Joanna, your comment about "sheer amount of estrogen" was pretty funny. I'm actually fairly outgoing and comfortable at parties and around groups of people I don't know, but when the competitive element is thrown in, I get the urge to bow out. I'll have to check out some of the smaller, more locally-oriented blogging conferences and get-togethers.

Trina, I think deep down I don't buy into that status stuff, but of course there's a weaker part of me that falls for it, just like I momentarily fell for some of the wrong guys during my younger years. :) That's probably why I feel the conflict so strongly in the first place. Regarding Blogher10, I think I just need to look into it more carefully over the next 6 months, and look into other conferences and seminars, too. Then I can make smart decisions for the right reasons, rather than just do something because I feel like it's "the thing to do."

Andi, I think I would come away from most conference experiences inspired and refreshed, too. I guess all of this has made me realize that I should take note of what's lacking in this professional realm of my life, and find ways to fill those holes, whether it's Blogher or something else. Thanks for stopping by Halfway to Normal! I'm glad you enjoy it.

Daisy, I bet you have many professional activities and opportunities tied to your career as a teacher. Do you think that makes it easier to just enjoy blogging for what it is—a fun, creative outlet and opportunity to connect around subjects you love? I wonder if I would feel differently about all of this if I was actively involved in some other professional pursuit. Hmmm. Good to ponder (but neither here nor there, I guess). :)

jen, I'm not sure how I feel about stressing you out about all of this even more! Sorry! Sometimes I should probably keep some of my crazy, wandering thoughts to myself! (But then you go and compliment me for being so focused. Bless you for saying that!) Anyway, two quick things: 1) I'm very glad that your blog is exactly the sort of blog it is—push and explore your boundaries, but don't change your focus; and 2) I really hope we find the right conference to hit together some time in the next year. Maybe we can even form that rag-tag group with Tracy. We just have to do our best to be who we are.

Laura, I don't know about "way cooler." Perhaps I'm just way more angst-prone? Or simply more easily distracted by the wrong things? Either way, a very happy birthday to your blog. I recently hit that one-year mark, too (at least when measured by my "serious" start date, not that first attempt at blogging about two years ago). We can keep each other company here on the food chain.

Emma, wow! That's huge. Thanks so much for saying that.

Tracy, you make me laugh at your blog and then you make me laugh at my blog! Thanks for not taking this whole blogging business more seriously than you do—you would certainly lose some of what makes your blog so great. If I do end up at Blogher next year, can I be a part of your "dorky, gawky, unpolished brigade?" Maybe I won't really fit in there, either, but at least it won't be as obvious.

Lisa, yes, I can tell you've gone through all the same mixed feelings I have. I get the sense that if all of us who felt that way could have identified one another and even had some of our own sessions, we would have had a great time. Hmm.

Lesley, your description—"the most surreal/fun/awful experience I’ve had in a long time"—is so funny. AND believable. Especially if you didn't know what the whole Twitter thing was about. I can completely imagine how alien I would feel in that circumstance. As you hinted, your expectations and being prepared really play into how much you can enjoy an event like that. Maybe that was the main problem this year—I just knew I wasn't prepared. (Hope to meet you some day, too!)