I've been thinking, recently, about what I wish my parents had told me. Again, in the hopes of truth, respect, safety, and full disclosure: I am a lesbian who went to seminary and works in health services. Sexuality, theology, and the body then...I can talk about all day.

In most congregations and communities of faith (including the congregation which raised me and in which my father still pastors), I am excluded from the marriage covenant. That is, most communities of faith will not share with me in my joy and support me in my turmoil if I should find one person with whom I would like to enter into a life-long commitment. So…

<em>Celebration:</em>Growing and living in this atmosphere of exclusion, then, I have one hope greater than all others for any child with regard to its relationships in life. I hope for any child’s life will be uplifted, that this child’s <b>entire beings</b> will be <b>celebrated</b> by those around them, especially by their partners in love and/or marriage. Tolerance, acceptance, etc.: these things are not the same as nor do they wield the same life-inspiring power as another’s celebration of one’s entire being.

<em>On Sex:</em> Before I began coming into myself as a lesbian, I exploited and abused my own sexuality. After coming out after years of unfulfilling sexual encounters with men that I didn’t and couldn’t care about, however, I was suddenly entirely unwilling to engage women in the same ways. I realized that I actually <b>cared</b> about women. I realized that, in coming to find a wholeness and delight in my sexuality, I could no longer mistreat that created being nor the others that would be my partners. I would be hurt to know that I only had a woman's body with mine, absent of her heart, spirit, soul, mind, strength. I would be hurt to know that a woman only had my body, absent of my heart, spirit, soul, mind, strength. <b>I wish I had known (I wish all children and adolescents might know) that intimacy is only truly life-giving in its integration of each of these components.</b> 

God’s relational being <i>invites</i> life-giving intimacy with self and others; God’s being as Creator, Reconciler, and Sustainer desires that this intimacy be life-giving. I believe sexuality can be understood as a gift of God. Sexuality is a component of the imago dei, the expressions of which are multiple and varied. This gift of sexuality can give life. This gift of sexuality, when respected and honored in the self and in others, can enhance life, making it more abundant and fruitful. Yet sex and sexuality can be used as tools for discrimination and oppression, violence and aggression. Sexuality can likewise be used to exploit persons, divorcing their bodies from their minds and spirits, and denying their whole personhood as imago dei, image of God. I wish I had known these complexities...

<em>On safe sex, good sex, and abstinence</em> I wish I had known that only communication, trust, and honest make for safe(est) sex and good sex. One of my dearest friends was a virgin until her wedding day. And she unknowingly got HPV from her husband. I hope everyone might know that not even abstinence is a guarantee that sex will be safe. Even then, however, I don't want anyone to be afraid of sex. I've seen too many young spouses in sex counseling because "wait" translates (poorly) into young, still-psychologically-developing adolescent minds as "NO" or "sex is bad". I hope for adolescents to know that sex is awesome...but only when you are in a situation of mutual care, support, and love. I feel like it's only with these components in place that real discussions about sexual history STIs can take place, that STI testing is less stigmatized. I feel like it's only when these components are present can real dialogue about desires, anxieties, passions, dislikes, and curiosities come into play (and, hopefully, the number of fake orgasms thus decrease--these, too, are little lies not conducive to fostering healthy relationships). [line crossed?] I feel like it's only when these components are in place that one's sexuality becomes less a weapon to be wielded than a gift to be shared.