I have a 5 year old daughter, and we're in the stage of body as biological function. Any day, I expect her to ask how the sperm and the egg connect, but so far, we're on easy street! I've read some super books about talking to your kids about sex that have made me think about the actual values I want to impart to her as she grows and matures.I've also thought a lot about the conversations my mother had with me when I was growing up (from what I can tell, my mom was super open and comfortable compared to the mothers of many of my 40-year-old peers). 

I am not influenced/helped/hampered by religion in this aspect as I am not practicing anything in particular. So for me, it's more a question of helping her develop healthy human sexuality in a culture of immediate gratification, sexualization/objectification of young girls (and now, boys), and some alarming trends/reports on teenage sexual activity. I don't have to be overtly religious to be alarmed at the messages bombarding our children through popular culture and the media!

As parents, I think we need to be realistic about teenage experimentation yet set some clear boundaries for our kids about our expectations and values regarding sex (and drinking and drugs). But, first, we need to articulate what our values actually are to ourselves. What do WE believe about healthy human sexuality? What would we have done differently knowing what we do now? What messaged DID resonate with us as we were growing and maturing? How will we handle it if and when our kids take a path that we don't personally sanction (which I did compared to what my father would have liked for me). How do our personal values on the topic blend with our partner's and how do we agree on a consistent message for our children? 

If, as parents, we can think through some of these issues when our kids are young, before they are faced with real issues about sex and intimacy, I think we have an excellent chance of building our values platform for them. If we wait to have these conversations when our kids are 12 or 14, we have squandered the time when we are still the primary influence in their lives.

My daughter and I have some amazingly complex conversations about life, death, bodies, love, relationships, and the greater world. Even though these are not explicitly about sex, they are offering her interesting insights into my values and views on some of the best ways to live as a fully actualized human (are at least a human that is working on becoming fully actualized). I'm hoping that our conversations continue throughout her young life and deepen and that we can talk honestly and openly about developing a healthy and robust sexuality in a way that honors the self and, eventually, a partner!

It will be an interesting trip, to say the least! I'm looking forward to it!