<img class="alignnone" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/images/kids.jpg" alt="" />
<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/9399948@N05/">Frerieke</a></h5>
<strong>As a parent, the Golden Rule comes in handy.</strong>

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Practice empathy and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't treat your sister that way unless you would want her to treat you that way.

<strong>It seems I'm forever falling back on that old standby, asking my kids "Well, how would you feel?"</strong>

Maybe S doesn't feel like sharing with her sister some of the delicious-looking brownie she brought home from a friend's house. I don't force her to share, but I do ask "How would you feel?"

The Golden Rule is effective, but not always. Because then there are moments like this: Maybe Q questions her younger sister's outfit choice, so S starts second-guessing herself and gets upset that her sister is being critical. If I asked Q, in such a scenario, "How would you feel?" she would respond "It wouldn't bother me at all." And that would be true. It wouldn't bother her, because she's different. Her circumstances are different (she has the edge of being older) and her personality is different (she's more sure of herself and less sensitive).
<h4>Are we teaching our kids enough about difference?</h4>
In a conversation recently, I told someone that <strong>I think one of the most important things we can teach our children is this: Not everyone is like you, and that's OK.</strong> Not everyone shares the same background, solves problems with the same approach, looks at things through the same lens, or responds with the same complex combination of emotions. <strong>It's not about a right way or a wrong way. It's just about different ways.</strong>

<strong>When I think about the Golden Rule in the light of our differences, I start to question its value.</strong>

Don't get me wrong—empathy is an absolutely critical skill to teach our children and to make sure they practice. The world is short on empathy, so we need to help our kids step outside of themselves.

But at the same time, <strong>we shouldn't give them the idea that they can <em>accurately imagine</em> how someone else might feel in any given situation. Suggesting that's the case implies not only that everyone is like them, but also that it's the "right" way to be.</strong> If you personally want a how-to macrame book for Christmas, do you decide that would be the best gift for everyone on your list? Umm, probably not.
<h4>The Golden Rule with an important addendum</h4>
So what am I going to do with my new suspicion of the Golden Rule? Well, I'm definitely not going to declare it useless and throw it out. I'm just going to sprinkle in lots of disclaimers whenever I pull it out of my parenting tool kit.

"Imagine how you might feel if you were in her place, my daughter, but also remember that no one else sees the world exactly like you do."