<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Today is the last day of sleepover camp for my stepdaughter Havah, and Quillin, my oldest daughter. It's her first time away from home like this. Jason and I dropped the girls off at Mennohaven camp in Tiskilwa, Illinois, last Sunday, and today I'm catching a ride with R and her partner B to help bring the girls home. </span>

<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">While the title of this post probably generates mild to extreme discomfort for most people, for me, thankfully, six hours in the car with my husband's ex-wife and her partner is a breeze. I'm even looking forward to it. It's a perfect bonding opportunity for Havah's three moms.</span>

For anyone who longs for better relationships with the exes and stepparents in their life, don't get your hopes up. We have no magic formula. Our situation thrives on some fairly unique factors that would be nearly impossible to fabricate. R and B, for starters, go to the same church as we do, and are a part of the same core community of friends. We eat together regularly, help raise each other's kids, celebrate birthdays together, and generally act as family away from family.

But I should back up to when I met R and B, which was essentially the same time I met Jason. This was back when Jason and I were well aware of how cute the other was, but we didn't know much of anything about each other. One Sunday after church, Jason approached me to ask if the girls and I wanted to join a group of people for lunch. I was thrilled.

Then I was immediately bombarded with a string of critical information. My mind couldn't adjust fast enough. Right after the invitation, while we were still standing together, Havah came up to him saying "Papa, where are we going for lunch...?" I was shocked—I hadn't known he was a dad!

Just as I was getting used to this good news, Havah said, "Where's Mom?" I was horrified—I had a crush on a married man!

But not five minutes later, as we were walking down the sidewalk from church to the restaurant, I asked who the two women half a block ahead of us were. He said, "Oh, that's my ex-wife and her partner." I struggled to wrangle my brain around this information: "So I <span style="font-style: italic;">don't</span> have a crush on a married man, but I <span style="font-style: italic;">am</span> going to lunch with his ex-wife!" I was still digesting that one long after the hamburger.

That's how it all began, and essentially continued. Jason and I were "just friends" over the next few months, and I became friends as well with R and B and others in the group.

About six months later, after Jason and I had been together about a month, the status of our relationship with R and B became poignantly clear.

It was B's birthday, and we gathered to celebrate at Jubal and Renee's house, where Jason cooked B's birthday request dinner. After the kids left the table, and the six of us—three couples—sat nursing our wine and beer, I looked around the table and my heart jumped. It was so natural, yet so impossible. My boyfriend had just cooked a gift of love for his ex-wife's partner. Later we all danced together with abandon in the dining room. I felt awe-struck the entire evening, like I was witnessing an event I knew would one day be seen as historical.

About a year-and-a-half later, Jason and I and the girls, plus about 75 other family members and friends, gathered in the garden of mutual friends for R and B's wedding ceremony. Once again, I was very moved (after getting past the strangeness of sharing a table with Jason's ex-in-laws during the meal).

Several people stood up to share stories after the meal, and I felt so full of love and hope I couldn't help myself. I said something like this: "Earlier this evening, R introduced me as 'Havah's dad's girlfriend,' which isn't something you hear at many weddings. I think it says everything that needs to be said about God's grace and his provision in bringing us all to this strange but wonderful place. I'm not here because it looks good. I'm here because I truly love and support R and B."

Then R got up and said something like this: "Only good things have happened since Kristin has come into our family's life. We've been so blessed by her."

I know—kind of chokes you up, doesn't it? Mostly, I think, because it says a whole lot about the kind of grace and forgiveness human beings need...and can muster. It's the kind of moment when the stuff of dreams is realized.