Jennifer, you bring up one of the most important points in this whole matter, as far as I'm concerned: There is pain and sin that everyone knows about and sees (either because it is obvious or because the rumor mill "found out") and there is pain and sin that is hidden behind a carefully (but also painful) church-ready veneer. It is precisely because of that—as humans we really don't know what's happening in a person's life or heart—that the church really needs to stick to following Jesus' example of love and compassion. Thank you for being someone who does that, and for supporting me in my own stumbling efforts.

Roxanne, I know how suffocating that guilt can feel, and I'm so sorry for whatever made you decide to estrange yourself from the church. I almost walked away from church, too, but I'm glad I found a different community of believers that could demonstrate to me a different way to love. Peace to you as you go through this time.

Kathleen, yes, I'm realizing that a lot of Christians were raised with that understanding (although it's not necessarily the case in all Mennonite communities—my husband grew up in a Chicago-area Mennonite church that wouldn't tie your faith status directly to your marriage status). I have been thinking more about this statement: "One’s commitment to the faith is expressed through marriage and raising children." At first I thought "That has nothing to do with it!" But then I began to think that it's a statement I could claim with a subtle edit: One's commitment to the faith is expressed through a commitment to others/community. That relationship to others manifests itself in different ways for different people, but the main point remains: Love one another, try not to sin against one another, and forgive. In some cases, when the marriage is stuck in a pattern of sinning against one another, and it has a ripple effect that affects others, I think divorce can be a decision that's made in faith and hope. (Thanks for reading and commenting, and being willing to work through these messy issues!)

The Modern Gal, yup. I don't get it either. Sure, there's plenty in the Bible about what to do and what not to do, but when it gets down to it, the greatest commands trump everything else: Love God, love one another. Period. There are many interpretations of what love looks like, but I think most of us can agree on what it DOESN'T look like.

xmartinj, you're absolutely right regarding the difference between an apology and a confession (if we're talking about confessing to God). This is one of those times when I went and changed my original headline to fit the photo I ended up finding. Searching for the right photos for some of these less obvious posts is perhaps the most difficult part of blogging for me! Anyway, you're right that individuals who are directly affected by a divorce deserve apologies—the people going through the divorce usual deserve many apologies too. :) But your comment made me think more about what God wants us to confess, and you know what? I don't think he wants us to confess *divorce,* so much. He wants us to confess the selfishness, the anger, the cruel words, the lack of patience and gentleness—all the things that broke down the marriage, whether over time or rather suddenly. To point to divorce itself as the Big Sin not only isn't helpful, it diverts attention away from the type of sins we all commit and need to work on nearly every day.