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<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/notionscapital/">NotionsCapital</a></h5>
Have you examined your "usuallys" and "shoulds", lately?

I hadn't, until yesterday. They're easy to ignore.

<strong>The usuallys and shoulds of our lives are like that random vase you set on a shelf somewhere,</strong> thinking you'll figure out where to put it "for good" later. Two years later, though, there it sits, in the same place. Now it's blended in, a part of the scenery you pass through daily. If one day you're dusting it with any clarity of thought, you might realize you never really intended for it to stay there. You might rethink it, and find a better place, a better use. But you might just figure it's been like that long enough, it might as well stay.
<h4>"Usuallys" can distract and overwhelm us</h4>
Yesterday morning I started the week out in the worst way: feeling overwhelmed. My client deadlines are pressing in on me, and staying on top of this blog is one of those loving-yet-sometimes-burdensome tasks that's always hovering over me. "I usually blog on Mondays," I kept thinking, trying to figure out when I was going to squeeze it in.

Suddenly, I thought "So what? So what if I <em>usually</em> blog on Mondays and <em>usually</em> post three times a week? This week I might just post twice. Or I'll post on different days. Whatever. It will be fine."

There was never any question that it wouldn't be fine—that somehow I have hit some magic blogging formula, and to break it would be to break my stride. <strong>It's just that I fell into a certain way of doing things, a pattern. Without realizing it, that pattern had became imprinted on my brain.</strong>

How often do we do that? Probably a lot. Sometimes it's with little, day-to-day habits. Other times it's bigger: <strong>family traditions, social norms, and the decision-making process of organizations all have a way of becoming "usuallys" and "shoulds."</strong>
<h4>"Shoulds" often involve other people &amp; guilt</h4>
While I think of the "usuallys" as my own little habits and ruts, the "shoulds" are something bigger. Not only is guilt involved, but other people tend to be, too. <strong>The "shoulds" often represent what others expect of us, or at least what we <em>think</em> they expect of us.</strong>

I was pondering that larger issue as I read <a href="http://beckyandhollee.com/?p=1498">this blog post</a> Monday afternoon. The post is by a mom who would really like other moms she knows to sign a "no-thank-you-note-pact" with her, so they can all be relieved of that particular expectation after kids' birthday parties.

Personally, I happen to think it's important to teach our kids about gratitude—both recognizing it within them and expressing it to others. But the post stirs up an opportunity to ask important questions like these: <strong>"Why, exactly, do we go through this (or any) ritual? Is it meaningful? Are we just going through the motions or are we saying something affirming and real about community?</strong> Are we really teaching our kids to express gratitude or are we teaching them that certain people will get all mad if we don't sign our names to these generic cards and put it in the mail?"

<strong>Maybe by examining your usuallys and shoulds, you'll shake things up a bit in your world. But who knows? Maybe in the end, after asking yourself all the right questions, you'll decide to do pretty much what you were doing before.</strong>

But at least you'll know <em>why</em> you're doing it, and you'll feel intentional about it—like you have some control over your life, rather than the other way around.