<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3139.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-403" title="img_3139" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3139.jpg" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></a>
<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Our day at Cannon Beach (photo by Jason Berg)</h5>
<strong>For the most part, my vacation in Portland last week was really wonderful. But it also made me sort of annoyed with God.</strong>

The minute I put words to what I was feeling—"I'm pretty much annoyed with God"—I thought about how different it is from being angry with God. Being "angry with God" is something a certain type of person likes to talk about. How many books have been written about being angry with God? How many verses in the Bible are about being angry with God? <strong>Being angry with God is somewhat daring and refreshing—<em>just enough </em>without going overboard. </strong>

I've talked and written about it a fair amount, myself. I was really mad at God over my first marriage ending in divorce. I was mad at God when my wonderful, fifty-something (second) father-in-law was diagnosed with leukemia then struggled with a variety of added health traumas throughout his treatment. (He is thankfully in remission.)

<strong>Being mad at God is big, so you can afford to react in big ways.</strong>

But being annoyed with God is something we don't really talk about. Probably because it's generally over something rather insignificant, and if we're honest with ourselves about it, admitting our annoyance makes us feel rather selfish and whinny. I guess I'm annoyed with God fairly often. I just don't admit it.

Last week I really felt it, though, and tonight I'm admitting it.
<h4>Travel plans gone awry (commence the pity party)</h4>
I was annoyed that the week of our Portland trip—which was scheduled to begin precisely one day <em>after</em> my brother returned home to Portland from New York, and one day <em>before</em> I was set to participate in my first-ever book reading—coincided with a favorite cousin's vacation with her in-laws. She lives in Portland, I haven't seen her for years, but the entire time I was in her city she was in the Dominican Republic.

I was annoyed that the week of my Portland trip took place the same week of my daughter's first real acting endeavor. She played Shere Khan in the Jungle Book, but I didn't have the performance dates until months after I bought my plane tickets.

I was annoyed that I bought tickets with Frontier Airlines, which made me get to Portland a day later than planned (mechanical problems, so we missed our connection and I missed a TV interview). The crappy airline also made it impossible for me to switch our flights so we could be home earlier.

And I was annoyed that I didn't just buy the earliest morning return flight in the first place, which I considered doing (if I had, we would have made it home in time for one performance). I was annoyed that it was cold and rainy at the coast the one day my brother took off work to do a day trip with us. I was annoyed that my reading had to be scheduled for that week, rather than another week.

<strong>OK. I'm done. No more pseudo sob stories. You can put away your tiny violins.</strong> Ultimately, I had a really great time in Portland, as my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=390">previous post</a> attests to. Do not feel sorry for me.
<h4>Why blame any of this ridiculousness on God?</h4>
If you are wondering what all of this annoyance has to do with God, that's a good question. I was sort of wondering that too, as soon as I identified and admitted to how I was feeling. After thinking about it a bit, to myself and then out loud with my mom and Jason, here's what I came up with:

<strong>I never really expect people to do really big favors for me. But when there's something small they could easily do that would make life better, and they don't? It's annoying. </strong>

I realized that while I might be mad at God about things like my father-in-law getting cancer, I don't have big expectations for big things like that to change. I'm not sure why (lack of faith?), I just don't.

But when it comes to little things that I know God could easily do with just a nod of his head—like make me choose the earlier departure time when I'm buying plane tickets—when those things don't happen, I get annoyed. It's sort of like, "Why the heck not, God? It doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't cost any more or any less, it just makes a precious little girl happy that her mom can see her perform. Is that so difficult?"
<h4>Moving on and gaining a pinch of wisdom along the way</h4>
<strong>Enough with the "what-ifs" and "could have beens," though.</strong> It's done. We're all alive and well. I will see S perform in her next play. I had a great time connecting with my brother and other friends and relatives in Portland. It just <em>is</em>.

So what does that mean for next time? <strong>Well, maybe I should actually pray about these little things more, which I didn't really do. I held them tight to me, and relied on all my ingenuity to fix things I just couldn't fix.</strong>

<strong>And maybe I should stop thinking that believing in God means that he's busy fine-tuning all the logistics and minutiae of my life.</strong>

I live an ultra-blessed existence. It's probably healthy to deal with hiccups and annoyances from time to time. It's healthy for my kids, too. And ultimately, I think God is just fine with the fact that I sometimes feel annoyed, and direct my annoyance at him.