Jennifer, yes, switching names is a huge hassle! I finally got it done a full two years after my ex and I split up. Clearly there were other more important things to take care of, and it wasn't like his last name was a personal liability in any way. And this made me laugh: "it was the mental weight of feeling like I belong on Jerry Springer." Maybe we all need more friends that belong on Jerry Springer. :) Just keep doing your thing, girl!

Trina, yes, I do wish we could just "know" each other—all the important stuff—and forget about the packaging. It only seems to waste time and give false impressions. Your questions to me are good ones. In general I would almost always rather be asked something outright than remain in any type of awkward confusion with someone. The elephant in the room scenario is one of my least favorite. That being said, I can imagine people without tact or good reason just blurting out questions in a way that would be annoying. (It would be along the lines of people seeming suspicious that my daughters are really mine because they have blond hair and my hair is dark. Yes, this happens! And it's annoying!)

Meredith, I have to say, I always love it when you share stories about your childhood and the complexity of your family. It's a great perspective for me to have a glimpse of. And amen to this: "In my mind, a family is a family regardless of whatever last (or first) names are involved."

Nicola, I would support your campaign against "maiden names." When I was writing, I found myself wanting to call it something different, but wanting to make sure I was still culturally clear. Anyway, I love that the topic of last names resulted in this for you and Jerry: "It did give us a chance to have long discussions about what is in a name, what marriage stands for in our current society, what we wanted from our marriage, etc." After all, when it gets down to it, it's not about the name, it's about understanding and respecting one another.

Jules, yes, a remarriage of an ex makes it all even more complicated, particularly if his new wife takes his last name. I felt strange about that when my ex remarried—would my girls' stepmom share their last name, while their real mom (ME!) wouldn't? Also, just wanted to let you know how much I *get* and love this: "for me this is this strong tension with labels and what they say. I’m never wanting to be defined but the secret place of me wants to find that label that brings me home. home within myself." Such a beautiful wish for us all.