Rayne of Terror, isn't that the truth for all of us!

Emma, I hear you. It's a really hard thing to navigate and balance. In some ways, it's almost easier to be in a situation like me, because I have no choice but to trust and let go, to a certain extent (at least to let go regarding their dad and step mom, who I can't be micro managing). It sounds like you have good reason to be a "bit of a vigilante." The good thing to discover, as your kids get older, is that you can be very vigilant while in the process of teaching them to go through things on their own. It's a matter of having control and gradually letting go all at once. It's not easy, but it's possible. (Glad you could vent here!)