer in the end, because of it.', 'Making do: less money and a bit of paint', 0, '<em>A home improvement project teaches us what money can''t buy.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'making-do-less-money-and-a-bit-of-paint', '', '', '2009-02-17 11:31:02', '2009-02-17 15:31:02', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=260', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(261, 1, '2009-02-09 02:05:27', '2009-02-09 06:05:27', '', 'room', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'room', '', '', '2009-02-09 02:05:27', '2009-02-09 06:05:27', '', 260, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/room.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(262, 1, '2009-02-16 14:15:41', '2009-02-16 18:15:41', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2295293101_6e8f8f11a9.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-272" title="2295293101_6e8f8f11a9" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2295293101_6e8f8f11a9.jpg" alt="" width="462" height="308" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/66176388@N00/">Mark Robinson</a></h5>\r\nProbably the single most gratifying thing about my blogging experience, so far, has been the wide variety of readers I have, not the <em>number</em> of readers.\r\n\r\nSome of my readers are similar to me in many ways: you''re Protestant Christians, you''re women, you''re freelancers and/or moms, and maybe you''ve even come out on the other side of a divorce.\r\n\r\n<strong>But many of you are different from me, in one or several significant ways.</strong> You live in Asia and Africa, Europe and Central America. You''re childless, single, homosexual. Some of my fans are more than 30 years older than me, and some have shared that they''re atheist or agnostic, Jewish, or simply not quite sure.\r\n\r\nAnd these are just references to readers who have shared with me a bit of who they are. Just thinking about the dozens of you I haven''t yet "met," and each of your stories—what makes you who you are—is truly thrilling to me.\r\n<h4>Avoiding niches and trying to nail the anti-brand-brand</h4>\r\nWhen I first started my blog, my biggest concern was that I would get categorized in some narrow way. I would immediately be thought of as a "mommy blog" because I have kids, and sometimes I write about them. Or I would be pegged as an "alternative Christian blog" because I have beliefs and I don''t hide them, and I''m also an Obama supporter.\r\n\r\n<strong>Avoiding a particular blogging niche is tricky. It can make branding your blog and focusing your message nearly impossible.</strong> I often joke that I have an "anti-brand-brand." If you''re successful in avoiding niches, it also means that you''re probably missing out on opportunities to tap huge networks and audiences.\r\n\r\nThis blog isn''t just about "stuff" in general, though. I <em>am</em> able to say in a sentence what it''s about: These are stories about a life that hasn''t turned out like I thought it would, and the amazing things I''ve learned about myself, grace and redemption in the process.\r\n\r\n<strong>I can also succinctly say what my "mission" is: To spark thoughts and conversations that help bust stereotypes.</strong> Here''s another way to put it: I want to put an end to the idea of "normalcy." I want people to stop thinking they know what a "normal" Christian thinks about the world or politics or sex. I want people to stop assuming they can define a "normal family" or a "normal community."\r\n<h4>Putting our fears and worries aside so we can talk</h4>\r\nI tend to worry about things more than I should. Here''s one of the things I worry about, as a blogger: that people who don''t believe what I believe will be drawn to my blog, but then will sort of freak out when I write about my faith, thinking that this is all an elaborate ploy to convert them. They will run away, never to return.\r\n\r\nIn response to that concern, I have two thoughts—both "gifts" from people in my Twitter community.\r\n\r\nFirst this reminder, which I desperately needed, was sent to me this morning from @ericcanaday (you can check out <a href="http://christianityunplugged.ning.com/profiles/blog/list?user=1h0di6nklozhs">Eric''s blog here</a>):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">There aren''t too many people that have a problem with Jesus. Like Ghandi they struggle with his proclaimed followers.</span></span></em></strong></p>\r\nYeah, in some ways that''s frustrating. The things Christians do and say (myself included, at times) anger me to no end. But Eric''s reminder also gives me a lot of peace. It''s all about Jesus, after all, and the way he lived his life, as a model for the rest of us. It''s not my job to convince anyone of that. My job, I think, is to do what I can to bust apart the Christian stereotypes so many people hold. These stereotypes are just muddying up the waters and preventing <em>all</em> of us from seeing clearly (Christians, too).\r\n\r\n<strong>And here''s a reminder for you: This blog is about conversation, not conversion. </strong>\r\n\r\nLast week, someone else on Twitter, @Mrs_PJs, shared this link from The Friendly Atheist: <a href="http://friendlyatheist.com/2009/02/10/a-non-debate-between-a-christian-and-an-atheist">A non-debate between a Christian and an atheist</a>. The post tells about an event at Ohio State University, where a Christian pastor and an atheist, along with two moderators, simply had a conversation, answering questions from the 150 or so people in the audience. As <a href="http://friendlyatheist.com/">The Friendly Atheist</a> says in his post about the event:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It was fun, friendly, and enjoyable. Completely unscripted. Hopefully, it inspired people who saw it to engage in those types of conversations with people they know who think differently about God. Afterwards, a giant group of the skeptics and Christians went out for a late dinner.  Good times were had.</em></p>\r\nI love that they all went out to dinner together (as you''ve probably noticed, I''m a huge fan of sharing conversation over meals). Yes, it''s kind of sad that we''re surprised by a Christian and an atheist having a conversation rather than a debate. But maybe we can gradually get to a place where that''s not so surprising. Maybe we can all let go of the absolutes we''re so desperate to cling to, and let go of our fear that someone might talk us into (or out of) something.\r\n\r\nI''m not saying we can''t come to the party with some deeply-held absolutes or beliefs. I''m just saying maybe we can leave them at the door with our coats, and sit down together and just talk.', 'This is about conversation, not conversion', 0, '<em>Can we let go of the stereotypes & fears that keep us from just talking?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'this-is-about-conversation-not-conversion', '', '\nhttp://friendlyatheist.com/2009/02/10/a-non-debate-between-a-christian-and-an-atheist', '2009-02-17 00:44:42', '2009-02-17 04:44:42', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=262', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(263, 1, '2009-02-11 13:36:45', '2009-02-11 17:36:45', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/playmobil.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-266" title="playmobil" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/playmobil.jpg" alt="" width="453" height="340" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\nWhen my kids have some free time and get immersed into some project or game they dream up, two things are certain to happen:\r\n\r\n1) They are going to make a huge MESS of whatever room they''re in.\r\n\r\n2) They''re going to leave their play time possessed by the sort of deep happiness and contentment that only comes from that brand of pure, abandoned play.\r\n\r\nA few days ago, Q asked Jason to dig out a huge bin of Polly Pocket dolls and accessories from the far reaches of the basement. They haven''t played with them for at least a year or two.\r\n\r\nI''ll confess—I''m really not a fan of any little plastic toy that isn''t made by Playmobil. But each time I passed by the guest room, where the girls were playing, I had to smile. Every possible surface and nook of the room had been transformed into a Polly Pocket Utopia, and the girls were acting out long, involved dramas, comedies and minor tragedies with the little dolls.\r\n<h4>Balancing open play with a desire to be "the best" at something</h4>\r\nFrom what I gather, we have far more open and free play time than the average household, at least in our town. S, who is in third grade, has friends her age and younger who are intensely serious about swimming, gymnastics and dance. By serious, I mean they spend several hours four or more days a week in lessons and practice.\r\n\r\nIt''s confusing for S. On one hand, she sees that these friends are becoming very skilled at something, and she wants to be "known" for some great talent, too. "I''m not <em>really</em> good at <em>anything</em>," she will worry aloud from time to time. (And anyone who knows her would find this laughable, but I try hard to listen, not just contradict her.)\r\n\r\n<strong>While she worries that she isn''t an eight-year-old prodigy at anything, I''ve also never known a child who is more aware of her personal need for downtime at home, and more fiercely protective of it.</strong> A half-hour piano lesson once a week and an hour of something else—chorus, soccer or art—is all she really wants to handle. Having time to read and play are like drugs to her. She''s fully addicted, and needs her regular fix.\r\n\r\n<strong>As a parent, I really struggle with this issue, too.</strong> I want to encourage their natural talents and teach them how important it is to apply themselves and commit to working at something if they want to excel. But I do not want to manufacture a drive that isn''t there, or put pressure on them to be "the best" at something.\r\n\r\nWhile I''m thinking of their best interests, there''s also a selfish twist thrown in: Because my girls are at their dad''s house one-third of the time and H is with her mom two-thirds of the time, I am fiercely protective of our time with them. I don''t want to spend it running them from one lesson or practice to another, rushing through dinner or, even worse, not sitting down to eat together at all. There''s nothing the girls seem to crave more than a "family dinner" and evening of playing games together.\r\n<h4>Not that we need Yale research to tell us this...</h4>\r\nI''m sure it''s been written about countless times, but @DarryleP on Twitter recently provided a link to this article:<a href="http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/education/orl-freeplay0409feb04,0,3288477.story"> Kids need time to play, do nothing and just be kids.</a> The article, which reports on a new Yale University study about the decline of free play (you can <a href="http://www.museumofplay.org/about_us/press.html">download the study here</a>, under February 09), says this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Among the study''s key findings: "Mothers from practically all countries [say] that childhood as they know it is over." All that striving to achieve in academics, sports and other structured activities has left youngsters little time to be children. </em></p>\r\n<strong>Ah, childhood as we knew it. Remember what that was like?</strong>\r\n\r\nAs a child, I guess I was always "above average" at music and writing, and could hold my own playing softball and tennis, but I was never "a star." My brother and I, and our friends, seemed to have endless amounts of time to play with games and toys, get out huge boxes of art and collage supplies, pour through books, and ride our bikes all over town. I learned to sew, we baked lots of cookies, and there was still plenty of time for CHORES. (That''s a topic for another post.)\r\n\r\nMy mom, who for more than 25 years was the owner/director/lesson planner/head teacher of a preschool, is a huge advocate for unstructured play time. She worries not only about the lack of unstructured time, but the lack of ideas for how to fill it. And many parents are no help. <strong>Even though most of us had lots of free time as kids, we seem to have forgotten how that free time works.</strong> Too many adults don''t know how to provide materials and ideas to get kids started, plus they model a lack of creativity in their own free time (if they have it at all).\r\n\r\n<strong>But as a parent,</strong><strong> I refuse to get to a place where I have to say "Remember when we had free time? To fill however we wanted?"</strong> And I think my kids are pretty happy about that, even if they aren''t fully aware that I''m taking a stance.\r\n\r\nRecently S''s eight-year-old friend E came over for a long playdate. They promptly threw themselves into their first big idea: To co-author and illustrate a book of ideas for kids with nothing to do.\r\n\r\nThey started brainstorming some ideas, and refined their focus: The book would contain ideas for making things out of things you find in the recycling bin. (I''m sure such a book already exists, but they were positive they had just hit on The Most Brilliant Idea Ever.)\r\n\r\nThen Q got involved, and suggested the first project: making designer clothes out of plastic grocery bags. They had to test the idea, of course. For hours, armed with nothing more than scissors, tape and plastic bags, they designed punk rocker outfits and wedding dresses, athletic wear and Medieval costumes. They created belts and sashes, fringe and pleats, various necklines and skirts. Then they put on a fashion show, while I took pictures. I was utterly impressed.\r\n\r\nOf course, now I''m out of grocery bags, which we use as garbage bags in our kitchen trash, but I''m not complaining one bit. I can''t think of a better cause to donate them to.', 'We all need some time to do nothing', 0, '<em>Remember the kind of childhood you had? Can''t our kids have that, too?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'we-all-need-some-time-to-do-nothing', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:59:47', '2009-06-15 19:59:47', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=263', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(264, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', 'If this is what it takes to "make it," I''ll pass, thank you very much.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/02/10/o.saying.no.at.work/index.html?eref=rss_latest">The price of saying no at work</a>\r\n\r\n"To get where I am," she said, "I have given up so much. My job has inflicted untold brutality on my marriage. Untold brutality on my life. I will not start saying no and take the hit in my career, too. The price I''ve paid is already high enough."\r\n\r\n"You can''t say no until you''ve earned it, unless, of course, you''re willing to pay the price of irrelevancy."\r\n\r\nI also read this post about the <a href="http://modite.com/blog/2009/02/10/real-life-disclosures-on-the-myth-of-worklife-balance/">myth of work/life balance</a>', 'Is the price of saying no that high?', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-02-11 11:47:39', '2009-02-11 15:47:39', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=264', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(265, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', 'I’m nearly 40 and I’m happy to report that I finally seem to have gotten beyond some issues that plagued me in my younger years. You know, things like getting zits, feeling self-conscious about random things, and dealing with hang-ups about sex.\r\n\r\nSomehow, we’re led to believe that these types of issues magically disappear when we turn 21, but now I’m thinking God wanted to give us something to look forward to and feel great about in middle age.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, just about the time when many of us are coasting joyfully along, happy with who and where we are, it happens: Our children start getting zits, and feeling self-conscious about random things. Oh, and they start thinking about sex—at least to some degree.\r\n<a href="http://www.blogher.com/what-christian-spiritual-director-tells-kids-about-sex?wrap=topic/religion-spirituality">This great post by Rachelle</a>', 'What to tell our kids about sex', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-03-01 21:23:31', '2009-03-02 01:23:31', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=265', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(267, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '<dl id="comment_list"> <dd class="comment">\r\n<div class="format_text">\r\n\r\nVery interesting post. In my 9 or 10 months on Twitter, I’ve found that the NUMBER of people in my network matters far less than the deliberate intention behind each individual connection.\r\n\r\nIn other words, if I have 300 people in my network, who I’ve collected rather quickly and randomly, without really knowing why each individual is unique and interesting to me, then I will probably feel overwhelmed by that number. A general sense of chaos will be attached to it.\r\n\r\nBut if I take my time, really examining new followers to figure out what they’re about, and maybe even holding off on following them back until there’s some sort of interaction or connection, they have a meaningful place in my network (and in my mind) from day one. It’s a much slower way to build a community, but I think being deliberate like that makes Dunbar’s limit pretty much irrelevant.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</dd> </dl>', 'Dunbar''s number', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-02-12 19:17:57', '2009-02-12 23:17:57', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=267', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(266, 1, '2009-02-11 13:11:34', '2009-02-11 17:11:34', '', 'playmobil', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'playmobil', '', '', '2009-02-11 13:11:34', '2009-02-11 17:11:34', '', 263, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/playmobil.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(268, 1, '2009-02-14 03:14:07', '2009-02-14 07:14:07', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/v_cookies.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-271" title="v_cookies" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/v_cookies.jpg" alt="" width="481" height="361" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by Kristin Tennant</h5>\r\n<strong>In all my adult life, I have not been a fan of Valentine''s Day.</strong> The other day, I was trying to figure out why, and came up with some possible explanations:\r\n\r\n1.<strong> Expectation raiser.</strong> Valentine''s Day puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on people who <em>are</em> in relationships to figure out how to define, compact and then express their love in a single, big, showy way. Can''t we spread the shows of affection out a bit, and give them room to be spontaneous?\r\n\r\n2. <strong>Loneliness accentuator.</strong> It makes people who <em>aren''t</em> in relationships feel more crappy about it than they already possibly do. I mean, seriously, if this holiday is all about love, why alienate a huge group of people by making them feel <em>un</em>loved?\r\n\r\n3. <strong>Calendar crowder.</strong> February 14 comes at an inopportune time in our family calendar. We go from Christmas and New Year''s to one daughter''s birthday at the end of January, my sister-in-law''s birthday two days later, my birthday a month after that and youngest daughter''s birthday less than a month after that. The <em>last</em> thing we need right now is another reason to celebrate.\r\n\r\n4. <strong>Love exploiter.</strong> Despising all so-called Hallmark holidays is fashionable among "alternative types" (ie: my general group of friends). Someone is making a whole bunch of money off the age-old concept of <em>love</em>? Just because they decided to package it and make people feel guilty about not celebrating it? I think I''ll pass, thank you very much.\r\n<h4>But now I''m kind of feeling bad for being so negative about a Day for Love. I must admit, there are a few things I <em>do</em> embrace about Valentine''s Day:</h4>\r\n1. <strong>Cookie instigator.</strong> Valentine''s Day provides yet another excuse to bake and decorate my Very Favorite Almondy Butter Cookies. When I was growing up, we generally just made them at Christmas. But by investing in a few additional cookie cutters, I''ve managed to make cookie decorating a quarterly activity in our house.\r\n\r\n2. <strong>Craft inspirator.</strong> Handmade Valentines are great fun to make and are wonderful to receive. When I was a kid, my mom always pulled out the biggest box of colored paper, fabric scraps, old Valentine''s cards, lace and ribbon, doilies, and yarn. With scissors and glue, my brother and I made some really elaborate cards to send to our grandparents and give to friends. My girls have fun doing the same sort of thing, making Valentine''s cards for each child in their class.\r\n\r\n3. <strong>Love spreader.</strong> Which brings me to the final 22+ things I can embrace about Valentine''s Day. These kids. They are big love sponges, needing, craving and soaking up every bit of love and affection they can sniff out. As I write this post, my eight-year-old''s class list is on the table nearby. Just looking at the names of these precious kids makes my heart ache. There''s not enough love in the world. And no—we can''t make up for that all in one day.\r\n\r\nBut—at the risk of sounding mushy—one day <em>can</em> serve as a reminder to spread more love, and look more intently for people who need it. Happy Valentine''s Day.\r\n\r\n<em>Estefania, Mario, Joshua, Laisha, Eliseo, Shauri, Karen, Lauren, Daniel, Rodrigo, Josie, Ema, Alvaro, Richard, Carlos, Andrew, Jonathan, Shane, Lidia, Magdalena, Alan, Seth.</em>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/cookies2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-273" title="cookies2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/cookies2-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="477" height="358" /></a>', 'V-day love & hate: Let me count the ways', 0, '<em>Why I don''t like Feb. 14 (plus a few reasons I do).</em> ', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'v-day-love-hate-let-me-count-the-ways', '', '', '2009-02-18 01:17:15', '2009-02-18 05:17:15', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=268', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(269, 1, '2009-02-12 21:25:08', '2009-02-13 01:25:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/399654169_c8a2d8fd76.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-270" title="399654169_c8a2d8fd76" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/399654169_c8a2d8fd76.jpg" alt="" width="472" height="312" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/eme06/">curly_exp(l)osure</a></h5>\r\nOK, I give in. I''ll write about numbers in social media. Again.\r\n\r\nFirst I got this question in response to my 25 question post: "Of the 255 ''friends'' listed for you on facebook, how many/what percentage are actually friends?"\r\n\r\nDennis, who asked the question (and who happens to be a friend—like the real life kind) also sent me a link to this related <em>New York Times</em> article: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/fashion/29facebook.html?_r=1&amp;ref=style">Friends, Until I Delete You.</a>\r\n\r\nThen, today, <a href="http://www.chrisbrogan.com/">Chris Brogan</a> posted this on his blog: <a href="http://www.chrisbrogan.com/beating-dunbars-number/">Beating Dunbar''s Number</a>. <strong>"Dunbar''s Number" refers to a theory introduced by anthropologist Robin Dunbar, that our brains can only maintain a certain number of stable social relationships.</strong> While an exact number apparently hasn''t been agreed upon, 150 is the number that''s most commonly cited. (Keep in mind that the theory was presented in 1992—more than a decade before Facebook was conceived, not that Facebook alters our cognitive capacities.)\r\n\r\n<strong>In his post, Brogan suggests that with social media platforms and the right strategies in hand, much larger social networks can be managed.</strong> One of the strategies he suggests is keeping some sort of database to keep all the details straight and easily accessible.\r\n\r\nI can''t quite imagine creating a data base to help me keep track of my community, but then again, I can''t imagine having nearly 19,000 readers of my blog or over 42,000 Twitter followers, like Brogan has. I would definitely need a database to maintain a <em>slightly</em> meaningful connection with even ten percent of those people.\r\n<h4>Do old theories, strategies and definitions still apply?</h4>\r\nSo what''s the point of all this, you ask? What''s the point of Dennis asking how many of my Facebook friends are actual friends, and the point of Chris Brogan looking for ways to manage some version of a community that is 100 or 200 times larger than what our brains are wired to handle?\r\n\r\n<strong>The point, I guess, is that as a society, our understanding of "community" is changing</strong>—very significantly and rapidly for many people. Words and definitions are changing, too—we have "followers" and "fans" that we can count, and when we refer to someone as a "friend" it can mean more than one thing. To help distinguish between on-line and physical communities, people in social media circles often refer to friends IRL (in real life).\r\n\r\nIn other words, it''s confusing! At least I''m confused. As I answered Dennis'' question in <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=256">this post</a>, about how many of my friends were actually friends, I tried desperately to work with a single definition of "friend,'' whether applied to people I know in person or people I''ve never met.\r\n\r\nIn the same post, I responded to a related question about how social media has changed my understanding of community. I fleshed out my confusion a bit more, struggling to describe how <strong>in some ways I feel <em>more </em><em>open</em> about my true community including people I''ve never met in person. But in other ways I feel <em>more old-fashioned</em>.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt''s not just about how many details I can keep track of about people—where they live, how many kids they have, what we''ve joked together about in the past. It''s the nagging sense that trust and accountability are often missing on line, along with the bond that comes from eating a meal with someone, and having a live conversation.\r\n<h4>In a fast-paced world, slower can sometimes be better</h4>\r\nSince I brought up "old-fashioned" approaches to building community—and our current times seem to be characterized by doing everything bigger and faster—I''ll leave you with the comment I left today on Chris Brogan''s post:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>This is an interesting post. In my 9 or 10 months on Twitter, I’ve found that the NUMBER of people in my network matters far less than the deliberate intention behind each individual connection.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>In other words, if I have 300 people in my network, who I’ve collected rather quickly and randomly, without really knowing why each individual is unique and interesting to me, then I will probably feel overwhelmed by that number. A general sense of chaos will be attached to it.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>But if I take my time, really examining new followers to figure out what they’re about, and maybe even holding off on following them back until there’s some sort of interaction or connection, they have a meaningful place in my network (and in my mind) from day one. It’s a much slower way to build a community, but I think being deliberate like that makes Dunbar’s limit pretty much irrelevant.</em></p>', 'How fast can you really add?', 0, '<em>How many people can your definition of community hold? Is there a limit?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-fast-can-you-really-add', '', 'http://www.chrisbrogan.com/beating-dunbars-number/\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=256', '2009-02-17 00:18:16', '2009-02-17 04:18:16', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=269', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(270, 1, '2009-02-12 21:01:12', '2009-02-13 01:01:12', '', '399654169_c8a2d8fd76', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '399654169_c8a2d8fd76', '', '', '2009-02-12 21:01:12', '2009-02-13 01:01:12', '', 269, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/399654169_c8a2d8fd76.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(271, 1, '2009-02-14 02:33:39', '2009-02-14 06:33:39', '', 'v_cookies', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'v_cookies', '', '', '2009-02-14 02:33:39', '2009-02-14 06:33:39', '', 268, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/v_cookies.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(272, 1, '2009-02-16 14:12:07', '2009-02-16 18:12:07', '', '2295293101_6e8f8f11a9', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2295293101_6e8f8f11a9', '', '', '2009-02-16 14:12:07', '2009-02-16 18:12:07', '', 262, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2295293101_6e8f8f11a9.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(275, 1, '2009-02-18 12:21:46', '2009-02-18 16:21:46', '', '3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e', '', '', '2009-02-18 12:21:46', '2009-02-18 16:21:46', '', 274, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/3270745703_6ee3d4eb1e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(276, 1, '2009-02-20 02:51:29', '2009-02-20 06:51:29', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/152024283_afe5f0d74f.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-277" title="152024283_afe5f0d74f" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/152024283_afe5f0d74f.jpg" alt="" width="498" height="373" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/dennajones/">daisybush</a></h5>\r\nBear with me while I make an over-generalization about American society: <strong>We essentially reward people who are good at hiding the socially unacceptable things they do.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''m not saying we necessarily <em>approve</em> of behaviors that are considered socially unacceptable. If asked outright, most Americans would say they are firmly opposed to things like extramarital affairs, alcohol abuse, and prostitution. <strong>But when it gets down to it, I think we''re more concerned with appearances than with the existence of an actual problem.</strong>\r\n\r\nWe embrace a "what I don''t know won''t hurt me" approach, and an  "out of sight, out of mind" attitude. Those who aren''t cautious enough, or who chose to live their life in the open rather than be artfully sneaky, are raked over the coals.\r\n\r\nNot sure you agree? Think of this: <strong>Most parents don''t want their teenagers to be having sex.</strong> But when it gets down to it, the real fear is pregnancy and STDs. So, as long as there''s no <em>evidence</em> of sex, that''s good enough for the upstanding adults of the community. They''re able to continue on in ignorant blissfulness, pretending it''s not really an issue.\r\n\r\n<strong>Think about the large number of people who are morally against same-sex relationships.</strong> They don''t want gay people in the military, or teaching their children, or worshiping and taking communion in most churches. But if you''re successful in hiding the fact that you''re a homosexual, all is well. Don''t ask, don''t tell. What we don''t know won''t hurt us. If you <em>appear</em> to be "one of us," by all means, take communion AND teach Sunday School! You can even go to Iraq and die for our country!\r\n\r\n<strong>What about the person who gambles</strong> in some seedy establishment and loses thousands? As long as we don''t have to witness their sad life and hear their sad tale, all is fine. But if you spend the weekend at the Bellagio in Vegas and come home with modest winnings, you''re admirable.\r\n\r\n<strong>And what about the <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/02/17/try-to-give-hugs-to-more-people-at-work/">well-known blogger</a></strong>, who tells an honest, funny tale about a really chaotic morning and four sips of wine she had in the midst of it all? She is seen as shameful. She drank in the morning, and then got in her car and drove to work. Of course, lots of people are abusing alcohol throughout the day, every day, but as long as they don''t drink in front of people at inappropriate times—and <em>especially</em> if they don''t write about it in their blog—they''re fine.\r\n<h4>The problem with selective vision and judgment</h4>\r\nI think all kinds of people are prone to judging what''s in front of us, as plain as day. It makes sense, after all—we can''t exactly be judgmental about things<em> </em>we<em> don''t even know about.</em>\r\n\r\nBut we''re really not so naive. We know, deep down inside, that all kinds of things we''d rather <em>not</em> know about are in fact happening. All around us, all the time.\r\n\r\n<strong>Maybe that''s what we should really be worried about—the negative stuff that goes on every day behind closed doors.</strong> Maybe <em>that''s</em> the behavior that really hurts people, and can lead to more deeply rooted abuses that are much more difficult to emerge from.\r\n\r\nMaybe those of us walking around in our protected dream worlds would be much better off if we considered the possibility of a big picture, and stopped directing all our anger and fear at the few problems and people we can see.\r\n\r\nAnd maybe this is why, in <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207;&amp;version=31;">Matthew 7</a>, Jesus says "Do not judge." It''s not our job. It''s not what we were created and put into community for. Besides that, we''re obviously really terrible at it.', 'What you don''t know can hurt, too', 0, '<em>A minor rant: upholding appearances, blissful ignorance & judging others.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-you-dont-know-can-hurt-too', '', '\nhttp://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/02/17/try-to-give-hugs-to-more-people-at-work/', '2009-07-24 14:55:10', '2009-07-24 18:55:10', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=276', 0, 'post', '', 23),
(277, 1, '2009-02-20 01:52:03', '2009-02-20 05:52:03', '', '152024283_afe5f0d74f', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '152024283_afe5f0d74f', '', '', '2009-02-20 01:52:03', '2009-02-20 05:52:03', '', 276, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/152024283_afe5f0d74f.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
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(278, 1, '2009-02-23 03:34:48', '2009-02-23 07:34:48', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2582305253_ce0142b5a4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-279" title="2582305253_ce0142b5a4" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2582305253_ce0142b5a4.jpg" alt="" width="453" height="340" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/gypsydancer12/">Lindsay</a></h5>\r\nIn my previous post, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=276">What you don''t know can hurt, too</a>, I had a little rant about how our society tends to support upholding appearances, embracing blissful ignorance and judging others. Christians seem to be especially guilty of this, even though Jesus'' life and teachings are in total opposition to such an approach.\r\n\r\nSome of my readers said what drives them away from the faith is this rampant hypocrisy among Christians. I know that it''s widely true, and I can''t blame them one bit. I''m exposed to this hypocrisy daily—primarily through what I read on various media—and it drives me running back and forth between deep sadness and complete rage.\r\n\r\nBut yesterday morning, at my church, I was exposed once again to a very different sort of gathering of people trying to follow God. <strong>The couple of hours I spent in that space, with those people, were brimming with justice and mercy, love and forgiveness, brokenness and redemption.</strong> This is what keeps me coming back. This is the sort of Christian community I wish more people could be exposed to.\r\n<h4>A community striving to put love first</h4>\r\nEarly in the service, we witnessed a baby dedication. At our church, infants and young children aren''t baptized; instead, the baby''s parents pledge to do their best to pray for the baby and teach him about God, and the congregation pledges to also pray for the baby, love and guide him, and support the parents.\r\n\r\nThe baby who was being dedicated yesterday is the son of my husband''s ex-wife and her lesbian partner. He''s also my step-daughter''s brother, so he''s a part of our extended family and church community on several levels. (After he was born, my girls were trying to figure out what he was to them—a step-brother-in-law?) However you try to parse that complex relationship, we love him dearly, and watching him be dedicated this morning was very moving.\r\n\r\nYou see, it was sort of a big deal (even if I wish, on some levels, that it wasn''t). Our church falls somewhere between the conservative "don''t-you-even-think-of-stepping-in-this-sanctuary-if-you''re-gay" churches and the liberal "it''s all good, all the time" approach of denominations like the Universal Church of Christ. <strong>As a community, we''ve had our fair share of struggles and conversations surrounding the issue of same sex relationships.</strong> Some people have even left the church, as a result.\r\n\r\nBut there was the sweet, babbling baby with his two moms, his sister, his grandparents and some extended family. There was a whole congregation of people, smiling on him and promising to love and pray for him. And I felt God''s blessings and joy showering down all around as dozens of us went up to surround the baby as he was prayed for. <strong>I don''t care if other people out there are so sure that God doesn''t smile on such moments. I flatly disagree.</strong>\r\n<h4>Learning about justice and mercy by doing it</h4>\r\nThen, after the dedication, our pastor Jim shared a teaching about our church''s history addressing issues of mercy and justice. He said (I''m paraphrasing), <strong>"We didn''t want to teach our young people about justice just by talking about it. We wanted them to learn by being immersed in it."</strong>\r\n\r\nFor more than 20 years our church has been regularly sending groups of people, young and old, to one our nation''s poorest counties, in rural Mississippi. They work through <a href="http://www.habitat.org/default.aspx">Habitat for Humanity</a>, building homes. Through these trips, more than 20 college aged people have returned and spent a year or more volunteering for Habitat.\r\n\r\nYesterday, right after the worship service, our church community put on its annual service auction to raise money for these trips. Award-worthy pies and cheesecakes are auctioned, dinner parties are hosted, hours of babysitting, yard work, salsa dance lessons, zumba classes, and artwork are all offered up.\r\n\r\nThe auction is organized in such a way that everyone gets to sign up for a dinner party of some sort, which gets different groups of people together, sharing a meal, in one another''s homes. As you probably already know, I love that.\r\n<h4>Inching toward a better way</h4>\r\n<strong>I''m not saying that everyone at my church always gets everything right.</strong> We come together, we talk and listen, we pray and sing, we clash and fail and, by God''s grace, <em>sometimes</em> we learn and get it right. Yesterday was one of those days when I really felt like we were inching closer, bit by bit, to a view that''s <em>dead opposite</em> of hypocrisy: God''s kingdom being "on earth, as it is in heaven."\r\n\r\nI''ll leave you with a comment that was left on my previous post. <a href="http://www.lorilynh.typepad.com/">Lori-Lyn</a> was writing about this blog, but I think what she says perfectly sums up how I''m feeling about my church right now:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>...My relationship with Christianity is complicated, but I can always come here and feel it as love and grace that does not turn away from the difficult social issues, but meets them full on with compassion. </em></p>', 'What does non-hypocrisy look like?', 0, '<em>There''s plenty to be disappointed in, but examples of love exist, too.</em> ', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-does-non-hypocrisy-look-like', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=276', '2009-02-24 01:34:16', '2009-02-24 05:34:16', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=278', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(279, 1, '2009-02-23 03:07:31', '2009-02-23 07:07:31', '', '2582305253_ce0142b5a4', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2582305253_ce0142b5a4', '', '', '2009-02-23 03:07:31', '2009-02-23 07:07:31', '', 278, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2582305253_ce0142b5a4.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(280, 1, '2009-02-25 03:04:09', '2009-02-25 07:04:09', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/89905760_704098eea1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-281" title="89905760_704098eea1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/89905760_704098eea1.jpg" alt="" width="469" height="352" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/sallypics/">My aim is true</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Today I got the emotional wind knocked out of me.</strong>\r\n\r\nMy daughter was the one in real pain, but she''s OK now, and I''m the one still feeling shaky eight hours later. Welcome to parenthood, eh?\r\n\r\nHere''s essentially what happened. After lunch, I missed a call from my daughters’ school. When I saw it, my first thought was that one of the girls was feeling sick and needed to be picked up. My reaction? Mild annoyance. Oh, and a big sigh. My afternoon of work wouldn’t be as productive as I had hoped. I might even have to reschedule a conference call with a client.\r\n\r\nWhen I listened to the message, though, I felt a stab of fear. “This is Julie at the school. Call the office immediately.â€ Not “this is Julie, your daughter just threw up,â€ or “this is Julie, your daughter is complaining of a headache.â€ Simply "call now."\r\n\r\nAs I was dialing the school, my daughters’ dad was calling me. Q, our fifth grader, had an “accidentâ€ during gym class, he told me. She had somehow tripped and flown headlong into a brick wall. They were worried she might have a broken nose, and possibly a concussion.\r\n\r\nAt this point, I was very concerned, but still calm. <strong>It was five minutes later, the moment that I saw Q, that I felt a surreal rush of adrenaline coursing through me, like I had just been injected with a frighteningly powerful drug.</strong> The rush was followed by a light-headed, sensation, as if I had forgotten how to breathe.\r\n\r\nQ''s face was covered in blood running from her nose, which was certainly dramatic. But even worse was the state of her forehead when I moved the ice pack. A lime-sized swelling had transformed the sweet, usually concave curve that swoops between her eyebrows down the bridge of her nose, into a convex, puffy mass with oddly defined edges. My own vision swayed and blurred, as I worked to suck oxygen to my lungs and remain calm.\r\n\r\nThis was my baby. Suddenly everything else I had known seemed unknown.\r\n\r\n<strong>I don''t want to be overly dramatic about this experience, so I''ll cut quickly to the happy ending. </strong>\r\n\r\nLess than an hour later, we were sitting with a doctor who was showing us the X-rays of Q’s skull, explaining there didn’t seem to be a serious nose break or a concussion. By the time we were home, Q’s swelling was noticeably reduced, and she was in fairly good spirits.\r\n\r\nI was completely drained, so we shared the sofa. Her head was on a pillow at one end, mine was at the other, the afghan my mom crocheted covered both of us, and the gentle pressure of Q’s feet tucked between my body and the sofa’s back reminded me where we were: safe.\r\n<h4>What should we do with life''s scary moments?</h4>\r\nI’m still trying to process the experience. It happened so quickly—one moment I was on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitter">Twitter</a> posting about Jason''s leftover chicken mole enchiladas that were calling my name from the fridge, and my very next tweet was sent from the backseat of the car, on our way to the hospital: <em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">my daughter had a head injury. going for x rays. please pray. </span></span></em>\r\n\r\nIt was over quickly, too, and Q is OK. <strong>But something significant still happened today. To happily breathe a sigh of relief, shrug it off and go along my way would be wrong and disrespectful of fear, somehow.</strong> Besides that, I still don''t feel like myself. Clearly my psyche went through some sort of boot camp today, and I need to listen and respect it.\r\n\r\n<strong>So, a few random thoughts that maybe I can better parse and examine at a later date:</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>- Relationships become crystal clear in times of stress.</strong> In the midst of my fear, I felt at once connected to and very distant from my ex-husband, Q''s dad. We dealt with the problem together, love Q with the same ferocity, but can only support one another in a very superficial way. Being with him in that moment made me feel grateful and alone. It strikes me that we learn a lot about our relationship to someone in these high-stress moments. I haven''t had a chance to really examine our relationship since we divorced and smoothed things over. All I can really say in conclusion about that is "Huh. Interesting."\r\n\r\n<strong>- My Twitter community is real.</strong> On the way to the hospital, when I posted my quick tweet on Twitter asking people to pray for us, it was a comforting thing to be able to do. I was in the midst of a moment when I could do little more than comfort my daughter, all the while feeling united but distant from my ex. It felt really good to get the word out, and to know people were caring and praying. As a result, more than 20 people on Twitter—all but four of them people I’ve never met in person—responded with support, concern, and messages that they were praying. I didn’t see them until we were back safely at home, but I felt much less alone that whole scary time.\r\n\r\n<strong>- My online and in-person communities are both important, in different ways.</strong> Once we were safely back home and Q was resting, I tweeted this update:<em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">once again, Twitter is an amazing, supportive, community. so many well wishes for my daughter, helping me feel less worried &amp; alone. thanks!</span></span></em>\r\n\r\n@JebDickerson, who''s responsible for the blog  <a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/">How To Matter</a>, responded with this:<em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">glad to hear all is well kt. how does the support provided by online ''friends'' compare to that of the ppl around you, in person?</span></span></em>\r\n\r\nIt''s a really interesting question, particularly in light of all of the thinking I’ve been doing about community and friendships, on- and off-line. I''ve sort of come to the conclusion that my on-line community is immediate, accessible, and coordinated in a way that uniquely meets sudden needs. But I also know that, had Q''s situation been worse, and she was admitted to the hospital, our local community would have been there in an instant, doing anything and everything to take care of our family''s needs.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Finally, I''m going to get cheesy (and perhaps a bit obvious): All that we chase after in this world is nothing when put up next to the people you love most.</strong> Although it’s scary, it’s good to be put in a place where you can more clearly see all that you have, and all that you love, and all that really matters, even when so much in the world seems so wrong.\r\n\r\nAs a parent, feeling that stabbing fear at my heart, which is near to bursting with love for my child, is a sensation I''ll probably never forget. My understanding of life and love has been recalibrated, and I’m so grateful.', 'What we learn from moments of fear', 0, '<em>A moment of intense fear leaves me drained and very much alive.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-we-learn-from-moments-of-fear', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:59:06', '2009-06-15 19:59:06', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(281, 1, '2009-02-25 02:51:34', '2009-02-25 06:51:34', '', '89905760_704098eea1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '89905760_704098eea1', '', '', '2009-02-25 02:51:34', '2009-02-25 06:51:34', '', 280, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/89905760_704098eea1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(282, 1, '2009-02-27 03:44:54', '2009-02-27 07:44:54', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2757099172_c3ac2d9df6.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-283" title="2757099172_c3ac2d9df6" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2757099172_c3ac2d9df6.jpg" alt="" width="475" height="430" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ifraud/">Andrey Maximov</a></h5>\r\nMost of you are probably all too familiar with the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/fashion/05things.html?pagewanted=1&amp;_r=3">"25 random things" meme</a> that''s been making the rounds on Facebook  (again and again). Even if it''s gotten a bit out of control, I have to admit, I''ve enjoyed learning things I didn''t know about my friends.\r\n\r\n<strong>Now I want to learn some random things about <em>you</em>, the readers of Halfway to Normal. </strong>I''m going to see if we can turn this meme on its head. <strong>\r\n</strong>\r\n\r\nLately, I''ve been thinking and writing a lot about how social media is changing our understanding of community. In <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280">a high-stress moment of fear</a> this week, when my daughter was injured, I reached out to my Twitter community—mostly people I''ve never met in person. Knowing they were there, so to speak, was comforting.\r\n\r\nI find that I''m becoming more open-minded about creating bonds of friendship with people I''ve never met in person. At the same time, though, <strong>I sense how old-fashioned I still am about friendship, and how I''m grasping for ways to "bring it home" with people I''m getting to know on line.</strong> I want to pick up the phone or get in my car and meet you halfway. I feel compelled to put a stamp on a card and send it to you snail mail, or do <em>anything</em> that makes me feel like we''re actually connected, and I know you a bit better (or maybe in a way that seems more "legitimate?").\r\n<h4>Adjusting our privacy/transparency controls in social media</h4>\r\nHere on my blog, it''s easy for me to feel a closeness with many of you. We keep up a lively, interesting dialogue, sharing stories and perspectives. In the comment he left on my post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280">"What we learn from moments of fear,"</a> <a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/">JebDickerson</a> said this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>There’s an interesting intersection occurring at this moment in time, and I believe it’s unlike anything that has preceded it. Our ability to connect is unprecedented, at least in terms of breadth…though, certainly in my experience, depth as well. P’raps it’s a bit pathetic, but I’ve had more meaningful conversations with you, and others around the web, than I have in years with people I know and talk with in person.</em></p>\r\nAt the same time, <strong>it''s so surreal to be pouring out my heart and mind here on a regular basis to so many people I really don''t know at all.</strong> More than three-quarters of my readers are just statistics on Google Analytics—I know you''re out there, but that''s about all.\r\n\r\nAnother reader, <a href="http://bettyduffy.blogspot.com/">Betty Duffy</a>, said it perfectly in a comment she left on my February 12 post about social media, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=269">"How fast can you really add?"</a> Here''s an excerpt:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>The thing I find interesting about blogging, is that it’s sort of like sending a personal letter out to whomever wants to read it. Personal blogs can seem very intimate even if they’re selective in what they present. As a consequence, I can read your blog, feel like I know you, yet if I choose not to comment or make my presence here known, you have no idea I exist. It’s so odd. </em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Step to the plate, people! (pretty please)</h4>\r\nI''m not trying to call anyone out, or make you feel like you''re not allowed to lurk. If you like what you''re reading at Halfway to Normal, and you really need to keep on lurking, for whatever reason, that''s cool.\r\n\r\nBut unless you have a good reason not to, speak up! You don''t have to say anything profound or witty about what you''ve read here. Just tell me something random, whether it''s big or little—you come from a family of 9 kids, or you''re a cancer survivor, or your passion is cake decorating, or you want to travel to Figi before you die.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m just really interested in knowing <em>something</em> about who''s out there. I want a clearer, more comprehensive picture of this community.</strong> I realize we won''t automatically all be best friends, just because a handful of you tell me one thing about yourself. But it''s something. It''s a start.\r\n\r\n(Oh—one more "getting to know you" thing. If you''re wondering why some people who comment get pictures of themselves, and you don''t, it''s because they''ve signed up at <a href="http://en.gravatar.com/">Gravatar</a> for a globally-recognized avatar. Check it out! I''d love to see your face, or at least something that visually represents you.)\r\n\r\n<em>If you have a blog and like this idea, I hope you''ll follow suit and ask your readers to tell you something about them. We can start a whole movement of bloggers getting to know their audience, rather than the audience always hearing about the bloggers.</em>', 'Becoming (slightly) more than a face in the crowd', 0, '<em>Step out of the shadows and tell me something about you.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'becoming-slightly-more-than-a-face-in-the-crowd', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=280\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=269\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=269\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=269', '2009-03-04 14:18:39', '2009-03-04 18:18:39', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=282', 0, 'post', '', 37),
(283, 1, '2009-02-27 03:34:45', '2009-02-27 07:34:45', '', '2757099172_c3ac2d9df6', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2757099172_c3ac2d9df6', '', '', '2009-02-27 03:34:45', '2009-02-27 07:34:45', '', 282, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2757099172_c3ac2d9df6.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(284, 1, '2009-03-02 13:44:53', '2009-03-02 17:44:53', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3085533992_88f78ec934.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-285" title="3085533992_88f78ec934" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3085533992_88f78ec934.jpg" alt="" width="466" height="332" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/shaun/">Judith Green</a></h5>\r\nToday''s my birthday. I''ve always found birthdays, as an adult, to be somewhat odd. The strangeness has become even more pronounced since having kids of my own.\r\n\r\n<strong>It seems silly to make a big to-do over your own birthday</strong>, or to secretly hope someone else will throw together a huge birthday bash. <strong>But it''s really kind of sad to let it pass without a festive nod of some sort.</strong> Do you feel that way, too?\r\n\r\nSimilarly, as a blogger it feels funny to draw attention to my birthday by writing about it, but it feels wrong to let it pass by without mention.\r\n\r\nSigh. I guess this is just the kind of state I''m in right now. I''m going to acknowledge it, accept it, and share with you a few of the thoughts that are in my mind today. (And then I''ll get back to all of the wonderful sharing you all did on my last post. Promise!)\r\n<h4>Age has a whole lot to do with context</h4>\r\nI''m turning 39 today, which feels like a big deal. It seems so impossible, and sounds so <em>old</em>! Living in a university town as I''ve approached 40 has really thrown me. Everywhere I look, I see 19-year-olds. I need to find out what the mean age in this town is, compared to a typical city. Whatever it is, it''s definitely mean.\r\n\r\n<strong>After my divorce, at 33, I was suddenly VERY aware of my age.</strong> I had my kids, so it wasn''t a biological clock thing, but I sensed how old I was getting—in a hurry. A new clock ticking. It was the "I have a small window of time to meet a new man while I''m still relatively hot" clock. It''s kind of embarrassing to admit this, but it was definitely going through my head.\r\n\r\nWhen I met Jason, who is five years younger than me, I clearly had scored BIG. But at first, I was self-conscious about our age difference—it made me feel older, not younger. I''ve gradually gotten over that, though, and we feel like exactly the same age. The oldest of our three girls is his, which somehow evens it out. We were both born in the 1970s, too, which helps in some bizarre psychological way. And women live longer then men. Especially women in my family. Both of my grandmothers are in their 90s.\r\n<h4>Embracing this reality, without a grudge</h4>\r\nI''ve also, in the past year, experienced an overall shift in how I think about age. <strong>For the first time in probably five years, I feel great about how old I am.</strong> The fact that I''m even publishing my age here on my blog shows great progress. I think a couple of different things have helped me embrace my near-40 state.\r\n\r\nOne is that I still regularly get mistaken for someone ten years younger. I am consistently amused by this, but I''m not complaining. A little hair color, somewhat regular exercise, and the fact that I inherited my grandmother''s amazing skin and my parents'' metabolism go a long way.\r\n\r\nThe other is that I''ve met all kinds of really wonderful people this past year, on Twitter and on their blogs. These people are funny, smart, interesting, and full of wisdom and wit. And most of them are <em>my age or even older!</em> I kid you not!\r\n\r\nThis was like a revelation to me, living in this town with so many 20-year-old hotties. <strong>As it turns out, and as so many of you have demonstrated, being near-40 is hot.</strong>\r\n\r\nI have experiences to draw on and stories to tell. I have stretch marks to wear proudly like war wounds, constant reminders of how my children made it onto this earth. I find I just don''t spend time worrying about so many of the silly things I used to stress about, because I have a much bigger picture to place them in, and I''m able to realize how little they really matter in that big picture.\r\n\r\n<strong>In short, I''ve finally figured out how to really like and accept myself, exactly as I am.</strong> And it ultimately doesn''t matter what age any of us is at when that happens—it''s bound to be a beautiful one.', 'Birthday-inspired thoughts on getting older', 0, '<em>What it took for me to finally realize that near-40 is the new hot.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'birthday-inspired-thoughts-on-getting-older', '', '', '2009-03-02 13:47:22', '2009-03-02 17:47:22', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=284', 0, 'post', '', 18),
(285, 1, '2009-03-02 13:39:15', '2009-03-02 17:39:15', '', '3085533992_88f78ec934', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3085533992_88f78ec934', '', '', '2009-03-02 13:39:15', '2009-03-02 17:39:15', '', 284, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3085533992_88f78ec934.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(286, 1, '2009-03-04 14:17:06', '2009-03-04 18:17:06', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3000348532_f9d3cae005.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-287" title="3000348532_f9d3cae005" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3000348532_f9d3cae005.jpg" alt="" width="462" height="354" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/28228039@N02/">Patrick Kiteley</a></h5>\r\nIt''s suddenly dawning on me: the Status Update is a strange, strange animal. (Am I late getting to this party?)\r\n\r\nThe strangeness is not necessarily on the surface of each individual status update on Facebook or Twitter. For the most part, I really enjoy getting this glimpse into the daily lives of my far-flung friends. (If I didn''t enjoy it, being on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitter">Twitter</a> would drive me mad.)\r\n\r\n<strong>What''s strange is the way status updates make me reflect on what''s <em>really</em> happening in my life, and how they leave me wondering what''s <em>really</em> going on in the lives of others.</strong>\r\n\r\nLike with every communication, <strong>status updates are partly about what''s being said, and partly about what''s NOT being said</strong>—what a person chooses to include and leave out, and what''s really behind these choices we consciously or subconsciously make.\r\n\r\nThere''s been some pretty funny chatter on Twitter recently—sparked by my good friend <a href="http://twitter.com/ChuckWestbrook">@ChuckWestbrook</a> —about the ridiculousness of a certain brand of Facebook status update. Chuck calls them "faux-casual status updates proving how awesome your life is." Here''s an example he gave:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">The thinly veiled brag on fitness, "Feeling lazy for not running. Going to be hard to break the 3 hour mark in the marathon next month."</span></span></em></p>\r\nIt''s like the famous job interview question: What is your biggest fault? The answer, of course, is that you''re a workaholic, or you''re too detail-oriented, or you''re good at so many things it''s hard to know where to direct your amazing skills. In other words, it''s a way to say something wonderful about yourself while toning down the brag factor. News flash: it''s even more annoying than blatant bragging.\r\n\r\n<strong>We do have exciting things going on in our lives, though—things we are proud of and have every right to be. Is there an acceptable way to share them with our so-called friends?</strong> (Maybe this is the problem—we''ve opened our arms too wide on Facebook and Twitter, and our communities have become too large for that necessary sense of mutual trust and affection. But that''s a whole new post for another day.)\r\n<h4>Your status updates are actually about everyone else (sort of)</h4>\r\nThis is where the other layer of strangeness comes into the whole status update phenomena: <strong>Status updates do, in fact, unwittingly involve others, even though they''re meant to be simple reflections of an isolated self.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''ve found it''s almost impossible to just say what I''m actually doing or thinking and leave it at that. I tend to wonder how it will be read and taken in by everyone else. <strong>And when it''s all said and done, and all of my status updates are strung together, I have to wonder what kind of self-portrait I''m painting.</strong> Is it accurate? Is it depressing? Is it annoying? Does it look anything like my real self living my real life?\r\n\r\nI do try. And sometimes trying hard means just the opposite—letting go. Last night, I let go and tweeted this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">tonight: seriously messed up sinuses &amp; blood sugar. also overwhelmed by tax info gathering, stressful late night music rehearsal &amp; fatigue.</span></span></em></p>\r\nThen I worried, caught myself, and tweeted this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">also: regretting being such a downer. I have a lot to be grateful for.</span></span></em></p>\r\nIt''s all true. In the first tweet, I''m trying to be as real as I can in 140 characters. I don''t want to tweet only when my life is humming along perfectly. The truth is, I haven''t felt this overwhelmed in many months. I feel like I''m barely one step in front of dozens of deadlines, like a criminal who''s living life one step ahead of the law. I wake up each morning aware of a certain undeniable heaviness.\r\n\r\nIt''s also true, that when I''m feeling sorry for myself, I tend to immediately think of all that I have. Jason and I have jobs. We have a home we can afford. We''re healthy, and so are our kids (aside from a headache here and a bit of strep there). I don''t want my relatively small problems to come across as whiny and disrespectful to people who have real problems looming, like foreclosure or cancer treatments.\r\n<h4>Striving to keep it real (can that be my schtick?)</h4>\r\nOn Twitter, there seems to be two common approaches to life''s struggles: Either your schtick is being the King/Queen of Positive Thinking and you NEVER acknowledge anything negative, or you use every negative aspect of your life as key comedic ingredients in your endlessly entertaining tweets.\r\n\r\nI''m not good at either approach (even though I sort of enjoy reading people who can pull off the second one much more than I enjoy reading people who attempt the first). If I tried them, they would just be "approaches," not reflections of my true self. My halfway-to-normal self, in the end, is all I have to offer.\r\n\r\nLuckily, there are always good people who want nothing more from anyone than that.', 'Checking our status updates against reality', 0, '<em>Searching for the balance between real & funny & depressing & honest.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'checking-our-status-updates-against-reality', '', '', '2009-03-04 15:50:51', '2009-03-04 19:50:51', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=286', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(287, 1, '2009-03-04 14:02:20', '2009-03-04 18:02:20', '', '3000348532_f9d3cae005', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3000348532_f9d3cae005', '', '', '2009-03-04 14:02:20', '2009-03-04 18:02:20', '', 286, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/3000348532_f9d3cae005.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(288, 1, '2009-03-06 16:20:52', '2009-03-06 20:20:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2695493384_b349cf6d1c.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-289" title="2695493384_b349cf6d1c" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2695493384_b349cf6d1c.jpg" alt="" width="480" height="318" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/geishaboy500/">geishaboy500</a></h5>\r\nI''ve never been a fan of the Old Testament.\r\n\r\nI guess that''s why I''ve never read the entire Bible—I can''t seem to discipline myself to get through the endless recitation of family lineage, the long line of cruel kings, the blood and revenge, the famines and plagues, the inexplicable supernatural occurrences, and the wrathful anger of God.\r\n\r\nFor the most part, not knowing every last detail about the Old Testament has seemed acceptable to me. After all, the most important aspect of what I believe is focused on Jesus—who he was and is, how he lived and treated others, and how I can strive to be more like him.\r\n\r\nI was raised in a church where it was important to know OT Bible stories, and to understand what they teach us about God, but we weren''t expected to know the Bible, inside and out. There weren''t races to find certain passages, or Bible trivia competitions. It was pretty low-key.\r\n\r\nThen I went to a Christian college, an experience that took me by surprise in many ways. <strong>One of the things I realized about myself, very quickly, was that I didn''t really know the Bible.</strong> Where the heck was Malachi, anyway? And why had I never heard of Nahum? I was at a disadvantage, but it''s one I''ve never been very motivated to overcome.\r\n<h4>Getting over my distaste for the Old Testament (and practicing scales)</h4>\r\nA couple of weeks ago, our small group from church wrapped up one study and started talking about what we wanted to read and discuss next. A few people expressed interest in studying a minor prophet. Gulp.\r\n\r\n<strong>Not only did the idea not appeal to me at all, I was intimidated by it.</strong> Jason and I lead our group''s studies, and I feel ill-equipped to provide any leadership at all in this area. I also felt embarrassed by my general distaste for the bulk of the Bible, though, so I silenced my naysaying thoughts (secretly hoping someone else might shoot down the idea).\r\n\r\nNo one did, so on Wednesday evening, our small group began digging into the first chapter of <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Habakkuk">Habakkuk</a>, in which the prophet asks God the biggest of all questions, of all time: If you are an all-powerful God, why do you let horrible things happen in the world? (Good question, eh?)\r\n\r\nI''ve been thinking more about my avoidance of the OT, and suddenly it hit me. I know what it reminds me of: playing scales. <strong>For me, the Old Testament is the equivalent of a musician learning and practicing scales.</strong> More specifically, reading the OT makes me feel like a kid who''s been told she has to sit down and practice her scales for a solid 20 minutes. It feels rote and dull, not satisfying or rewarding. I''m always tempted to skip right over it and get to the parts that draw me to music in the first place.\r\n\r\n<strong>But the scales are the foundation of everything that comes next—everything is built on it. From that drudgery comes the music, and everything that soars and sings. </strong>Scales teach you how to move you fingers, strengthening them and making them nimble. You learn how the notes go together, and how they don''t, and what the extremes sound like, and how each possibility makes you feel. Scales prepare you.\r\n<h4>Why I can''t avoid the ugly, even though I''d like to</h4>\r\nAs it turned out, our Habakkuk discussion Wednesday evening was really engaging. I bet you knew I was going to say that I''m liking Habakkuk. It''s sort of a Hollywood-style turn of events, isn''t it? But still, I''m surprised. I thought I might warm to the <em>idea</em> of studying Habakkuk, but that I wouldn''t <em>really</em> enjoy it.\r\n\r\n<strong>Here''s what I''m realizing about all of the horrible things that happen in the OT: These stories do not represent a bunch of rules we''re supposed to follow.</strong> It''s not a guidebook to help us wreak havoc in the world. (And I''m not a Bible scholar, so this is just what occurred to me, not what I''ve learned in some deep, theological study.)\r\n\r\nThe OT is a collection of historical stories that demonstrate how messed up we are, as people. <strong>Ultimately, it shows me how desperately the world needed—and still needs—Jesus, to show us how to bring some harmony, peace and love to a messed up world.</strong> I <em>think</em> (but let me know if I''m way off) that even people who don''t believe Jesus is the son of God are able to see how his life is a model for overcoming all that is bad in the world, and ushering in all that is good.\r\n\r\n<strong>To ignore or avoid the Old Testament is </strong><strong>like denying the bad stuff in myself.</strong> It would be like refusing to tell the less-than-pretty stories about my own life—to pretend that I never got a divorce, that I''ve never hurt anyone, I never fail, and everything is always shiny and happy and perfect for me. If I ignore all of that, then my own redemption stories and signs of new growth and life ultimately mean nothing.', 'Learning from the parts I don''t like', 0, '<em>I''ve never liked the Old Testament, but I think I''m starting to get it.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'learning-from-the-parts-i-dont-like', '', '', '2009-03-06 16:24:46', '2009-03-06 20:24:46', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=288', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(289, 1, '2009-03-06 16:08:46', '2009-03-06 20:08:46', '', '2695493384_b349cf6d1c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2695493384_b349cf6d1c', '', '', '2009-03-06 16:08:46', '2009-03-06 20:08:46', '', 288, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2695493384_b349cf6d1c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(290, 1, '2009-03-09 14:04:11', '2009-03-09 18:04:11', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/faces.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-291" title="faces" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/faces.jpg" alt="" width="480" height="422" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/spigoo/">Spigoo</a></h5>\r\nIt''s been confirmed: My readers are really wonderful, amazing people. I am very happy to be able to call you friends.\r\n\r\nTwo weeks ago, in the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=282">Becoming (slightly) more than a face in the crowd</a>, I asked you to share something about yourself with me. As <a href="http://www.travelinlocal.com/">LisaNewton</a> wrote "I always try to remember that behind every word written online, there is a face and a person attached to the keyboard typing the words." I wanted those faces and people to come into focus a bit more, and they have.\r\n\r\nBut I realized you weren''t just sharing with me, you were sharing with our little community here on Halfway to Normal. That''s incredibly important, when it comes to creating a stronger sense of community and encouraging conversation.\r\n\r\nThirty of you opened yourselves up, just a bit. Now I''m going to tell you what I''ve learned, and what I really like about you.\r\n<h4>You''re quirky, and very much YOU.</h4>\r\nI love quirky details—the things that surprise and confuse and throw us for little loops about people. These are the things that beat back stereotypes and make you exactly who you are. <strong>Anne,</strong> for instance, always manages to burn her hands when she''s cooking. <a href="http://www.lorilynh.typepad.com/">Lori-Lyn</a> loves her pug. A LOT. <a href="http://paceandkyeli.com/">Pace</a> is a Dance Dance Revolution champion, and used to hate ducks for no apparent reason. <strong>Mark</strong> loves drinking tea out of the Johnson Brother’s china I inherited from his grandmother. <strong>Gregory</strong> loves taking long road trips alone, as long as he knows friends are waiting at the end of his journey. <a href="http://www.lifewithoutpants.com/">Matt</a> loudly sings "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch every time it comes on, and <a href="http://shelfie.blogspot.com/">Shell</a> doesn''t wear makeup.\r\n<h4>You''re like me in many ways.</h4>\r\nWe all love to meet people we have things in common with. It''s a fact. It was fun (although not at all surprising) to discover how much I have in common with so many of you. <a href="http://www.tjhirst.com/">TJ</a> is a Midwesterner who is spiritually tuned-in and writes to understand herself and the world around her. <a href="http://www.lorilynh.typepad.com/">Lori-Lyn</a> is a seeker, and <a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/">Jeb</a> is working hard, every day, to be content exactly where he is, with who he is. <a href="http://compostermom.blogspot.com/">Daisy</a> is a Midwesterner, a mom and a blogger. <strong>Anne</strong> loved <em>The Boxcar Children</em> books as a child, and <a href="http://delightedscribbler.blogspot.com/">Laura Tamayo</a> LOVES coffee—she sees it as much more than just a drink (I completely agree). You''re extroverts (<strong>Jonelle</strong>) like me, and music lovers (<strong>Mark</strong>, <strong>Cobalt-Blue</strong> and <strong>ChristinA</strong>), and you write for a living (<a href="http://themoderngal.blogspot.com/">The Modern Gal</a>). You sound just like I feel when you share your love for blogging (<a href="http://modite.com/blog/">Rebecca</a> and <a href="http://www.intersectedblog.com/">Jamie</a>). Some of you even live in my town (<strong>Lorna</strong>, <a href="http://nishachittal.wordpress.com/">Nisha</a> and <strong>Pam</strong>). I see so much of myself in you.\r\n<h4>And yet you''re not like me.</h4>\r\nI also love discovering how you''re different from me. It makes my world more broad and rich. <strong>Becca</strong>, a dear friend I''ve known for years, is introverted and feels like she has nothing important to say (she has lots to say, of course, but that''s not the point—her response to the world around her is different from mine, and that''s a good thing). While I love music, I don''t "eat, breath, and sleep music" like <strong>Cobalt-Blue</strong>. While I''m spiritual, my church experience is different from <a href="http://www.tjhirst.com/">TJ</a>''s membership with the LDS.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://nishachittal.wordpress.com/">Nisha</a> is extremely restless, <a href="http://themoderngal.blogspot.com/">The Modern Gal</a> is an only child, <a href="http://accountingchick.blogspot.com/">Sarah</a> is a college student, <a href="http://me-unplugged.com/">Stef</a> has lived in a foreign country and is struggling with being unemployed. <a href="http://shelfie.blogspot.com/">Shell</a> lives in Alaska, and <a href="http://cfcl.com/vlb/">Vicki</a> lives in California and has four cats. I''ve never experienced any of those things. And then there''s <strong>Elaine</strong>, who is a cancer survivor who had a bone marrow transplant. She has amazing stories to tell—stories I could never begin to tell, because I can''t imagine her experience.\r\n<h4>You''re dreamers, and you''re trying new things.</h4>\r\nI love not just that you''re dreamers, but that you''re willing to step out and shared your dreams with the rest of us. That takes a certain amount of guts, and ultimately hope in the future. <a href="http://www.ashleygraceless.com/">Ashley</a> dreams of quitting her job and making a living as a freelancer. I believe she''s going to make it happen. <strong>Cobalt-Blue</strong> is branching out from classical music into jazz. <a href="http://blog.lifeconcoctions.com/">Leslie</a> wants to be a life coach some day, and <a href="http://mothershaffer.wordpress.com/">Mothershaffer</a> is throwing herself into her new blog. <a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/">Jeb</a> is simply a dreamer to the core.\r\n<h4>You''re willing to be vulnerable.</h4>\r\nThis was perhaps my favorite part of the sharing you did. We go through so much of life, day by day, not being real with each other, which makes it harder for us to be real with ourselves. But here, I hope being real feels safe. That seems to be the case for many of you.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.ashleygraceless.com/">Ashley</a> shared her "fear of not succeeding" as a freelancer, and how that keeps her at her "dayjob feeling bored and confused." <a href="http://delightedscribbler.blogspot.com/">Laura Tamayo</a> admits there are things she <em>wishes</em> she wanted, but doesn''t (like being a vegetarian). <a href="http://modite.com/blog/">Rebecca</a> worries that she''s "building online relationships at the expense of real ones," and says letting people in is "extra scary." <a href="http://www.intersectedblog.com/">Jamie</a> wonders if she''ll ever be successful in her career AND in a relationship.  <strong>Jonelle</strong> says she''s "never had a lot of faith in [her] writing ability," and every day she misses her dad, who died 10 years ago. <a href="http://nishachittal.wordpress.com/">Nisha</a>''s feelings about money get her in trouble sometimes, and <strong>Trina</strong> wishes she "would just do it." I feel so much closer to all of you for sharing your hurts and fears.\r\n<h4>Ultimately, you want to be known, and understood.</h4>\r\n<strong>More than anything else, what we share in common, as human beings, is the desire to be heard, and to know we''re not alone.</strong> Reading about you just affirmed for me, once again, that we share that basic, human need. <strong>Trina</strong> wrote "I appreciate the chance to be a bit more known by you,â€ and <strong>Vicki</strong> wrote "thanks for asking." I am so very glad I did.\r\n\r\nAs <strong>Gregory</strong> said, these online connections are about "helping people feel more loved and appreciated, less isolated and misunderstood. And that’s the most human kind of interaction I can imagine, even if it happens through high-tech media and machines.â€', 'What I know (and really like) about YOU', 0, '<em>You told me about YOU, and I like you even more than I expected.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-i-know-and-really-like-about-you', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=282', '2009-03-09 14:04:11', '2009-03-09 18:04:11', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=290', 0, 'post', '', 13),
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(292, 1, '2009-03-10 14:52:27', '2009-03-10 18:52:27', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2371785422_972e42b968.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-295" title="2371785422_972e42b968" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2371785422_972e42b968.jpg" alt="" width="490" height="392" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/aidanmorgan/">John-Morgan</a></h5>\r\nSpring has always been my favorite season, if I had to pick just one. I remember as a child keying into <em>exactly</em> how spring made me feel, and loving it more because of that feeling than because of any specific aspect of spring.\r\n\r\nAs I was walking today, thinking about that very particular way the world smells and I feel right now, I started a little brainstorming project in my head, for fun. Then I thought how much <em>more</em> fun it would be if you added your ideas to mine.\r\n\r\n<strong>So here''s the assignment: Complete the sentence "It''s that time of year, when...." </strong>Share one idea or share a few. Most importantly, have fun!\r\n\r\nKeep in mind, I live in Central Illinois. We think 50 degrees is downright balmy, right now. If you live somewhere that allows you to complete the sentence this way: "...I remember what it feels like to fall asleep at the beach and get a sunburn," then I''m not so sure you should participate. It won''t really fit in the picture the rest of us are painting. (Plus it will just make everyone jealous. :) You don''t want that, do you?)\r\n\r\nSo. Here''s my start to our springtime brainstorm. Go!\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s that time of year, when...</strong>\r\n\r\nyou think it''s warm enough to eat dinner outside, so you get everything set up, happily fake comfort for about five minutes, then move everything back inside.\r\n\r\nyou send the kids off to school in the morning in light jackets and then feel like a terrible parent when you hear on the radio it''s only 30 degrees out.\r\n\r\nyou''re so excited about the crocuses blooming that you''re willing to imagine that every piece of trash in the yard is a flower. (Yes, this actually happened to us.)\r\n\r\nsuddenly everyone becomes a bird watcher, for about one month. (Then most of them forget about birds until next spring.)\r\n\r\nthe smaller children can no longer trick her parents into a once-a-week bathing routine—the dirt becomes too obvious.\r\n\r\nyou brew up your first batch of iced coffee or iced tea, and put it in the fridge.\r\n\r\nyou think about getting a dog, in part because nothing sounds better than taking lots of walks and playing fetch in the yard.\r\n\r\neveryone''s dresser drawers are overflowing as cold-weather and warm-weather wardrobes overlap.\r\n\r\nyou grudgingly realize you''re going to have to start tending to your leg hair on a regular basis.\r\n\r\nyou swear you''re going to do whatever it takes throughout the year to make tax time go more smoothly <em>next</em> year. (That lasts for about two months, of course.)\r\n\r\nyou feel generally disoriented by the time on the clock and the light in the sky, which results in a slightly drugged, aimless, happy-go-lucky buzz that I inextricably tie to spring.\r\n<h4><em>Which of these spring experiences do you particularly relate to? And how do you complete the sentence "It''s that time of year when..."?</em></h4>', 'A springtime brainstorm ', 0, '<em>Several sure signs of spring. Add yours to the list!</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-springtime-brainstorm', '', '', '2009-03-10 14:52:27', '2009-03-10 18:52:27', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=292', 0, 'post', '', 16),
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(294, 1, '2009-03-10 14:41:50', '2009-03-10 18:41:50', '', '2371785422_972e42b968_m', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2371785422_972e42b968_m', '', '', '2009-03-10 14:41:50', '2009-03-10 18:41:50', '', 292, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2371785422_972e42b968_m.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(295, 1, '2009-03-10 14:44:11', '2009-03-10 18:44:11', '', '2371785422_972e42b968', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2371785422_972e42b968', '', '', '2009-03-10 14:44:11', '2009-03-10 18:44:11', '', 292, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2371785422_972e42b968.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(296, 1, '2009-03-12 13:00:33', '2009-03-12 17:00:33', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/newlife.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-297" title="newlife" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/newlife.jpg" alt="" width="464" height="487" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/keithkwok/">Keith Kwok</a></h5>\r\nIf you''ve spent much time at Halfway to Normal, then you know I write the occasional "Christians Against Christians" post. (If you want to see them, click on Christians Against Christians in the tag cloud.)\r\n\r\nI''ll admit, the phrase <em>is</em> a gimmick of sorts. My primary goal is to inspire a double-take, putting together a collection of words that make people go "wait, whaaat?" <strong>I want to make people stop and wonder, while hopefully communicating "Not All Christians Are Like That," (whatever "that" is, in your mind).</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat got me thinking about all of this again was a study that came out on Monday, about the sharp decline of people who claim some sort of religion. I''m not a fan of <em>USA Today</em>, but this is the best article I''ve seen on the study yet: <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-03-09-american-religion-ARIS_N.htm">"Most Religious Groups in USA Have Lost Ground, Study Says."</a> (You can see the study here: the <a href="http://www.americanreligionsurvey-aris.org/">American Religious Identification Survey</a>.)\r\n\r\n<strong>"The percentage of people who call themselves in some way Christian has dropped more than 11% in a generation," </strong>the <em>USA Today</em> article says. "So many Americans claim no religion at all (15%, up from 8% in 1990), that this category now outranks every other major U.S. religious group except Catholics and Baptists."\r\n\r\nBarry Kosmin, the survey''s co-author, came to this conclusion: <strong>"religion has become more like a fashion statement, not a deep personal commitment for many."</strong>\r\n\r\nOUCH!\r\n\r\nBut I''m SO not surprised to learn this. Or to hear that ex-Catholic Dylan Rossi, 21, says, "If religion comes up, everyone at the table will start mocking it. I don''t know anyone religious and hardly anyone ''spiritual.'' "\r\n<h4>My response: a slice of cringe, followed by a bigger portion of hope</h4>\r\n<strong>One part of me—the very world-focused, human-centered part of me—finds this really sad and embarrassing.</strong> It''s like being a fan of the worst team in football. (Can someone tell me which team that would be?) Except every time you turn on the news, instead of hearing the crushing score of last night''s game and the commentators joking about it, we hear news of so-called believers being judgmental, and protesting same sex marriage, and carrying signs around that say <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/froboy/3342772061/in/set-72157614979271411/">"God hates the world."</a> We hear Dylan Rossi and his friends mocking believers, and wondering how anyone with any sense can actually believe.\r\n\r\n<strong>But there''s another part of me—the part that''s tuned into my soul and doesn''t care so much what people think. That part hears a tiny, urgent inner whisper: "It is time."</strong> Jason woke up this past Sunday morning with those three words persistently needling him, and he isn''t one who often claims to hear the word of God so distinctly.\r\n<h4>It is time.</h4>\r\n<strong>It''s time to put to rest our tired old ways of doing church and of relating to God. </strong>It''s time to cut down that dead tree that isn''t bearing any fruit. It''s time to let the old die off and make way for something new.\r\n\r\n<strong>This is what God is all about, after all: creating something new. And usually, before that can happen, we have to go through a painful pruning process, to make room for the newness.</strong> That was the case for me, throughout the several years surrounding my divorce. I can assure you, it isn''t pleasant. But it was necessary. That''s why, when Jason and I got married almost two years ago, this verse was on our wedding invitations:\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"</em>\r\n2 Corinthians 5:17</p>\r\nIt''s time to open ourselves up to what''s new, and to look past the dusty traditions, the old structures of belief, and the maddening headlines, in search of good fruit.\r\n<h4><em>Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Matthew 7:17-20</em></h4>', 'Making room for new life in an old faith', 0, '<em>Belief is on the decline in the US, but painful pruning brings hope.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'making-room-for-new-life-in-an-old-faith', '', '', '2009-03-12 13:00:33', '2009-03-12 17:00:33', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=296', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(297, 1, '2009-03-12 12:45:57', '2009-03-12 16:45:57', '', 'newlife', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'newlife', '', '', '2009-03-12 12:45:57', '2009-03-12 16:45:57', '', 296, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/newlife.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(298, 1, '2009-03-16 12:03:46', '2009-03-16 16:03:46', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/135148433_1289ec1831.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-299" title="135148433_1289ec1831" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/135148433_1289ec1831.jpg" alt="" width="408" height="544" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/kikisdad/">Cdt 2005</a></h5>\r\nI think Jason and I have been failing our kids.\r\n\r\nNot entirely, of course. Our home has a lot of great things I think kids need, like piles of love and snuggles, and shelves upon shelves of books and games, and healthy, interesting food and conversation.\r\n\r\n<strong>What we don''t have is what you might call a "sporting approach" to family fun.</strong>\r\n\r\nWe''re not <em>that family</em>—the one who''s always outside together playing catch and working on hand-eye coordination. We don''t have a basketball hoop affixed to the garage, like I did when I was growing up. We''re not the family biking to the park with a soccer ball and football—we''re the family biking to the park with a yummy picnic and some books and maybe a frisbee, which counts for something, but not for the topic in question.\r\n\r\nI''m pretty much as far from a soccer mom as you can get.\r\n<h4>Is love easy like coasting, or more focused, like steering?</h4>\r\nTo be honest, I''ve never really thought about it much. Our kids love art and music and creative play, and they also enjoy being outside—biking and hiking, gardening and camping. <strong>I''ve always made a point of not being the kind of parent who pushes their kids into doing something they don''t feel naturally compelled to do, just because "all the other kids are doing it."</strong>\r\n\r\nSo we were just coasting along, encouraging our girls in the artsy things they naturally love. Then one day, I started to panic. The girls swim like fish, but when it comes to team sports, they''re at a loss. S, at eight, really doesn''t know how to throw or catch, let alone swing a bat to hit a ball, or dribble a basketball.\r\n\r\nWill they be mocked and feel inadequate for the rest of their lives? I''ve never been the star, but I played tennis and softball growing up, and I can join in a game at a family reunion or church picnic without feeling humiliated. <strong>How had we let the girls do their thing for eight and ten years, without even <em>attempting</em> to really work with them on these skills</strong>, or encouraging them to try out a team sport?\r\n\r\nIt was our littlest daughter who woke me up to the fact that this issue was actually an Issue. One day, early last fall as she was starting third grade, she told me she wasn''t <em>really good</em> at anything. Anyone who knows this little eight-year-old actor/writer/scientist/artist would find this laughable, but I managed to swallow my laugh, as well as the maternal protest that rose to the surface.\r\n\r\nWhen I asked some questions and listened a bit more, I quickly learned that her "I''m not good" perspective was rooted on the playground. Then I learned there was a lot of soccer playing and gymnastics practicing going on at recess, and S felt like she could only watch, not participate.\r\n\r\nIt was one of those delicate parenting moments. I wanted to reach for that magic child-rearing manual that unfortunately has never been published—you know, the one that comes with its own crystal ball? Instead, I was going to have to wing it, as usual.\r\n<h4>True parental love is all about teamwork and balance</h4>\r\n<strong>On one hand, all I ever really want for my kids is for them to feel great about exactly who they are.</strong> I long for them to get through life not comparing themselves to others, or comparing one type of talent, like art, to a more widely respected type, like being athletic.\r\n\r\n<strong>But on the other hand, I have to be realistic. I know my kids <em>will</em> compare themselves to others.</strong> It''s part of being human—especially a part of being an adolescent human. I also realize that no amount of well-intended words coming out of my mouth ("you will <em>always</em> be more glad about learning to play the piano than learning to hit a ball," or "I''m sure <em>lots</em> of kids are impressed by your writing abilities") can convince my girls of what they simply need to believe and come to terms with on their own, inside themselves.\r\n\r\nSo I carefully walked the line. <strong>I told S that not being good at a sport was a perfectly valid way to go through life.</strong> That if she really, deep down, didn''t <em>want</em> to devote a lot of time and energy into learning gymnastics or soccer, she certainly didn''t have to. I told her a story about her artist dad who was made to participate on all the teams his older brother had, even though it made him miserable. I didn''t want her to experience that.\r\n\r\nBut then I also told her that if she really wanted to find a sport she liked, and work at it and be on a team, I knew she was fully capable. <strong>I gave her the "you can do anything you put your mind to" speech.</strong> I said that giving something like that a try was a good way to find out how she really felt about it, and I said Jason and I would commit to working with her and supporting her in her endeavor.\r\n\r\nS thought it all through, then told me she really wanted to learn to play soccer. Jason started regularly taking her out into the yard and kicking the ball around. Then one day it occurred to me that one of our favorite babysitters has played college-level soccer, so we hired her to teach S some techniques once a week through the fall. I watched S blossom with this new skill and confidence. She came back from her lessons and played "coach," teaching us what she was learning.\r\n<h4>Taking a deep breath and trying something new</h4>\r\nToday, S has her first soccer practice on a park district team. She''s been brimming with excitement since I signed her up two weeks ago, wearing her soccer jersey and shorts and shin guards around, and running outside to practice dribbling and kicking whenever she gets the chance.\r\n\r\n<strong>A big part of me is still a bit worried and protective.</strong> What if she ends up feeling worse about herself through this experience—like she can''t keep up with everyone who''s been playing soccer since kindergarten? What if it''s really frustrating, and she wants to quit?\r\n\r\n<strong>But a bigger part of me is really excited for her.</strong> Just to see her filled with so much anticipation and possibility is exciting. Even if soccer doesn''t end up being "her thing," I know we''re going to learn a lot and have lots of great life-applicable conversations through it all. And I''ll get a taste of what this whole soccer mom thing is all about.', 'Parenting is not a spectator sport', 0, '<em>How much should we push our kids versus just accepting who they are?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'parenting-is-not-a-spectator-sport', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:58:28', '2009-06-15 19:58:28', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=298', 0, 'post', '', 18),
(299, 1, '2009-03-16 01:02:28', '2009-03-16 05:02:28', '', '135148433_1289ec1831', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '135148433_1289ec1831', '', '', '2009-03-16 01:02:28', '2009-03-16 05:02:28', '', 298, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/135148433_1289ec1831.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(300, 1, '2009-03-18 14:01:21', '2009-03-18 18:01:21', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-302" title="41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="500" /></a>\r\n\r\nWith the divorce rate what it is in this country, I find it amazing how unrealistic and even lame the general societal response still is to the issue.\r\n\r\n<strong>On one end of the spectrum, you have the "What We Don''t Talk About Doesn''t Actually Exist" crowd.</strong> They believe denial is the best way to deal with a problem, or something really sad. While they''re at it, they''re busy teaching their kids this handy technique, too.\r\n\r\n<strong>Then you have the "A Bit of Your Drama Adds Spice to My Life" crowd.</strong> They like to hear about a divorce from someone other than the divorcee, shake their heads sadly in an overly-dramatized fashion, feel sorry for the poor poor children, and then spread the news as dramatically and often as they can.\r\n\r\nAs a Christian who has been divorced, I get especially worked up about the range of responses from other believers. <strong>Christians certainly fall into the previous two categories, but they also introduce a couple of special sub-categories: the Judgmental This Would Never Happen To Me approach, and the Enlightened This Would Never Happen To Me approach.</strong>\r\n\r\nEveryone''s probably more familiar with the judgmental take than the enlightened one, so I''ll share an example. I recently read a post at a blog I enjoy, <a href="http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/">Stuff Christians Like</a>, called "<a href="http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/02/73-getting-caught-off-guard-by-divorce.html">Getting caught off guard by divorce</a>." The blog is meant to be funny, of course, and I don''t really have a problem with this post. In fact, I''m really glad he wrote about divorce. It''s some of the 100+ reader comments that get me worked up. <strong>Many of these people are proud of their ability to look divorce in the eye, yet are clinging to over-simplified prevention methods</strong> that are actually offensive to people who have lived through a divorce. "Love isn''t a feeling, it''s a decision." "Just remove the word ''divorce'' completely from your vocabulary." "Divorce won''t happen if Christ is at the center of your marriage." You get the idea. Ugh.\r\n<h4>So what''s a never-been-divorced person supposed to do?</h4>\r\nI realize it''s awkward and nearly impossible to know what to say to someone who is going through a difficult experience that you''ve never gone through. What would I say to someone whose spouse died? I have no idea.\r\n\r\nI can, however, share some insight about divorce.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- Acknowledge it for what it is:</strong> a very horrible, painful and sad process with effects that ripple out and lap up against people for years.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- Don''t over-simplify it</strong>, or judge it, or think you would have been able to prevent it. Everyone''s marriage, healthy or dying, is more uniquely complex than anyone else can imagine.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- Take it seriously while keeping in mind that <strong>it''s not the end of the world</strong>. The messes we make can be redeemed, and turned into something good—even beautiful.</p>\r\n\r\n<h4>A book &amp; a community with a message of hope</h4>\r\nJust as I was learning to embrace that last point in my own life, I submitted an essay to the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce/dp/1580052762/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1233862071&amp;sr=8-1"><em>Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On</em></a>. It was accepted, and will be published in June. What appealed to me so much about this project was the way the editor, Candace Walsh, approached the topic: <strong>Even if divorce is not at all what you had in mind for your life, it can be an escape hatch into a better life.</strong>\r\n\r\nBy being published in this book, I''ve joined a community of women who all share this positive, hopeful, life-affirming perspective on divorce. Connecting with these women has been amazing. And I think i<strong>t''s just that perspective that''s too-often missing in people''s understanding of divorce</strong>—whether they''ve experienced divorce or not.\r\n\r\nIf you need more of this perspective in your life, check out the group''s <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce-Women-Open-Up-About-Moving-On-book/68578354720?ref=ts">Facebook fan page</a>, and become a fan. Read the book when it comes out. Try to attend one of the readings being planned (I''ll be at one at Powell''s in Portland on June 22!). In the end, maybe you''ll see the experience a bit more like Marion Winik, who wrote one of the <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce-Women-Open-Up-About-Moving-On-book/68578354720?ref=ts#/note.php?note_id=135596005726&amp;ref=mf">advance blurbs</a> for the book:\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It was as if I''d been swimming the English Channel for months, miserable, cold and lonely, and suddenly there to pull me out was a crowd of beautiful, laughing women in dripping bathing suits, telling stories.\r\n--Marion Winik, author of Above Us Only Sky and The Glen Rock Book of the Dead</em></p>', 'Go ahead—ask me about my divorce', 0, '<em>Is there really a positive way to look at and talk about divorce?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'go-ahead%e2%80%94ask-me-about-my-divorce', '', '', '2009-03-18 14:02:08', '2009-03-18 18:02:08', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(301, 1, '2009-03-18 13:55:21', '2009-03-18 17:55:21', '', '41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_', '', '', '2009-03-18 13:55:21', '2009-03-18 17:55:21', '', 300, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(302, 1, '2009-03-18 13:59:46', '2009-03-18 17:59:46', '', '41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1', '', '', '2009-03-18 13:59:46', '2009-03-18 17:59:46', '', 300, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/41r8lj9d5rl_ss500_1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(303, 1, '2009-03-20 13:30:49', '2009-03-20 17:30:49', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/meandboo.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-304" title="meandboo" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/meandboo.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 90px;"><em>This is me &amp; my brother-in-law''s pug-beagle mix, Boo. Photo by Jason Berg.\r\n</em></h5>\r\nWhen my girls were babies and I was breastfeeding them, my busy days were punctuated by moments of peace and calm. (Don''t worry, I''ll get to the part about dogs, soon.)\r\n\r\nThis was especially true when my second daughter was a baby, and her sister was a busy toddler. I worked part-time as a copywriter at a design firm, and had all the typical household chores to look after. Q was in the midst of potty training (a battle of wills), and was starting to enjoy play dates and other organized activities. <strong>But in the midst of the bustle, I could always count on the baby needing to be fed.</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes, when I was in the middle of gardening, or needed to start dinner, I harbored a touch of resentment towards that hungry baby. "Can''t you just get a snack to hold you over for a while? Or distract yourself with some activity?"\r\n\r\nBut she was a baby, of course, and there was only one thing she needed. And always, <em>always</em>, once I succumbed to her need, I felt grateful. <strong>Someone needed me, and I had permission to set everything else aside to attend to that need.</strong> The best part, was that the need required sitting still, and being completely relaxed. Sometimes I read, but usually I just sat, and enjoyed my baby.\r\n<h4>Busy days punctuated by peaceful intervals</h4>\r\nI''m not having any more babies, though, so you guessed it—this is where the dog comes in.\r\n\r\nBefore you all really start to worry about me, I know a dog is a dog, not a human being. I realize the dog will eat dog food, and I don''t need to hold it while it does. I also know that getting a dog simply in the hopes of filling some hole in my life is unrealistic and possibly even disastrous. Jason and I have talked extensively about the pros and cons of having a dog in our lives, and there are multiple reasons we''ve decided the decision and time are right (most of them revolving around our middle daughter, the Dog Whisperer).\r\n\r\nBut a couple of weeks ago, as I felt my life spinning slightly out of control around me, with too many deadlines and responsibilities, I realized what I wished for. <strong>I wished I had an excuse to just sit, and be calm a few times a day, like when I was breastfeeding.</strong> And it suddenly occurred to me how much love and attention dogs need, and how soothing and relaxing it is just to sit and stroke a dog.\r\n\r\nThe other thing dogs need is regular exercise, which happens to be something I need, too. I can''t count how often I am craving a 20-minute walk in the middle of the day, just to get away from my computer and clear my head, but I usually talk myself out of it because I have "too much to do."\r\n\r\nEven though there will certainly be times when I''d rather not pull myself away from what I''m doing and leave the warm, dry house to walk the dog (just like there were moments when I wished I didn''t have to stop to feed my baby), <strong>I know this routine will be good for me. It will feed my soul and stretch my legs, and offer fresh air and time to think.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s what''s been missing in my life lately, I think, especially now that the girls are getting older and more self-sufficient. I''ve been missing a reason to hit pause on the busyness, and just BE.\r\n<h4>The search for the right dog is on</h4>\r\nThe past month or so we''ve been looking for the right dog to adopt. That saga is worthy of a whole separate blog post, but we just may have met our match. Last night, Jason and I drove out to Zionsville, Indiana, to meet a seven-month-old pug-beagle mix at the home of her foster family. She''s a sweetheart—calm, docile and easygoing. She settled into my lap as if she would have happily stayed there for hours. Petting her silky ears and neck was like a drug, lulling me into a thick, sweet stupor—one that I just might get to experience in my own living room some day soon. I''ll keep you posted.', 'Why every busy family needs a dog', 0, '<em>What I miss about breastfeeding, and what that has to do with getting a dog.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'why-every-busy-family-needs-a-dog', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:58:01', '2009-06-15 19:58:01', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=303', 0, 'post', '', 9),
(304, 1, '2009-03-20 13:19:48', '2009-03-20 17:19:48', '', 'meandboo', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'meandboo', '', '', '2009-03-20 13:19:48', '2009-03-20 17:19:48', '', 303, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/meandboo.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(305, 1, '2009-03-20 13:25:09', '2009-03-20 17:25:09', '', 'meandboo1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'meandboo1', '', '', '2009-03-20 13:25:09', '2009-03-20 17:25:09', '', 303, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/meandboo1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(306, 1, '2009-03-23 01:36:52', '2009-03-23 05:36:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/399240900_e76c0795cc.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-307" title="399240900_e76c0795cc" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/399240900_e76c0795cc.jpg" alt="" width="508" height="339" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/zack-attack/">zack Maccarthy</a></h5>\r\nI''ve always been generally aware of and saddened by the presence of greed in our world. The history books are filled with stories about people who have cheated and stolen and hurt others to get what they think will make them happy.\r\n\r\n<strong>Lately, though, it seems like greed is everywhere.</strong> It''s around every corner, sitting right out in the open. It''s stacked in complex layers upon layers of "I want," and "I must have." In the news, greed is at the heart of half the headlines, and in the other half, you can surely find it embedded somewhere—at least in every negative, heartbreaking story.\r\n\r\nThere are obvious examples, like <a href="http://online.wsj.com/public/page/bernard-madoff.html">Bernie Madoff''s Ponzi scheme</a>, perhaps the greatest financial scandal and example of greed in our time. And we can''t possibly overlook the recent report that possibly more than <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29812224/">$200 million in bonuses</a> are being given to the very AIG executives that got the insurance company in trouble in the first place, requiring a federal bailout of $182.5 billion.\r\n\r\nBut there are other, less obvious stories, too. Like the <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29142654/">Pennsylvania judges</a> who allegedly took $2.6 million in exchange for unfairly sentencing juveniles to privately run youth detention centers. And we also found out that <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idUSTRE5161XQ20090209">New York Yankee star A-Rod</a>, the highest-paid player in baseball, has been working his magic with some help from steroids.\r\n\r\nThe examples of greed in our world just don''t run out. And <strong>I''ve realized that greed doesn''t sadden me any more, like it used to. It makes me flat-out angry.</strong> Enraged is probably a better word for how I feel.\r\n<h4>Getting more comfortable with righteous anger</h4>\r\nI wrote a post recently about my general dislike for the Old Testament (<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=288">Learning from the parts I don''t like</a>). One of my biggest problems with the Old Testament has been "...the long line of cruel kings, the blood and revenge, the famines and plagues...and the wrathful anger of God." Huh. That sounds frighteningly familiar.\r\n\r\nIt''s a good thing I''m slowly getting into the Old Testament a bit more, because one of our pastors is teaching a series on Isaiah 49, and in our small group we''re studying Habakkuk. Last week we talked about chapter 2—ancient scenarios that sidle up too neatly with our current contours. Check this out (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=42&amp;chapter=2">Habakkuk 2:9</a>):\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 60px;"><em>Woe to him who builds his realm by unjust gain\r\nto set his nest on high, to escape the clutches of ruin!\r\nYou have plotted the ruin of many peoples,\r\nshaming your own house and forfeiting your life.</em></p>\r\nSounds sort of like it was in today''s <em>New York Times</em>, doesn''t it? OK, I admit, the reporter would have to be a <em>very</em> old, strange dude with a penchant for drama, but still. Eerie. (There are several similar verses in a row, if you want to read the whole chapter.)\r\n<h4>There''s enough blame for all of us</h4>\r\nOverall, there''s a lot I don''t know. I''m still struggling to wrap my mind around Habakkuk 2 and how it ultimately relates. If I figure it out, I''ll fill you in.\r\n\r\nI also don''t know what to do about the greed that''s rampant, and the people who are hurting because of it. I''m not sure what to do with my anger, either. I believe there''s such a thing as righteous anger, and that it can be fuel for extending justice and mercy to those who have been wronged.\r\n\r\n<strong>But I also know I''m not innocent of this greed. No one is.</strong>\r\n\r\nAnd while I want desperately to point the finger, I heard a <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=101224460">February 27 NPR story</a> that put things into perspective. David Beim, a Columbia Business School professor, explained a chart that shows the history of consumer debt in relation to the national GDP. Usually, consumer debt represents 50 percent of the GDP. Between 2000 and 2008, it has risen to 100 percent.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"That chart is the most striking piece of evidence that I have that what is happening to us is something that goes way beyond toxic assets in banks. It''s something that has little to do with the mechanics of mortgage securitization, or ethics on Wall Street, or anything else," Beim says. "It says: The problem is us. <strong>The problem is not the banks, greedy though they may be, overpaid though they may be. The problem is us.</strong>" </em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>We have overborrowed, Beim says: "We''ve been living very high on the hog. Our living standard has been rising dramatically in the last 25 years. And we have been borrowing much of the money to make that prosperity happen." </em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>The line runs through us</h4>\r\nI''m not saying that Madoff shouldn''t be in jail, or that the AIG executives should get their bonuses. I''m still incredibly angry about those things, and feel immense compassion for everyone who''s suffering because of that greed.\r\n\r\nBut <strong>there''s a fine line between righteous anger and self-righteous anger.</strong> It''s time for me to examine my own greed—for all of us to claim some responsibility for this mess we''re in, and to think about how we can change how we live.\r\n\r\nWe can''t draw a line in the sand and put the bad guys on one side and the good guys on the other. As one of the pastors at my church once said, the line doesn''t run between us, it runs through us.', 'Greed: We''re rolling in it', 0, '<em>Our financial crisis, and the difference between righteous & self-righteous anger.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'greed-were-rolling-in-it', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=288', '2009-03-23 01:36:52', '2009-03-23 05:36:52', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=306', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(307, 1, '2009-03-23 01:20:47', '2009-03-23 05:20:47', '', '399240900_e76c0795cc', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '399240900_e76c0795cc', '', '', '2009-03-23 01:20:47', '2009-03-23 05:20:47', '', 306, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/399240900_e76c0795cc.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(308, 1, '2009-03-25 21:01:20', '2009-03-26 01:01:20', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/43426112_c342566442.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-309" title="43426112_c342566442" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/43426112_c342566442.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="332" /></a>\r\n\r\n<em> </em>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/glennharper/">glennharper</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Last night, I finally got to meet one of my good friends for the first time.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s the kind of statement that would really throw my parents and grandparents for a loop, but anyone who spends a fair amount of time in the social media realm knows exactly what I''m talking about: I finally got to meet someone in real life (IRL) that I''ve been conversing and sharing with on Twitter and Facebook for almost a year.\r\n<h4>Social media demands new friendship categories we didn''t know we needed</h4>\r\nI could write endless posts about social media and the many ways it affects community and friendship—both conceptually and in terms of the day-to-day logistics surrounding how we interact. It''s fascinating. Here''s part of what I wrote on the topic last month, in the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=282">Becoming (slightly) more than a face in the crowd</a>:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I find that I’m becoming more open-minded about creating bonds of friendship with people I’ve never met in person. At the same time, though, <strong>I sense how old-fashioned I still am about friendship, and how I’m grasping for ways to “bring it homeâ€ with people I’m getting to know on line.</strong> I want to pick up the phone or get in my car and meet you halfway. I feel compelled to put a stamp on a card and send it to you snail mail, or do <em>anything</em> that makes me feel like we’re actually connected, and I know you a bit better (or maybe in a way that seems more “legitimate?â€).</em></p>\r\nThink about it. The people I follow on Twitter are the ones who break into long, boring stretches of afternoon and make me laugh unexpectedly. They''re the people who spark thoughts and ideas, and keep me up to date on the latest in news and culture. They''re generous with their advice, and sympathetic when I need to whine.\r\n\r\nBut <strong>of the 230 people I follow on Twitter, I only actually know about 15 of them</strong>, IRL. There''s another handful that I <em>feel</em> like I know, because they are good friends with people I know well. That leaves more than 200 essential strangers I''m regularly sharing my thoughts with and being influenced by.\r\n<h4>Meeting @daisy17 (aka Karen IRL)</h4>\r\nBefore I met Karen last night, she fell into the "one degree of separation" category—at least if we''re talking about "real life" worlds. Karen lives in New York where she is good friends with my longtime friend Carmen. (Carmen and I became fast friends back in 1994, when we both lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and worked in the same office as writer/editor types for sister publications.)\r\n\r\nKaren is one of those people on Twitter that I connected with almost immediately, with warmth and ease. For nearly a year now, we''ve been interacting several times a week, chatting about politics, music, food and travel. I know what she likes to watch on TV, and what she cooks on Saturday, and how much she loves her cats, but I had never seen her, in person.\r\n\r\nThen, last night, I walked into a East Village bar, recognized Karen immediately, walked up to her and gave her a big hug. We had so much to talk about, wandering seamlessly from one topic to another, following up on things we already know about each other as if our happy hour get-together was a weekly event. Eventually, Carmen joined us. It was as if we''ve always been a trio of pals. Later, we migrated to dinner and Jason met us, joining together three different aspects of my life around a table.\r\n\r\nOf course, we had to tweet at least <em>part</em> of the evening. It just wouldn''t seem right not to (even though my brother, @bill_of_lading, enjoyed giving us a hard time about it—via tweet, of course).\r\n\r\nKaren tweeted <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><em>"off to meet the lovely @kt_writes. feels like a blind date!" </em>I wrote: </span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><em>"at Death &amp; Co in the E Village having drinks w old friend @scheidel and old twitter friend (but new IRL) @daisy17. so fun.</em></span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">" <em> </em></span></span>\r\n\r\nAnd today, I followed up: <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><em>"I had *such* a fun time hanging out with you last night. you feel like an old friend." </em>Karen''s response: "</span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><em>oh, I did too, it was like we picked up where we left off, even though we''d never actually met before. must do it again soon!"</em></span></span>', 'A modern day penpal reunion', 0, '<em>There are new ways to make friends, but still old ways to meet them.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-modern-day-penpal-reunion', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=282', '2009-03-27 23:48:31', '2009-03-28 03:48:31', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=308', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(309, 1, '2009-03-25 20:44:48', '2009-03-26 00:44:48', '', '43426112_c342566442', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '43426112_c342566442', '', '', '2009-03-25 20:44:48', '2009-03-26 00:44:48', '', 308, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/43426112_c342566442.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(310, 1, '2009-03-27 20:43:58', '2009-03-28 00:43:58', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/79723422_1d6aa708db.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-311" title="79723422_1d6aa708db" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/79723422_1d6aa708db.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/moriza/">moriza</a></h5>\r\nI''ve been in New York for the past four days. I''m at once overly stimulated and utterly exhausted.\r\n\r\n<strong>Is there anything else in life that leaves you feeling quite that way—every fiber of your being is awake and hyper-alert, but also constantly on the verge of collapse?</strong> Parenting young children is the closest thing I can think of. If you''ve got any other analogies, I''d love to hear them.\r\n\r\nI end up visiting New York a couple of times a year. I have some clients here, plus a long-time friend, Carmen (one of my favorite people) lives in Brooklyn. The bonus for this trip was finally meeting Karen, one of my Twitter friends (which I wrote about in <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=308">A modern day penpal reunion</a>).\r\n\r\n<strong>Of course I love New York. The invigorating aspects of being here are obvious.</strong> I love the food and the people-watching—the intense variety and surprise recalibrate my expectations, stretching their boundaries. I love never knowing what I''m going to see or hear next, or what unexpected challenge will be thrown in my path.\r\n\r\nIf I have the right tools, I even love deciding what I want to do, where I want to go, and how to get myself there. It makes me feel adventurous and capable (and wondering how I ever survived before having Google maps on my phone).\r\n\r\n<strong>But nothing beats me down quite like this city.</strong> My apologies to anyone who lives or has lived in New York, and has a different take on it. I’m not trying to start a debate, I’m just gathering up my own reactions, as an occasional visitor with her very own limited capacities for chaos.\r\n\r\nAt the end of each long day, as we crashed at our hotel, I tried to figure out why exactly I felt so pummeled. I was exhilarated, right? Being in the city was exciting. I ate well and used my mind, I walked and found moments to sit and rest. I should feel more alive than ever, not beat up.\r\n\r\n<strong>I finally realized what I feel: a complete emotional-physical-mental exhaustion.</strong> At home, I might be physically exhausted one day, or mentally worn out, or emotionally spent. In New York, though, all of my resources seem to give out at once.\r\n\r\nI grow tired of everyone around me acting rushed and impatient, and refusing to smile. I feel constantly disoriented. Every time I emerge from a subway station, I feel stranded, without a clue as to which way is north and which is south. I don''t know where to go to get wireless, or where my next bathroom break might be. I can''t miss a beat, or be absent-minded for a second.\r\n\r\n<strong>Plus, there''s a sensory exhaustion that gets layered in, gradually building on everything else.</strong> Just finding pockets of silence, stillness and peace for an impromptu retreat and refueling takes effort. When I do find a place to settle my self and all my stuff—a table at a café or a conference room at a client’s office—I can’t settle my mind. I feel scattered and restless, like I’m missing something exciting or important. I planned to get a fair amount of writing done while in New York this week, but I just couldn''t make it happen.\r\n\r\n<strong>Experiencing the city is always worth it, though.</strong> It''s like a raucous party that''s not to be missed, no matter how terrible it makes you feel for the next few days.\r\n\r\nOoh, maybe that''s a good analogy for New York! It''s like a Jager-bomb (or any more <em>sophisticated</em> drink that''s caffeinated and alcholic all at once—is there such a thing?). In that case, my first order of business, back in my small Midwestern town, will be coming down off this buzz. Then I can go about properly sleeping off my big city hangover.', 'Emerging from my big-city, over-stimulated stupor', 0, '<em>For as much as I love New York, it sure makes me feel beat up.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'gradually-emerging-from-my-big-city-over-stimulated-stupor', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=308', '2009-03-27 23:46:33', '2009-03-28 03:46:33', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=310', 0, 'post', '', 11),
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