<h4><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/504443770_b0f7743d87.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-257" title="504443770_b0f7743d87" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/504443770_b0f7743d87.jpg" alt="" width="462" height="347" /></a></h4>
<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fontplaydotcom/">Dennis Hill</a></h5>
<em>OK, here's my last installment of the 25 questions posts, which came out of <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=250">this crazy idea</a> I had last week. You people were not joking around! These questions are really difficult! They involve defining things like "love" and "friendship." Sheesh! I know, I asked for it. And like most difficult things in life, I think I'm better for having pushed my way through it. </em>

<em>If you've enjoyed hearing my answers, I'd love for you to consider sharing your own answer to one of these questions. </em>
<h4><em>What do you find to be your most surprising lesson about love after all you’ve been through? (<a href="http://themoderngal.blogspot.com/">The Modern Gal</a>)</em></h4>
<strong>That different people <em>experience</em> love in different ways, which means they need to be <em>shown</em> love in different ways.</strong> It's so easy to project our own understanding of love onto other people, and then to be all miffed over why they're not feeling as loved as we think they should. Not only did I learn that people need different expressions of love, I also learned there isn't a hierarchy—certain expressions of love or certain needs aren't inherently better than others. These lessons came out of many difficult months of counseling, and from the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1233864990&amp;sr=8-1"><em>The Five Love Languages</em></a>, which I highly recommend (for the concepts, NOT the quality of the writing).

<strong><em>Explain the genesis of a scar (physical) you still have from childhood/teenagedom. (Natalie Hart)</em></strong>

When I was about 10, I was playing with my next-door neighbors in their yard and needed to go home for some reason. I remember looking at the gates—the obvious entrances and exits for our yards—which were only about 20 feet away, and deciding that climbing over the chain link fence would be more fun. I ripped open my shin on one of those sharp pokey parts at the top of the fence, had to get a tetanus shot, and still have a scar. (By the way, I'm so glad you specified <em>physical</em> scar.)
<h4><em>Is there a dog in your future and if not, what are your past experiences with pets? (Cobalt Blue) </em></h4>
How much did our middle daughter pay you to ask that question? We have been lobbied hard for years, now, and are considering getting a dog in about a year. We really love my brother's dog and my brother-in-law's dog; perhaps we'll just steal one of them. I grew up with dogs: Sasha, who we got when I was five, and Daisy, the puppy I talked my parents into letting me have when I was 15.
<h4><em>If you had only one wish what would it be? (Jody Wells)</em></h4>
Since I already shared my serious "wish for the world" in my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=252">first installment</a>, I'll give you a more frivolous one: That Jason and I could take the girls to the site of our honeymoon: the town of Oia on Santorini, Greece. I would want to stay in the same little apartment at <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationPhotos-g482941-d617178-Aris_Caves-Oia_Santorini_Cyclades.html#18638133">Aris Caves</a>, overlooking the caldera, and explore the town and the island, eat amazing food, relax and read on the terrace. Pure bliss!
<h4><em>What is the best present you ever received &amp; ever given? (Elaine Tolsma-Harlow)</em></h4>
The best present I've ever received...that's a tough one. If I had to pick just one, I'd say the afghan my mom crocheted for me about five years ago, when I was a single mom. It's so big and warm and comforting, and <strong>every stitch represents her love and care for me.</strong> I guess it's my grownup version of a security blanket!

Two years ago at Christmas, Jason and I put together sets of whole-spice blends to give to our friends. We tried out many different combinations of spices, for flavor and beauty; made big batches and bottled them in spice grinder bottles; then created labels with the ingredients and fun taglines. The box had a label with this haiku:

<strong>Life here can be dull/but eating, laughing with friends/is the perfect spice.</strong>
<h4><em>If you could spend an hour doing anything you wanted, something for you, what would you do? (<a href="http://www.travelinlocal.com/">LisaNewton</a>) </em></h4>
There are many things I love to do for myself and actually get to do on a regular basis, like taking long walks and going out with my husband. And if it was warmer out, I would spend an hour on my porch with people I love. But the thing I really love that I too rarely get to do is enjoy a long, leisurely conversation with a good friend (see my definition of "friend," below). Preferably over coffee or lunch.
<h4><em>When your daughters ask you “What does it mean to be in love?â€ how will you/do you/did you answer? (Nancy Pagaduan) </em></h4>
My daughters haven't asked me this question yet, but when they do, I will tell them that <strong>when you're truly in love, the person you're in love with makes you feel <em>more</em> like yourself than you have ever even felt on your own.</strong> The sensation is one of completion and <em>right</em>ness. It feels like all the little holes and missing details in you, that otherwise keep you from being all that you might be, are made complete by what this other person brings to you, and vice versa. I will also tell them that just <em>feeling</em> that way about someone doesn't mean they're automatically supposed to marry that person. :)
<h4><em>Of the 255 "friends" listed for you on facebook, how many/what percentage are actually friends? (Dennis McNulty)</em></h4>
This question demands that I concoct and share my base definition of "friend," doesn't it? Hmmm. Here goes it: <strong>A friend is someone who cares about and accepts the <em>real</em> you, and is willing to be real with you in return. </strong>A friend wants the best for you—she/he hurts when you hurt and is joyful when things in your life go right. "Trust" is an important part of it all, and a natural byproduct of people being real with each other and wanting the best for the other.

With that definition in mind, I would say 171 of my 258 Facebook friends fall into the category of true "friend." (Don't worry, I didn't actually go through and count, but I think that's a pretty good guess!)
<h4><em>How has your experience with social media (twitter, facebook, blogging, etc..) changed your understanding of community? And special bonus question, why do you look so good from behind? (Jason, your husband)</em></h4>
Ah-hem.

Two things have happened regarding social media. The first is that <strong>I've broadened my understanding of community to include people I hardly ever see and even those I've never actually met.</strong> I'm amazed by how connected I feel to many of the people who comment regularly on my blog, even if I've never met them. Certain people on Twitter have become a part of my daily life, providing banter, laughs, support, and generally making me feel less alone.

Having said that, I can sense how I protect myself in social media communities. <strong>There's an element of trust and accountability that's missing in online community.</strong> Even if I feel like I really know these people, do I? Is it possible to fully trust someone you've never looked at, eye to eye? We exercise a lot of control in these relationships, dipping into them when we feel like it and disappearing when we're "not in the mood" or when someone's getting on our nerves. That isn't a very realistic picture of life or community. In many ways I'm old-fashioned, I guess. <strong>I'm still a big believer in the power of sitting down and breaking bread with others.</strong> Nothing virtual will ever take the place of that.
<h4><em>Bonus:</em></h4>
And why do I look so good from behind? Because when God was making me he knew how much my husband would one day appreciate that certain curvature. :) It's God's way of saying "I know what you like, Jason, and I'm cool with that."