Amy, I am so glad you took the time to really respond with your thoughts on this difficult issue. As you can probably tell, I'm still trying to work out my own views on this. Hearing views like yours really helps. 

You're right—there aren't just two types of Christian women. As you said, "It is possible to wait for marriage to have sex and not be unhappy." Unfortunately it's just very rare, probably in large part because of the discipline issue you bring up (although I think the lack of open, honest conversations with our children on the subject is even more lacking, and more important). 

In regards to your third, point, it's a very important one, and I really like how you put it. Thanks again for reading and commenting. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts.