Kristin,
What an honest, raw, emotional post.  And, it makes me realize - even more - that I need to cherish all the "moments" I have with my children.  See, having them around all the time, kind of like anything else that is always there (could be money, car, spouse, food, etc., etc.) - I take my kids for granted.  And I'm sure I don't appreciate them like you do yours.  And there is something beautiful in that - in really appreciating them.  Know that.  

And my hope for you, Kristin, is that your Christmas is joyful, and that you really have the opportunity the love that is around you...