Ryan - Recent research suggests that premarital cohabitation DOESN'T have a negative impact - http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-07-28-cohabitation-research_N.htm

You're mixing too many ideas here.  Sex does not define one's ability to control themselves.  Don't you think there can be commitment without marriage?  Of course, some of your wording strongly points to the gay marriage issue, but I suppose that's off-topic here.

If you need abstinence until marriage to have trust and confidence in your relationship, then you have other issues to tackle.  There's so much more to a relationship, a marriage, than your sexual experience.  Your relationship, your marriage, should likewise be based on more than just that.