TJ, that's such a good point—each child is different, even within one family. They each require a different level of pushing, enforcing, encouraging and standing back. And then the needs shift with each activity, depending on whether it's something they feel comfortable and confident about or not. So often I want to think we can put family policies into place, but if often doesn't work best like that.

Dorie, this is a really powerful idea: "I really respect the way that my mother sacrificed my short-term love as a child for love and respect from me as an adult." Wow. I never thought about it quite like that. Amazingly, it also relates to these ideas about delayed gratification—we can choose the path that will make our kids really happy and love us in the moment, and hope to keep stringing lots of those moments together, or we can look further down the road to something bigger and more lasting. Of course, there always can be a happy medium, I think, but I'm really glad you brought this perspective into the conversation.

cobalt blue, I like how you articulated this: "...the lesson of not judging or giving up before you understand the workings of the ‘task’ become quite vital." I think it's a combination of making sure your kids have attainable benchmarks and goals along the way, as well as a vision for what they're working toward. Our family, for instance, went to see a production of the musical "Wicked," which captivated and inspired our nine year old. That gave her a vision. This summer she's attending a theater camp, and will begin to learn some of the skills and slow process of working your way from here to (maybe!) there.

Genevieve, this made me laugh! I think one day soon you will meet your goal and leave the sixth comment. :) I need more attainable life goals like that! I think you're right—the "you'll be glad later" tactic isn't especially effective, just as the "you'll be sorry" tactic isn't. Perhaps it shifts slightly, though, when we speak from "I," telling our own stories and experiences and letting them draw whatever wisdom they want and need. "I regretted doing _____," or "I hated it then, but here's how I've drawn from that skill since." Does that change it enough? You're absolutely right about leveraging peers, I think. They're the most important influence on adolescents, whether we like it or not.

Trina, oh those curve balls! I guess you have to learn to be a very agile, intuitive catcher, don't you? I really like the things you're a firm believer of, though, and I like how clear and simple they sound when you state them like that. I'm not saying parenting is simple, but you can practice boiling things down to what matters the most, rather than stressing about everything.