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(312, 1, '2009-04-01 17:28:41', '2009-04-01 21:28:41', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2285170038_134e0b9e80.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-315" title="2285170038_134e0b9e80" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2285170038_134e0b9e80.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lyng883/">lyng883</a></h5>\r\nEvery couple of months I can count on something to stress me out in the social media realm. For the past couple of weeks, it''s been the <a href="http://wefollow.com/">WeFollow Twitter directory</a>.\r\n\r\n<strong>To be included in the directory, all you have to do is sum up yourself in three words. </strong>Then you''ll be listed under those three categories, which will help people with similar interests find you on Twitter. It''s pretty straightforward. Plus, everyone''s doing it. (Cue: pubescent-style identity crisis.)\r\n\r\nThe first time I heard about WeFollow and clicked the link, I should have just added myself to the directory without a second thought, going with the first three terms that came to me: "writer," "freelance," and "mom."\r\n\r\nBut I didn''t. I typed, deleted, typed again, deleted again, and generally over-thought it. Should I replace "writer" with "blogger?" Did one sound too pompous, and the other too common? Also, lot''s of people are moms, and I''m not a mommy blogger. Was I being mundane or maybe misleading?\r\n\r\n<strong>The issue I struggled with most, though, was that I wanted to include a term that expresses my faith.</strong> Yes, I could have kept it straightforward, and just put "writer," "freelance," and "Christian." Done.\r\n\r\nI couldn''t do it, though. <strong>"Christian" doesn''t seem like the right term to use, even though, technically, it is.</strong> It''s a trigger that could cause a whole lot of almost everyone to instantly write me off.\r\n\r\nIt''s a problem from the other direction, too. <strong>Probably 90 percent of the people out there who are actually <em>looking</em> for Christians to follow on Twitter are bound to be sorely disappointed by me.</strong> I might even start getting hate-tweets. (It almost got to that point with one Obama-hating Christian who used to follow me. She flew off the handle when I referred to Dick Cheney as an asshole in a tweet. Clearly I wasn''t the kind of Christian she wanted me to be.)\r\n<h4>In search of a new terminology</h4>\r\nI started  brainstorming other options. <strong>"Spiritual"</strong> could work, but it has the potential of sounding like I own lots of crystals and possibly have some marijuana to help me get to That Special Place.\r\n\r\nI like the term <strong>"emergent,"</strong> because many of the ideas being developed by the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerging_church">"emerging church"</a> resonate with me. But it feels a bit like a party I stumbled upon—everyone''s nice and welcoming, but I feel kind of awkward because I know I don''t really belong. I don''t go to the conferences, and I only read some of the right books. <strong>I worry that I''ll be called out as a poser if I use "emergent."</strong>\r\n\r\nSo what are the other possibilities? <strong>Faith? Believer? Missional? </strong>And then of course there are all of the individual denominations, none of which I associate myself with any more. <strong>I must have gone to WeFollow to register myself half a dozen times, each time getting caught up on that one, elusive term.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>Labels are both dangerous and necessary</strong>, and the English language can be very limiting—particularly when you have to boil an idea all down to 140 characters, like on Twitter, or into a word, like on WeFollow.\r\n\r\nWith a bit more space and leeway, I''ve been slowly figuring out how to refer to my faith on my blog. My bio gets at the cheek dichotomy of who I am. I use phrases like "Christians Against Christians," and "Not All Christians Are Like That." <strong>I really want to bust the stereotypes, but when it comes to terminology I feel limited.</strong>\r\n<h4>Post-evangelicals, recovering Pharisees, and unlikely disciples</h4>\r\nNaturally, through this minor crisis, I''ve been really curious to see how other Christians try to sum up what kind of Christian they are. Here are some examples I''ve found on Twitter and on people''s blogs. Add your thoughts, ideas and findings to the list. And if you think I''m over-thinking this whole thing, and should just use the label "Christian," by all means, please tell me!\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>Michael Spencer</strong>, of <a href="http://www.internetmonk.com/">InternetMonk.com</a>, uses this for his bio when he writes for publications: "a postevangelical reformation Christian in search of a Jesus-shaped spirituality."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>Kary Oberbrunner</strong>, author of the book "The Fine Line" uses the handle "Recovering Pharisee" on Twitter and his <a href="http://www.karyoberbrunner.com/">blog</a>. <strong>Noel Heikkinen</strong>, a guy a went to high school with, who''s a pastor now, calls himself a "recovering hypocrit" on <a href="http://www.noelheikkinen.com/">his website</a>.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>Gavin Richardson</strong>, in <a href="http://www.lifewithoutpants.com/spirituality-and-social-media/is-twitter-the-new-town-square-an-introduction-to-spirituality-and-social-media/">a guest post at Life Without Pants</a>, describes himself this way: "I serve a creative God &amp; live life with my great wife Erin, two farting dogs Coe &amp; Crimson, and anticipating ‘pellet’, our first child in the fall." The tagline for his blog, <a href="http://www.gavoweb.com/">Hit the Back Button to Move Forward</a>, is "My life being a little monastic and a lot of geek."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><a href="http://www.kevinroose.com/blog/">- Kevin Roose</a> authored a book with the great title "The Unlikely Disciple."</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>Matthew Turner</strong>''s blog name and Twitter handle, <a href="http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/">JesusNeedsNewPR,</a> is genius, in my opinion. He''s also the author of the book <span class="bio">"Churched: One Kid''s Journey Toward God Despite A Holy Mess."</span></p>\r\n<strong><span class="bio">And some bios people wrote for Twitter: </span></strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="bio">- <strong>@erinwarde</strong>:</span><span class="bio"> "delightfully irreverent feminist episcopalian aspirant from the south, with a passion for social justice &amp; loving others." </span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>@jbonewald</strong>: "<span class="bio">presby pastor, blogger, dabbler at photography, infrequent biker, simply trying not to be one of ''those'' christians."</span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="bio">- <strong>@jimpalmer</strong>: "Nobody, Neighbor, Author, Triathlete, Friend of All People" (his blog is called <a href="http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/">Divine Nobodies: Shedding religion to find God</a>) </span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">- <strong>@angelaharms</strong>: <span class="bio">Writer, editor, designer, family mama. </span><span class="bio">Excited by the light  of unconditional love and infinite grace.</span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>', 'What do you call that other kind of believer?', 0, '<em>I really wish Christian terminology carried less baggage.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-do-you-call-that-other-kind-of-believer', '', '', '2009-04-01 17:29:51', '2009-04-01 21:29:51', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=312', 0, 'post', '', 24),
(313, 1, '2009-03-30 11:03:08', '2009-03-30 15:03:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/sbday.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-314" title="sbday" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/sbday-538x398.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="398" /></a>\r\n\r\nI developed a hunger for nostalgia as a little girl. Luckily, I also had the sort of childhood capable of staving off that type of hunger.\r\n\r\nFamily camping trips, complete with sing-alongs around the fire. Cross country skiing in the woods of Northern Michigan, followed by hot chocolate and games of Yahtzee in my grandparents'' cabin. I''ll admit—some of the memories are picturesque to the point of being over the top.\r\n\r\nAs an adult, I''m much more realistic about the years under my parents'' roof. <strong>I know I''m very lucky to have the childhood I had, but I also realize every day wasn''t filled with memory-making magic.</strong> There were plenty of tears, bouts of arguing, and a myriad of disappointments, all punctuated by moments of worry and doubt. It was, on the whole, a very real childhood: a mix of wonderful, good, and not-so-good moments.\r\n<h4>Uh-oh: Mama''s on a memory-making mission (and it won''t work)</h4>\r\nWhen I mix my predilection for nostalgia with my maternal instincts, though, all that realism the years have shed on my perspective falls away. I still find myself wanting desperately to "make memories" for my kids.\r\n\r\n<strong>In case you missed it, the problem here lies in the <em>making</em> of the memories, not in the <em>having</em> of memories. </strong>Having memories, and cherishing them and crafting them into stories, are all wonderful things. (I''m sure child psychologists say memories play critical roles in a child''s sense of family, security and self-awareness, or something like that—could someone look up the proper lingo for me?)\r\n\r\n<strong>But if there''s one clear truth about life''s memories—the ones that we hold most dear, and will continue to, well into old age—it''s this: they can''t be planned or made.</strong> They can''t be outlined or orchestrated. They can''t be rehearsed or even improvised, really. They can only <em>happen</em>.\r\n\r\nAnd the moments that take us completely by surprise, with the details we never could have dreamed up? Those become the very best memories.\r\n<h4>Making a decent plan does not necessarily make a memory</h4>\r\nSaturday was S''s ninth birthday, and I was feeling guilty about how tired and scattered I felt about the plans. (Hey, maybe it''s guilt that drives a lot of our memory-making efforts. I wouldn''t be surprised.)\r\n\r\nIn this case, though, I didn''t even have the time or energy to go overboard trying to compensate for my lack of planning. Her birthday fell at the end of spring break, a week that sent all five of us on various adventures in different directions. On the eve of S''s birthday, we  were arriving home a disjointed family of four with lots of dirty laundry and nothing in the fridge. Q was scheduled to return from her house boating/caving/horseback riding adventure with my parents the next day.\r\n\r\nAll we had time to do was ask S what she wanted for her birthday breakfast and dinner, get some groceries and wrap the gifts we already had. I worried that the gifts weren''t fun or exciting enough, and that we hadn''t planned a fun outing, or asked S if she wanted to invite a friend over. <strong>I was feeling like one big, tired, lame parenting FAIL.</strong>\r\n\r\nHer birthday dawned cold, wet and miserable. And have I mentioned how tired we all were? And the chaotic state of our messy house? These are <em>not</em> good ingredients for magical memories.\r\n\r\nI managed to come up with a couple of fun ideas on the fly, to help pass the time until grandma and grandpa arrived with Q and we could open presents. S and I spent an hour with yarn, pipe cleaners, patterned wrapping paper scraps and markers, decorating the heck out of the plain brown paper-wrapped box that held her biggest present (a soccer goal). It was just the kind of down time we needed together, after several days apart.\r\n\r\nThen we went to a pet supply store to check out the toys and other things dogs need. (It looks like we''re getting our dog this week! More on that soon!) We let S pick out two dog toys. She loved being a part of the preparation and the rituals that build excitement around a big, upcoming event like getting a dog.\r\n<h4>How a ninth birthday magically became a memory—all on its own</h4>\r\nBut the best birthday memory of all—the one S will always remember, and will tell her children and grandchildren about—emerged out of a spontaneous desire S had to observe "Earth Hour," a global plan to spend an hour without electricity.\r\n\r\n"Let''s turn all the lights out for an hour!" she suddenly declared.\r\n\r\nAs we approached the 8:30 lights-out time, I was whipping cream and assembling a Dr. Seussian, family-sized strawberry shortcake. The girls were scrounging around the house for candles and flashlights. H began lighting the candles, while Q and S strategically placed them in the dining and living rooms. At 8:30 we turned the lights out, just in time for me to light nine more, very special candles.\r\n\r\nWe sang "Happy Birthday" in our candle-lit house, the unexpected beauty and adventure of it all covering me in goosebumps. We laughed as I tried to figure out how to serve up my big, messy masterpiece in the near-dark, and our taste-buds seemed more alert than ever to the flavors and textures of the buttery biscuit, sweet-tangy strawberries, and cool, smooth cream.\r\n\r\nThen we moved all of the candles into the living room and spent the rest of our electricity-free hour playing charades. The room was filled with everything a ninth birthday should have: cozy warmth, laughter, people who love you like crazy, and an unplanned, magical element that will forever trigger for S the memory of that moment, and exactly how she felt.', 'The fine art of not making memories', 0, '<em>It''s the unexpected elements that turn memories into magic.</em> ', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-fine-art-of-not-making-memories', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:57:26', '2009-06-15 19:57:26', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=313', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(314, 1, '2009-03-30 00:55:03', '2009-03-30 04:55:03', '', 'sbday', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'sbday', '', '', '2009-03-30 00:55:03', '2009-03-30 04:55:03', '', 313, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/sbday.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(316, 1, '2009-04-03 12:21:59', '2009-04-03 16:21:59', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3143767920_34486c6463.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-317" title="3143767920_34486c6463" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3143767920_34486c6463.jpg" alt="" width="375" height="500" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/betsssssy/">Betsssssy</a></h5>\r\n<strong>When you think of the word "useful," what comes to mind?</strong>\r\n\r\nFor me it''s things like garlic presses and hot pads. A Kitchen-Aid mixer would be useful, if I had one. My bike basket is really useful when I bike to the library or farmers'' market. The assembly instructions that come in the box with your new IKEA furniture definitely come in handy.\r\n\r\n<strong>What doesn''t spring to mind for me, when I think of the word "useful," are people, relationships, conversations and stories.</strong> Technically, you could say a conversation or a person is useful, but I think I''d probably say they''re smart or wise, helpful or informative before I''d say useful.\r\n\r\nAnother thing that''s not useful? My blog. (You''ve been warned.) You can imagine my dismay when I read the number one point on this post, which someone on Twitter linked to it (I can''t recall who it was—sorry!).\r\n\r\n<a href="http://writetodone.com/2008/11/12/10-mistakes-that-could-be-killing-your-blog/">10 Mistakes that Could Be Killing Your Blog</a>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Today, I’ll walk you through some common mistakes many blogs make that turn off new readers (and even regular readers oftentimes) … mistakes that could be killing your blog.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><strong>1. Less-than-useful posts</strong>. When I’m exploring new blogs, most of the time I’m looking for certain information — interesting new workouts, yummy recipes, good running advice, frugality ideas, inspiration to improve my life, and so on. You want useful posts — that’s why you’re there. Sure, some times a blogger is just such an interesting writer that you’ll read posts even if they’re not that useful. Some of my favorite bloggers are more interesting or funny than anything else. But most of the time, you’re looking for useful stuff. And when you go to a blog and scan the front page and can’t find one single useful post, you’re outta there. </em></p>\r\nUmm...I think it might be time to start planning my blog''s funeral. I wonder—will anyone come?\r\n<h4>Getting worked up about this "one way to do things" approach to social media</h4>\r\nActually, this whole concept sets me off, ranting and carrying on (just ask my husband). <strong>Who decides that a blog has to be useful to survive?</strong> The King and Court of Bloggingland? Trust me, the guy who wrote that post isn''t alone in his stance. It''s a very common one. There are hundreds of posts and articles out there giving you The Formula for making money with your blog, attracting a huge following, being popular on Twitter—you name it.\r\n\r\n<strong>It doesn''t just bother me that "experts" out there are telling people their blog posts have to be useful. I want to know who defines what''s useful to the general population? </strong>I can broaden my definition of "useful," beyond the garlic press and the IKEA instructions, and apply it to blog posts. But when I do, I personally don''t come up with only posts on weight loss tips and home improvement ideas.\r\n\r\nI think a "useful" post can be one that makes me remember something I''ve forgotten about myself. It can be one that makes me laugh on a difficult day, or makes me think about a complex topic in a completely new way. It can just be a really great story—when doesn''t some great storytelling feed the soul? And when isn''t having your soul fed worth it?\r\n<h4>At least 2 out of every 10 bloggers say soul-stirring is useful</h4>\r\nEarlier this week I wrote a story about my daughter''s ninth birthday: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=313">The fine art of not making memories. </a>The same day I posted, I also saw this tweet:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>@bambooforest: <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">With limited time and enthusiasm, I''ve learned that there are only a few blogs that I ensure I read every post of. The ones that help most.</span></span></em></p>\r\nHe''s a good guy, but I was feeling extra sensitive about my blog, going through the whole "why am I doing this, who really cares" cycle. So I replied:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>@kt_writes: how do you define "help most?"</em></p>\r\nAnother friend jumped in with a re-tweet and a question, then he and I had this exchange:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>@writerdad RT @kt_writes: @bambooforest<span class="status-body">: <span class="entry-content">how do you define "help most?" Me 2 Bamboo. What about sheer pleasure or entertainment? Do they make the cut?</span></span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@kt_writes to @writerdad: how did you know that''s what I was really asking? :) did you read the "non-useful blogs die" article? define useful too, please.</span></span></em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body">@writerdad to @kt_writes:<strong> </strong><span class="entry-content">To me a blog is useful if it stirs me. I don''t need endless lists and tips. I want soul.</span></span></em></p>\r\n@writerdad said he really liked my post about S''s birthday, and said he was glad I didn''t write a post that shared tips on how to make memories. I joked that I could have written a "Ten Steps to Making More Memorable Memories" post: Step 1: Fully charge your camera battery; Step 2: View most of the event through the camera''s lens, stopping everyone frequently to get them to pose for a great shot....(you get the idea).\r\n\r\nAnyway, I''m not feeling quite so frustrated, anymore. I''m feeling really grateful to people like @writerdad, who tells wonderful, "non-useful" stories on <a href="http://writerdad.com/">his blog</a>. I''m grateful for people like @modite, who''s brave enough to challenge the "big guys" on <a href="http://modite.com/blog/2009/03/30/stop-writing-about-social-media-to-be-a-successful-blogger/">her blog</a>, and @JebDickerson, who is willing to rant against the established system on <a href="http://www.howtomatter.com/2009/03/30/the-twitter-life-suck/">his blog</a>,  and who says he''s ultimately seeking a community of people who are thoughtful and searching.\r\n\r\n<strong>And I''m very very grateful for all of my readers. Not because you''re adding to my numbers and statistics, but because you clearly are here as individuals, for your own individual reasons.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''m pretty sure you don''t read my blog in hopes that I''ll help you get rich or lose weight or become a famous writer. You show up here, I suspect, because I have stories to tell—because life is messy and complicated, and a blog is a great format for sorting it out together.', 'Disclaimer: This is not a useful blog', 0, '<em>A mini rant: there isn''t just one *best* way to do social media.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'disclaimer-this-is-not-a-useful-blog', '', 'http://writetodone.com/2008/11/12/10-mistakes-that-could-be-killing-your-blog/\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=313\nhttp://www.howtomatter.com/2009/03/30/the-twitter-life-suck/\nhttp://modite.com/blog/2009/03/30/stop-writing-about-social-media-to-be-a-successful-blogger/', '2009-04-03 12:23:28', '2009-04-03 16:23:28', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=316', 0, 'post', '', 19),
(315, 1, '2009-04-01 17:20:45', '2009-04-01 21:20:45', '', '2285170038_134e0b9e80', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2285170038_134e0b9e80', '', '', '2009-04-01 17:20:45', '2009-04-01 21:20:45', '', 312, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2285170038_134e0b9e80.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(317, 1, '2009-04-03 12:15:35', '2009-04-03 16:15:35', '', '3143767920_34486c6463', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3143767920_34486c6463', '', '', '2009-04-03 12:15:35', '2009-04-03 16:15:35', '', 316, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3143767920_34486c6463.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(503, 1, '2009-10-14 10:22:18', '2009-10-14 14:22:18', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/cornmaze2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-505" title="cornmaze2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/cornmaze2-538x625.jpg" alt="" width="472" height="548" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by Kristin Tennant</h5>\r\nOn Monday, the kids didn''t have school so my friend Lisa and I took our girls and some of their friends to the <a href="http://www.reindeerranch.com/maze.html">cornfield maze at Hardy''s Reindeer Ranch</a>. The sixth graders went off to explore on their own, while Lisa and I kept an eye on the five fourth-graders. As moms, our goal was to make it fun for the kids while catching up with each other as much as possible. We decided to let them lead the way, putting an end to the squabbles by devising a plan that gave each child equal turns to make decisions at each fork in the path. (Ah—the wonderful "fork in the road" metaphor enters the picture!)\r\n\r\nAs the kids made choices—<em>left here...let''s go left again...how about right...no, let''s go back to that last turn</em>—Lisa and I happily trailed along at the rear, chatting away. After well over an hour had passed, we still had to locate three or four of the eight "stations." The kids'' once-boundless energy was beginning to wane, so we decided to give some wise, parental direction.\r\n\r\nThe only problem was, we didn''t have a clue where we were. We didn''t know where we had been. Everything looked the same. <strong>We had even completely lost our general sense of direction—not just because we were following, but because we were following <em>blindly</em>. I had been on auto-pilot, my street-smart brain in the "off" position.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt''s not that I was really worried or that we were in any real danger. But some great life lessons began to emerge from the experience.\r\n<h4>Metaphors are everywhere, waiting to be interpreted</h4>\r\nI love metaphors. I believe rich, broad, life lessons are embedded in every nook of our daily lives—we just need to notice and interpret them.\r\n\r\nHelping us with that is part of God''s job. Well, to be more specific, the Holy Spirit''s job. The Holy Spirit is, by definition, difficult to grasp, but <strong>this is one of the clearest ways I sense the Spirit in my life: in my occasional ability to actually <em>see</em> and interpret something that otherwise appears small and mundane—unimpressive in the large scope of things.</strong>\r\n\r\nI can''t begin to fathom how many rich moments and lessons I whiz by and miss each day. But when I do slow down and open myself up, and everything clicks, it''s amazing. Those are "light bulb moments," and I believe the Spirit is responsible.\r\n\r\nThat''s what happened in the corn maze, which got me thinking about two different realms of my life.\r\n<h4>What happens when we follow blindly?</h4>\r\n<strong>The first has to do with following other people, and how easy it is to slip into auto pilot mode.</strong> I consciously try not to be a control freak—to go with the flow, let others make decisions, give my kids some autonomy, and generally not try to orchestrate everything.\r\n\r\nA danger lies waiting at the other extreme, though. When we slip from "following" mode to "following blindly" mode, we lose our sense of reality and our orientation toward what matters most. We suddenly find ourselves somewhere without really knowing how we arrived, or why, which means we lose all ability to jump in and be of assistance at critical moments.\r\n<h4>Is there a difference between "blind trust" and "blindly following?"</h4>\r\n<strong>The second metaphor formed itself around this question: What kind of follower does God want me to be?</strong> What does it look like to fully trust God? When I think of "blindly following," I also think of "blind trust," which seems like the type of trust we should have in God. But I''m starting to think maybe "blind trust" doesn''t look quite like we tend to think it does.\r\n\r\nI don''t believe God wants us to turn our street-smart brains off and simply play follow the leader. I don''t believe he''s a fan of auto-pilot, either. If he was, he probably would have created us with real switches and knobs.\r\n\r\nI think what the Spirit was whispering to me yesterday, in the midst of my confusion in the corn maze, was this: <strong>Follow me, but be alert. Use the tools I''ve given you. Keep your eyes open, and don''t forget to trust yourself, too, remembering that I created you, and am in you.</strong>', 'Uncovering a life lesson in a cornfield maze', 0, '<em>It''s important to be willing to follow, but never blindly.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'uncovering-a-life-lesson-in-a-cornfield-maze', '', '', '2009-10-15 13:29:25', '2009-10-15 17:29:25', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=503', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(318, 1, '2009-04-05 23:42:05', '2009-04-06 03:42:05', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2166516186_684951e91a.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-319" title="2166516186_684951e91a" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2166516186_684951e91a.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/dnorman/">D''Arcy Norman</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Saying "I''m sorry" has always been really difficult for me.</strong>\r\n\r\nEven when I was a little girl—maybe 10 or 12—it was hard. I remember my mom coming into my room, after we had gotten into some sort of argument. She would sit on my bed, where I had most likely been crying, and tell me she was sorry.\r\n\r\nWe both felt terrible and both had reason to say "I''m sorry," but it seemed almost impossible for me. Even if I was <em>determined</em> to say it, and willed myself to say it, the words always seemed to get stuck when I opened my mouth.\r\n\r\nI''ve spent many years thinking about that, and trying to dig to the core of whatever makes me stubborn in that way. Thankfully, I''ve made a lot of progress, but those two words have never just rolled off my tongue.\r\n\r\n<strong>Anyone who has gone through a divorce can probably attest to the heaps of wrongs that gradually pile up like garbage at a dump.</strong> The little hurts and angers, when collected over time, become mountains.\r\n\r\nSaying "I''m sorry"—if you can even muster up the courage to step out in front of your own pain and say it with sincerity—seems like such a small thing in the face of such an overwhelming mess. It feels like you''ve taken just a few steps up that huge mountain of trash, and then, exhausted, set up camp for the night. There''s so far to go, it''s easy to feel defeated and hopeless before you even begin.\r\n<h4>Saying "I''m sorry" is more than a one-time verbal act</h4>\r\nGradually, since my divorce, I''ve learned an amazing thing—several amazing things, actually, but here''s what I learned about healing: <strong>The expression of sorrow and regret and forgiveness can''t just be spoken in words, in a single moment. It''s a process, that must be lived out in small actions over a great stretch of time.</strong> For some people, that might seem <em>more</em> daunting, but for me, it feels more doable—and more real.\r\n\r\n<strong>Yesterday was the sort of day filled with grace and forgiveness, even though no one said "I''m sorry."</strong> There were no tense or awkward moments, or verbal acceptances of apologies. There was just life, being lived in a simple and harmonious way—first with my ex-husband in the morning, and then with Jason''s ex-wife that afternoon.\r\n\r\nAt 9 a.m., S had her first soccer game, which was a big, exciting deal for all of us (if you missed it last month, check out the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=298">Parenting is not a spectator sport</a>). The girls were with their "other parents" this weekend, so just Jason and I (and Maeve the pup) headed over to the soccer field.\r\n\r\nWe were a bit scattered, and hadn''t thought to bring a blanket or chairs; of course, the field they were playing on was one without bleachers. Q, our middle daughter, was sitting on a big blanket with her dad and stepmom, and was eager to bond with our new dog. My ex invited us to share their blanket, and we spent the hour together, chatting, doting on Maeve, cheering on S''s team, and just sitting comfortably together in the morning sunshine.\r\n\r\n<strong>That''s what forgiveness <em>looks</em> like, and <em>feels</em> like.</strong>\r\n\r\nLater, after a trip to the gym and some lunch, Jason and I went to the home of his ex-wife R, her partner B, and their baby N. We had been invited to celebrate N''s first birthday. (If you''re confused about our friendship with R and B, dig back in the archives and read <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=8">A road trip with my husband''s ex-wife</a>.)\r\n\r\nIt was a gorgeous day, and the party was in the yard. We sat and talked in the afternoon sunshine, drinking wine. We showered the birthday boy with attention, and watched him open presents. Our little Maeve was introduced to R &amp; B''s enormous beast of a dog, the two of them creating a very entertaining sight. Then everyone ate cake and, as the late afternoon sun drooped, causing us to reach for our sweaters, we headed for home.\r\n\r\nThat''s what forgiveness <em>looks</em> like, and <em>feels</em> like. Cake and laughter and conversation and a baby to celebrate.\r\n\r\nAnd I''m so glad I''m learning about that other side of forgiveness—the inch by inch, day by day side. <strong>I''m not suggesting that the words "I''m sorry" aren''t incredibly important. I''m just starting to think that saying those two words, and then walking away like everything''s all better, generally doesn''t cut it on its own.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat quick-fix approach won''t take us nearly as far up the mountain of hurt and anger—the one that we desperately need to get over if we''re to find a land of grace.', 'Welcome to another day to practice grace', 0, '<em>Saying "I''m sorry" can be hard. Living it day by day is more important.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'welcome-to-another-day-to-practice-grace', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=298\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=8', '2009-04-05 23:46:39', '2009-04-06 03:46:39', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=318', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(319, 1, '2009-04-05 23:31:07', '2009-04-06 03:31:07', '', '2166516186_684951e91a', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2166516186_684951e91a', '', '', '2009-04-05 23:31:07', '2009-04-06 03:31:07', '', 318, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/2166516186_684951e91a.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(320, 1, '2009-04-08 12:25:05', '2009-04-08 16:25:05', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/maeve2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-321" title="maeve2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/maeve2.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>Meet Maeve, everyone!</strong> We''ve had her for a week now, and the transition has gone remarkably well.\r\n\r\nOf course, getting a dog causes a significant shift in the daily routines of a household. And, when things shift, we''re able to see everyday aspects of our lives in new ways. Here are some of the ways I can feel myself shifting since Maeve came into our lives.\r\n<h4>True down time replaces pseudo down time.</h4>\r\nI used to <em>think</em> I knew how to relax. I would recline on the sofa and count it as relaxing, even if I had my laptop on my stomach. Or I would be doing something that technically counts as relaxing—like reading a book or watching an episode of "The Wire" with Jason—but in some ways, those books and shows were still items on my to-do list. It was just my "Have Fun" to-do list, rather than my "Do Work" list.\r\n\r\nBut nothing teaches you how to fully, utterly relax like a dog or cat. And of all the down-time expert canines around, I think Maeve is the crown princess. The sofa is her very favorite place—after the bed, of course. She finds patches of sun, wherever they happen to fall, arranges her velvety self in the most comfortable of possible ways, and then she just <em>is</em>. She breathes and, well, that''s all.\r\n\r\n<strong>I really needed more inspiration and practice just <em>being</em>—doing absolutely nothing.</strong> When I take a break from whatever I''m up to, to just sit on the sofa in the sun with Maeve, I''m able to complete vacate, without leaving my home.\r\n<h4>Practicing the affectionate side of love.</h4>\r\nAs my girls have gotten older, the expression of my love for them has become more complex. With babies, you love them by feeding them and cuddling them. But with older kids, a lot of that love becomes problem solving, and explanations. You help them navigate the world, you build their confidence, and you teach them skills they''ll need to know in life.\r\n\r\nAll of this is important and good, but it''s also good to be reminded how powerful pure, affectionate, silent time together can be. Often, I''m tempted to explain to Maeve why I''m so busy, or why I had to leave her in her crate for three hours, or why Jason went out of town for four days. But I can''t, of course. <strong>My only option is to show her love, calming her worries and building her confidence through undivided attention and affection.</strong> We all need that, sometimes, even more than the explanations and words.\r\n<h4>Morning walks mean more contemplation and prayer.</h4>\r\nI tend to do my best, most focused thinking out loud, in conversation with others. But when I''m alone, which I am for most of every work day, I think most deeply and completely while I''m walking.\r\n\r\nI sort through problems, complete all the thoughts that have trailed off and gotten lost in my busy days, and write entire blog posts in my head. I also talk to God, which I''ve always found really difficult to do at length while sitting still.\r\n\r\n<strong>Taking a walk and doing this sort of thinking and praying in the morning is the best possible way to start my day.</strong> Before Maeve, though, I rarely took the time to do it, because the day''s to-do list was always urging me straight to my computer. Maeve provides the perfect excuse to tell my to-do list it can wait.\r\n<h4>A dog is good, sticky glue for a blended family.</h4>\r\nThis is something Jason and I didn''t really anticipate, but Maeve has been a really wonderful way to bind our family together. Blended families, as second marriage families are called, can be tricky. We don''t have biological ties to bind us. The girls have other families, as well as relatives and friends and homes that go with those other families. Jason and I have different histories and traditions that we''re trying to share and blend as a new family, along with building new stories and traditions.\r\n\r\nBut Maeve belongs to all five of us. <strong>We share equal affection for her, and our common doting and cuddling fests are true family activities.</strong> We carry on about how cute she is when she yawns or cocks her head to listen (and we realize no one from outside of our family will want to join in our ridiculousness—it''s an activity solely for the five of us). The girls pile on our bed in the mornings, so we can all be near the very lovey-dovey pup. And we marvel together at how we ended up with the Very Best Dog in the world.', 'How a small pup can be a wise teacher', 0, '<em>I''m learning true relaxation, regular contemplation & straight-up affection.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-a-small-pup-can-be-a-wise-teacher', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:56:34', '2009-06-15 19:56:34', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=320', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(321, 1, '2009-04-08 12:10:31', '2009-04-08 16:10:31', '', 'maeve2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'maeve2', '', '', '2009-04-08 12:10:31', '2009-04-08 16:10:31', '', 320, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/maeve2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(322, 1, '2009-04-09 11:56:27', '2009-04-09 15:56:27', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/seder2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-325" title="seder2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/seder2.jpg" alt="" width="439" height="426" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacobrask/">Creap</a></h5>\r\nToday is Maundy Thursday, the day Jesus celebrated Passover with his disciples one last time before being crucified the following day (Good Friday).\r\n\r\nIt''s an important day for Christians, even though many denominations don''t recognize it in any way, because it was at this "Last Supper" that Jesus gave his disciples communion for the first time (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2022">Luke 22</a> tells the story).\r\n\r\nWhen I was growing up, the pastor of the United Methodist Church my family attended chose to mark each Maundy Thursday with a Passover meal at the church. The readings and service itself were very abbreviated, but all of the symbolic foods were there. <strong>I remember the stories about why we were eating these things, and what they represent, really resonating with me, even as a moody adolescent.</strong>\r\n\r\nThe church we go to now doesn''t have a Maundy Thursday service, but tonight, Jason and the girls and I will go to our friends'' house in Farmer City for a Seder meal.\r\n\r\n<strong>You might suspect, being Obama fans and goyim, that we''re participating in Seder because anything the President does is suddenly all the rage.</strong> (The Obamas are hosting the first ever <a href="http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1238562942442&amp;pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull">Seder in the White House</a> this evening.) But this is actually the third or fourth year we''ve joined Dorie, Elie and their daughter for this most important meal of the year. I decided it is the perfect opportunity to dig a post out of the archives from two years ago.\r\n\r\n<strong><span class="lead">Chag sameach.</span></strong>\r\n<h3>Seder in Farmer City, 2007</h3>\r\n<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Perhaps no one in my life sums up the Halfway to Normal concept better than Dorie and Elie ("Eliezer," if you happen to be his former Yeshiva teacher or his mother on a bad day). </span>\r\n\r\n<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">For starters, Dorie and Elie live in Farmer City, which is halfway to Normal, Illinois from our house. But even before Dorie and Elie moved to that literal halfway geographical location, they were halfway normal in a number of other healthy ways. </span>\r\n\r\n<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">One of my favorite things about them is how they conducted their relationship in an almost scientifically "backwards" fashion: they met one summer during college, got pregnant, had a baby, moved in together, got to know each other, bought a house together and moved from New Jersey to Farmer City, and <span style="font-style: italic;">then</span> got married, five years after the baby. </span>\r\n\r\n<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Elie is post-punk, Dorie''s crafty, he''s Jewish, she''s Protestant, he''s serious and earnest, she''s bubbly and fun. And it all really works. It''s Halfway to Normal at its best.</span>\r\n\r\nFor the past couple of years, Elie and Dorie have hosted Hanukkah and Seder dinners at the brick Victorian farmhouse that they''re painstakingly restoring. <strong>Jason and I were both raised in Christian families who have a lot of respect for Jewish traditions, and make a point to be more aware of how Christians and Jews are alike in our beliefs, not different.</strong> We think being able to take our kids to a "real" Jewish holiday meal is a great thing.\r\n\r\nIt''s a bit surreal, though. Farmer City is a town of 2,000 people (at four years old, S asked if there was only one farmer there). There seem to be many farmers, as you might expect, but only 1.5 Jewish residents. <strong>When you''re driving into town, toward the grain elevator, humming your Jewish holiday tunes, you get the feeling you''re going to some illicit gathering of a secret society.</strong> Like maybe we should hide the car in the brush and pull the curtains before Elie dons his yamaka and lights the candles, and we drink our four large goblets of sweet red wine.\r\n\r\nWe gulp most of it down before we eat much of anything besides some horseradish and matzoh, so as the night wears on, the singing of the Seder order (Kaddesh, Urechatz, Karpas, etc.) grows increasingly robust. <strong>Our kids are delighted. They can only begin to understand how normal and yet <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> this whole scene is.</strong>\r\n<h4>Seeking to find sameness and celebrate difference in a small town</h4>\r\n<strong>Being Jewish, specifically, and just different, in general, isn''t easy in a place like Farmer City.</strong> For those who like to perpetuate stereotypes about the Midwest, this lack of openness to anyone who is different from you is, unfortunately, a real issue in many smaller towns. (I imagine it''s more of a small town issue than a geographical one, although I''ve never lived in a small town on either coast, so I can''t be sure.)\r\n\r\nWhen Elie and Dorie first moved to Illinois, they suspected they were being judged by their neighbors—in part because they came from the East Coast, in part because Elie is Jewish, and in part just because they had big plans to fix up their house and yard. (You see, if your plans are too big in a town that small, it only proves you think you''re better than everyone around you. Apparently.)\r\n\r\nTheir suspicions about their neighbors'' feelings were confirmed when one day Elie got into it with the neighbor, who claimed they hadn''t mowed the lawn recently enough. Elie, who is studying plant biology at the university, tried to explain the broader vision for their yard—that they were growing wildflowers in one part of their yard, were going to plant hostas over here, etc.\r\n\r\nThe neighbor wasn''t buying it. Before retiring, he had worked for some lawn chemical company, and his yard consists of plain, very green, short grass, right up to his fence. He started accusing them off being moneyed people from the East with unconventional, fancy ideas. When things escalated, and the neighbor said he was going to report Elie, he went as far as to add that he was sure "you people have plenty of lawyers in the family." Take that, Jewish boy.\r\n\r\n<strong>Dorie and Elie did the only thing one can do in response to such a situation. They threw a party. </strong>To be exact, it was a "Get Off My Lawn Soiree," complete with silver script-inscribed napkins, croquet, fancy-schmancy cocktails, and a whole bunch of friends wearing formal wear. We were all as fancy as possible and had a wonderful time celebrating who Elie and Dorie are, and where they are. Whether the neighbors like it or not.', 'Seder in Farmer City, revisted', 0, '<em>A goyim family makes its annual trek to Farmer City for an important meal.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'seder-in-farmer-city-revisted', '', '', '2009-04-09 14:56:48', '2009-04-09 18:56:48', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=322', 0, 'post', '', 4),
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(325, 1, '2009-04-09 11:55:08', '2009-04-09 15:55:08', '', 'seder2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'seder2', '', '', '2009-04-09 11:55:08', '2009-04-09 15:55:08', '', 322, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/seder2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
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(326, 1, '2009-04-13 11:52:39', '2009-04-13 15:52:39', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/stoplights.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-327" title="stoplights" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/stoplights.jpg" alt="" width="394" height="473" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/bexross/">Bex Ross</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Today is clearly going to be one of those days when I just don''t know what I want.</strong>\r\n\r\nAbout seven years ago, when I was in the throes of perhaps the unhappiest time of my life, it occurred to me that <strong>not knowing what you want is even worse than not being able to have what you want. </strong>\r\n\r\nAt least it is for me. It makes me feel untethered from reality, and disconnected from myself, like my emotions, mind and body are on different planets, unable to connect.\r\n\r\nI remember clearly the evening when this realization hit. My now ex-husband and I had a few months earlier moved to Central Illinois for his teaching job at the university. He was wrapped up in it—in his colleagues and grad students, in his art exhibits and visiting artists. I was working part-time as a copywriter and editor at a firm that left me feeling flat and unfulfilled. Winter was coming, the devastation of 9-11 was still fresh, and I had two busy, small children at home—Q was 3 and S was 1. I was essentially friendless.\r\n\r\nThat particular evening, I was suddenly struck by something that might help: An evening out. I would just tell my husband I needed a break, leave him to manage the evening routine with the kids, and go...where? To do what?\r\n\r\nAt that moment, I realized I had no idea what I wanted or needed. <strong>Even if a fairy godmother had appeared, ready to magically make anything happen, I knew I would have no idea what to ask for.</strong> A week in Mexico? A new best friend? A fully funded shopping spree? A new life, outside of the marriage I was in? Did I want to turn back the clocks? Or turn them far ahead?\r\n\r\nEvery idea had flaws. Every possibility left me feeling somehow wanting and unfulfilled. Every part of my being was pacing, unable to find a comfortable spot to settle down.\r\n<h4>Different degrees of not knowing still trigger the same sensation</h4>\r\nThe past week was exhausting. Jason was out of town, so I was in single parent mode. The girls had two days off of school, which threw my work routine out of whack. We went to a Seder, hosted a gaggle of nine-year-old girls for a birthday party, and had house guests for the weekend, throwing us into a non-stop frenzy of cooking and clean-up.\r\n\r\nThen, yesterday, I suddenly tried to immerse myself in the year''s most significant Christian holiday. I arrived at church feeling like I was about to run a marathon I hadn''t trained or even stretched for.\r\n\r\nIn the back of my mind, I was desperately holding on to this very moment—Monday morning, when everyone would leave, the house would be quiet, and my time would be my own. But instead, now that I''m here, I''m thrown into a state of not knowing.\r\n\r\n<strong>Today''s sense of not knowing is much less dramatic and desperate than what I''ve experienced in the past. The big questions in my life have been answered</strong> in Jason, the girls, our home, my writing, and a renewed understanding of God''s love for me.\r\n\r\nBut I still have that wandering, untethered feeling. What do I want? Do I wish I could go back to bed, or to the gym? Do I want to be alone or with a friend? What do I want to write about? What client project should I tackle? What would I do with my day if I could let go of work, completely? Where would I go, if I could click my heels and instantly be there?\r\n\r\nWhen I feel like this, even if it''s a mild case, I''m immediately reminded of that moment in my life, when I realized how frightening it is to not know what I want. The triggering sensation is like eating—or even just seeing—a food that caused a miserable bout of food poisoning in the past. The memory alone causes a wave of nausea to wash over you.\r\n\r\nI desperately want to know what I want. <strong>Knowing gives you something to cling to and work towards. It gives you something to hang some hope on, even if your desires and plans end up shifting mid-course.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat I''m wondering, now, is if there''s a way to <em>force</em> myself to embrace wanting something. Is there a way to talk myself into it, the way you can talk a young child into being excited about a food or activity they initially wanted nothing to do with?\r\n\r\n<strong>Or maybe I just have to let go, and spend the day floating on the current of not knowing, waiting to see where it might take me.</strong>', 'When you don''t even know what to wish for', 0, '<em>For me, not knowing what I want is worse than not having it.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'when-you-dont-even-know-what-to-wish-for', '', '', '2009-04-13 22:39:02', '2009-04-14 02:39:02', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=326', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(327, 1, '2009-04-13 11:38:27', '2009-04-13 15:38:27', '', 'stoplights', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'stoplights', '', '', '2009-04-13 11:38:27', '2009-04-13 15:38:27', '', 326, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/stoplights.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(328, 1, '2009-04-15 12:55:31', '2009-04-15 16:55:31', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/sidewalk2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-329" title="sidewalk2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/sidewalk2.jpg" alt="" width="465" height="485" /></a>\r\n\r\nThis morning I read a blog post that instantly made my mind race, and got me raring to write my own blog post. I love it when that happens.\r\n\r\nThe post that revved me up today was this one, by Rebecca Thorman at her blog <a href="http://modite.com/blog/">Modite</a>: <a href="http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/15/will-gen-y-will-ruin-local-community/">Will Gen Y ruin local community?</a>\r\n\r\n<strong>Just the words "ruin local community" make my heart race, and Rebecca''s post gave me new reasons to fear for one of the things I love and value most in life—a deep sense of place.</strong> People who live near each other and know one another. Parks and front porches, and parents walking their children down sidewalks to school. Cafes and libraries and farmers'' markets you can bike to.\r\n\r\nAmong the things that Rebecca says are working against local communities are the collapse of the housing market and the prominence of Facebook serving as "chief community-builder." She makes some really good points.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Does not committing to a home prevent us from committing to a community?</h4>\r\nThe whole "to buy or not to buy" a house issue happens to be very dear to me. If you''ve read my post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=26">A turning point with a street address</a>, you know why. Here''s part of the comment I left on Rebecca''s blog:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>This is the third house I’ve owned, and I will say this: Owning a home in a neighborhood does change how you feel about your community—how you interact with it, how you invest in it, and committed you are to the people, parks, etc. In the few years before I bought my current home, I was feeling extremely restless and unhappy about circumstances I couldn’t change. Buying the house represented a turning point for me—it symbolized a deliberate decision to embrace where I was. The thought of an entire generation of people not doing that really worries me.</em></p>\r\n<strong>I know what it feels like to not want to be tied down—to feel addicted to having options and possibilities. I also know how refusing to commit to something affects how you respond to it.</strong> After I committed to being here in a concrete way, I began to open myself up to caring about people and places—caring about them so much, that I knew it would hurt if I lost them.\r\n<h4>What happens when our acts of compassion become abstract?</h4>\r\nThe concreteness that comes from being rooted in a physical, geographic place, also connects to how we care about the people around us. <strong>One of the concerns I''ve had since joining Twitter</strong>—a concern that Rebecca''s post prompted me to revisit—<strong>is the effect online communities have on how we give and show compassion.</strong>\r\n\r\nIf you''re active on Twitter, you''re probably presented several times a day with opportunities to give. From well-known organizations like the American Heart Association and opportunities to respond to natural disasters, to very grassroots pleas to help a mom on Twitter meet her rent payment and avoid being evicted, people are utilizing Twitter in creative ways to help others.\r\n\r\nFor the most part, I think it''s wonderful that Twitter can be a vehicle for philanthropy. Lots of people out there <em>want</em> to be generous and help others, but they don''t think of it or don''t know exactly how to make it happen. Twitter is in your face, making it easy to give. That''s great.\r\n\r\n<strong>But it does concern me that so many ways to give today are removed from our physical communities and day-to-day lives.</strong> Will this also be a Gen-Y phenomenon? Giving that is easy, on-line, makes you feel good and can be checked off your to-do list?\r\n\r\nI think it''s important to give to the food bank that helps feed the families of kids at your local school. It''s eye-opening to give to the soup kitchen where you can also volunteer your time. It''s meaningful to give money to teenagers you know at your church, who are going to one of the poorest counties in the US to build houses with Habitat for Humanity, and then to hear their stories when they return.\r\n\r\n<strong>Is it possible, as our sense of concrete, physical community dissolves, that our acts of compassion will become so abstract that they cease to be truly compassionate?</strong>', 'When community & compassion become abstract', 0, '<em>As our sense of concrete community fades, will true compassion go, too?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'when-community-compassion-become-abstract', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=26\nhttp://modite.com/blog/2009/04/15/will-gen-y-will-ruin-local-community/', '2009-04-27 00:20:03', '2009-04-27 04:20:03', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=328', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(330, 1, '2009-04-17 12:07:57', '2009-04-17 16:07:57', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/48477486_1e103ff64c.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-331" title="48477486_1e103ff64c" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/48477486_1e103ff64c.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/sectionz/">sectionz</a></h5>\r\n<strong>I love the stories people share on my blog. Some of them are heartbreaking, though, and burrow their way into me.</strong> Here''s one that a reader named Keren left on April 9, in response to my post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300">Go ahead: Ask me about my divorce</a>:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I left my husband of 4 and a half years after putting up with physical and emotional abuse (which started with him punching me on our honeymoon) and then deciding that I’d rather kill myself than live with him any longer. As a very staunch fundamentalist Christian (at the time) it was the very hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I just knew that I didn’t want to have children with him and make their lives hell too. </em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>My family were utterly devastated, and my parents and several siblings didn’t speak to me for two years. That all happened five years ago, and I’m slowly patching things up with my family, but it’s taking a long time. I’m no longer a christian - the idea of worshipping the God that my parents worship is repugnant to me. Their religion meant that they turned their backs on me at a time when I desperately needed their love and support, and I don’t know that I’ll ever completely get over that.</em></p>\r\nIn my response to Keren, I told her this: "<strong>As a Christian, perhaps nothing makes me more angry than Christians using their religion as an excuse to treat others unjustly, void of the love or compassion that Jesus modeled every day.</strong> When those Christians are your family and friends, it’s horrific."\r\n<h4>Changing how we listen instead of how they speak</h4>\r\nI can''t stop thinking about this story. I know there are scores of others who have had similar experiences with Christians, and have reacted, understandably, by rejecting their faith and even God. Sometimes it feels like an epidemic that''s out of control.\r\n\r\nSadly, I don''t think I can do much to change the perspectives of judgmental Christians. Partly because people are going to be sinful, plain and simple, and partly because <strong>I think I''ve been given a different mission: to help shift the perspective of those being judged and hurt.</strong>\r\n\r\nI was one of those judged people who almost walked away from God and the church. Here are the two things I think were at the root of my confusion, and here''s what I''ve gradually learned (and am still learning).\r\n<h4>Only God can truly speak for God</h4>\r\n<strong>The first is that I was giving God''s people too much power and authority to speak for God.</strong> We so desperately want to understand God, and hear him, that we''re often quick to personify him—to imagine him embodied in a certain pastor or parent or Christian author.\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s easy to reach a point where we''ve allowed a certain, outspoken and bold group of people to become the CEO and executive board of God''s corporation.</strong> Where does that leave God? He becomes sort of a mascot, or a brand for the corporation—he''s the face of the corporation, and he represents the company''s mission statement, but he doesn''t really have authority.\r\n\r\nI completely understand where Keren is (although I want to be clear that in my case, it wasn''t my family who turned their backs on me, and I wasn''t in an abusive marriage). But Keren is allowing messed up humans to be God''s spokespeople. As much as I''m tempted to devote my life to putting all of these loud, false-speaking people in their place, I think sometimes it''s even more important to adjust how we listen than to change how they speak.\r\n<h4>There is no such thing as a "perfect person" mold</h4>\r\n<strong>The second issue I needed to work through was my understanding of what God wants from me, and who he wants me to be.</strong> This is closely related to the first issue, and the tendency we have to want to personify God, and to understand him in terms of how we understand people. We think he wants us to be who our parents want us to be, or some shiny, perfect, fake pastor somewhere.\r\n\r\nI spent many, many years thinking, perhaps subconsciously, that God wanted me to be a certain type of person. I thought I was supposed to toil away, year after year, to become this very specific ideal person. <strong>I also sort of thought that God had the same general "ideal person" mold in mind for all of us. We were supposed to squeeze ourselves into it, as best we could, even if that meant chopping ourselves up and leaving out certain parts of who we were.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhen I was about to walk away from my faith, I knew two things very clearly: One, there was no way I was able to be THAT person, no matter how hard I tried; and two, I didn''t even want to try, because I was pretty sure I would be miserable being THAT person (if it was even possible to get close).\r\n\r\nI now think this view is absolutely wrong. <strong>That person you are? Your weaknesses and desires and quirks and all the things you get excited about? I believe those things are all there only because God put them there.</strong> And he''s not trying to get you to chop off all that''s perceived to be "bad." He might want to soften and redirect it, redeem it and use it for good, but I don''t think he''s a God of amputations.\r\n\r\nGetting to a place where I understood and really believed this was tricky. There isn''t one clear path to that freeing place, and I''m starting to think you never fully arrive.\r\n\r\n<strong>But I do believe that when you start to embrace who you really are, God will send you signs of affirmation. </strong>For me, those signs came mostly in the form of Jason—someone who loved and miraculously <em>fit</em> the very person I am (see <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6">Love in unexpected places</a>). It was God''s way of saying "I''m not disappointed in you. See? I know you and love you."', 'The problem with letting people speak for God', 0, '<em>People will always judge. We need to change how we listen.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-problem-with-letting-people-speak-for-god', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6', '2009-04-17 12:10:29', '2009-04-17 16:10:29', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=330', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(329, 1, '2009-04-15 12:46:33', '2009-04-15 16:46:33', '', 'sidewalk2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'sidewalk2', '', '', '2009-04-15 12:46:33', '2009-04-15 16:46:33', '', 328, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/sidewalk2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(331, 1, '2009-04-17 12:04:00', '2009-04-17 16:04:00', '', '48477486_1e103ff64c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '48477486_1e103ff64c', '', '', '2009-04-17 12:04:00', '2009-04-17 16:04:00', '', 330, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/48477486_1e103ff64c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(332, 1, '2009-04-20 12:18:02', '2009-04-20 16:18:02', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/bedroom.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-333" title="bedroom" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/bedroom.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\nOver the weekend, we took everything out of our bedroom except the bed and one dresser. We took the blinds off the windows and removed the over-the-door hooks, loaded with sweatshirts and robes. The throw rugs are gone. Even all the dust bunnies have been vacuumed up.\r\n\r\n<em>&lt;Insert enormous, contented sigh here.&gt;</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>I would love to have a bedroom with just a bed in it—a peaceful, monk-like sanctuary for rest and clear thoughts.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>Unfortunately, this wide open, airy reality can''t be a permanent one.</strong> We removed and cleaned everything in preparation to paint all the trim. Our house is almost 100 years old, so there''s lots of molding around the windows, large baseboards, beveled doors and a picture rail where the walls meet the ceiling. Since I moved into the house, all that bedroom trim has been dark green. Jason and I have always wanted to paint it white, but we put off what we knew would be a big job, requiring many coats of paint.\r\n\r\nWhen we''re done painting, <strong>we have to face all the <em>stuff</em></strong> we removed from the room. It didn''t magically disappear. It was pushed into closets and stacked temporarily in the girls'' bedrooms. Sure, we can get rid of lots of it, and maybe keep some of it in the basement (ACK—the basement is another story). But we still need some of our stuff in our bedroom.\r\n\r\nIn the meantime, though, I find I''ve been spending lots of time lying on the bed, petting Maeve and looking out the naked windows at the leaves budding on the old black walnut tree.\r\n<h4>The rooms of self: some are clean, some are cluttered</h4>\r\n<strong>I think the rooms of a home are a perfect metaphor for self.</strong> For me, the rooms work sort of like this: The kitchen is the part of me that nurtures and gives, and uses my hands to love others. The dining room represents my love for community and hospitality—for sharing what I have with others. The living room is the room of my intellect, where I read and listen, converse and think about ideas.\r\n\r\n<strong>And the bedroom? That''s my private space. </strong>Yes, it represents intimacy in my marriage. But it''s private in other ways. Private thoughts and emotions, private fears, and even private messes reside there. This is the door that automatically gets closed when company comes to the house. <strong>It''s the room that embarrasses and annoys, as well as comforts and offers rest. It''s the place where I can be utterly myself.\r\n</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>We each have our reasons for closing doors.</strong> When it comes to my physical bedroom, not the metaphoric one, it''s pretty much always a mess. One of my last-minute house cleaning tricks before company comes involves taking all the random things from the living room and dining room that I don''t know quite what to do with, and hiding them in the bedroom. As you can imagine, over time we''ve amassed quite a collection of...stuff.\r\n\r\nCleaning out the bedroom on Saturday (OK, it''s time for me to admit Jason did all that work, good man that he is) was not just a matter of moving a few pieces of furniture, a book and some slippers. Our bedroom was a true wreck. In addition to the one laundry basket full of...what?...there was another one packed with lone socks, the girls'' outgrown clothes, and various items of clothing in need of hand-washing. My stack of half-read books and old New Yorkers had grown into a toppling pile on the floor by the bed, mixed in with some used tissues and dust bunnies.\r\n\r\nI should probably stop sharing the details now, before I lose all of my friends. (And Mom, you can stop cringing now.)\r\n<h4>How much inner spring cleaning is realistic?</h4>\r\nI don''t want to over-extend the metaphor, but I''m tempted to say something more about our private-public spaces, and <strong>our desire to hide stuff behind close doors so we can present a bright, clean face.</strong> And I''m tempted to say something about spring cleaning—how all that junk can be moved around and temporarily organized. Some of it can even be gotten rid of. But there are those things we need, that are just a part of us. <strong>A completely empty room is not a very useful or interesting one</strong>—at least not long-term, to someone like me.\r\n\r\nI can be refreshed by spending some time in a completely empty bedroom, but it''s not a realistic approach to my life, and who I am. A private space is a good thing. <strong>And if I face some of the junk, and really deal with it, maybe I''ll feel good about leaving the bedroom door open a bit more often.</strong>', 'Facing the messiest room in my home/self', 0, '<em>Spring cleaning: Time to face the junk we hide behind closed doors.<em/>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'facing-the-messiest-room-in-my-homeself', '', '', '2009-04-20 12:18:02', '2009-04-20 16:18:02', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=332', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(333, 1, '2009-04-20 11:46:59', '2009-04-20 15:46:59', '', 'bedroom', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'bedroom', '', '', '2009-04-20 11:46:59', '2009-04-20 15:46:59', '', 332, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/bedroom.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(334, 1, '2009-04-22 12:07:04', '2009-04-22 16:07:04', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/tie.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-336" title="tie" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/tie.jpg" alt="" width="415" height="420" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/daquellamanera/">Daniel Lobo</a></h5>\r\nI live in one of those towns where it''s easy to joke with people about whether they have a "real job" (yes, we joke even in a recession, although I realize that''s borderline problematic).\r\n\r\n<strong>In a college town, a "real job" generally translates to any job that requires you to be in a particular place doing a particular task for 40-plus hours a week.</strong> The hundreds of professors here, in other words, don''t have "real jobs." (Keep in mind, this is all said to one another in good humor, not judgment.)\r\n\r\nAs a freelance writer, I don''t have a real job, either. I can do client work in yoga pants and a t-shirt all morning, then break to go to the gym, eat lunch, and shower, and finally put in another hour of work before stopping at 3 pm to walk my girls home from school and hang out with them.\r\n\r\n<strong>Clearly, under this definition, not having a real job can be a very fine thing</strong>, as long as there''s a way to put food on the table.\r\n<h4>Are any lives affected if you mess up at work?</h4>\r\nThere are other ways of looking at it, beyond where you work, what you wear, and how many hours you put it. My friends Ellen and Gabriel took the "real job" definition to a new level when Ellen got her first job as a nurse midwife at our town''s largest hospital. Not only does she fall under the 40-plus-hours-a-week category, but she has <em>real</em> responsibilities, delivering babies.\r\n\r\nGabriel, who teaches ethnomusicology at the university, with an emphasis on jazz (he wrote <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Monks-Music-Thelonious-History-Foundation/dp/0520252012/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1240411419&amp;sr=1-1">this book</a> about Thelonious Monk) put it this way: "If Ellen messes up at work, someone could <em>die</em>. If I mess up, the worst thing that could happen is someone could make a fool of themselves while chatting about jazz at a cocktail party."\r\n\r\nVery funny, of course, but there''s some truth to it. <strong>Some jobs really matter in people''s lives and in the world, in very concrete, measurable ways; other jobs don''t</strong>. (Hmm...a good example might be the branding and marketing work I throw myself into five days a week for my clients?)\r\n\r\nPeriodically, I go through phases when I feel guilty about the work I do. It''s not like I''m writing cigarette ads—I market things like higher education and cool modernist furniture. But I am trying to convince people they need something. I''m not teaching kids at a school in the Dominican Republic, like my friend Emily, or making sure people who need it get free health care in my community, like my friend Jeff.\r\n<h4>Some people make good news, others spread it</h4>\r\n<strong>Sometimes, though, I get to <em>write</em> <em>about</em> people and things that matter—that make a difference in people''s lives.</strong> I get to spread the news, and that feels good.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed Evelyn Busby, the executive director of the <a href="http://dhs.phila.gov/intranet/pgintrahome_pub.nsf/Content/Adoption+-+AIC">Achieving Independence Center</a> in Philadelphia, for a feature article I''m writing. Evelyn''s center works with foster kids in their teens and early 20s.\r\n\r\nBefore interviewing Evelyn, I had never stopped to think about what happens to the 20,000-plus young people in our country who age out of the foster care system every year. Evelyn not only thinks about it nearly every moment of every day, <strong>she''s constantly working to give them hope, and whatever they need to realize that hope.</strong>\r\n\r\nSome of what they need, and the center offers, is practical. They need someone to teach them life skills, and to help with homework and job applications. They need someone to help them find a place to live on their own, and to show them that college is a real option.\r\n\r\nBut the aspects of Evelyn''s work that move me the most focus on the emotional well-being of these kids, who have already experienced much disappointment, rejection and even trauma in their young lives. At the center, there is always someone available to listen. There''s a sense of belonging and acceptance. The kids feel included and valued, so they learn trust and hope. <strong>They''re learning they can''t escape or change their past, but they can learn better ways to carry it into their future.</strong> Most of all, Evelyn says, they''re <strong>learning to see themselves in a different light.</strong>\r\n\r\nNow <em>those</em> are things that matter to me. I want to be clear—I think lots of things matter, in all sorts of jobs. You can do carpentry or deliver mail in a way that matters. <strong>For me, though, helping someone find hope and see themselves in a different light just happen to be things that I can get really excited about.</strong> They''re also things I can easily do more of, in my day-to-day interactions with people as well as through community volunteer opportunities.\r\n\r\n<strong>And when I think about those things that move me the most about Evelyn''s work—nurturing that sense of belonging and acceptance, and a hope for moving forward—I can''t help but think about the interactions on this blog and a few of the other blogs I read.</strong> It makes me grateful that I''m able to connect with people here, and use my writing in a way that can possibly nurture some of these same things for a different group of people.\r\n\r\nMaybe I have a real job after all. Who cares if it''s the part of my work that doesn''t pay in dollars?', 'How do you define a "real job"?', 0, '<em>Sometimes I worry my work doesn''t make a difference. Maybe it does.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-do-you-define-a-real-job', '', '', '2009-04-22 12:09:14', '2009-04-22 16:09:14', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=334', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(335, 1, '2009-04-22 12:01:17', '2009-04-22 16:01:17', '', '1460061876_5c83a76319', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1460061876_5c83a76319', '', '', '2009-04-22 12:01:17', '2009-04-22 16:01:17', '', 334, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/1460061876_5c83a76319.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(336, 1, '2009-04-22 12:05:20', '2009-04-22 16:05:20', '', 'tie', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'tie', '', '', '2009-04-22 12:05:20', '2009-04-22 16:05:20', '', 334, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/tie.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(337, 1, '2009-04-24 12:15:07', '2009-04-24 16:15:07', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/moses.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-338" title="moses" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/moses.jpg" alt="" width="446" height="494" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 150px;">Moses statue at Notre Dame, photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/paul_everett82/">Paul J. Everett</a></h5>\r\nI woke up this morning to more Morning Edition news about the Notre Dame-Obama debacle. As this subhead so plainly puts it, <a href="http://washingtonindependent.com/40303/few-conservative-catholic-groups-fuel-obama-notre-dame-scandal">"Anti-Abortion Groups Decry Obama''s Graduation Speech, Majority of Catholic Voters Support President."</a>\r\n\r\nAs the issue has escalated the past couple of weeks, angry opponents started a website, <a href="http://notredamescandal.com/">NotreDameScandal.com</a>, with a petition that reads "Notre Dame has chosen prestige over principles, popularity over morality." ("Help Stop the Scandal at Our Lady''s University!" the website cries. "Sheesh, can anyone say "overly-dramatic?" I think.)\r\n\r\n"Ugh. This whole issue just makes me cringe," I said to Jason when the news report had finished. "How closed-minded and stuck in the past do Catholics want to be? First the Pope telling Africa that condoms won''t help slow the spread of HIV, now this—our nation''s president isn''t welcome at their university because he didn''t run on a Pro-Life platform. Can''t any university just be pleased to have the President of the United States visit?"\r\n\r\n<strong>Almost as soon as I said it, I spotted my own hypocritical and inconsistent self, plain and clear. Man, I hate it when that happens.</strong>\r\n<h4>My own alma mater''s invitation to a different president</h4>\r\nOn April 21, 2005, I was sitting in this very cafe when a friend—a fellow Calvin College graduate who happened to live in this Central Illinois town at the time—arrived at my table and said he had to show me something. He sat down, slid my laptop in front of him, typed something into Google, then showed me the page me brought up. It was the Calvin College homepage, with a big splash that read something like this: <strong>"President George Bush to speak at Calvin College commencement."</strong> (Here''s a <a href="http://www.calvin.edu/news/2004-05/commencement.htm">lame press release</a> on the subject.)\r\n\r\nAs I looked at my computer screen with those words on it, I experienced a visceral, physiological response. My heart rate picked up, and I felt hot and dizzy. Moreover, <strong>I was speechless.</strong>\r\n\r\nWe had just passed the two-year mark in the war in Iraq, and widespread national anger over George Bush was growing. January 26, 2005, was the deadliest day for the U.S. since the war had started. The <a href="http://legacy.rasmussenreports.com/2005/Provoking%20War.htm">Rassmusen Reports</a>, on June 23, 2005, said 49 percent of Americans said President Bush is more responsible for starting the war with Iraq than Saddam Hussein. Only 44 percent believed Hussein was more responsible.\r\n\r\n<strong>I was pissed. No, actually, there really aren''t words to describe how I felt about George Bush at the time. And then my Christian College alma mater—where I had a very good educational experience, by the way—seemed pleased as punch that the President was going to grace them all with his presence.</strong>\r\n\r\nI was angry on principle, because war is something that goes against all of my Christian beliefs. I was also embarrassed. It was a <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=109">Christians Against Christians</a> moment. By inviting Bush, Calvin College was extending the stereotypes that I, and many Christians I know, work against every day.\r\n\r\nAs it turned out, many people were angry. They started lots of conversations, and mobilized people into action. More than 800 Calvin faculty, students and alumni signed a letter that ran in the Grand Rapids Press, saying, in part, "Your deeds, Mr. President—neglecting the needy to coddle the rich, desecrating the environment and misleading the country into war—do not exemplify the faith we live by." In the end, <a href="http://www.commondreams.org/headlines05/0523-08.htm">the whole visit to Calvin College didn''t go as swimingly as Karl Rove expected.</a>\r\n<h4>The power of pissed off people</h4>\r\nOf course, the dialogue and action has been stirred up at Notre Dame and among Catholics, too. Hundreds of Notre Dame students <a href="http://www.indystar.com/article/20090424/LOCAL/904240376/1001/NEWS">have mobilized in support of President Obama</a>.\r\n\r\n<strong>And maybe that''s all that really matters, in all of this. Not that everyone''s happy all the time with everyone else''s decisions and beliefs, but that we''re willing to get worked up about something, on either side of the debate. </strong>We''re willing to react strongly and publicly to something we believe in strongly, whether it be a pro-life or anti-war stance.\r\n\r\nIn the process, I hope we can learn to respect opinions that are different from ours. I know I need to work on that. <strong>I also hope, while we''re at it, we can put our close-minded stereotypes about certain groups of people to rest, and just be thankful we live in a world where everyone doesn''t agree with us.</strong>', 'Notre Dame, Obama & my own inconsistencies', 0, '<em>A glass-half-full approach to scuffles over faith & politics.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'notre-dame-obama-my-own-inconsistencies', '', 'http://washingtonindependent.com/40303/few-conservative-catholic-groups-fuel-obama-notre-dame-scandal\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=109', '2009-04-30 23:09:59', '2009-05-01 03:09:59', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=337', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(338, 1, '2009-04-24 11:56:51', '2009-04-24 15:56:51', '', 'moses', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'moses', '', '', '2009-04-24 11:56:51', '2009-04-24 15:56:51', '', 337, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/moses.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(339, 1, '2009-04-28 10:10:52', '2009-04-28 14:10:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3397519800_8ddac86fc4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-340" title="3397519800_8ddac86fc4" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3397519800_8ddac86fc4.jpg" alt="" width="531" height="384" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/iloveblue/">Scarleth White</a></h5>\r\nI''ve been too busy for a lot of things, lately. Too busy to watch a movie without falling asleep. Too busy to go to the gym. Too busy for romantic, leisurely walks on the beach with Jason (well, there''s no beach on hand, but time is the bigger hurdle, it seems).\r\n\r\nI''m no fool. I''ve been divorced. I know you have to make time for love. I just wish my main love language—Quality Time—didn''t demand so much focused attention and, well, <em>time</em>. If I could, I would gladly trade it in for a lower-maintenance, higher-efficiency option.\r\n<h4>What this love language idea is all about</h4>\r\nThe love languages concept, if you''re not familiar with it, comes from the book by Gary Chapman, <a href="http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/">The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate</a>. If you think the term "love languages" sounds a bit cheesy, wait until you see the book cover and website (they inspired the photo I chose for my post). Actually, wait until you read the book. It''s written in a style that I can hardly stomach—the entire time I was reading it, I was doing a simultaneous re-write in my mind.\r\n\r\nYou should read it, though. Not because I want you to suffer through the literary experience, but because <strong>I''m convinced the concept at the heart of the book is brilliant</strong>. It''s a concept I think everyone should be aware of, whether you''re married or not, because <strong>it helps you understand some really deeply-rooted things about yourself</strong>—your childhood, your parents, their relationship, how you deal with love as an adult. It gives you a fresh understanding of all of it.\r\n\r\nHere''s the idea, in a nutshell: <strong>There are several perfectly valid ways to demonstrate love. Each of us responds most strongly to one specific expression of love. That''s our main love language.</strong> When we get regular, sufficient amounts of love expressed in the particular way that resonates with us, Dr. Chapman says our "love tanks" are full, and we can weather just about anything in life and in our relationship.\r\n\r\nThe problem is, the people who love us (for instance, our spouse), often don''t share our primary love language. And we tend to express love in the same way we''d like to receive it—it''s like buying people the type of gifts we''d really like to receive. As a result, many loving people are speaking the wrong love language to their partner, who isn''t feeling that love.\r\n\r\n(This problem, as it turns out, was at the very core of my failed first marriage, although I had no idea at the time. I ran on an empty love tank for a decade. I''m sure my ex-husband did, too.)\r\n<h4>I need more of what money can''t buy</h4>\r\nHere''s why I wish I could trade in my love languages. My primary one is "<strong>Quality Time</strong>." My secondary love language is "<strong>Physical Affection</strong>." Without a doubt, they''re the two that require the greatest amount of focused time, the very thing life seems so short on these days.\r\n\r\nFor some context, the other love languages, in order of their importance to me, are <strong>Acts of Service</strong>, <strong>Words of Affirmation</strong>, and <strong>Gifts</strong>. All three are really great things, but they just aren''t my magic.\r\n\r\n<strong>If any one of those <em>did</em> accomplish the trick of filling up my love tank, I''d be set. I could have a full tank <em>and</em></strong> be plowing through my deadlines, without missing a beat. Think about it. Tonight, while I was busy preparing for the copywriting seminar I''m teaching on Wednesday, Jason was cleaning up the entire kitchen on his own (even though we cooked dinner together and would typically have shared the cleanup). I''m not saying I wasn''t enormously grateful—Acts of Service just isn''t my love language.\r\n\r\nThink about Gifts. What if my love tank could be filled just by Jason stopping at the store on his way home from work to pick up some of my favorite chocolate? A five-minute detour, and he would be done for the night while I happily spent the evening tackling some work. Or what if a few kind, encouraging words did the trick (Words of Affirmation)? Jason has said quite a few really nice things to me tonight. <strong>While those words make me feel extra happy, they don''t make me feel deeply loved.</strong> Do you know what I mean?\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, to feel deeply loved, I need Jason''s undevoted time and attention. <strong>I need him to talk to me and listen, to laugh and problem-solve—to be a sounding board and a confidant. And those things take time, plain and simple.</strong> Not multi-tasking time. Not half-focused-on-something-else time. They take set-everything-else-aside time.\r\n\r\nI realize, though, that those love languages are a core part of who I am, and who Jason fell in love with. And as Jason pointed out, as least our love languages compliment each other nicely, rather than work against each other. His primary language is Words of Affirmation, which is something that naturally pours out of time spent together talking. If he was craving Acts of Service, then I''d always be off somewhere doing nice things for him, which would make spending time together even trickier. <strong>At least we can kill both our love languages with one stone, so to speak.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt also helps that we both share the same secondary language, Physical Contact. But you don''t need any of these details, so I think I''ll just leave it at that.', 'I''d like to trade in my love languages, please', 0, '<em>Why do some forms of love have to require so much precious time?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'id-like-to-trade-in-my-love-languages-please', '', '', '2009-04-28 14:52:15', '2009-04-28 18:52:15', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=339', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(340, 1, '2009-04-28 00:57:20', '2009-04-28 04:57:20', '', '3397519800_8ddac86fc4', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3397519800_8ddac86fc4', '', '', '2009-04-28 00:57:20', '2009-04-28 04:57:20', '', 339, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/3397519800_8ddac86fc4.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
INSERT INTO `wp_d8mand_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_category`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(341, 1, '2009-05-01 00:28:17', '2009-05-01 04:28:17', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/1639185471_df894faefb.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-342" title="1639185471_df894faefb" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/1639185471_df894faefb.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/troshy/">James Trosh</a></h5>\r\nYou know how conversations around a campfire have a way of wandering and winding, organically following new threads that attach themselves to a word or idea that makes someone think of something else? And you start to completely forget where you began, and how on earth you ended up wherever you are?\r\n\r\nI love that.\r\n\r\nI also love that those types of campfire conversations emerge, from time to time, on blogs. Even on this blog. When it happens, it surprises and energizes me—every time.\r\n\r\nThat’s what happened with the comments on my post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=337">Notre Dame, Obama and my own inconsistencies</a>. I wrote the post call myself out (I was all worked up when my alma mater invited George Bush to speak at commencement, but then I pooh-poohed Catholics who were worked up about Obama speaking at Notre Dame).\r\n\r\n<strong>Ultimately, I was wondering who was “rightâ€—those who thought it was a good idea to invite the presidents, or those who spoke out against it, in the name of deeply-held beliefs.</strong>\r\n<h4>If we don''t talk about it, will it go away?</h4>\r\n<strong>The debate that emerged in the comments, though, wasn’t really about politics or religion. It was about stereotypes.</strong> In my post, I briefly mentioned that I was upset about President Bush speaking at Calvin College because it reinforced stereotypes about Christians. Blackwasp19 (who, I should mention, is a good friend who used to go to my church) zeroed in on sentence, responding, in part, with this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I want to know why you believed Calvin’s invitation to Bush reinforced stereotypes? On the base level I understand - that does not need clarification. But I think assuming that something will reinforce stereotypes and speaking as if it will actually does more to fortify stereotypes and mis-perceptions than it would if we just accepted it as part of the culture - that doesn’t mean we have to like it.</em></p>\r\nAfter listing some of the primary stereotypes in a response, I wrote this:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>...You might think that by bringing this up I’m reinforcing stereotypes, but many non-Christians have told me how amazed and relieved they are to find out where I stand on these matters. <strong>The stereotypes are alive and well; being quiet about them only reinforces them.</strong></em></p>\r\nAnd another response from Blackwasp19 (for the entire conversation and thoughts from others who jumped in, be sure to check out <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=337#comments">all the comments</a>):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><strong>I do think when someone brings up a stereotype that we need to confront it. I simply don’t know if we should be mentioning stereotypes in our conversations.</strong> it just doesn’t seem beneficial. I believe our stereotypes would die - even if only partially, if we would only stop referencing them so often and just lived our lives as who we are.</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>What''s the best way to give stereotypes the smackdown?</h4>\r\n<strong>So I''ve been thinking about all of this more, and some questions have bubbled to the surface:</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- When we shine a light on existing good, does it automatically cause good to multiply? Or do we first have to shine some light on the bad, and get it out of the picture?</strong></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- Is solidarity ever more important and valuable than calling people out on something you think is harming the greater, broader good?</strong> (This question particularly applies to calling out people who are a part of a group you self-identify with—you’re a Christian, a woman, you’re black, you’re a part of a family of origin, etc.)</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- What is the most effective way to fight stereotypes? Are active approaches necessarily better than subtle, passive approaches?</strong> (One could easily argue, for instance, that by simply becoming president—by “simplyâ€ I don’t mean it was a small task—Barack Obama has done more to fight stereotypes surrounding black people than anyone could by speaking directly against to those stereotypes.)</p>\r\n<strong>Of course, it’s very likely that there is no single, effective way to counteract stereotypes.</strong> It’s possible that, because we’re all different people with slightly (or greatly) different approaches to <em>everything</em>, someone like me will gravitate toward one approach, and feel like it''s my calling, while someone like Blackwasp19 will go at the problem from a different angle.\r\n\r\nAnd it’s very, <em>very</em> possible that a mix—a good-cop bad-cop combo like ours—is just the sort of thing the world needs more of when it comes to combating our problems.', 'Should stereotypes be forced into the spotlight?', 0, '<em>Choose your battles—and how you want to fight them.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'should-stereotypes-be-forced-into-the-spotlight', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=337\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=337#comments', '2009-05-01 10:38:45', '2009-05-01 14:38:45', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=341', 0, 'post', '', 4),
(342, 1, '2009-05-01 00:13:33', '2009-05-01 04:13:33', '', '1639185471_df894faefb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1639185471_df894faefb', '', '', '2009-05-01 00:13:33', '2009-05-01 04:13:33', '', 341, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/1639185471_df894faefb.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(343, 1, '2009-05-04 11:49:37', '2009-05-04 15:49:37', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/71458103_fef4cd560b.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-344" title="71458103_fef4cd560b" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/71458103_fef4cd560b.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/london/">John Rawlinson</a></h5>\r\n<strong>"We walk because they walk."</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s the slogan for  the <a href="http://www.churchworldservice.org/site/PageServer?pagename=crop_main">CROP walk,</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">an ecumenical fund- and awareness-raising walk focused on fighting global hunger and poverty. The idea is that people all over the world have to walk great distances every day, in every kind of weather, to get the most basic life requirements, like water and food. The six-mile CROP walk trek gives you a good sense of the distance many walk daily. It''s a simple, yet powerful symbol.\r\n</span></span>\r\n\r\nYesterday Jason and I took the girls and the pup on our local CROP walk, along with a group of people from our church and a few hundred others in the community.\r\n\r\nBoth Jason and I participated in CROP walks as kids, with our parents, so we were looking forward to continuing the tradition as a family. As we walked, though, I began to see walking as a global tradition, and began to think more broadly about the role walking has played in my life.\r\n<h4>Walking to bond with others</h4>\r\n<strong>I''ve always felt that walking is a powerful intellectual, spiritual and communal experience.</strong> Well, I shouldn''t say <em>always</em>. Between the ages of five and ten I''m pretty sure I thought walking was a form of parental torture—particularly when we were on family camping trips in various National Parks, walking for miles through the heat with only occasional sips of tepid water that tasted like plastic to refresh us.\r\n\r\nBut by the time I was in middle school, I think I started to enjoy it. (My parents might have a different memory, though.) By the time I was in high school, it really clicked for me: <strong>Walking provides a new context and fresh perspective for thinking and talking to others.</strong>\r\n\r\nDuring my teen years, I''m pretty sure all of my best conversations with my mom happened when we were taking the dog for an evening walk. It''s not that we talked about big, weighty issues. Somehow I just felt like I could talk freely while we walked. <strong>It''s almost as if walking does for our minds what it does for our muscles and joints—it stretches and loosens all the thoughts and emotions that get lodged in us when we''re intently focused on making it through a day of school or work.</strong>\r\n\r\nWalking together is a way to fully be with someone, without the pressure of sitting down and looking them in the eye. (Not that that isn''t important at times, too.) T<strong>here''s something symbolic and satisfying about heading in the same direction with someone</strong>, or with an entire group of people, like we did yesterday. You create rhythm and cadence, you move in agreement, with purpose, and you can measure your progress in a real way.\r\n\r\nSince we met, Jason and I have enjoyed taking walks together and with the girls, but it didn''t often occur to us as an ideal family activity until we got a dog. Now, suddenly, it''s everyone''s favorite way to spend time together. <strong>I think the girls simply love being able to <em>do</em> something all together, without really having to <em>do</em> anything</strong>, if you know what I mean. They know that when we''re walking, they have their parents'' listening ears, and they can also take our hands. And just that change of scene, stepping out of our house into the neighborhood, can do wonders for everyone''s moods.\r\n<h4>Walking in search of that deep, inner self</h4>\r\nI think it''s that change of scene, along with the physical activity and pumping of blood, that helps me think so clearly when I''m walking alone. <strong>When I''m walking, I''m able to focus in a way that''s not always possible when I''m sitting still.</strong> Maybe the more accurate way to put it is this: I''m able to focus on a deeper part of my memory and subconsciousness.\r\n\r\nWhen I''m walking, I uncover thoughts that have been nagging me, and examine them more closely. I pray in a way that feels more honest and real. I fluidly compose entire blog posts that I would have been unable to grasp while at the computer. <strong>I''m able to get in touch with that often-muffled voice deep within me.</strong>\r\n<h4>Walking to connect the human race</h4>\r\nAs we walked the CROP walk yesterday—as we passed the time telling each other stories, talking about our plans for the summer, greeting people along the route, and thinking our private thoughts—I felt a sense of oneness with people around the world. Not because we really have any idea what it''s like to have to walk several miles every day for water. Not because we were carrying a heavy container, or walking barefoot on uneven paths. Not even because we were raising money for people in need.\r\n\r\nThe oneness came from realizing that when people all over the world move in this most basic way, putting one foot in front of the other, they too are passing the time telling stories, singing songs, and making connections with others and with the deepest parts of themselves. <strong>Yes we are different, but we are also the same.</strong>', 'When we walk, we grasp our humanity', 0, '<em>How a hunger walk got me thinking about this basic yet powerful activity.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'when-we-walk-we-grasp-our-humanity', '', '', '2009-05-05 22:59:35', '2009-05-06 02:59:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=343', 0, 'post', '', 14),
(344, 1, '2009-05-04 11:14:21', '2009-05-04 15:14:21', '', '71458103_fef4cd560b', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '71458103_fef4cd560b', '', '', '2009-05-04 11:14:21', '2009-05-04 15:14:21', '', 343, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/71458103_fef4cd560b.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(345, 1, '2009-05-06 12:16:10', '2009-05-06 16:16:10', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3503688100_189b7625ab.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-346" title="3503688100_189b7625ab" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3503688100_189b7625ab.jpg" alt="" width="508" height="328" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Mixed media art by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/46523905@N00/">Ruthieonart</a></h5>\r\n<strong>One of life''s most fascinating mysteries, to me,  is forgiveness and reconciliation.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''m not talking about the "I''m sorry I borrowed your shirt without asking and then ruined it" sort of reconciliation, although that''s important. (With three daughters, I imagine it''s going to be <em>very</em> important at our house.) <strong>I''m talking the sort of forgiveness that can, but rarely does, emerge out of this pain: "Because of something I did, your life will never be the same."</strong>\r\n\r\nI just read an amazing article in <em>The New Yorker</em>, <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/04/090504fa_fact_gourevitch">"The Life After: Fifteen years after the genocide in Rwanda, the reconciliation defies expectations."</a> I already knew about the nearly million Tutsi people who had been massacred in the course of 100 days, starting in April of 1994. But until I read this article, I didn''t know about the reconciliation that has taken place.\r\n\r\nToday, the article says, Rwanda is "one of the safest and the most orderly countries in Africa." <strong>Rwanda is also "the only nation where hundred of thousands of people who took part in mass murder live intermingled at every level of society with the families of their victims."</strong>\r\n\r\nCan you <em>imagine</em>? Can you imagine walking down the street each day and regularly passing by a man who murdered your brother or husband, or raped your sister and killed her baby? It seems impossible.\r\n\r\nWhat has made it possible, though, is Rwanda''s decision to convene a system of outdoor community courts, known as <em>gacaca</em>, for the more than million genocide cases that were adjudicated last year. Here''s how the article''s author, Philip Gourevitch, describes the new court system:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Gacaca <em>was designed to reward confessions, because <strong>the objective was not only to render rudimentary justice and mete out punishment but also to allow some emotional catharsis by establishing a collective accounting of the truth</strong> of the crimes in each place where they were committed.</em></p>\r\nThe system isn''t perfect, of course. There are stories of corruption, and some people who are skeptical of the sincerity of the confessions and pleas for forgiveness. But still. It''s astounding.\r\n<h4>Reconciliation is fascinating—until it reaches into your life</h4>\r\nIn the first sentence of this post, I used the word "fascinating" to describe the act of forgiveness and reconciliation. I realize it''s an odd word to use, but that''s how I feel—at least if I step back and look at the process as an observer.\r\n\r\n<strong>What''s fascinating is how counter-intuitive and <em>un</em>natural it is to go through the process of forgiveness. </strong>When I''ve been hurt or wronged, every part of my being tells me to put up walls and protect my wounds. When I''m the one who has hurt or wronged someone else, every part of my being tells me to put up walls and protect my pride. <strong>That''s what comes naturally: putting up walls.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>But when I manage to <em>live</em> this radical forgiveness and reconciliation, even in a small way, it''s not fascinating. It''s mind-blowing and life-changing.</strong> (I''ve written a fair amount about how that''s played out in my life, particularly in the aftermath of my divorce. Here are two posts you can check out if you aren''t familiar with that story: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=318">Welcome to another day to practice grace</a> and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=32">Two girls with all kinds of parents</a>.)\r\n\r\nI grew up singing about "grace" at church, but I didn''t really get what it was about until I was in college. Now my basic understanding of grace—God''s grace—is that it''s <strong>complete forgiveness and acceptance that you don''t deserve and could never do anything to earn.</strong>\r\n\r\nThere really is no way to "make it up to someone" after murdering their beloved family member. That''s why John Newton, who was captain of a slave trade ship in the mid-1700s, called it AMAZING grace, and likened it to inexplicable miracles like being lost and then found, or being blind and then suddenly regaining your sight.\r\n<h4>Why does the really good stuff have to be so hard?</h4>\r\nAll I know, is that while it sounds very poetic and lovely, it''s HARD! Actually, it''s almost impossible. Check this out:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Therefore, as God''s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with <strong>compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.</strong> Bear with each other and <strong>forgive</strong> whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on <strong>love</strong>, which binds them all together in perfect unity. — Colossians 3:12-14</em></p>\r\nMy first reaction? Yes! That''s how the world should be. My second reaction?<em> WAAAH! I CAN''T DO IT!!</em>\r\n\r\nBut then I see small ways that I have. And I think about the people in Rwanda, living side by side with the very people who devastated their lives. And I know, without a doubt, that there is no more powerful force in this world than the relief and utter freedom that come with true reconciliation. Not only is it powerful, but it''s within our grasp, as average, everyday people going about our lives.  So I will try to live it, once again.', 'The power of average people defying all reason', 0, '<em>If the Tutsi can live next to those who devastated them, I can try forgiveness.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-power-of-average-people-defying-all-reason', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=318\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=32', '2009-05-06 12:19:08', '2009-05-06 16:19:08', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=345', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(346, 1, '2009-05-06 12:08:14', '2009-05-06 16:08:14', '', '3503688100_189b7625ab', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3503688100_189b7625ab', '', '', '2009-05-06 12:08:14', '2009-05-06 16:08:14', '', 345, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3503688100_189b7625ab.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(347, 1, '2009-05-08 10:50:36', '2009-05-08 14:50:36', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/smae.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-348" title="smae" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/smae.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="491" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 210px;"><em>Maeve cuddling up with our Very Scary third grader.</em></h5>\r\nWe''ve had our dog, Maeve, for more than a month now. A week or so ago, as we were headed out for a walk, we passed by my next door neighbor, Jane, who was sitting on her porch.\r\n\r\n"Look at her!" Jane said. "She positively <em>prances</em>! She looks so confident, like she owns the world."\r\n\r\nJane is a hard-core dog lover, and even teaches some training classes. I was pleased that our neighborhood canine expert could see Maeve''s progress.\r\n\r\n"Yep," I said, "she seems to have settled into her life with us."\r\n\r\n"She''s acting like that because she knows she''s loved," Jane continued on, all matter-of-fact. "She''s been taken care of before, but she''s never been <em>loved special</em>, like you love her."\r\n\r\n<em>Loved special.</em> As soon as she spoke the words, I knew Jane''s theory was true. <strong>Being loved special was life''s magic elixir. It had finally worked its way into Maeve''s bloodstream, becoming a part of who she is.</strong>\r\n<h4>The rough puppy months</h4>\r\nMaeve, who is probably about eight months old, was born at a puppy mill in Indiana. From what I understand, puppy mills are typically places where many dogs are kept and bred in poor conditions, without concern for the health of the mothers, just for the purpose of making money off the puppies. All but three states—Pennsylvania, Missouri and Indiana—have regulations against them.\r\n\r\nMaeve was rescued from this puppy mill by someone from a no-kill shelter. The details are fuzzy because we never spoke to the person who made the rescue. I always picture a masked bandit who swoops in, maybe on a white horse, scooping up neglected dogs and riding with them into the sunset. Something tells me it wasn''t quite such a dramatic rescue, though.\r\n\r\nAfter the rescue, Maeve lived in a shelter or some sort of kennel for a few weeks, before moving in with a foster family; she lived there for a couple of months, before moving in with us. Somewhere along the way, she was called Kelsey, which struck me as a name no one we hang out with would ever give their child, but I really don''t think it negatively affected her.\r\n\r\nWhen Jason and I first met Maeve, in her foster family''s home, she was very sweet and docile. She was also tentative and maybe a little sad. <strong>Life had been unpredictable and hard for her. She didn''t quite know where she fit into the world.</strong> I imagine she found ways to cope, and learned to not expect much from her little life, but she certainly wasn''t able to reach her full potential.\r\n\r\nThe dogs at her foster home were her close companions, but she wasn''t so sure about the high-energy, loud little boy who also lived there, and whose friends often came over for light saber fights. We were warned in advance that the pup was tentative around kids, but she wasn''t the least bit aggressive. Anyway, our three girls are very mellow and great with animals, so we weren''t concerned.\r\n<h4>A new chance with a forever family</h4>\r\n<strong>During her first couple of weeks with us, a variety of things worried Maeve:</strong> People riding by on bikes. Street cleaners and recycling trucks. The basement stairs and the unknown world that awaited her at the bottom. Most of all, Maeve was worried about children. Particularly children under the age of 12 who made loud noises and unexpected sudden movements.\r\n\r\nWhen I tried to walk her by a yard where kids were playing—even if we stayed on the <em>opposite</em> side of the street—she began desperately pulling at her leash, begging me to turn around and take a different route. You can imagine how traumatic the morning walk to school was for her, with kids hopping out of cars, calling to their friends and charging noisily to the front doors of the school.\r\n\r\nBut even the most careful, slow-moving, calm children sent Maeve slinking into another room, ears back, tail down. When it came to our three girls, she was fine around 12-year-old H, only slightly worried about 11-year-old Q, and did everything she could to avoid 9-year-old S.\r\n\r\n<strong>I can admit it now: I was a bit worried.</strong> <strong>And stressed.</strong> Maeve seemed like the perfect dog for Jason and me, but we got a dog in the first place because of the kids, not because we felt a burning need to care for and worry about yet another living creature. And S was starting to develop a complex because the dog didn''t seem to like her, no matter what she did.\r\n\r\nOne day, when we were in the back yard playing with Maeve, and I felt we were starting to make a tiny bit of progress, the neighbor boy came over and ran thundering up and down the slide on our climber, waving some sort of sword. I thought Maeve was about to go into cardiac arrest. Where was the doggy defibrillator?\r\n<h4>Patience + love + consistency.</h4>\r\nBut time is a balm. We worked hard to muffle the many startling things about life. <strong>Our main technique was taking all the nooks and indentations where worry and fear might otherwise settle in Maeve, and filling them with love and affection.</strong> With all of the family-wide snuggling we did on the sofa and the bed, Maeve right at the center, there was little time for her to focus on imaginary or past fears.\r\n\r\nAnd then, suddenly, it seemed to click for her: "This is my family—my forever family," as animal shelters like to say. <strong>Somehow she knew all five of us were ultimately focused on what''s best for her, and that she could trust us, and feel secure no matter what was happening around her.</strong>\r\n\r\nNow Maeve prances, as Jane said, head and ears up—even when we walk by the line of cars depositing kids at school in the mornings. She''s curious, rather than worried, about every new thing she sees and hears. And at the end of the day, when Saskia comes running up the sidewalk toward us, often with several little friends in tow, Maeve wriggles and whimpers for joy.\r\n\r\n<strong>Now that I think of it, being loved special probably has the same affect on all of us. </strong>', 'The world changes when you''re loved special', 0, '<em>A story about a pup whose fear and worry were replaced by a special love.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-world-changes-when-youre-loved-special', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:55:55', '2009-06-15 19:55:55', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=347', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(348, 1, '2009-05-08 09:47:50', '2009-05-08 13:47:50', '', 'smae', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'smae', '', '', '2009-05-08 09:47:50', '2009-05-08 13:47:50', '', 347, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/smae.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(349, 1, '2009-05-11 12:35:30', '2009-05-11 16:35:30', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2795281745_cd3a657c28.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-350" title="2795281745_cd3a657c28" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2795281745_cd3a657c28.jpg" alt="" width="515" height="337" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ifraud/">ifraud</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Sometimes conversations get off track in ways that border on annoying.</strong> At least from my perspective. Maybe I''m more Type A than I ever imagined.\r\n\r\nI''m learning to go with the flow, though. If I can set aside the highly logical, orderly part of myself, I''m usually able to extricate the detour from whatever I was really trying to discuss, and see it as interesting, all on its own.\r\n\r\nI went through this process over the weekend. Someone left a comment on a post of mine that was published at <a href="http://www.radiantmagazine.com/2009/05/what-do-you-call-that-other-kind-of-believer/">Radiant Magazine</a> last week. <strong>The post is about how difficult it can be to summarize who we are in a handful of words, as social media often requires us to do:</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Think about it. How do you sum up the guts of who you are while having lunch with a new friend? What about in 100 words, for a bio statement you need to write for your new blog? Or what do you say about yourself when you have only 140 characters, the limit for a Twitter bio?</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Social media demands that we put ourselves in a neat, tidy little package. We’re creating personal brands in ways the average person a generation before us never even considered.</em></p>\r\n<strong>The first response to my post, much to my dismay, was all about how social media feeds our narcissism and attention deficit disorder.</strong> Here''s an excerpt:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Reading blogs is no different than reading commercial web-sites…My Life As Venture/Enterprise/Campaign/Project/Syndicate/Whatever. I find “social networkingâ€ stifling, misleading, and self-absorbed....</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Pushing through emotion to thought</h4>\r\nMy initial, knee-jerk response: OUCH!\r\n\r\nMy second, slightly less knee-jerk response: GRRRRRR!\r\n\r\nMy third, debate-oriented response: BRING IT ON!\r\n\r\nMy fourth response, written as an actual comment on the Radiant post:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Thanks for your comment. You raise some very good questions. While many people love social media, there’s much frustration and concern surrounding it, too, particularly when it comes to how it affects our understanding of community. I think I’ve embraced it to some extent, with healthy skepticism. Here’s what I’ve discovered:</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>1. Social media isn’t going away any time soon. Just like anything else that takes hold of culture, as Christians we have a choice. <strong>We can either see what it’s about and how it might be redeemed for good, or we can call it bad, avoid it, and hope it goes away.</strong> I’ve chosen the former approach, and have seen a lot of good come out of my interactions with people I might not otherwise meet.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>2. Social media interactions are, in many ways, a lot like the in-person “old schoolâ€ interactions we have—<strong>in each mode, there’s great potential for honesty, truth-telling and being real with each other, and also plenty of opportunity to be self-centered, false and cold.</strong> To call social media “self-absorbedâ€ and “narcissisticâ€ and not acknowledge all of the narcissism apparent off-line seems unfair. (Also, I’m not sure why you would be reading the Radiant blog since you think “Reading blogs is no different than reading commercial web-sites.â€)</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Finally, I have a strong “real-lifeâ€ community as well as the community I’ve built on Twitter and my blog. (If I only interacted with people on line that would be worrisome, for sure.) <strong>Every interaction, whether in person or on line, begins somewhere, with a few words and sentences, and builds from there</strong> (or doesn’t). The real question is this: Where do you begin, in whatever form your interaction takes, and what words do you use to identify yourself, particularly in terms of your faith?</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Questions &amp; ideas to ponder</h4>\r\nThis whole interaction has made me think of several things, that I''d love to hear your thoughts on:\r\n\r\n1. Bloggers, <strong>how do you respond to/debate comments you disagree with</strong>, without coming off as aggressive or defensive?\r\n\r\n2. Readers, <strong>how comfortable are you sharing what you really think</strong> in a comment on a blog? If you''ve built some sort of relationship with the blogger, does it make it easier or harder to disagree? (In this case, I''ve never interacted before with the person who left the comment.)\r\n\r\n3. Everyone, <strong>do you find it annoying or refreshing when conversations wander away</strong> from your original intentions for them?\r\n\r\n4. And finally, <strong>what do you think about the potential pitfalls of social media</strong>, versus the opportunities for good? (It''s a much-discussed topic, for sure, but it''s one I keep returning to from different directions.)', 'Is social media stifling & self-absorbed?', 0, '<em>Our online interactions encompass the good & bad, just like off-line.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'is-social-media-stifling-self-absorbed', '', '\nhttp://www.radiantmagazine.com/2009/05/what-do-you-call-that-other-kind-of-believer/', '2009-05-11 12:35:30', '2009-05-11 16:35:30', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=349', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(350, 1, '2009-05-11 12:20:59', '2009-05-11 16:20:59', '', '2795281745_cd3a657c28', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2795281745_cd3a657c28', '', '', '2009-05-11 12:20:59', '2009-05-11 16:20:59', '', 349, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2795281745_cd3a657c28.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(351, 1, '2009-05-14 12:39:50', '2009-05-14 16:39:50', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2715755568_57cba1814e.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-352" title="2715755568_57cba1814e" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2715755568_57cba1814e.jpg" alt="" width="522" height="391" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/technologik/">Technologik</a></h5>\r\nYesterday morning, at about 7 a.m., I was heading up I-57 toward Chicago, sitting shotgun as a fellow third-grade mom drove and another mom chatted with us from the backseat. We were making our way through a torrential downpour, at a speed that felt safe without being too safe, when a charter bus whizzed by us in the passing lane.\r\n\r\n"Um, that bus was going pretty fast for the conditions," the mom next to me said.\r\n\r\n"Wasn''t that one of our buses?" asked the other mom, from the back seat.\r\n\r\nIt was. I instinctively hoped our daughters were on the other bus. Then I felt terrible—both buses were filled with precious third and fourth grade children from our neighborhood elementary school. I also felt slightly ridiculous. Were they really in danger, any more than they ever are? And do I really think I can protect my children by worrying?\r\n\r\n<strong>As parents, we worry anyway. There doesn''t seem to be much we can do about that, other than periodically talk ourselves—and each other—down from the brink of panic and helpless misery.</strong>\r\n\r\nI guess it''s a natural feeling, though. Somehow, when I''m the one behind the wheel of the car transporting my own flesh and blood to our destination, at least I know what''s at stake. Your crazy love heightens all your senses, and your awareness of potential dangers.\r\n\r\nThat''s exactly why I felt relieved, when we all reached Chicago''s Field Museum, that I had offered to chaperone. I had some control over my daughter, and five of her friends. They would always be in my range of sight.\r\n\r\nAs it turns out, that was only <em>partly</em> true.\r\n<h4>As a parent, you''re never <em>completely</em> in charge</h4>\r\nThe Field Museum was extra crowded and chaotic with end-of-the-year field trips. The exhibits are mostly dark, winding and complex, with many offshoots, side rooms, and "forks in the road." At times, it feels a bit like a cornfield maze, except you''re in an Egyptian tomb, or you walk around a corner and see a pack of life-like, stuffed hyenas ready to attack.\r\n\r\nThere was so much to see and explore, it was silly to think of making them all hold hands and stick together like preschoolers. Each girl had their own idea of what looked interesting within any given exhibit, and each one explores that interesting thing at her own pace. (My daughter, for instance, was the only one in our group who wanted to read <em>everything</em>. Sigh.)\r\n\r\nMore than once, I was frantically scanning the dim rooms and looking around corners, trying to locate all six children in my charge. <strong>And suddenly it occurred to me—it would be SO easy to lose track of a child at the Field Museum.</strong>\r\n<h4>Learning to let go, a bit at a time</h4>\r\nFive hours later, though, everyone was accounted for. After we put the 100+ kids on the two buses, I went back into the museum to buy an iced tea, put my feet up on a chair, and gaze at Sue the T-Rex''s hindquarters. <strong>I needed to decompress—to let my defenses down and get used to being responsible for just <em>me</em> again.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt was a very good feeling.\r\n\r\nAnd as I sat there, I realized that while nine is still very young, S and her classmates are learning a lot about how to be responsible for themselves, too, and for one another. <strong>They''re at that age where they need to explore around dim corners.</strong> They need to see what an oasis in the middle of an African dessert might look like. And then they need to trust themselves to find their way back to a safer place, where they can catch their breath before setting off to explore whatever''s next.', 'Parenting around unknown corners', 0, '<em>A trip to the Field Museum reminds me what I do and don''t have control over.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'parenting-around-unknown-corners', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:55:26', '2009-06-15 19:55:26', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=351', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(352, 1, '2009-05-14 12:28:05', '2009-05-14 16:28:05', '', '2715755568_57cba1814e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2715755568_57cba1814e', '', '', '2009-05-14 12:28:05', '2009-05-14 16:28:05', '', 351, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/2715755568_57cba1814e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(353, 1, '2009-05-18 11:44:57', '2009-05-18 15:44:57', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/di071209_0502_sm.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-354" title="di071209_0502_sm" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/di071209_0502_sm.jpg" alt="" width="527" height="350" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://dimockimages.com/">Glen Dimock</a></h5>\r\nAlmost four years ago, I sat down for the first time in what I now consider my church. I spent much of the time blinking back tears.\r\n\r\nThe source of the tears was internal. I guess that''s pretty much always the case. <strong>Those particular tears happened to be rooted in a variety of struggles I''d been having with God and with the church I had walked away from a few months earlier.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>But while tears are produced and well up from inside, it''s often something external that triggers them. </strong>Something happens around us, acting as a magic key that''s capable of pushing aside our facades, the jail cells of our true emotions. Suddenly, those tears are able to escape—sometimes sneaking free, other times busting out.\r\n\r\n<strong>At that moment, as I sat in that sanctuary for the first time, it wasn''t The Voices of Angels, or The Warmth of God’s Love, or anything miraculous like that triggering my tears. It was the people. The very ordinary people.</strong>\r\n\r\nA group of hippy-looking teenagers in the front row. Families of every size, shape and color. Couples that looked like they belonged together, and couples that looked like they didn’t. A grandmother with her grandchildren, and a woman with her elderly mother. Middle-aged single people sitting all together, not alone. And lots of children, everywhere, roaming so much from lap to lap that I couldn’t tell which kids belonged to which adults.\r\n\r\n<strong>It was a room full of humanity, which, of course, can be divine. They were people who weren’t perfect. And they knew it. That’s what set my tears loose.</strong>\r\n<h4>The difficulty of putting a diverse group of people into words</h4>\r\nNow, four years later, I''m writing new copy for the <em>very</em> outdated church website. One of the new site''s sections will focus on who the church is, as represented by the individuals who are drawn there.\r\n\r\nIt''s a tricky thing to generalize and pinpoint. <strong>It''s challenging enough to articulate what characterizes me, and I''m just one person—one I happen to know fairly well. But to take a couple hundred people, put them all together and say something meaningful about them? That''s really challenging.</strong>\r\n\r\nYet, certain people are attracted to a particular church (or gym or cafe or vacation destination) for a reason, right? I figured there must be some red threads, so I decided to locate them.\r\n\r\nI interviewed the pastors and about a dozen other people in the church. I''ve also been thinking a lot about what sets this community of people apart in <em>my</em> mind, based on my experience, both when I was first getting to know them, and now.\r\n\r\nHere''s what I''ve come up with, so far—some of the characteristics that tend to run through us, tying us together. I''m not sure if this list will end up on the website in any fashion, but it was an important list for me to make. <strong>I''m also really curious to know which of these characteristics are most important and appealing to you, whether you''re a Christian or not.</strong>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>We are a community of people who:</strong>\r\n…are broken and in need healing.\r\n…honor Jesus and deeply desire to follow him, even if we don’t always get it right.\r\n…are searching, and trying to find answers to big questions we might never grasp.\r\n…try to balance our desire for intellectual honesty and passionate worship and living.\r\n…are committed to mercy, justice and meaningful action in our community and world.\r\n…don’t need everything to be black and white—we are willing to say “I''m not sure.â€\r\n…actively try to repel polarization, whether religious, political, economic or racial.\r\n…desire genuine fellowship and community with one another, seven days a week.\r\n…value people coming together from many backgrounds.\r\n…put loving God and loving one another above any strict doctrine.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Many families in our community are multi-ethnic or multi-denominational, or didn’t grow up in a church at all. Many individuals have had hurtful past experiences tied to religion. It’s not our intended niche, exactly, but I suspect it says something about who we are, or at least what we''re trying our best to be—open and accepting.</p>', 'The sort of people who set my tears free', 0, '<em>What characterizes the people your soul is drawn to?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-sort-of-people-who-set-free-my-tears', '', '', '2009-05-19 10:44:50', '2009-05-19 14:44:50', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=353', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(354, 1, '2009-05-18 11:38:50', '2009-05-18 15:38:50', '', 'di071209_0502_sm', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'di071209_0502_sm', '', '', '2009-05-18 11:38:50', '2009-05-18 15:38:50', '', 353, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/di071209_0502_sm.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(355, 1, '2009-05-20 13:00:09', '2009-05-20 17:00:09', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/office.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-356" title="office" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/office.jpg" alt="" width="532" height="399" /></a>\r\n\r\nMaeve and I just walked to my "office." This is my second week renting a desk at Urbana''s new co-working space, <a href="http://collectiveturf.com/">Collective Turf</a>. I''m really excited about it, because <strong>the space encompasses so much of what I need and believe in: community, collaboration, the independent business spirit, old urban buildings, lots of natural light, and the rhythm of work.</strong>\r\n\r\nAfter seven years of doing freelance work at my dining room table (and my porch, my sofa, the cafe, and even in the car while Jason drives us to Chicago), I really can''t quite get to used to the reality of having a bonafide office space! I guess that''s why I keep putting quote marks around "office"—a practice I plan to talk myself out of by the end of this post. :)\r\n<h4>A writer needs more than words</h4>\r\nI think I began to think of myself as a writer in about the third grade, but it wasn''t until I got my first real desk that I was able to really take myself seriously.\r\n\r\nThe desk was a birthday gift from my parents the year I turned ten. It was a desk that I would now find rather tacky—white with gold gilt in the carved ornamentation and elaborate gold hardware—but I thought it was perfect. <strong>In every detail it fit my fantasy of the writer’s life.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt was the sort of desk with a hinged writing surface that could be lowered to provide a worksurface and closed to conceal the mess at the end of the day. When opened, it revealed a variety of cubbies for letters and stationery and journals. I was quick to organize and fill them—one for letters sent to me, another for stationery and envelopes, another filled with index cards for jotting random thoughts and ideas upon. <strong></strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>This desk not only became a site for my early writing projects, it inspired and gave them shape. I felt legitimized at that desk,</strong> a real writer penning many letters to my grandmother and summer camp friends, and filling journals with stories and various commentaries on life.\r\n\r\nMany desks have followed, none serving as a stage in quite the way that first desk did, but all allowing the playacting to diminish and the real writing to emerge.\r\n\r\n<strong>I don''t know if it''s the romantic in me or the practical in me—the Jane Austen or the Virginia Woolf—but I''ve always clung to the idea of a special place where the magic happens.</strong> A writer''s nook that puts me into character, a desk that helps me delve to deeper thoughts, a window that sheds light on the most descriptive images and words. I remember reading Virginia Woolf''s <em>A Room of One''s Own</em> in college, and dreaming of the writing room I would one day have as an adult.\r\n<h4>Freelancing is a wonderful setup, however...</h4>\r\nThe last few years, since Jason and his daughter have come into my life and home, have clearly been an amazing blessing to me. With five of us, though, in a house bought for three, things often feel cramped and chaotic; <strong>carving out some space for work has been a challenge</strong>.\r\n\r\n<strong>I just can''t find a suitable spot for a desk, with a view out a window rather than toward the many household chores that await me,</strong> so I typically work at the dining room table. I can''t seem to stay on top of the stacks of school papers and mail, so they clutter my work space. At the end of the work day, all my client notes and samples clutter our life space, needing to be cleared off the table so we can sit down together and enjoy a meal. Then the work sits there, in plain view, reminding me of the next day''s deadlines as we enjoy family time, playing a game after dinner.\r\n\r\n<strong>Working at a cafe always brings a welcome change of scene, along with the human activity and interaction my extroverted self craves, but it can be very unpredictable.</strong> Sometimes I can''t get a table near an outlet, other times the music is really distracting or annoying. And it never fails—right when I have a deadline that can''t be missed, half the people I know in this town seem to pass through the cafe, happy to run into me, eager to catch up.\r\n\r\nI fear I''m beginning to sound like a very difficult person, who needs everything to be "just so" in order to get anything done! In my defense, <strong>I''ve actually learned to adapt to all kinds of work environments, and have done quite well being flexible about where and when I work.</strong> I''ve been making it work. <strong>It''s just really nice to finally have this space, this freelance community—my office.</strong> (There, I did it! No quotation marks!)', 'Finally—a room (mostly) of my own', 0, '<em>Giving co-working a try & recalling the first desk that made me a Real Writer.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'finally%e2%80%94a-room-mostly-of-my-own', '', '', '2009-05-21 00:22:42', '2009-05-21 04:22:42', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=355', 0, 'post', '', 15),
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(357, 1, '2009-05-22 10:15:27', '2009-05-22 14:15:27', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/honeymoon2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-361" title="honeymoon2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/honeymoon2.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 240px;">Jason and I, on our honeymoon two years ago.</h5>\r\nOn Wednesday, my friend Jen and her husband Kurt celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary. Next Wednesday, Jason and I will celebrate our second.\r\n\r\nTime is strange. On one hand, two years can seem like a serious amount of time; lined up next to 14 years, though, it''s nothing. At certain moments, I feel like Jason and I have been together for two decades—I can hardly recall my life without him—but at other times it seems like we just met.\r\n\r\n<strong>When my friends celebrate anniversaries of ten or more years, my first feeling is pure joy.</strong> They chose well, they''ve worked hard, they''ve struggled and loved and come out mostly smiling more than a decade later. It''s an accomplishment, without a doubt.\r\n\r\n<strong>My second wave of emotion feels more like a pang of sadness or loss than a leap of joy.</strong> I hate to admit it. It comes from that icky part of my psyche—that part that says it-somehow-must-be-about-me-even-though-it-clearly-isn''t. There''s probably a bit of my competitive side tossed in, too (Score: Jen 14, Kristin 2).\r\n<h4>If love were a race, or a board game...</h4>\r\n<strong>Of course, I know it''s not a competition. I also know that the number of years you''ve been married is not a true measure of love</strong>—a couple with 40 years under their belt certainly has more stories and experiences, but not necessarily more love.\r\n\r\n<strong>I suspect it just gets at that part of me that feels like I failed when I got a divorce.</strong> Like I was running a really long race, which I was well into, when I stepped off the route to tie my shoe and was told I had to go all the way back to the beginning to start over.\r\n\r\nNow that I think of it, there were too many board games in my childhood like that. I had a really difficult time being a good sport playing Candy Land, and Sorry! (Sorry, indeed.) <strong>The perfect metaphor for how I sometimes feel is that really long slide on Chutes and Ladders</strong>—the one that sends you all the way back to where you started, right when you are on the brink of winning. My brother would probably confirm that if I hit that slide, the game was over because I went stomping off in frustration.\r\n<h4>Can time measure legitimacy?</h4>\r\nThe other part of my inner frustration is tied to the legitimacy we tend to yoke with time. A successful business is one that''s consistently done well for 25 years, not two. A great baseball team has a reputation for making it to the playoffs, not just one good season (which, after all, could just be luck).\r\n\r\n<strong>When I tell someone that Jason and I are celebrating our second anniversary, it somehow feels like we still have so much to prove.</strong> I remember that feeling from high school and college—being in a relationship that felt so significant and lasting, and not wanting to tell people that in fact we''d only been together a month. <strong>The amount of time just didn''t line up with the amount of feeling.</strong>\r\n\r\nI guess what I''m realizing is that <strong>there are things that can be tested by time and things that can''t.</strong> Time, after all, is a measurable, concrete, linear element in our lives. Not surprisingly, it''s a good indicator of those concrete aspects of love and relationships—commitment, problem-solving, the ability to withstand a variety of ups and downs.\r\n\r\n<strong>But it''s not a good indicator of the many abstract parts of love that can hardly be articulated, let alone measured</strong>—what people often refer to as chemistry, or deep compatibility, or being soulmates.\r\n\r\n<strong>Time can''t measure what''s simply <em>right</em>, at its core. </strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s what encompasses my two-year marriage. And I suspect it will serve us very well as we move forward, withstanding the test of time, just as it has been the glue for Jen and Kurt these 14 years.', 'Is the "test of time" a reliable test for love?', 0, '<em>Time is a good indicator of some aspects of true love, but not all.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'is-the-test-of-time-a-reliable-test-for-love', '', '', '2009-05-22 10:15:27', '2009-05-22 14:15:27', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=357', 0, 'post', '', 18),
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(359, 1, '2009-05-22 10:00:46', '2009-05-22 14:00:46', '', 'reception', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'reception', '', '', '2009-05-22 10:00:46', '2009-05-22 14:00:46', '', 357, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/reception.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(361, 1, '2009-05-22 10:11:39', '2009-05-22 14:11:39', '', 'honeymoon2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'honeymoon2', '', '', '2009-05-22 10:11:39', '2009-05-22 14:11:39', '', 357, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/honeymoon2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(360, 1, '2009-05-22 10:02:21', '2009-05-22 14:02:21', '', 'wedding', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'wedding', '', '', '2009-05-22 10:02:21', '2009-05-22 14:02:21', '', 357, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/wedding.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(362, 1, '2009-05-26 13:51:15', '2009-05-26 17:51:15', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3032421823_8383fb30e4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-363" title="3032421823_8383fb30e4" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3032421823_8383fb30e4.jpg" alt="" width="523" height="521" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/rajuvaidyazuiq/">Vaidy Krishnan</a></h5>\r\nA few days ago Jason made Chicken Masala for dinner. His recipe calls for 23 ingredients, all eventually worked together in six separate steps, from roasting and grinding whole spices to making two pastes, one with cashews and another with ginger.\r\n\r\nIt''s one of those recipes that not only takes a lot of time and effort to prepare, it also <em>tastes</em> like it does (thank goodness—why else bother?). <strong>With each bite, you can detect the layers of complexity—the balance of sweet and spicy, the surprises in the initial taste and then the new surprises in the lingering flavor.</strong>\r\n\r\nAs we ate dinner, Jason wondered aloud why certain cultures end up prizing complexity and flavor so much more than others. You don''t just <em>stumble</em> upon these combinations of spices and textures. You don''t cook like that because it''s easy, and it''s what you have on hand. <strong>It''s a freeing art form and a painstaking science rolled into one.</strong> You imagine, envision, experiment, tweak, and pour your soul into it. In India, and many other countries—such as Thailand and Morocco—this process is clearly valued and prized (and we benefit from their experimentation and recipes).\r\n<h4>Celebrating curry and a life that isn''t black and white</h4>\r\nThe next day I brought it up over lunch with some friends (at a very American bar, I might add). Someone pointed out the polytheistic nature of these cultures. <strong>"They''re very comfortable with complexity—they don''t expect things to be black and white."</strong>\r\n\r\nI find this really fascinating, particularly when I think of the tendency of Americans to love a Bible that they believe has clear answers. (I know—I''m getting into dangerous territory and stereotyping, but work with me!) Americans also tend to love their meat, potatoes and vegetables, each clearly delineated on the plate, each bit with its own distinct flavor and texture. There''s no question what you''re putting in your mouth, and what you''re tasting—some salt and some fine red meat (and don''t get me wrong—I love some fine red meat!). You might take a bite of this, followed by a bite of that, but still, <strong>you''re in control of where to draw the lines and when to do the mixing.</strong>\r\n\r\nEating curry makes you feel deliciously out of control. Just when you think you know what it is that you''re tasting, something else sneaks in and confuses you. <strong>Curry is a celebration of complexity without chaos, which is the thing that many people fear most about complexity, I think. Curry demonstrates that you can be completely in control, within a form, and yet completely let go within that adventurous space.</strong>\r\n<h4>My own Midwestern ying and yang</h4>\r\nIn the broad scope of things, I think I''m somewhat in between when it comes to embracing complexity. <strong>I believe in one God, but I don''t like to define my God too narrowly</strong>, and I don''t like to pretend the Bible is filled with clear answers.\r\n\r\nI want one spouse/partner, and I want my relationship with him (Jason) to have clear boundaries. But as someone who has been divorced and now enjoys the daily complexities of a blended family, including ex-spouses and their new partners, <strong>I don''t believe there''s only one way to understand marriage and family</strong>.\r\n\r\nI love the simplicity of living in a small town in the Midwest—with my house and garden, my kids and dog, my church and neighborhood school and favorite bars—but I don''t want my life in the Midwest to be "normal" or typical or bland. <strong>I don''t want my kids to grow up thinking things are black and white, easily parsed, categorized and understood.</strong>\r\n\r\nLuckily, that can''t possibly be the case, thanks to the community of friends we''ve gathered here.\r\n\r\nOn Saturday evening, after celebrating H''s birthday at our house with the wonderful mix of people she considers her family, Jason and I went out to celebrate the birthday of our good friend, Marlah. Out of the 12 of us gathered around the table for her celebration, only four of us could be considered "white." The rest were African American, Native American, Mexican, Cuban, Afro-Carribean, or some combination. (As someone kindly pointed out that evening, with my olive complexion and dark hair, I''m not <em>that</em> white.)\r\n\r\nOn Sunday, we were invited to feast on a Chengdu hotpot meal at the home of some friends from church, who have spent a fair amount of time in that region of China. <strong>Hotpot represents a different kind of complexity than curry.</strong> Twenty or more bowls of individual foods—from shrimp and greens to many foods my kids have never seen before like ribbon tofu, rice cakes, lotus root and enoki mushrooms—crowd the table. Ying and yang pots of spicy and mild hotpot broth boil furiously on burners at the table''s center.\r\n\r\nWith chopsticks, you pick various items of your choice from the separate bowls and drop them into the boiling liquid to cook. Sometimes you manage to pull out what you put in. Sometimes what you pull out is mixed up with things other people around the table dropped into the pot.\r\n\r\n<strong>You feel like you have some control over what''s happening, yet what you end up with is always a surprise. </strong>It''s a joyous confusion of cooking, sharing, eating things together and separate, trying textures and flavors that are unfamiliar, yet all tied together by the complex flavors of the broth.\r\n\r\nAnd isn''t that a lot like life?', 'Embracing complexity through flavor', 0, '<em>Choosing a life that isn''t clear-cut or bland—even in the Midwest.</em> ', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'embracing-complexity-through-flavor', '', '', '2009-05-26 13:51:15', '2009-05-26 17:51:15', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=362', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(363, 1, '2009-05-26 13:45:13', '2009-05-26 17:45:13', '', '3032421823_8383fb30e4', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3032421823_8383fb30e4', '', '', '2009-05-26 13:45:13', '2009-05-26 17:45:13', '', 362, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/3032421823_8383fb30e4.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(364, 1, '2009-05-27 23:16:34', '2009-05-28 03:16:34', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/merryanns.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-365" title="merryanns" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/merryanns.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\nThe first meal Jason and I ate together was lunch after church, at a bar called The Esquire. We had burgers, fries and beer, sitting outside with our kids and a group of maybe 10 or so other friends.\r\n\r\nA few months later, the first time we were out together on sort-of-a-date, we drank martinis and danced at a place called Soma, then at 2 am we went to Merry Ann''s, the all-night diner around the corner. That was the second meal we shared.\r\n<h4>A date with a homeless man and a hangover stack</h4>\r\nThe diner was packed; there wasn''t a single available table. The booths were big, though, and we were hungry and happy and eager to not lose the momentum building between us. <strong>In other words, we were determined to find a seat and extend the night.</strong> We decided to ask a homeless man, who was sitting alone in one of the big booths reading a book, if we could join him. He was surprised but seemed pleased.\r\n\r\nHis name was Dave, and we talked with him about his life while he ate his corned beef hash and Jason ate what''s called the Hangover Stack, a ridiculous concoction that somehow combines all of the breakfast foods on the menu, tying it all together with a smothering of biscuit gravy. I don''t remember what I ate—most likely fried eggs and toast with bacon, or maybe a grilled cheese, all gooey with that melted processed orange goodness that I never have at home but love to indulge in from time to time.\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s interesting to think of those specific, earliest moments when you were with that person you end up marrying, but you didn''t really know him (or her). Every sentence spoken, every menu item ordered, is a clue to who they are. You''re the detective, eager to uncover every scrap of evidence.</strong>\r\n\r\nBy the time we left Merry Ann''s that night (at what—3:30 or 4 in the morning?) what did I know about Jason? I knew he didn''t think it was at all strange to share a table with a stranger. Through conversation, after our new friend Dave left, Jason and I discovered that his dad and my mom both are the sort of people who will strike up extended conversations with homeless people, and even invite lonely and wandering souls to the house for Thanksgiving dinner.\r\n\r\n<strong>I also discovered at Merry Ann''s that Jason wasn''t so overly health-conscious and sophisticated that he couldn''t eat greasy diner food.</strong> I had recently gotten out of a relationship with someone who was too healthy and sophisticated to have fun—who always made me feel uncultured and very Midwestern for craving a big burger or eggs and bacon. <strong>Jason made me feel comfortable and simply free to be myself—to follow whatever craving I might have.</strong>\r\n\r\nBut the next day I panicked a little bit. <strong>What if Jason didn''t have good taste? Like at all—ever?</strong> What if his idea of a nice dinner out was Outback Steakhouse? Or his concept of "interesting food" was takeout Chinese?\r\n\r\nAnyone who knows anything about Jason—certainly anyone who read my previous post about the chicken masala Jason cooked for us last week—knows that fear was ridiculous. But I had no idea then! <strong>And I wanted to know I could be myself with him in the midst of whatever mood I was in, whether I was craving tuna tartare or a basket of onion rings.</strong>\r\n<h4>Being real about my greasy &amp; sophisticated sides</h4>\r\nIt was actually my reflections on <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=362">that recent post</a> that led me to write this one. Sometimes, after I write a post, I start to over-think it and pick it apart. Shocking, I know! This generally happens if I have reason to think my readers didn''t respond to it as exuberantly and prolifically as they generally do. <strong>In other words, it happens when I''m feeling insecure.</strong> That''s how I was feeling about 12 hours after publishing the post about curry and embracing complexity.\r\n\r\n"Maybe people were feeling swamped at work after a long weekend," I said to Jason, after confessing that I was trying to figure out why I only had a few comments on the post. "And I didn''t get it up there until after noon. A lot of people read blogs first thing in the morning."\r\n\r\n"Yeah, I know I was super swamped at work all day," Jason said helpfully.\r\n\r\n"But maybe people didn''t like it because it sounded like I was trying to point out how great my life is," I said. <strong>"People like my posts when I talk about how I''ve messed up, and how I struggled through divorce. They like it when I write about my messy house and my annoyance with my kids, and with other Christians. </strong>This post was about how well we eat, and how interesting all our friends are. Well, it was supposed to be about embracing complexity, but it made our life look really great in the process."\r\n\r\nI don''t have any idea if I was on to something, but if nothing else, it inspired this post, which is at least partly about that—about setting the record straight. I don''t eat chicken masala and Chengdu hotpot every night for dinner. In fact, we had all white friends over on Memorial Day, and grilled hot dogs.\r\n\r\n<strong>But as it turns out, this post is mostly about Jason, and love, and finding someone you can be <em>you</em> with, in every permeation of who you are.</strong> And most of us, after all, are full of contradictions.\r\n\r\n<strong>Today is our second wedding anniversary</strong>. For lunch, we picked up big slices of pepperoni and sausage pizza, and ate them on the porch. For dinner, we went to Baccaro, which was actually the scene of our first official date. To celebrate who we are, as individuals and together, we shared a bottle of wine and ate some of the most exquisite food you can find anywhere in the world. <strong>And we were thankful that, in our relationship, there is no such thing as a contradiction. It''s all just about being who we are.</strong>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/jasonbaccaro.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-366" title="jasonbaccaro" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/jasonbaccaro.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="434" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by Kristin Tennant</h5>', 'Diners on the road to true love ', 0, '<em>A love story about two foodies starting their relationship in a greasy diner.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'diners-on-the-road-to-true-love', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=362', '2009-05-28 00:17:06', '2009-05-28 04:17:06', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=364', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(365, 1, '2009-05-27 23:41:42', '2009-05-28 03:41:42', '', 'merryanns', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'merryanns', '', '', '2009-05-27 23:41:42', '2009-05-28 03:41:42', '', 364, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/merryanns.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(366, 1, '2009-05-27 23:42:25', '2009-05-28 03:42:25', '', 'jasonbaccaro', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'jasonbaccaro', '', '', '2009-05-27 23:42:25', '2009-05-28 03:42:25', '', 364, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/jasonbaccaro.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(367, 1, '2009-06-01 01:44:54', '2009-06-01 05:44:54', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/beachpost.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-368" title="beachpost" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/beachpost.jpg" alt="" width="523" height="445" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\n<strong>It''s Sunday, and Jason and I spent the morning hours, when most Christians are in church, on the beach.</strong>\r\n\r\nWell, actually we were still sleeping when some people were heading off to church, and we were out to breakfast when those 9 a.m. services were well underway. <em>Then</em> we were at the beach.\r\n\r\nWe''re celebrating our wedding anniversary with a long weekend at a cottage in Saugatuck, a place we go for a week each summer with our kids. This time, we''re alone, recuperating from a series of months that have been over-the-top busy and stressful.\r\n\r\nConsidering all of that, <strong>walking and relaxing on the beach, while taking in some of God''s most gorgeous creation, is a lovely—even fitting—way to spend the Sabbath.</strong> But because I’m prone to feeling guilty (most often about the wrong things, I suppose), I felt a tinge of that ickiness as we consciously weighed our options and made the choice last night: sleep, breakfast and the beach over church.\r\n<h4>Fighting through the guilt to get to God</h4>\r\nLet me clarify—I don’t feel like I’m a “bad Christianâ€ for skipping church. Jason and I go out of town fairly often, and we don’t feel the need to hunt down a church wherever we happen to be on a Sunday.\r\n\r\nBut today was sort of different. First of all, it’s Pentacost, a fairly important day on the church calendar. Second of all, we had been invited to go to church with some friends and spiritual mentors who live in Saugatuck. <strong>That made deciding <em>not</em> to go feel more like a clear choice we were making—a choice God would clearly be disappointed in, the way parents are sure to be disappointed by choices their teenage children make.</strong>\r\n\r\nUgh! I <em>hate</em> that feeling—that concept of a "tsk-tsk," head-shaking, finger-pointing God. I''m not saying I think God is <em>thrilled</em> with everything I do. But I am beginning to think my understanding of how he <em>reacts</em> to me is flawed.\r\n\r\n<strong>The problem, I think, lies in my tendency to  understand God the way I understand a person, like a parent or spouse.</strong> The faulty logic goes like this: He (God or your husband or your best friend) wants you to do one thing, you want to do something else. If you get your way, your joy is tainted by the selfishness you feel, and by knowing you will have to eventually pay that person back.\r\n\r\n<strong>Thankfully, God isn’t like that. He isn’t at all like us, a fact I’ve been gradually absorbing these past few years.</strong>\r\n\r\nThis confused way we go about our attempts to fathom God was actually described quite well in a book I started reading this weekend. I finally broke down and opened up <em>The Shack</em>, one of those books that everyone in certain circles has been carrying on about and referencing for some time. I’ve resisted reading it, maybe out of an “everyone’s doing itâ€ rebellion, or maybe because I suspected it’s just not my sort of book. This jury of one is still out on the book as a whole (I''m only halfway through it), but I do really like this explanation by the “God characterâ€ of who she/he is—or rather isn’t:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting it to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn’t much, and then calling that God. And while it might seem like a noble effort, it falls pitifully short of who I really am. <strong>I’m not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think.</strong></em></p>\r\nSo God isn’t like someone who says “OK, we did what you wanted to do this time, now you owe me.â€ (For the record, Jason and I don’t function like that in our marriage, either, but it''s not because of our enormous, generous hearts. It''s mostly because we tend to be in agreement on what we want to do/eat/watch, so it makes it easy.)\r\n<h4>Trying to fathom what God really wants for us</h4>\r\nAs it turns out, this whole idea of church being a special holy place where people gather on Sundays probably reflects the thinking of people more than the thinking of God, too.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m pretty sure God’s greatest desire isn’t for us to be in a church building on Sunday mornings. His greatest desire is that we find ways to regularly commune with him, and with one another and his creation—that we can get a few steps closer to him, by bridging the chasm between heaven and earth.</strong> Often that happens in church communities, but not exclusively, by any means.\r\n\r\nThis morning, after Jason and I took a nice long walk along the beach, not encountering another person the entire time, we sank side by side into adirondack chairs, our books in hand. Eventually we abandoned the words on the page, to just close our eyes, soaking in the warmth and peace all around us.\r\n\r\nSilence, except for the gentle waves. A mix of cool breeze and warm sun, balanced just right, making me highly aware of—and grateful—for each.\r\n\r\nI realized, all at once, that everything happening in that moment was something our bodies, minds and spirits have been craving. <strong>I realized that’s also something God wants for us—to be whole, and healthy in body, mind and spirit.</strong> And I realized <em>that</em> is at the heart of making a holy place, a Sabbath. A time so full of pleasure there isn''t room for guilt.', 'Removing the guilty from the pleasure', 0, '<em>Skipping church could be one more thing to feel guilty about...or not.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'removing-the-guilty-from-the-pleasure', '', '', '2009-06-01 12:44:43', '2009-06-01 16:44:43', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=367', 0, 'post', '', 18),
(368, 1, '2009-06-01 01:21:56', '2009-06-01 05:21:56', '', 'beachpost', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'beachpost', '', '', '2009-06-01 01:21:56', '2009-06-01 05:21:56', '', 367, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/beachpost.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(369, 1, '2009-06-03 16:24:20', '2009-06-03 20:24:20', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/18128116_8f57ed0fca.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-370" title="18128116_8f57ed0fca" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/18128116_8f57ed0fca.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/jasonedward/">jasonedward</a></h5>\r\n<strong>As my kids grow older, I''ve decided that teaching commitment and sticktuitiveness is one of the hardest things about parenting.</strong>\r\n\r\nTo keep playing the board game you''re clearly going to lose. To keep writing the entire story you had such a great idea for. To stick with violin or the piano long enough to get to the next level. These are really difficult attitudes to engender.\r\n\r\nBut they tend to be a big deal for Jason and I. At least we talk about it a lot together, in relation to our girls and the various things they love and hate, the activities they work hard at or give up on. A lot has been written around the topic lately, it seems, from <a href="http://www.gladwell.com/outliers/index.html">Malcolm Gladwell''s book <em>Outliers</em></a> to a fascinating article I read in the May 18 issue of <em>The New Yorker</em>: <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer"><em>"Don''t! The secret of self control."</em></a>\r\n\r\nThe article tells of a study researchers conducted in the late 1960s, attempting to measure self control in preschool aged children. About 30 percent of the children involved in the study demonstrated an ability to delay gratification. "These kids wrestled with temptation but found a way to resist," the article''s author, Jonah Lehrer writes. In other words, these kids are able to find ways to cope with situations and make them work for them. As they go through life, the study demonstrates, these children have greater success academically and socially; they also have fewer behavior problems and deal better with stress.\r\n\r\nAs a parent reading and discussing this article and Gladwell''s theories, the bottom line is this: <strong>It''s not what your kids is born with—intelligence, natural talent, or a certain physique—it''s what they do with it. Where you go in life has almost everything to do with the amount of time and effort you put into things, and your ability to avoid distractions and temptations, and very little to do with how "smart" they are.</strong>\r\n<h4>Trying to nurture great kids, not Super Kids</h4>\r\nNow I''m not out to turn my kids into single-minded little people who fabulously excel at one thing at a very young age. But I do want them to learn how to cope with life''s challenges, and navigate the tight turns and pitfalls. <strong>I want them to gain great satisfaction from doing things they love, doing them well and contributing something to the world.</strong> I want them to some day perhaps earn some college scholarships, or at least to make enough money after college to support themselves. <strong>So what''s a parent''s role, or best tactic?</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>One method, of course, is an old tried and true one: tough love. This involves wielding your parental authority and telling your kids they have no choice, because it''s good for them.</strong> You <em>make</em> them stick with the piano for a certain amount of time, hoping that by the end they''ll find they''re good at it and love it, rather than hate it. You <em>make</em> them go to all the soccer practices, even when they don''t feel like it, because they wanted to play soccer and their team is counting on them. You <em>make</em> them finish the knitting project they started, so they can feel a sense of accomplishment and closure (and not have a hundred unfinished craft projects lying around the house).\r\n\r\nI''m sure most of us remember our own parents enforcing such rules. Some of those situations backfired; we haven''t played chess or sat at a sewing machine since. Other scenarios made us angry at the time, but 10 or 20 years later, we''re glad we learned to read music and play the piano.\r\n\r\nI''m in that camp. Sort of. I took piano lessons for ten straight years, hating every minute of the practicing I had to do, until my parents agreed I could stop if I wanted. Do I wish they had taken a different approach? I guess not—not really. Music is an important part of my life, and piano lessons laid the foundation for all of the music making that has followed. What I wish, maybe, is that the lessons and practicing could have somehow been less of a chore. I wish that discipline had somehow tapped my love for music, and then drawn on that as an power source for all the work it required.\r\n<h4>The balance between using discipline and tapping into desire</h4>\r\nThat''s what I''ve been trying to figure out lately, as our girls finish up third, fifth and seventh grades, and more and more is demanded of them from teachers, coaches and peers. <strong>How can we inspire them to work hard at something because they want to, not just because they''re forced to? Where''s that fine line between discipline and desire, and is there a way we can help nurture it?</strong>\r\n\r\nPart of the desire aspect is rooted in the discipline. You reach a goal and it motivates you on to the next one: The first time you play a piece on the piano that''s by Beethoven (or something by Journey—remember those Top-40 Hits piano books?) rather than "Lightly Row;"  the first time you knit or sew something you can actually wear; the moment you fit in the last piece of that 1,000-piece puzzle. <strong>The sense of satisfaction and accomplishment can be addictive, all on its own.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>The other part comes from finding those particular things that really excite you and draw from a variety of your personality traits and skills.</strong> When I speculate that I could have been a really great violist, if only I had worked harder, I have to stop and ask how happy and fulfilled I''d be if I was committing more of my time and energy to the viola. I love playing music, but I like to improvise and play with guitars, mandolins, and singers rather than read music with a symphony.\r\n\r\nWhen I think about my love for writing, though, and how I discovered that on my own as a child, claimed it, and gradually worked at it for all of these years, I see how that natural desire and motivation works.\r\n\r\n<strong>It also helps me see my role as a parent in a slightly different way. I am not merely a task master and rule enforcer. I''m an encourager and guide—the sherpa, the mentor, the counselor.</strong> I can help them discover aspects of who they are and what they''re good at. I can help them find activities and pursuits that make the most of everything they''re about. I can talk to them about working hard at something versus quitting—why it''s important to stick with something for a bit longer than you might want to, and why it''s OK at times to decide something just isn''t for you.\r\n\r\nThen I can practice that <em>really</em> difficult parenting move: Standing back, waiting to see what happens.', 'Nose to the grindstone, heart intact', 0, '<em>How do I encourage my kids to stick with something, without ruining it?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'nose-to-the-grindstone-heart-intact', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:55:00', '2009-06-15 19:55:00', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=369', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(370, 1, '2009-06-03 16:19:06', '2009-06-03 20:19:06', '', '18128116_8f57ed0fca', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '18128116_8f57ed0fca', '', '', '2009-06-03 16:19:06', '2009-06-03 20:19:06', '', 369, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/18128116_8f57ed0fca.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(371, 1, '2009-06-05 13:10:46', '2009-06-05 17:10:46', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2187472581_e4752ca455.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-372" title="2187472581_e4752ca455" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2187472581_e4752ca455.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/eliazar/">Eliazar</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Monday, a torrential thunderstorm swooped into our area</strong> for about 20 minutes before exiting as suddenly as it had arrived. Jason''s softball game was canceled, even though the rain was long gone, so we picked up ice cream and beer and took it to a friends'' house. We sat on the porch and talked while the kids played. Later that night, after the kids were in bed, a good friend called to tell me that she just found out her close friend committed suicide. I tried to comfort my friend as she struggled and wondered what more she could have done.\r\n\r\n<strong>Tuesday, I walked up the street to the school for Q''s fifth grade celebration and ceremony.</strong> I tried to get my mind around the fact that my firstborn is leaving elementary school for good, and preparing herself internally for middle school in ways I''ll only catch glimpses of. My mind naturally gravitated to the day she started kindergarten, just a few weeks after her dad moved out of the house and I embarked on single parenting a five- and three-year-old. Was it just yesterday or another lifetime ago? Later on Tuesday evening, my two girls and my stepdaughter made a big to-do for Jason''s birthday celebration, and I wondered, once again, how he found his way into our life.\r\n\r\n<strong>Wednesday, a friend went to a funeral for a grandfather he never knew.</strong> Our friend came over that evening and tried to describe what it was like to meet aunts and uncles, cousins and even half siblings he never knew existed, even though they all knew he existed. A thousand thoughts flew into my head, about DNA and blood, family and strangers, and all that exists from day to day, whether we know about it or not.\r\n\r\n<strong>Thursday I was moved by President Obama''s <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31102929//">historic speech</a> in Cairo, Egypt, calling for a "new beginning</strong> between the United States and Muslims around the world. "I am convinced that in order to move forward, we must say openly to each other the things we hold in our hearts and that too often are said only behind closed doors. There must be a sustained effort to listen to each other, to learn from each other, to respect one another, and to seek common ground," Obama said. "It''s easier to start wars than to end them. It''s easier to blame others than to look inward. It''s easier to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. There is one rule that lies at the heart of every religion, that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us."\r\n\r\n<strong>Friday, today, I got out of bed and took Maeve for a walk.</strong> I heard my neighbor practicing her flute, ate a bowl of cereal, paid some bills, and biked to my office. Later, the girls will finish up their last day of school, we will buy groceries and start getting things ready for a weekend camping trip. But really, I don''t know what today will hold, just as I had no idea what this week would hold when I got out of bed Monday morning. We don''t know what we will be told when we answer the phone, and we will be surprised by the thoughts that fly in and out of our minds, gripping our hearts, as each moment happens around us, to us.', 'A death, a birthday & a call for new beginnings ', 0, '<em>One week of sadness & celebration, raw emotions & new beginnings.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-death-a-birthday-a-call-for-new-beginnings', '', '', '2009-06-05 13:40:59', '2009-06-05 17:40:59', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=371', 0, 'post', '', 9),
(372, 1, '2009-06-05 13:08:35', '2009-06-05 17:08:35', '', '2187472581_e4752ca455', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2187472581_e4752ca455', '', '', '2009-06-05 13:08:35', '2009-06-05 17:08:35', '', 371, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2187472581_e4752ca455.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(373, 1, '2009-06-09 16:16:11', '2009-06-09 20:16:11', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3355765020_9375fe87bd.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-374" title="3355765020_9375fe87bd" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3355765020_9375fe87bd.jpg" alt="" width="519" height="345" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lfl/">LFL16</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Last night we ate beans and rice for dinner, with some hearty family conversation on the side: The Difference Between Wisdom and Knowledge.</strong>\r\n\r\nIt''s not like we always talk about Big Topics over dinner, but we do try to encourage asking one another questions about our day. Jason, who works for an illustration company whose primary market is college-level textbook publishers, was telling Q (11) and S (9) about some of his research and ideas regarding the future of textbooks.\r\n\r\n"Will that kind of textbook be done by the time I''m in college?" S asked. When Jason said yes, she teased, "I''ll be so much smarter than both of you!" Then she added, joking, "I already am."\r\n\r\n"What?!" I asked in mock indignation.\r\n\r\n"Well, I know a lot of things you don''t know."\r\n\r\nIt''s hard to argue with that. S is a lover of science—the natural world, especially. She has all kinds of facts crammed into her brain that quite possibly have never even taken up short-term residence in mine.\r\n\r\n"You know more about certain things, in a certain way," Jason replied, kindly sticking up for us, "but we''re smarter than you in other ways. <strong>It''s not really about what you know, it''s about how you''re able to use it.</strong>"\r\n\r\nThat''s how we started talking about wisdom and knowledge. We asked the girls if they understood the difference between the two. (Talking to the kids about what certain words mean—words that I know and use, but haven''t stopped to <em>really</em> think about—is one of my favorite things about having kids.)\r\n\r\n"Knowledge has the word ''know'' in it, so I think it''s just what you can know," S said.\r\n\r\n<strong>"Wisdom has to do with what you understand about the whole world, not just little parts of the world,"</strong> Q said, thinking out loud. "You have to be able to use what you know in a world where people think differently about things."\r\n\r\n<strong>"It''s partly what you know and partly your opinion, mixed together,"</strong> S said. "You get to add what you feel. But not everyone has to feel the same as you."\r\n\r\n"And that''s what I''m trying to do with textbooks—get beyond just the information," Jason said. <strong>"You can have all kinds of information, but if you don''t know how to apply it, it doesn''t do you any good."</strong>\r\n\r\nThen the girls got out their dictionaries to see how close we were to "right" (they used the Intermediate Dictionary by ScottForesman and The American Heritage Dictionary). Here''s what they found:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Knowledge: </em><em>n. what you know; all that is known or can be learned; that which is known; the sum or range of what has been perceived, discovered or inferred.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Wisdom: n. knowledge and good judgment based on experience; understanding of what is true, right or lasting.</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>In the end, words will be words, kids will be kids</h4>\r\nOur big conversation was pretty much over, at that point. The girls asked to be excused from the table, then they crawled around with Maeve, acting like dogs and confusing her greatly. They helped with laundry folding and dishes. Then we ate popsicles as we walked to the park, where Jason spun and flung them wildly on the tire swing. <strong>They were purely kids—kids who happen to know quite a bit, but who still very much need their parents to help them navigate the world.</strong>\r\n\r\nLater, after they were in bed, Jason and I talked more about the dinner conversation. "Wisdom can''t really be taught, it has to be gradually accumulated. But are there ways to nurture and accelerate that process?" Jason wondered. <strong>"Are there ways to incubate wisdom?"</strong>\r\n\r\nAccording to Saint Augustine, probably not. <strong>"Patience is the companion of wisdom,"</strong> Augustine wrote. I''m guessing he would say we shouldn''t try to speed it up. We can hold it up to the light, though, and examine it together. <strong>We can also celebrate and reward wisdom, as we patiently watch it unfurl in our kids. I''m in no hurry.</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.</em> ~Charles H. Spurgeon</p>', 'A side of wisdom with dinner', 0, '<em>Our kids'' take on the difference between wisdom & knowledge.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-serving-of-wisdom-on-the-dinner-menu', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:54:34', '2009-06-15 19:54:34', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=373', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(374, 1, '2009-06-09 16:04:38', '2009-06-09 20:04:38', '', '3355765020_9375fe87bd', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3355765020_9375fe87bd', '', '', '2009-06-09 16:04:38', '2009-06-09 20:04:38', '', 373, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3355765020_9375fe87bd.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
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(375, 1, '2009-06-12 14:22:27', '2009-06-12 18:22:27', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3365095019_d992f8fbe9.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-378" title="3365095019_d992f8fbe9" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3365095019_d992f8fbe9.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="281" /></a>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 360px;">Image by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/petesimon/">petesimon</a></p>\r\nYou may have seen a variety of articles and blog posts about how to use Twitter. If you haven''t, you don''t have to look far. Just type "how to use twitter" into Google and you instantly get approximately 170,000,000 results.\r\n\r\nIn <a href="http://www.twitip.com/what-should-you-tweet-about/">"What Should You Tweet About?"</a>, for example, Michael Martine of <a href="http://michaelmartine.com/">Remarkablogger</a> keeps it simple: "Know what your followers want" and "Give your followers what they want." Um, at least it sounds simple, until you actually try to do it.\r\n\r\n<strong>Which is actually the theme of these how-to posts: What''s supposed to make it all easier ends up making you feel really confused and full of self-doubt.</strong> You can find out what to tweet, what not to tweet, when to tweet, how much to tweet, the proper tweet-to-@reply ratio, whether you should follow someone back...the list of rules goes on and on.\r\n<h4>Rule-makers abound, as do contradictions &amp; rebels</h4>\r\nThe rules also often contradict one another, leaving even more mass confusion in their wake. The question posed on Twitter, after all, is "What are you doing?" Seems simple enough. But then social media guru <a href="http://www.chrisbrogan.com/">@chrisbrogan</a> tweeted this the other day: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Talk about your community. It''s not about you. Stop talking about you. Stop. MAKE it about them, dammit." </span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Wow. He was serious. Too bad I didn''t really get what he meant, or if he was talking about Twitter specifically or about social media in general. I tried to find out: "@chrisbrogan </span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Sorry, examples please? I tweet about my b-fast then share my pancake recipe. is that about me or my community? I''m confused." Unfortunately, no response, so I''m still not sure.\r\n</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>As <a href="http://www.magpie-girl.com/">@magpiegirl</a>, one of my favorite Twitter buds,  tweeted last week,<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> "reading how 2 twitter posts. don''t self promote. don''t tell us what u ate for brekkies. don''t send out links. what ARE u supposed to tweet?" </span></span></strong>\r\n\r\nIt IS confusing. So confusing, that I recently tweeted this: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">dear self-appointed twitter rule makers: is the ''don''t tweet what you had for b-fast'' rule suspended on national doughnut day?" Sadly, another question without a response. I guess no one wants to admit to being a self-appointed Twitter rule-maker. </span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>For all the people who love the rules and want desperately to follow them, there are as many people who despise them, and find delight in breaking them.</strong> Oddly enough, I seem to be following many of them. (Take @TrinaMb,  another Twitter pal of mine, who tweeted this today: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">''how to use twitter rules'' blow, need I say more?") </span></span>\r\n<h4>I present to you...the Official Anti-Rule Rules!</h4>\r\nLuckily though, after much research, I have uncovered the OFFICIAL rules of Twitter. I hope they''ll clarify matters for people like @magpiegirl. Maybe @TrinaMb will even warm to them. <strong>You might want to commit them to memory and pass them along, so we can start reducing the number of people who are going about Twitter ALL WRONG.</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>1. Be yourself on Twitter, rather than trying to be the person you think your you''re supposed to be.</strong> In other words, only tweet about things that matter to YOU. If you don''t really care about the newest iPhone apps, don''t tweet about it just because it''s a top trending topic and you hope it will garner more followers. On the other hand, if you DO care about what you put in your gullet for your first meal of the day, by all means, tweet what you had for breakfast. (Add some detail, if you wish. I, for one, want to know what flavor of jam you''re enjoying.) The point is this: P<strong>eople are not stupid. The right people will gravitate toward authenticity, every time, and your Twitter experience will be better for it in the end (yes, even if you have fewer followers).</strong></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>2. Only follow people who use Twitter in a way that resonates with you.</strong> In other words, <strong>STOP COMPLAINING about how other people use Twitter. If you''re following someone who annoys you, that''s your problem.</strong> It would be a perfect opportunity for your mom to say "You made your bed, now lie in it." Or, if you don''t want to lie in it, it would be the perfect opportunity to un-follow or even block those annoying people. Who needs additional annoyance in their lives?</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>3. Be highly suspicious of anyone who claims to be the King or Queen of Twitter.</strong> Each person who uses Twitter has as much authority as anyone else on Twitter, which is why it''s pointless to wield that so-called authority in the first place. <strong>It doesn''t matter how many followers they have, or how many updates, or how long they''ve been using Twitter.</strong> It doesn''t even matter how popular their blog is (where they have every right to be the King or Queen, by the way). Twitter is a democracy. Everyone who uses it has an equal vote.</p>\r\nBut always remember this: When someone who has never used Twitter decides to slam it, we all have a right to gang up on them. There are no rules then.', 'The 3 official rules of Twitter', 0, '<em>Social media can be confusing. Some anti-rules might help.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-3-official-rules-of-twitter', '', '', '2009-06-13 00:54:17', '2009-06-13 04:54:17', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=375', 0, 'post', '', 23),
(376, 1, '2009-06-11 01:58:59', '2009-06-11 05:58:59', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/23509341_0df4025d4c.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-377" title="23509341_0df4025d4c" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/23509341_0df4025d4c.jpg" alt="" width="518" height="381" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/katielips/">Katie Lips</a></h5>\r\nI <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=367">wrote recently</a> about spending a Sunday morning on the beach rather than in a church. Clearly I successfully dealt with most of my related guilt, because then I went and skipped church again the very next Sunday morning, which was spent eating pancakes and sausage with friends around a picnic table at a campground.\r\n\r\n<strong>The early summer getaways were fun, but I have to admit, skipping two Sundays in a row makes me feel a bit untethered. </strong>Luckily, I was able to do some Wednesday night church to help me reconnect and refocus. We met in Jeff and Tisa''s basement. To scrape off wallpaper in a spare bedroom. It certainly wasn''t the most traditional way to do church, but it did the trick.\r\n<h4>Church minus the special building</h4>\r\n<strong>First we gathered and broke bread together. Actually it was pizza</strong>, and there weren''t enough seats for all 12 of us to even sit down at the table together. But we were all fed and nourished, and there''s something really powerful about that. (There''s also something powerful about being bribed with pizza when there''s physical labor to be done, but that''s sort of off-topic.)\r\n\r\nThen we pointed our nourished selves toward the basement, where we directed our combined our knowledge and muscle toward a single, shared goal: The Ugly Wallpaper Must Go.\r\n\r\n<strong>As we worked, we shared what''s been going on in our lives.</strong> Some of what was shared was serious, like a prayer request for relatives with health problems. But mostly it was silly—expressions of joy and laughter, joking and teasing and reveling in the safe place we''ve created together. <strong>We even did some singing</strong>—not hymns or worship songs, but things like "Pump Up the Volume" (it''s a long story).\r\n<h4>Renovate, restore, rebuild, refresh</h4>\r\n<strong>Before long, our work was done. The walls were clean and refreshed; so were we.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhy would some wallpaper scraping do that? <strong>I suspect it has something to do with that whole idea of Jesus being with us whenever two or more of us are gathered in his name</strong> (Matthew 18:20). <strong>We love each other and help each other, in spite of our faults and selfish tendencies, because of Jesus. So he was definitely there. </strong>\r\n\r\nHe was there in the midst of the pizza eating and wall scraping, the silly chatter and the more serious conversation. <strong>Just as he''s on the beautiful beach, he''s in the rough basement </strong>with a bunch of believers who come together to tackle a messy, painstaking job, inch by inch scraping away what is no longer wanted.\r\n\r\n<strong>Our work was a prayer, the basement a sanctuary.</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"...the prayer of the Christian reaches beyond its set time and extends into the heart of his (and her) work. It includes the whole day, and in doing so, it does not hinder the work; it promotes it, affirms it, and lends it meaning and joy. <strong>Thus, every word, every work, every labor of the Christian becomes a prayer.</strong>"</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">~ from <em>Life Together</em> by Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1954)</p>', 'Jesus scrapes wallpaper, too', 0, '<em>Church can even happen around pizza & in basements.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'jesus-scrapes-wallpaper-too', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=367', '2009-06-11 16:53:04', '2009-06-11 20:53:04', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=376', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(377, 1, '2009-06-11 01:25:46', '2009-06-11 05:25:46', '', '23509341_0df4025d4c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '23509341_0df4025d4c', '', '', '2009-06-11 01:25:46', '2009-06-11 05:25:46', '', 376, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/23509341_0df4025d4c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(378, 1, '2009-06-12 14:16:49', '2009-06-12 18:16:49', '', '3365095019_d992f8fbe9', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3365095019_d992f8fbe9', '', '', '2009-06-12 14:16:49', '2009-06-12 18:16:49', '', 375, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/3365095019_d992f8fbe9.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(379, 1, '2009-06-12 14:39:59', '2009-06-12 18:39:59', '', 'ktpurple', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'ktpurple', '', '', '2009-06-12 14:39:59', '2009-06-12 18:39:59', '', 235, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/ktpurple.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(380, 1, '2009-06-15 15:28:56', '2009-06-15 19:28:56', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/238823511_31c7a9646e.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-382" title="238823511_31c7a9646e" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/238823511_31c7a9646e.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mikee032901/">MikeOcampo</a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/blmurch/"></a></h5>\r\nYesterday afternoon, my girls came home after spending four days at their dad''s house. They ran up the sidewalk onto the porch, flinging their arms around my waist, burdened with their bags and backpacks and a wriggling puppy beside herself over the return of "her girls."\r\n\r\n<strong>Our mini reunions are always joyful, but they can be slightly anxious for me, too. </strong>For some reason, when the girls are with their dad, I don''t worry or even wonder much what they''re up to. I certainly think about them, a hundred little times throughout the day, but I don''t get bogged down by details—or I guess it would be the <em>lack</em> of details. A big part of it is that I trust their dad, for the most part. <strong>And maybe I don''t worry about every detail because I''ve learned I simply <em>can''t</em>. The details aren''t readily available, and fretting over them doesn''t do any good.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>But that instant when I first see them again after being apart? That''s when I suddenly realize how much life they''ve been living without me.</strong> I have to swallow that part of my heart that''s working its way into my throat, take a deep breath, and focus on the fact that they''re <em>here.</em> Their excited chatter, busy movements, and perfect smooth softness are right with me, sharing my space. What they''ve been doing since I last saw them isn''t really what matters—at least not the most.\r\n<h4>Gripped by a hundred maternal emotions</h4>\r\nI still wonder, though. I can''t help it. Yesterday, H and S went out to the porch to play, but Q sat with me while I folded laundry, petting Maeve and telling me about her weekend.\r\n\r\n"I went to Chicago with Papa," she said. "We went to a memorial service for S____. Did you know her?"\r\n\r\n<strong>I watched Q''s face closely, my own chest filled with fear/pain/anger/concern and mother bear love at the thought of my 11-year-old being included in such a painful experience.</strong>\r\n\r\n"Yes, I met her a few times," I said. "I knew her husband better than her." I paused. "It''s really sad, isn''t it?"\r\n\r\n"Yeah. Especially because of how she died. Do you know how she died?"\r\n\r\n"Yes. Well," I added, "what do you know?"\r\n\r\n"She was worried about a lot of things with money and the recession, and she felt like everything was her fault..." Q trailed off, then said what was so hard to say: "So she basically killed herself."\r\n\r\n<strong>I was at once thankful that my ex-husband didn''t mask the truth and angry that my little girl was exposed to something so impossible to understand, even as an adult.</strong> Why wasn''t I consulted, or at least given a head''s-up about the decision to take Q to the memorial service?\r\n\r\nBut at the same time, I don''t know what I would have said or done. Would I have told him not to take her? Or not to tell her the truth? Would <em>I</em> have taken her, if the person who died was <em>our</em> family friend? It would depend on many factors, but the answer certainly isn''t a clear <em>no</em>.\r\n<h4>Navigating childhood without blinders, parenthood without reigns</h4>\r\nAs a child, I was shielded from so much of life, all the way through my teen years. Well, I eventually found out things on my own, but they weren''t really discussed as a family. Certain topics just weren''t brought up—divorce, same-sex relationships, tragic death, or anything that''s really difficult to explain.\r\n\r\n<strong>That''s not the approach Jason and I are taking with our girls, largely because we don''t have a choice. Our kids have already faced difficult things, head-on.</strong> Life has just happened. Some of these difficult topics are realities in their lives. And while it might not make their lives easier, I think the complexity adds depth to their characters, and broadens their understanding and compassion. I think they gain more good from it than bad.\r\n\r\n<strong>As a mom, I have to trust that, and let go. That''s one of the most difficult things about being divorced with kids—the letting go.</strong> I am always their mother, whether they''re with me or not, but I have to lessen my grip on the maternal control I''m hard-wired to crave. It''s part of being a parent, even if you''re not divorced. I just find myself facing more of these letting go moments than I''d like to, especially when my kids are this young. And I have to mostly accept that. Fighting it would result in a lot of misery for all of us, and I don''t think my kids would be better off in the end.\r\n<h4>A glimpse of "Normal"</h4>\r\nI asked Q a few more questions about the memorial service. She told me how sad it was, and how many people were crying. But she seemed OK. The laundry was folded, and Q took her stack of clean clothes up to her room to finish packing for a week at her beloved church camp. I was about to let go, once again.\r\n\r\nAs we drove the two-and-a-half hours to the camp, where I would leave her in the hands of grownups I don''t really know, I took a deep breath, watching the picturesque farm fields fly by. We passed Normal, Illinois, on our way, and it humored me, as it always does. (I''m strange that way.)\r\n\r\n<strong>What is "normal," after all?</strong> It''s probably normal, as a mom, to have a difficult time letting go of so many aspects of my kids'' lives. My concerns and fears—they''re surely normal. But we have made the choice to not reside there, with those fears. Instead, we wave to them, and continue driving on by.', 'No choice but to let go', 0, '<em>Being a parent involves letting go—even more so after divorce.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'no-choice-but-to-let-go', '', '', '2009-06-15 16:05:56', '2009-06-15 20:05:56', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=380', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(381, 1, '2009-06-15 14:21:02', '2009-06-15 18:21:02', '', '194351257_92e7c0624e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '194351257_92e7c0624e', '', '', '2009-06-15 14:21:02', '2009-06-15 18:21:02', '', 380, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/194351257_92e7c0624e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(382, 1, '2009-06-15 15:21:56', '2009-06-15 19:21:56', '', '238823511_31c7a9646e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '238823511_31c7a9646e', '', '', '2009-06-15 15:21:56', '2009-06-15 19:21:56', '', 380, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/238823511_31c7a9646e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(383, 1, '2009-06-17 14:18:48', '2009-06-17 18:18:48', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2717512788_339983d33e.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-384" title="2717512788_339983d33e" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2717512788_339983d33e.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/rattodisabina/">Mirko Makari</a></h5>\r\nWhen I started sharing the news that my now ex-husband and I were getting a divorce, back in 2003, the responses could have been the makings of a fascinating dissertation.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, I was too emotionally wrought then to be fascinated, let alone to embark on a graduate degree in psychology. But time heals. Lately, I''ve been able to more fully contemplate what was happening during that period of my life.\r\n\r\nThere were a full range of responses or non-responses (I wrote about some of them in <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300">this post</a>), but <strong>the most surprising, upsetting, and perhaps even most common response was this: You''re getting a divorce? Wow, that sucks for <em>me</em>.</strong>\r\n\r\nOK, it was never said quite that plainly, but that was the sentiment. <em>You''re</em> making a decision that is messing with <em>my</em> nice life.\r\n\r\nI''ve really struggled with that response. Many of the people who reacted like that are no longer my friends. With a couple of others, our friendship went through a rocky period or took a sabbatical before finding a safe enough place to begin again.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m not saying I don''t get how my divorce would affect the lives of others.</strong> I was able to step outside of my own turmoil enough to see that those people had valid, personal reasons to mourn the end of my marriage, and I can understand it even more fully now than I could then.\r\n\r\nBut the divorce was hardly a cake walk for me. Yes, I came to the conclusion that I wanted a divorce, but that doesn''t mean I was embracing it joyfully, without struggles or setbacks. <strong>My entire life had changed. To have the response be "that really sucks for the rest of us" was maddening.</strong>\r\n<h4>What I''m starting to get about people (including myself)</h4>\r\nUnderstanding more about how people work always helps me let go of my frustration and anger. It also helps me see more of myself in others. I''m starting to more fully understand at least a couple of things:\r\n\r\n<strong>1. We''re inherently self-centered creatures.</strong> It doesn''t matter how badly we want to think we''re <em>not</em> self-centered beings, or how diligently we work at being less self-centered. We still are. It''s our nature.\r\n\r\nBefore I''m sorely misunderstood (I realize it might already be too late), let me be clear about this: I don''t believe for a second that we should just sigh at the brokenness of the human race and give in to all our shortcomings. <strong>We can and should work hard to fight those selfish impulses, every day.</strong> Some people have clearly figured out how to do that better than others.\r\n\r\nBut we should not, in the process of our hard work, make believe that we''re others''-centered. Like all deceptions, it can be dangerous.\r\n\r\n<strong>2. Self-centered responses to bad news are largely rooted in this internal realization: "If it happened to her, it could happen to me."</strong> When someone gets a divorce—especially someone we know and associate ourselves with and even respect—suddenly we''re forced to question the health and security of our own marriage.\r\n\r\n<strong>The same goes for all sorts of messy life scenarios that we''d rather not be forced to face.</strong> When someone we know loses their job, we suddenly see how the recession might touch us. When someone we know gets cancer—particularly if it''s someone our age, who was living a similarly healthy life—we realize all the not-smoking and broccoli-eating in the world can''t completely protect us from that possibility. And of course, when someone dies we are left staring our own mortality in the face.\r\n\r\nThese are completely normal reactions, of course, but it''s good to be aware that we''re having them, and to see how our internal responses might play out for the person right there, hurting at that very moment. <strong>It''s good to be forced to set aside our own "what-ifs," and attend to "what is" for our friends.</strong> I''m not saying I''m at all skilled at this, but I''m going to try to be better.\r\n<h4>Conquering fear so you can see what''s right there</h4>\r\nNext Monday, June 22 at 7:30 pm, I''ll be participating in a reading at Powell''s Books in Portland, along with several other women whose essays were also published in the book <a href="http://www.askmeaboutmydivorce.com/">Ask Me About My Divorce</a>. I can''t deny that I''m excited to read at the famous Powell''s, but I''m even more excited to meet the other women who share the pages of this book.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being with people who understand something of what you''ve gone through is always comforting. It makes you feel less alone.</strong> I''ve always thought that was just because of the shared experiences, but now I''m beginning to think it''s something else, too: <strong>They''ve already faced this particular "what if" that worries and distracts others who haven''t faced it. More importantly, <em>they know they survived it</em>.</strong> It''s no longer a <em>potential</em> fear, it''s a <em>conquered</em> one, which frees them up to look outward, at whatever''s right in front of them.', 'Facing their problems through your own fears', 0, '<em>We''re self-centered people, but we can still meet others in their pain.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'facing-their-problems-through-your-own-fears', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300', '2009-06-17 14:18:48', '2009-06-17 18:18:48', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=383', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(384, 1, '2009-06-17 14:13:11', '2009-06-17 18:13:11', '', '2717512788_339983d33e', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2717512788_339983d33e', '', '', '2009-06-17 14:13:11', '2009-06-17 18:13:11', '', 383, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/2717512788_339983d33e.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(385, 1, '2009-06-19 12:31:58', '2009-06-19 16:31:58', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/qcamp.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-386" title="qcamp" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/qcamp.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="335" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>Today is Q''s last day at church camp.</strong>\r\n\r\nHaving a child who''s old enough to go away to camp has really taken me back to my own camp experiences. I think it''s safe to say that, as a kid, my favorite week of every year was my week away at church camp.\r\n\r\nI started going the summer after third grade, and didn''t miss a year for ten years straight. In case you''re wondering, I went to a variety of United Methodist-run camps in Michigan. If you''ve ever seen the movie <a href="http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com/"><em>Jesus Camp</em></a>, it''s nothing like that.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m pretty sure my camp experiences could be categorized as very typical; perhaps that''s because they were mine, and the only ones I''ve known. Anyway, you can tell me if they were anything like yours:</strong> Lots of singing around campfires; silly rituals and traditions; cold scrambled eggs, thick spaghetti and iceberg lettuce; swimming and canoeing in the lake; giggling and passing notes during "horizontal hour" in the cabin; feeling convinced that I just met my new best forever friends and the boy of my dreams; getting too much sun and not enough sleep; hugs and tears at the end of the week, along with heartfelt promises to keep in touch.\r\n<h4>Absorbing those subtle but so important things about faith</h4>\r\nChurch camp, of course, had the added element of Bible studies, prayer, worship times, and discussions about God and how we relate (or try to relate) to him.\r\n\r\n<strong>When I think now about what I learned about my faith during those weeks at camp, it sort of feels like one of those "All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten" lists.</strong> As my faith deepens and matures (<em>very</em> slowly, I might add, in a two steps forward, one step back fashion), I find myself drawing more and more insight from many of the basic concepts I absorbed at camp.\r\n\r\nIt wasn''t that I was learning heavy theological material, or winning Bible quiz competitions. <strong>It was more that I was learning really subtle but important things about the nature of God, and about how to make my relationship to him my own.</strong> Here''s some of what I learned:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- God is not confined to any particular church or building</strong>—not even Central United Methodist Church in Lansing, Michigan, the church I went to for the first 18 years of my life. He''s in the woods and in the lake. He''s wrapped up in laughter and friendship, in the dining hall and around the campfire. He''s certainly in the starry Northern Michigan skies and the Northern Lights we witnessed at camp one magnificent night.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- God is available all seven days of the week, not just Sundays.</strong> That means worship can happen any day of the week, and any time of the day. Prayer can happen at times other than before dinner and bed! Who knew?!? And amazingly enough, all that worship and study and prayer doesn''t even have to be boring or dreaded!</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- God is not a gift bestowed upon me by my parents.</strong> Sure, they were the first people to teach me about God, and they''ve probably taught me more than anyone else. But there is no umbilical cord running from me to my parents, then on to God. I learned I can forge ahead in my faith on my own, and even in my own way. I can also look to other adults to serve as mentors and guides—there are other people out there I can talk to and trust.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- All kinds of people (even really cool people, believe it or not!) can have relationships with God.</strong> Each person and their relationship with God has its own back story and day-to-day characteristics, too. Christians are not always cookie cutter stereotypes. Growing up, I got the feeling that the cool people in my public school weren''t into God, but the sort of geeky-but-nice people were. I always felt torn, and tended to not be vocal about my faith. Then I went to camp, and that whole paradigm shifted.</p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>- There is a strong, indelible connection between God and freedom.</strong> It''s common to think the connection is between God and rules, or God and boundaries and confinement. But all of my earliest experiences with freedom—my life experiences away from home—were tied in some way to God. I''m sure it''s not a coincidence. My parents probably felt more comfortable sending their nine-year-old away for a week to a church-related camp. But the analogy holds true to what I''ve learned about God in the years since then: True freedom isn''t an utter lack of boundaries, or being sent out into the wilderness to do whatever you want. True freedom involves enough form to allow you to feel safe, which in turn allows you to really be yourself, and then to explore and open up within that form.</p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Wondering what my next "church camp" experience will be</h4>\r\nI''m pretty sure these are the very sorts of things Q is learning at camp, too, even though she might not be able to articulate it for another ten or twenty years. I''m really glad she loves camp as much as I did, and looks forward to it each year with as much dramatic anticipation. H, who has been going to the same camp ever longer, feels exactly the same way. Next year S thinks she''ll be ready to give a week away from home a try.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m also pretty sure that I''ve had several "church camp" experiences since the last time I actually <em>went</em> to camp as a teenager.</strong> Like the times I started going to a different church, or experienced a different denomination. Or when I met someone who surprised me because they didn''t fit my Christian stereotype mold, in personality or in their approach to faith. And those few times when I''ve gone through a life changing experience and found God, the same but different, on the other side.\r\n\r\nIt all makes me wonder, of course, about you. <strong>Have you ever been to church camp, in a real or figurative sense?</strong> Have you had a chance to examine your faith away from your past, your parents, that particular denomination or that particular person who discolored it for you?', 'Where faith meets cold scrambled eggs ', 0, '<em>Everything I needed to know about church I learned at camp.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'where-faith-meets-cold-scrambled-eggs', '', '', '2009-06-19 12:31:58', '2009-06-19 16:31:58', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=385', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(386, 1, '2009-06-19 12:05:08', '2009-06-19 16:05:08', '', 'qcamp', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'qcamp', '', '', '2009-06-19 12:05:08', '2009-06-19 16:05:08', '', 385, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/qcamp.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(387, 1, '2009-06-23 17:05:17', '2009-06-23 21:05:17', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/reading.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-388" title="reading" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/reading.jpg" alt="" width="549" height="410" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Signing books at Powell''s (photo by Jason Berg)</h5>\r\nI love stories. Especially stories that are personal and true. <strong>I have always loved the power of written words to say something important about who someone is and what they think and feel.</strong> I love putting my thoughts and ideas out here, at Halfway to Normal, and connecting with so many of you in this space.\r\n\r\nBut last night I was reminded that nothing beats the power of human-to-human interaction. <strong>More specifically, nothing beats the power of words being shared in the flesh.</strong>\r\n\r\nI was at Powell''s Books in Portland, reading along with half a dozen other women whose stories are included in the anthology <a href="http://www.askmeaboutmydivorce.com/"><em>Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On</em></a>. The book was published about a month ago, and in the weeks leading up to the reading, I eagerly "got to know" the women I would be meeting in Portland. We exchanged emails as a group, making plans for dinner before the reading and drinks after. We connected on Facebook, and wrote on one another''s walls. And, of course, we read our book.\r\n<h4>What I can know from reading your story</h4>\r\nAs soon as my copies of the book arrived, I turned to the table of contents, found a pencil, and carefully made a small mark next to the names of the women who would be in Portland: Candace, Samantha, Sue, Julie, Elizabeth and Susan.\r\n\r\nThen I turned to their stories and carefully read them, one by one.\r\n\r\nStories set in Juno, Santa Fe, and New York. Stories of sexual identity and isolation, of mental illness, abuse, and crushed dreams. And stories of redefinition and hope, of heaviness being lifted and eyes being opened. Stories that made me smile and even laugh aloud.\r\n\r\n<strong>When I finished reading their words, I felt like I really knew these women, and I imagined them reading my essay and knowing me.</strong> And we certainly <em>did</em> know something about each other. In some ways, we knew each other in ways that are even deeper than how I know many of my friends. We leapt past the pleasantries and small talk, directly into the fray. <strong>They were no longer strangers, even though we had not yet met.</strong>\r\n<h4>Connecting the words to the very real person</h4>\r\nHere''s what I expected about meeting these women in person: I would simply have some visuals and texture to put with what I already knew. <strong>What I <em>didn''t</em> expect was the deep-gut feelings I had as I listened to them read their words—the very same words they had written and I had already poured over.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat was so different, if not the actual words and the course of the story itself?\r\n\r\nEach woman, very much human, standing there vulnerable before us. The particular way she held herself. The tone of her voice. The expression in her eyes. A second husband, close friend, or brother in the audience.\r\n\r\n<strong>Each very real, painful and joyful story was connected to a very real person. Each story and each woman was tied to the next through a common experience, yet completely herself.</strong>\r\n\r\nAfter we all read, after answering questions from the audience and signing their books, we sat around a table in Powell''s and signed one another''s copies. <strong>In part, I felt like we were high school seniors signing yearbooks—we had shared a big moment, and were now saying our goodbyes.</strong> We were full of promise and the future, and were wishing one another well as we went our separate ways.\r\n\r\nBut it was very different from that too, of course. We are older, and much more seasoned. We''re like a military unit that just finished a tour of duty. At the same time, we had just met that evening, and only spent a few hours together. Through our divorces, we''ve experienced something similar, but not together, really.\r\n\r\n<strong>There really isn''t an accurate simile. As always, we can only do our best, searching for words that come closest to describing what we''ve experienced.</strong>\r\n\r\n"It was wonderful to read your words. It was even more wonderful to hear you read them," I wrote in their books, and then signed my name.', 'Words first on a page, then in the flesh', 0, '<em>Knowing someone''s story is not the same as hearing their voice.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'words-first-on-a-page-then-in-the-flesh', '', '', '2009-06-29 00:16:27', '2009-06-29 04:16:27', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=387', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(388, 1, '2009-06-23 16:40:31', '2009-06-23 20:40:31', '', 'reading', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'reading', '', '', '2009-06-23 16:40:31', '2009-06-23 20:40:31', '', 387, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/reading.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(389, 1, '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '<h4>Monday: Bill (and six divorced writers)</h4>\r\nBill is my only sibling. There''s also no one I''d rather spend time with (besides Jason, of course). He''s smart and funny, he has great taste in food, music and people, and he simply just about the kindest person around. The downside, of course, is that I hardly ever get to see him—once a year, if I''m lucky. On Monday, he was waiting for us in the airport, standing six-feet-three-inches, with his dog Henry under his arm. He took us to his house, made us delicious sandwiches, drove us downtown to my reading at Powell''s, listened to the reading, and then took us out to one of his favorite casual bars for drinks and amazing burgers.\r\n\r\nWe sat in a booth, instantly falling into deep, real talk about everything, as we do. Ideas, emotions, the past and how it shapes the present, choices we make, regrets and dreams we have. I could have talked all night. (On Monday, of course, I also met six women whose very personal stories are included along with mine in the book Ask Me About My Divorce. I wrote all about that here.)\r\n<h4>Tuesday: Valentina (and Jeremy)</h4>\r\nOK, pay attention, because this is bizarre. Valentina is one of Bill''s closest friends in Portland. They met soon after he moved here about a decade ago. Valentina also happens to be an old girl friend of my husband Jason. They dated in high school, in Evanston, Illinois. Last summer, after we posted pictures on Facebook of our Lake Michigan vacation with Bill, Valentina, who is Facebook friends with both of them, put it together. Much to her shock and surprise, I might add. Can you believe that?\r\n\r\nAnyway, I''ve been excited to meet Valentina and her husband Jeremy ever since we put it all together. Tuesday night we met them for dinner at Pok Pok.\r\n<h4>Wednesday: Heather (and Henry)</h4>\r\nBill''s closest friend in Portland, who has become a daily part of my life these past several months via Twitter.\r\n<h4>Thursday: Ellen, Aunt Linnette and Gabrielle</h4>', 'All roads lead to people in Portland', 0, '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2009-06-25 16:55:10', '2009-06-25 20:55:10', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=389', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(390, 1, '2009-06-26 16:23:33', '2009-06-26 20:23:33', '<h4><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_31781.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-401" title="img_31781" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_31781-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a></h4>\r\n<h4><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Sunday, June 2—Urbana, Indianapolis and Denver </span></span></h4>\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>4:12 pm:</strong> on our way to the airport. first time I''ve felt somewhat relaxed all day. or maybe in several days.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>8:29 pm</strong> apparently some paint is peeling on the plane''s nose. sunburn maybe? all I know is the little girl behind me better stop kicking my seat.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>9:00 pm</strong> we''ve been sitting on this not-flying plane for 1.5 hrs so far. that''s only half as long as I sat on the tarmac trying to get to NY last Aug</span></span>\r\n<h4>Monday, June 22—Denver and Portland<strong></strong></h4>\r\n<strong>8:14 am</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">this freaking hotel is a full 30 min from the airport. but Frontier did pay &amp; the hotel was nice. (see? I can be silver lining girl)</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>12:47 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">in Portland, about to see my bro who is here to pick us up. so grateful today has *worked*.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/billwork.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-397" title="billwork" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/billwork-538x448.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="448" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>2:23 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">yummy sandwiches at bro''s house, now heading downtown to meet co-authors for coffee then dinner, then the reading! excited &amp; nervous.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>9:52 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">reading a success! good crowd, including @heathra<a href="http://twitter.com/heathra"></a>. now at the Slow Bar having a bison grass martini &amp; a slow burger.</span></span>\r\n<h4>Tuesday, June 23—Portland</h4>\r\n<strong>9:49 am</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">my bro''s dog Henry is so similar to Maeve. it simultaneously makes me miss her and feel like we brought her along.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>11:51 am</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">happy to have some computer time &amp; great coffee at the Fresh Pot in Portland. also happy to not be in Urbana, where it''s currently 90 deg.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3014.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-391" title="img_3014" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3014-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>7:39 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">we returned to Powell''s, this time so I could really browse. we bought an ridiculous number of books for $100. LOVE Powell''s.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>7:51 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">wondering how long we should be willing to wait in line for a table at Pok Pok. it smells heavenly.</span></span>\r\n<h4>Wednesday, June 24—Portland</h4>\r\n<strong>9:44 am</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">getting ready to head to the coast for the day. when I''m on vacation, I feel bad about neglecting all my twitter &amp; blog friends. sorry!</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>1:26 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">we were just blown down Cannon Beach. a magnificent and miserable experience all at once.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3169.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-392" title="img_3169" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3169-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n\r\n<strong>2:48 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">yummy burritos in Manzanita. the rain I could do without.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>7:51 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">feeling absolutely sick about not being able to change our flight to get back in time for S''s performance. Frontier sucks.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>7:54 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">on a happier note, the sun is shining back in Portland and we''re on our way to see @heathra''s new house!</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>9:19 pm</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">we are just now deciding what to cook for dinner. trying not to think about the fact that it''s 11 pm back home.</span></span>\r\n<h4>Thursday, June 25—Portland</h4>\r\n<strong>9:20 am </strong><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">it''s our last full day of vacation. why is it so hard for me to just accept what is and fully enjoy myself? gah.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>10:10 am</strong> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">today''s coffee date in Portland is with my childhood BFF''s close friend from when SHE lived in Portland. it''s very cool &amp; bizarre, eh?</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>1:53 pm</strong> just had yet another fabulous conversation w someone who was a complete stranger yesterday. the world is small and so full of good people.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>1:55 pm</strong> also just talked to S after her 1st of 3 performances. her dad said she was fantastic. she says she wasn''t nervous. I say I miss her so.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>2:37 pm</strong> heading downtown to meet my bro for a late lunch. still can''t believe it''s sweater weather here. loving it.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~3:30 pm</strong> I will forever associate Portland''s food cart culture w Michael Jackson. I was waiting for my curry when I found out.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3222.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-398" title="img_3222" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3222-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~7:15 pm</strong> great conversation over happy hour at Urban Farmer with my very fave aunt. now to Por Que No? for tacos with a fun cousin &amp; her boyfriend.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~10:00 pm</strong> now karaoke w @bill_of_lading and <a href="http://twitter.com/heathra"></a>@heathra. what to sing? Journey?</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~11:15 pm</strong> B just sang a very dramatic rendition of Major Tom, followed by J singing Mrs Robinson. so fun.</span></span>\r\n<h4>Friday, June 26—Portland</h4>\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~2:00 am</strong> man, my sleeping schedule is going to be so messed up when we get home (where, incidentally, it''s almost 4 am right now).</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~9:45 am</strong> OK, the food in Portland is officially off the hook. now at Moxie Rx, a neighborhood breakfast "cart." I''m nearly speechless w yum.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3285.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-393" title="img_3285" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3285-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~10:30 am</strong> it''s time to pack up for the airport. I''m having that bittersweet "sorta-ready-to-go-home, sorta-not" feeling.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~12:15 pm</strong> all packed. as usual, I only wore half of what I brought. didn''t touch my skirts. a wool sweater &amp; closed toe shoes would have been nice.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~12:30 pm</strong> taking a lot out of Portland that didn''t come in w us: a dozen books, dog toys, t-shirts, Stumptown coffee beans, dog hair, sand.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><strong>~1:00 pm</strong> I''m glad I have such a fabulous brother, but it would be much easier to say goodbye if he was really lame.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/jkb.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-400" title="jkb" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/jkb-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>', 'Snapshots of a Portland vacation ', 0, '<em>The people, places & things of our NW trip, through tweets & pics.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'snapshots-of-a-portland-vacation', '', '', '2009-06-26 16:23:33', '2009-06-26 20:23:33', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=390', 0, 'post', '', 14);
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(400, 1, '2009-06-26 16:01:45', '2009-06-26 20:01:45', '', 'jkb', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'jkb', '', '', '2009-06-26 16:01:45', '2009-06-26 20:01:45', '', 390, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/jkb.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(401, 1, '2009-06-26 16:02:32', '2009-06-26 20:02:32', '', 'img_31781', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_31781', '', '', '2009-06-26 16:02:32', '2009-06-26 20:02:32', '', 390, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_31781.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(402, 1, '2009-06-30 02:05:33', '2009-06-30 06:05:33', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3139.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-403" title="img_3139" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3139.jpg" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Our day at Cannon Beach (photo by Jason Berg)</h5>\r\n<strong>For the most part, my vacation in Portland last week was really wonderful. But it also made me sort of annoyed with God.</strong>\r\n\r\nThe minute I put words to what I was feeling—"I''m pretty much annoyed with God"—I thought about how different it is from being angry with God. Being "angry with God" is something a certain type of person likes to talk about. How many books have been written about being angry with God? How many verses in the Bible are about being angry with God? <strong>Being angry with God is somewhat daring and refreshing—<em>just enough </em>without going overboard. </strong>\r\n\r\nI''ve talked and written about it a fair amount, myself. I was really mad at God over my first marriage ending in divorce. I was mad at God when my wonderful, fifty-something (second) father-in-law was diagnosed with leukemia then struggled with a variety of added health traumas throughout his treatment. (He is thankfully in remission.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Being mad at God is big, so you can afford to react in big ways.</strong>\r\n\r\nBut being annoyed with God is something we don''t really talk about. Probably because it''s generally over something rather insignificant, and if we''re honest with ourselves about it, admitting our annoyance makes us feel rather selfish and whinny. I guess I''m annoyed with God fairly often. I just don''t admit it.\r\n\r\nLast week I really felt it, though, and tonight I''m admitting it.\r\n<h4>Travel plans gone awry (commence the pity party)</h4>\r\nI was annoyed that the week of our Portland trip—which was scheduled to begin precisely one day <em>after</em> my brother returned home to Portland from New York, and one day <em>before</em> I was set to participate in my first-ever book reading—coincided with a favorite cousin''s vacation with her in-laws. She lives in Portland, I haven''t seen her for years, but the entire time I was in her city she was in the Dominican Republic.\r\n\r\nI was annoyed that the week of my Portland trip took place the same week of my daughter''s first real acting endeavor. She played Shere Khan in the Jungle Book, but I didn''t have the performance dates until months after I bought my plane tickets.\r\n\r\nI was annoyed that I bought tickets with Frontier Airlines, which made me get to Portland a day later than planned (mechanical problems, so we missed our connection and I missed a TV interview). The crappy airline also made it impossible for me to switch our flights so we could be home earlier.\r\n\r\nAnd I was annoyed that I didn''t just buy the earliest morning return flight in the first place, which I considered doing (if I had, we would have made it home in time for one performance). I was annoyed that it was cold and rainy at the coast the one day my brother took off work to do a day trip with us. I was annoyed that my reading had to be scheduled for that week, rather than another week.\r\n\r\n<strong>OK. I''m done. No more pseudo sob stories. You can put away your tiny violins.</strong> Ultimately, I had a really great time in Portland, as my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=390">previous post</a> attests to. Do not feel sorry for me.\r\n<h4>Why blame any of this ridiculousness on God?</h4>\r\nIf you are wondering what all of this annoyance has to do with God, that''s a good question. I was sort of wondering that too, as soon as I identified and admitted to how I was feeling. After thinking about it a bit, to myself and then out loud with my mom and Jason, here''s what I came up with:\r\n\r\n<strong>I never really expect people to do really big favors for me. But when there''s something small they could easily do that would make life better, and they don''t? It''s annoying. </strong>\r\n\r\nI realized that while I might be mad at God about things like my father-in-law getting cancer, I don''t have big expectations for big things like that to change. I''m not sure why (lack of faith?), I just don''t.\r\n\r\nBut when it comes to little things that I know God could easily do with just a nod of his head—like make me choose the earlier departure time when I''m buying plane tickets—when those things don''t happen, I get annoyed. It''s sort of like, "Why the heck not, God? It doesn''t hurt anyone, it doesn''t cost any more or any less, it just makes a precious little girl happy that her mom can see her perform. Is that so difficult?"\r\n<h4>Moving on and gaining a pinch of wisdom along the way</h4>\r\n<strong>Enough with the "what-ifs" and "could have beens," though.</strong> It''s done. We''re all alive and well. I will see S perform in her next play. I had a great time connecting with my brother and other friends and relatives in Portland. It just <em>is</em>.\r\n\r\nSo what does that mean for next time? <strong>Well, maybe I should actually pray about these little things more, which I didn''t really do. I held them tight to me, and relied on all my ingenuity to fix things I just couldn''t fix.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>And maybe I should stop thinking that believing in God means that he''s busy fine-tuning all the logistics and minutiae of my life.</strong>\r\n\r\nI live an ultra-blessed existence. It''s probably healthy to deal with hiccups and annoyances from time to time. It''s healthy for my kids, too. And ultimately, I think God is just fine with the fact that I sometimes feel annoyed, and direct my annoyance at him.', 'Annoyed with God', 0, '<em>Sometimes I blame God for little things, like logistics gone awry.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'annoyed-with-god', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=390', '2009-07-01 15:03:36', '2009-07-01 19:03:36', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=402', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(403, 1, '2009-06-30 02:02:21', '2009-06-30 06:02:21', '', 'img_3139', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_3139', '', '', '2009-06-30 02:02:21', '2009-06-30 06:02:21', '', 402, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_3139.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(404, 1, '2009-07-02 15:02:07', '2009-07-02 19:02:07', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/img_3032.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-406" title="img_3032" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/img_3032.jpg" alt="" width="529" height="396" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Valentina and her husband Jeremy</h5>\r\nSome people love Facebook a bit too much, I think. Other people can''t stop complaining about it.\r\n\r\nI try to approach it with some healthy moderation. In the end, I think my life is more meaningful and interesting <em>with</em> it than it was without it.\r\n\r\nHere are two stories I probably wouldn''t be able to tell without Facebook.\r\n<h4>Meeting Valentina</h4>\r\nOK, I''m going to explain how I''m connected to Valentina. Pay close attention, because this is bizarre.\r\n\r\n<strong>My first one-degree-of-separation connection to Valentina is about a decade old.</strong> She''s one of my brother''s close friends in Portland. Bill met Valentina and her husband Jeremy shortly after he moved there, and I met them briefly during a visit to Portland in 2004 (or maybe it was 2005).\r\n\r\n<strong>My second connection to Valentina was uncovered last summer, thanks to Facebook.</strong> Jason and I had recently returned from our week at the cottage we rent on Lake Michigan. Brother Bill, who had flown in from Portland to join us at the lake, was in many of the vacation photos we were uploading and tagging on Facebook. Valentina noticed that photos of Bill were being tagged by Jason, <em>a high school boyfriend of hers in Evanston, Illinois, some 20 years ago!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Yes, you got that right: Valentina dated my husband, later moved to Portland  and became friends with my brother. <em>After</em> all of that took place, I met then married Jason.</strong>\r\n\r\nAnd last week, when Jason and I were in Portland visiting Bill, we had a great time having dinner with the lovely (and pregnant) Valentina and her husband Jeremy. How fun and crazy is that? <strong>Just think how many surprising connections have always existed, but not been uncovered pre-Facebook.</strong>\r\n<h4>Reuniting with Jen</h4>\r\n<strong>Tuesday evening, exactly a week after our dinner with Valentina, Jason made dinner for a dear friend I haven''t seen since 1992.</strong> That was the year she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) drove from Pittsburgh to Michigan to attend my first wedding. Jen and I kept in touch, on and off, until 1997/98, when we were both pregnant with our first babies. Then life and geography (and who knows what else) gently pried us apart, and we completely lost contact.\r\n\r\nAbout six months ago, Jen unexpectedly surfaced in my mind—more than once. It occurred to me that she might be on Facebook. After digging through the far reaches of my memory for her married name (and how to spell it), I did a Facebook search and there she was! (I wrote that story, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=189">A lost and found friend</a>, back in December.)\r\n\r\nWe wrote back and forth on Facebook, trying to catch one another up on our lives (more babies for us both, plus a move, a divorce and a new marriage for me). I urged Jen to get active on Twitter, for the extra "ambient awareness." More recently we made plans for her (with husband and kids) to stop through Urbana on their way from Tulsa to Pittsburgh to visit Jen''s family.\r\n\r\n<strong>So on Tuesday evening, there she was on my porch, in the flesh, giving me a big hug.</strong> There were her kids, meeting my kids, (including the 11-year-olds we were pregnant with or had just given birth to when we last talked). There was Kurt, her husband, helping Jason with the dishes after dinner, while Jen and I took a weaving walk through the dark neighborhood, feeling overwhelmed by how much there was to ask and tell, and how brief our time would be, together.\r\n\r\n<strong>But at the same time, our visit didn''t feel like our one and only chance to reconnect. It just made me instantly remember all the reasons I was drawn to Jen in the first place, and why our connection can once again feel so strong. </strong>We will see each other again, despite the nine hours between our homes.\r\n\r\nAnd of course, there''s always Twitter and Facebook.', 'Tales I couldn''t tell without Facebook', 0, '<em>How I''m connected to Valentina & how I reconnected with Jen.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'tales-i-couldnt-tell-without-facebook', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=189', '2009-07-02 15:02:07', '2009-07-02 19:02:07', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=404', 0, 'post', '', 3),
(405, 1, '2009-07-02 14:37:43', '2009-07-02 18:37:43', '', 'img_3049', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_3049', '', '', '2009-07-02 14:37:43', '2009-07-02 18:37:43', '', 404, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/img_3049.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(406, 1, '2009-07-02 14:39:32', '2009-07-02 18:39:32', '', 'img_3032', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_3032', '', '', '2009-07-02 14:39:32', '2009-07-02 18:39:32', '', 404, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/img_3032.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(407, 1, '2009-07-06 16:04:24', '2009-07-06 20:04:24', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/42643831_aa9f75bcfa.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-408" title="42643831_aa9f75bcfa" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/42643831_aa9f75bcfa.jpg" alt="" width="510" height="382" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lorentey/">Karoly Lorentey</a></h5>\r\n<strong>"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results."</strong>\r\n\r\nWhether Benjamin Franklin said it or Albert Einstein, I''ve always liked this quote. It regularly inspires and pushes me to approach an idea or problem in my own life differently.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to broader societal problems, the well-known quote also leads me to this conclusion: We live in a country that functions within primarily insane power structures.\r\n\r\nFor the most part, people are OK with that because they feel safer when their lives are embedded in this pattern. <strong>They''d rather approach problems the same way over and over again and feel like at least someone''s <em>attempting</em> to help, rather than trying something completely different—something that might <em>actually</em> help.</strong> When you try a different approach, after all, anything could happen. You''re unleashing the unknown.\r\n\r\nWhile all those people, if asked, would say they''re perfectly sane, this endless pattern makes ME crazy.\r\n<h4>Homelessness is changing—shouldn''t our perspective &amp; solutions change, too?</h4>\r\nTake, for instance, the problem of homelessness. I won''t even <em>try</em> to address the many reasons people end up being homeless. What I want to talk about here is this very basic problem: <strong>An increasing number of men, women and children have no place to sleep come nightfall. Even in nice, small college towns like mine.</strong>\r\n\r\nMy friend, Jesse, has a heart for all those people. He believes in new approaches to problems, too. Jesse recently became aware of the growing number of tent communities popping up around the country—particularly <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=99163461854&amp;h=h7cxr&amp;u=lau9X&amp;ref=nf">Dignity Village</a> in Portland, Oregon—and decided that sleeping in a tent, here in Champaign, was a good way to go. Before he knew it, others were interested in joining him, and a community called Safe Haven organically formed. (You can read more about it in a series at the online magazine Smile Politely, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=99163461854&amp;h=h7cxr&amp;u=lau9X&amp;ref=nf">here</a> and <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=99163461854&amp;h=h7cxr&amp;u=lau9X&amp;ref=nf">here</a>.)\r\n\r\nWhat I really like about this approach is that it''s different. It''s not just about throwing more money at the problem, or figuring out how to cram more people into shelters. <strong>It''s an affordable, simple, sustainable alternative to park benches and railroad viaducts.</strong> Safe Haven and other tent communities incorporate <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=99163461854&amp;h=h7cxr&amp;u=lau9X&amp;ref=nf">rules and self-governing</a>, they offer a true sense of community, and they treat the homeless people with respect.\r\n\r\nBut there''s been a lot of resistance to the tent community—from the police, the city council, some neighbors and even the local newspaper, who for some reason decided to take <a href="http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=99163461854&amp;h=h7cxr&amp;u=lau9X&amp;ref=nf">a clearly negative stance</a>. From all of the information I''ve gathered, both first-hand and via various articles I''ve read, the complaints are rooted in misinformation and misunderstanding.\r\n<h4>Getting passionate about the solutions, not just the problems</h4>\r\nI want to be clear: I''m not an expert in the variety of issues surrounding homelessness. I''ve never been a cop, a city council person, or a neighbor to a tent community.\r\n\r\nI will say this, though: <strong>I''m tired of people who do nothing to address problems suddenly becoming vocal when they want to voice complaints.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m tired of people who don''t do their research, and really don''t know what they''re talking about, spouting off their opinions</strong> in letters to the editor and online forums (like the people who say "There are lots of shelters, if they don''t choose to stay in them that''s their own problem.").\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m tired of people wanting to sweep societal problems under the rug.</strong> The pervading "what-we-can''t-see-doesn''t-exist" attitude is both naive and dangerous. Homeless people camp out in our cities every night whether we see them or not—without a sense of community or self-governing or safety. It''s when they do something organized and visible that people suddenly get all worked up.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m tired of people only caring about themselves</strong>—whether it''s their tax dollars or how the appearance of their community reflects on them—<strong>and not having enough compassion to sit down and problem-solve together.</strong> It''s one thing to not be a fan of a proposed solution. It''s another thing to express your distaste without offering any potentially better solutions.\r\n\r\nI realize not everyone is going to love the same approach. And everyone isn''t going to devote loads of personal time and money to solving broad societal problems like homelessness.\r\n\r\n<strong>But unless people are willing to truly examine the big picture—to talk to people who are homeless and those who work every day to help them, and to see first-hand how quickly their viable options are exhausted—perhaps they should just sit quietly inside their safe homes, with their full refrigerators and big TVs, and keep their mouths shut.</strong>', 'Thinking outside of the shelter', 0, '<em>Small thinking about problems like homelessness ignore the big picture.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'thinking-outside-of-the-shelter', '', '', '2009-07-06 22:36:53', '2009-07-07 02:36:53', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=407', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(408, 1, '2009-07-06 15:31:28', '2009-07-06 19:31:28', '', '42643831_aa9f75bcfa', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '42643831_aa9f75bcfa', '', '', '2009-07-06 15:31:28', '2009-07-06 19:31:28', '', 407, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/42643831_aa9f75bcfa.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(409, 1, '2009-07-08 10:20:00', '2009-07-08 14:20:00', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/potluck.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-410" title="potluck" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/potluck.jpg" alt="" width="409" height="483" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 270px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/binaryape/">Pete Birkinshaw</a></h5>\r\nWe don''t like to see ourselves as all-or-nothing types, but I suspect most of us probably are. At least to some extent. We''re just good at being subtle about it.\r\n\r\n<strong>Most of the time, we''re functioning with an on-off switch that''s activated intuitively and instantaneously. We glance at something or someone, decide whether they''re for us or not, and then engage or move on.</strong> We''re far less likely to hang out in the  nether-regions, where we experiment and explore, take a bit of this and a bit of that along the way to deciding which parts we like and which we could do without. <em></em>\r\n\r\n<em>(An aside: One of the things I love so much about YOU, the readers of my blog, is that you seem to be extra willing to explore and engage in a whole range of ideas.)</em>\r\n<h4>Gleaning interesting ideas in unexpected places</h4>\r\nI started thinking about this idea of being all-or-nothing as people were gathering at Powell''s for the reading I was recently involved in, for the book <a href="http://www.askmeaboutmydivorce.com/">Ask Me About My Divorce</a>. I assumed most of the people there had probably experienced divorce. That, of course, is why they had come, right? My brother and his good friend, however, came to the reading simply to support me. Neither of them has even been married, let alone divorced. I jumped to the conclusion "this won''t be for them—I hope they''re not too bored."\r\n\r\nAs it turned out, my brother said he found himself very intrigued and engaged—and also surprised that he was. <strong>Sure, there were significant parts of these women''s stories that he couldn''t relate to at all, but there were other, broad-sweeping themes that applied very much to him, and made him think:</strong> Themes surrounding what we love, what we fear, what we''re capable of, and how we go about making the sort of life we want, even out of less-than-perfect circumstances. <strong>There was something for everyone, even if <em>everything</em> wasn''t for everyone.</strong>\r\n<h4>Why the focus on an all-or-nothing faith?</h4>\r\n<strong>When I realized how quick I am to dismiss something as "not for me," it made me think how all-or-nothing many of us tend to be about faith and religion.</strong> You either believe or you don''t. You accept the entire Bible or reject it all. You''re the type who goes to church or you don''t—the type who browses in the religion section of the bookstore or avoids it all together.\r\n\r\nCertainly not everyone is like this, but I get the feeling it''s pretty common. And I think religious establishments are to blame. I can only speak from a very limited perspective, as one person who was brought up as a Christian, but I think <strong>too many churches and religious groups deliberately focus on an all-or-nothing approach to evangelism and outreach. They present this enormous pill and ask others to swallow it whole; if they don''t, those Christians often assume the worst of you and move on.</strong>\r\n\r\nSo here''s what I''m thinking: <strong>Wouldn''t it be great if people of faith gave people who aren''t so sure what they believe lots more breathing room?</strong> So it''s less like a guided tour with a quiz at the end and more like a hands-on children''s museum, with so much to explore?\r\n\r\nWhat if we encouraged them to go a la carte, at least for the time being—to say "I like this part of what you believe, over here, but I don''t think I can accept this part"?\r\n\r\n<strong>What if belief was presented less like a </strong><strong>pre-plated meal, with the objective being to entirely clean your plate (or you won''t get any dessert)? What if it was </strong><strong>more like a potluck, with the immediate goal simply "being fed," even if it''s just a snack, or dessert before veggies?\r\n</strong>\r\n\r\nMaybe we''re afraid of our faith being partially accepted and partially rejected, because it makes us uncomfortable and defensive. But shouldn''t we be more concerned that people leave our table hungry and wanting? Or that they are inclined to avoid it altogether?', 'Tasting faith, potluck-style', 0, '<em>Promoting an all-or-nothing faith leaves too many people hungry.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'tasting-faith-potluck-style', '', '', '2009-07-09 01:21:35', '2009-07-09 05:21:35', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=409', 0, 'post', '', 17),
(410, 1, '2009-07-08 02:02:57', '2009-07-08 06:02:57', '', 'potluck', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'potluck', '', '', '2009-07-08 02:02:57', '2009-07-08 06:02:57', '', 409, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/potluck.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(411, 1, '2009-07-09 22:16:28', '2009-07-10 02:16:28', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/tatania.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-412" title="tatania" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/tatania.jpg" alt="" width="519" height="345" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo of Tatania by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mydeardelilah/">mydearDelilah</a></h5>\r\nI hate thinking about money. I''ve never enjoyed it, but lately money matters seem more bothersome than usual.\r\n\r\nIt''s one thing to deny myself a new pair of shoes, or to decide to eat leftovers for lunch rather than go out. I can handle that. <strong>But when there are experiences I really want my kids to have, and I find myself hesitating because of the expense, I hate money more than ever.</strong>\r\n\r\nYesterday I was looking at the schedule for the <a href="http://thefestival.org/shows/midsummer.shtml">Illinois Shakespeare Festival</a>. They''re doing "A Midsummer Night''s Dream," a play all three of our girls were pouring over last summer, fueled by one of their Big Dreams to put on a full-fledged production with neighbors and friends in our backyard. They would LOVE to see a professional production of the play. I just know it. To see it outside—and to picnic on the lawn beforehand, and buy ice cream from a quaint cart—would thrill them to no end.\r\n<h4>Money: The original party pooper</h4>\r\nI found a performance date that works, and clicked the link to purchase tickets. <em>What?!?</em> One hundred and fifty dollars?!? I''m a fan of supporting the arts, and I know quality entertainment costs real money. But I just wasn''t prepared to spend $150 for our family to see a play in Normal, Illinois.\r\n\r\nI hesitated, credit card in hand. <strong>A list of things $150 will buy began scrolling through the monitor of my mind.</strong> Four nice pairs of kids'' shoes (or one or two nice pairs for me). A dozen books. Tickets for Jason and I to go to three live music shows. A nice coffee maker, so I don''t need to pour boiling water over grounds, by hand, every day when I make coffee. The list kept scrolling.\r\n\r\nThen I felt horribly guilty. And selfish. And unsupportive of the arts, probably the number one thing I was raised to support.\r\n\r\nSo what if $150 buys a week''s worth of groceries? We''ll just eat lots of eggs, beans and rice for a couple of weeks. We''ll take peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to the park after church rather than going out for brunch. I''ll boycott Target for a month. <strong>One hundred and fifty dollars is a big deal only if I decide to make it one.</strong>\r\n<h4>What are we teaching our kids about money and priorities?</h4>\r\n<strong>Money wasn''t talked about much in my house when I was a kid, but my brother and I were somehow very aware of it.</strong> Our friends'' families bought new cars and had new carpeting installed in their houses. Sometimes they flew places on airplanes and stayed in hotels. They even ate in restaurants regularly!\r\n\r\nIn my house, my mom took a class so she could learn to reupholster the sofa and easy chair. My dad bought a Volkswagon Rabbit, because it was so gas efficient, then put well over 200,000 miles on it, driving it across the country, the four of us sleeping in a tent and eating spaghetti and tuna sandwiches along the way.\r\n\r\n<strong>From my uninformed perspective, we were on the poor side of middle class. But no expenses were spared when it came to having the best tickets to the best concerts and shows we could see.</strong>\r\n\r\nAs a kid, I had no idea how much those symphony concerts and plays cost my parents—those performances I generally slept through the second half of. I didn''t recognize that my parents were making very deliberate choices, saving large sums of money in certain areas so they could allocate it for others (including our college education).\r\n\r\nNow I get it, of course. And I''m glad for it (of course).\r\n\r\n<strong>Because now that I''m a parent, I am very aware of what made my childhood memorable and special—<em>experiences</em>, not things.</strong> The ability to see San Francisco, or a Broadway musical, not the memory of the old car that got us there or the snacks my mom packed in her purse so we wouldn''t have to buy any.\r\n\r\nNow that I think of it, we even went to the Shakespeare Festival in Stratford, Ontario a couple of times when I was young. I loved it.\r\n\r\nI probably don''t have to tell you that I''m going to buy the Shakespeare Festival Tickets now. Happily. (But if you know my kids, shhhh! It''s going to be a surprise!)', 'Budgeting for a rich childhood', 0, '<em>Some of the best experiences in life are free—but not always.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'budgeting-for-a-rich-childhood', '', '', '2009-07-11 13:26:09', '2009-07-11 17:26:09', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=411', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(412, 1, '2009-07-09 17:14:26', '2009-07-09 21:14:26', '', 'tatania', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'tatania', '', '', '2009-07-09 17:14:26', '2009-07-09 21:14:26', '', 411, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/tatania.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(413, 1, '2009-07-13 13:04:08', '2009-07-13 17:04:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/132922595_f860a8aa20.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-414" title="132922595_f860a8aa20" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/132922595_f860a8aa20.jpg" alt="" width="521" height="412" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/carbonnyc/">CarbonNYC</a></h5>\r\nI was sitting on a bench on Main Street this morning, checking my email while waiting for the co-working space to open. Across the street a man talking on his phone began pacing. Then he began yelling. And swearing.\r\n\r\nI busied myself by looking down at my phone, navigating to Twitter to see what was going on there. The furious yelling continued across the street, making me cringe. It became apparent the man was talking to his wife. They were either in the process of getting a divorce, or they were at that place where you threaten it—to get your spouse''s attention, or to gauge their reaction as well as your own.\r\n\r\nWhile I initially felt protective of the woman on the other end of the line—partly because I''m a woman, partly because I could only hear his yelling and swearing, not hers—as the man stuffed his phone into his jeans pocket, I felt a surge of compassion for him. It was so strong, I almost rushed across the street to him.\r\n<h4>Offering crumbs of hope in hard times</h4>\r\nWhat would I say, I wondered?\r\n\r\n<strong>Well, I would start by telling him that everything will be OK.</strong> Maybe not right away, but eventually. I would tell him that my ex-husband and I did a lot of yelling and exchanged a lot hatred, too, and that it''s normal but it doesn''t help—it''s the sort of thing you''ll regret, even if you don''t regret the actual divorce.\r\n\r\n<strong>I would tell him that having a kind relationship with your ex down the road is the best thing you can do for your kids.</strong> And I would add that anger now doesn''t necessarily preclude a good relationship with your ex later. Allow time to heal, and be open to the right moments to extend kindness and forgiveness.\r\n\r\nFinally, <strong>I would urge him to find someone he can talk to</strong>, whether it''s a friend, a counselor or a pastor (I recommend the non-judgmental sort). Even if he thinks he''s the kind of person who prefers to sort through hard times alone, saying out loud what you''re thinking can really help diffuse the anger and bring perspective. Trying to be a rock won''t do anyone any good.\r\n\r\nBut what can you really say to someone in the middle of that heartache, even if you''ve been there (or in the vicinity) before? <strong>All you can say is "My heart aches for you. Divorce sucks."</strong>\r\n<h4>Balancing stories of pain and hope</h4>\r\n<strong>The pain doesn''t have to engulf the whole story, though.</strong> The book that my own divorce story was published in, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce/dp/1580052762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1247500602&amp;sr=1-1">Ask Me About My Divorce</a>, offers a refreshingly positive book on the subject. Its main message is this: <strong>Divorce may not be what you ever imagined or hoped for, but it can be an "escape hatch into a better life."</strong> The book pushes beyond the stigma and stereotypes. It offers hope. (I''ve referenced the book in several posts, including <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300">here</a>.)\r\n\r\n<strong>I love the message, but there is a tiny part of me that worries about over-romanticizing divorce, even a little. </strong>The women in the book all write frankly about their struggles and pain, but in the end, their lives have all improved. My own post-divorce life feels like a fairy tale sometimes, mostly because <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6">I met Jason</a>. I know those happy endings are <em>not</em> the case for everyone who gets divorced.\r\n\r\nSo I guess that''s what really struck me this morning, as I listened to the man across the street arguing with his wife: <strong>Divorce is incredibly painful</strong>—not just for you, but for many people connected to you.\r\n\r\n<strong>And although you can control your actions in the midst of the divorce, and positively adjust your attitude toward life after the divorce, it doesn''t guarantee you''ll find yourself in a picture-perfect life on the other side.</strong> I was pretty miserable for three years after my divorce (and several before it). Others don''t find their way out of the pain for a decade or more. It might <em>always</em> be a struggle—just a different kind of struggle than the one they dealt with daily in their marriage.\r\n\r\nI''m not trying to be discouraging, or a downer. There''s more than enough of that perspective to go around, when it comes to divorce. I just felt the need to balance what might, at times, look like my "pro-divorce" stance, with a healthy dose of realism.\r\n\r\nI also want to say this: <strong>If you''re struggling somewhere between hope and despair in your own marraige or divorce, my heart is aching—and filled with hope—for you too.</strong>', 'Divorce can break/heal your heart', 0, '<em>Even if it brings a better life in the end, divorce still sucks.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'divorce-can-breakheal-your-heart', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=300\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=6', '2009-07-13 23:39:47', '2009-07-14 03:39:47', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=413', 0, 'post', '', 17),
(414, 1, '2009-07-13 12:54:32', '2009-07-13 16:54:32', '', '132922595_f860a8aa20', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '132922595_f860a8aa20', '', '', '2009-07-13 12:54:32', '2009-07-13 16:54:32', '', 413, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/132922595_f860a8aa20.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(415, 1, '2009-07-15 15:43:07', '2009-07-15 19:43:07', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/459720003_84be1256c4.jpg">\r\n</a><a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/crosses.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-417" title="crosses" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/crosses.jpg" alt="" width="432" height="457" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/timpritlove/">Tim Pritlove</a></h5>\r\nThe church I go to identifies itself as "multi-denominational," which seems just about perfect for me.\r\n\r\n<strong>I grow so weary of denominational loyalties, debates and wars. It all places too much focus on how we''re different rather than what we share in common.</strong> Talking about denominations tends to reinforce stereotypes, which has a way of slowing important change to a crawl.\r\n\r\nBut this morning, as I was scanning Twitter and trying to decide what to write about here today, I ran across this tweet from @hughlh:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Reformers emphasize justification by faith &amp; forgiveness of past sins. Anabaptists emphasize new birth &amp; power to live as Jesus’ disciples. </span></span></em></p>\r\nIt pointed out differences, but it triggered something in me, shifting my grazing glance into full-on chewing and digestion mode.\r\n\r\n<strong>Forgiveness of past sins, contrasted with new birth. Huh. Or perhaps <em>leading</em> to new birth. Interesting.</strong> A movement from what''s past to what''s ahead. Sounds like a really simple, powerful explanation of my own experience sorting out my beliefs. It even mirrors the denominations I''ve encountered along the way.\r\n<h4>A bit of this and a bit of that from the buffet of churches</h4>\r\nMy first big transition was from my United Methodist upbringing to a highly Reformed setting as a student at Calvin College. Believe me, that was a shocker. After a decade of membership in Christian Reformed Churches (and a Presbyterian Church of America church, also theologically Reformed), I stumbled upon my current church fellowship, which has strong Mennonite (Anabaptist) roots.\r\n\r\n<strong>I don''t think about all of this denominational stuff that much, because I tend to think it doesn''t really matter.</strong> When I''m involved in a church, I''m mostly wrapped up in the particulars of that specific community—the pastor and how he (or she) preaches; the congregation and how thoughtful or diverse or social-justice-oriented they are; the music and whether it helps me worship more than it annoys me. If I like the church community itself, I just don''t care all that much about the denomination (unless it happens to be one that is highly problematic for me on a number of levels, but this post isn''t about that).\r\n\r\nBut @hughlh''s tweet has caused me to think, again, about denominations. In the end, it doesn''t encourage me to believe that one denomination is necessarily superior to the other. It makes me realize <strong>I''ve learned different things from different churches, and they''ve played into one another well, balancing me and leading me to where I am now.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>So why do we tend to either take an "it''s all good" approach</strong> (I''m fine with your denomination as long as it doesn''t intermingle with mine), <strong>or an "you''re all wrong" approach</strong> (that''s where all those jokes come from, about how surprised people will be when they see who else is in heaven)? It doesn''t have to be so black and white.\r\n<h4>An overview of what I learned where</h4>\r\nHere''s what I learned, in linear progression. (Keep in mind these are just my personal experiences with particular churches, not a theological thesis or overview of these three denominations.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Laying a foundation:</strong> From the United Methodist Church, I learned liturgical structure, reverence and awe, the Apostle''s Creed,  and the alto line for all the great Methodist hymns. I also learned the importance of opening your doors to the community, and showing God''s love by helping others.\r\n\r\n<strong>Moving beyond my sinfulness:</strong> From the Christian Reformed Church and Presbyterian Church of America, I learned what it means to be saved by grace—that we''re all inherently prone to messing up but we''re loved by God in spite of it, and we don''t have to do anything to earn that love. I also learned how to apply what I know about God to all areas of my life, whether I''m being environmental, deciding how to spend my money, or writing marketing copy for a client.\r\n\r\n<strong>Living as a new creation:</strong> And from the Mennonites and Anabaptists, I''ve learned that I am not simply caught in an endless cycle of messing up and being forgiven—that is not the ultimate purpose or pattern for my life. I can be transformed into a new creation, and can effectively work as a disciple to bring bits of heaven (or the heaven-like ideal) here to earth. Today. Right here in Urbana, Illinois. Making that happen involves living in community with others and a lot of hands-on work.\r\n\r\nJust as I wrote last week about becoming more comfortable with a "potluck" format for tasting faith, <strong>I think there''s much to be gained from seeing what different denominations have to offer, and how those offerings can be pieced together into a more full story</strong>—or more satisfying meal, as it were—for each of us.', 'The multi-denominational path ', 0, '<em>Seeking the best in several denominations, not the best one.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-multi-denominational-path', '', '', '2009-07-15 17:25:52', '2009-07-15 21:25:52', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=415', 0, 'post', '', 8),
(416, 1, '2009-07-15 15:21:52', '2009-07-15 19:21:52', '', '459720003_84be1256c4', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '459720003_84be1256c4', '', '', '2009-07-15 15:21:52', '2009-07-15 19:21:52', '', 415, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/459720003_84be1256c4.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(417, 1, '2009-07-15 15:35:02', '2009-07-15 19:35:02', '', 'crosses', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'crosses', '', '', '2009-07-15 15:35:02', '2009-07-15 19:35:02', '', 415, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/crosses.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(418, 1, '2009-07-17 11:38:01', '2009-07-17 15:38:01', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/2698535347_50b20c0ca5.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-419" title="2698535347_50b20c0ca5" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/2698535347_50b20c0ca5.jpg" alt="" width="534" height="400" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/77682540@N00/">Ali Smiles</a></h5>\r\n<strong>Some days are perfect—at least as perfect as we''ll see on this earth.</strong> The entire atmosphere seems alive with potential and goodness; the earth and all living things are oriented and straining toward all they were meant to be.\r\n\r\nAs I was lying in bed this morning, slowly coming to consciousness, sun was streaming in my east window, onto Jason''s side of the bed. Cool, dry breeze was pushing through the north window, onto my bare toes. The puppy stretched and yawned, her tongue curling.\r\n\r\nMy big girl, our early bird, came into our room, leading the wriggling pup downstairs for breakfast. The street cleaner brushed busily by, scrubbing away the debris, making way for a new day. I heard Q talking to Maeve in the back yard, showering her with love through words and tone.\r\n\r\nLater, after the wonder that is a perfect fried egg, along with strong, fresh coffee, I biked to the co-working space, the 65-degree air feeling like a personally-wrapped gift just for me, refreshing me after days of muggy-hot.\r\n\r\nAll I could think of was this E. E. Cummings poem—a poem that I felt regularly coursing through my veins as a college English major, but that I haven''t thought of for many, many months. I shared the first three lines with my Twitter community (as much as I could squeeze into under 140 characters), and several people responded immediately, sharing with me their own love for and memories of that poem. I felt compelled to share the poem in its entirety here on my blog.\r\n\r\nMay the ears of your ears awake, and the eyes of your eyes be opened today.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>i thank you God for most this amazing</strong></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>~ E. E. Cummings</em></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">i thank You God for most this amazing\r\nday:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees\r\nand a blue true dream of sky;and for everything\r\nwhich is natural which is infinite which is yes</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">(i who have died am alive again today,\r\nand this is the sun''s birthday;this is the birth\r\nday of life and love and wings:and of the gay\r\ngreat happening illimitably earth)</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">how should tasting touching hearing seeing\r\nbreathing any—lifted from the no\r\nof all nothing—human merely being\r\ndoubt unimaginable You?</p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;">(now the ears of my ears awake and\r\nnow the eyes of my eyes are opened)</p>', 'Finding words for this amazing day', 0, '<em>Finding words to describe a day as perfect as any we''ll see on this earth.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'words-for-most-this-amazing-day', '', '', '2009-07-17 15:29:58', '2009-07-17 19:29:58', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=418', 0, 'post', '', 6),
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(420, 1, '2009-07-20 22:17:59', '2009-07-21 02:17:59', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3739273589_d0ce02f2d2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-421" title="3739273589_d0ce02f2d2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3739273589_d0ce02f2d2.jpg" alt="" width="517" height="288" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/bralts/">Cody Bralts</a></h5>\r\nJason and I went to the amazing <a href="http://www.pitchforkmusicfestival.com/news.php">Pitchfork Music Festival</a> yesterday. It''s the fourth year we''ve attended the festival together.\r\n\r\nI absorbed many sights and sounds, slept on them for a night, and have compressed them into a few observations about life, via a music festival.\r\n<h4>Camaraderie is born out of shared trials.</h4>\r\nDo you know that "we''re all in this together" sense of community that comes during a blizzard or ice storm, or an unrelenting heat wave? The same phenomenon occurs when you''re standing in an endless line waiting to use a disgusting port-a-potty. (If you think I''m being overly dramatic, consider all the beer drinking that happens at these festivals, and that men and women all use the same units—<em>thousands</em> of men and women.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Usually we like to be more subtle and private about our very human need to pee, but at music festivals, your need is on display as you stand in line, and you face an audience when you eventually emerge from your aqua-colored unit.</strong> You have no choice but to acknowledge why you''re there, and why everyone else is there, too. "Hey, you''re human? Me too! Let''s be friends!"\r\n\r\nAll this is just to say that I had a lot of fun talking to and joking around with the people standing in my port-a-potty lines. (Clearly I find this social phenomenon fascinating—I even wrote a whole post about it before: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=12">Camaraderie in the ladies'' room</a>.)\r\n<h4>Non-conformists sure do conform.</h4>\r\nThe hipster fashion parade wasn''t as interesting or extreme this year as it has been in the past. I''m not sure if that''s because people are unclear what the style really is or because more mainstream people are coming to the festival and diluting the overall affect.\r\n\r\nEither way, <strong>it''s always fascinating to be in a setting like this, with so many people who try so hard to shock, stand out, and express their individuality through their hair, clothes, glasses, tattoos and piercings. When you pack them all into one park, they tend to blend together.</strong>\r\n\r\nI guess that''s why it''s important to focus on truly being <em>yourself</em> rather than on being <em>different</em>. Each of us is naturally unique, so that uniqueness will come through if we can tap into it. Any other concerted attempt to be unique is bound to be based on something we''ve seen around us rather than within us. Which isn''t, by definition, actually unique. (Now let''s see if I can explain this to my impressionable daughters!)\r\n<h4>Maybe chance encounters aren''t by chance.</h4>\r\nTrying to find someone you want to meet up with at Pitchfork is not easy, to say the least. Think about it: Nearly 20,000 people crammed into maybe ten acres. A sea of bodies.\r\n\r\n<strong>All day, I watched people around me trying to find someone.</strong> I overheard people on their cell phones trying to describe exactly where in the crowd by Stage C they actually were. I saw people hold a hat or some other object high in the air, in hopes that a friend would spot it.\r\n\r\nThere were only two people Jason and I were really hoping to see: our Urbana friend Cody, who was covering Pitchfork for <a href="http://www.smilepolitely.com/music/pitchfork_for_a_new_generation/">Smile Politely</a> (and who took the amazing photo at the top of this post), and my good friend Susan. Just as I was starting to think the likelihood of actually seeing them was slim, Cody practically tripped over us, and an hour later I realized I was walking behind Susan. Coincidence?\r\n\r\n(This happens to be a favorite topic of mine. If you like it, too, check out this post: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=233">What do you call that thing that''s not a coincidence?)</a>\r\n<h4>Live music isn''t just for your ears.</h4>\r\nThe Flaming Lips finale reminded me that music is only partly about the notes and rhythms and lyrics. You can listen to some songs on a CD, again and again, and draw a conclusion about the music. Later, you might hear that band play a live set that is essentially a copy of that recording, with added visuals.\r\n\r\nBut with the Flaming Lips, you get confetti, streamers and balloons, experimental videos and go-go dancers in animal costumes. You even get Wayne Coyne traveling in a hamster-ball bubble across the outstretched hands of his fans.\r\n\r\nI<strong>t''s music with theatrics, humor and irony, experimentation and imagination, the unexpected, the visually stunning and even the outrageous.</strong> You''re overwhelmed and unsure,  then exhilarated and set free. You feel like a little kid again, except this time you''re somehow able to tap the wisdom of the ages.\r\n\r\nAnd at the very end of the set, as bits of confetti were floating down on us like snow, everyone sang together "Do You Realize?" I suddenly got a catch in my throat over something I couldn''t articulate out loud, even though the experience had clearly articulated something to my soul.\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face\r\nDo You Realize - we''re floating in space -\r\nDo You Realize - that happiness makes you cry\r\nDo You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em></em></p>\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/flaminglips2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-422" title="flaminglips2" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/flaminglips2-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>', 'Life lessons from Pitchfork ', 0, '<em>Port-a-potty lines, conforming non-conformists & other music fest observations.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'life-lessons-from-pitchfork', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=12\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=233\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=233\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=233', '2009-07-21 02:10:05', '2009-07-21 06:10:05', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=420', 0, 'post', '', 4),
(421, 1, '2009-07-21 00:14:04', '2009-07-21 04:14:04', '', '3739273589_d0ce02f2d2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3739273589_d0ce02f2d2', '', '', '2009-07-21 00:14:04', '2009-07-21 04:14:04', '', 420, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3739273589_d0ce02f2d2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(425, 1, '2009-07-22 13:02:54', '2009-07-22 17:02:54', '', '3148400833_4303209868', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3148400833_4303209868', '', '', '2009-07-22 13:02:54', '2009-07-22 17:02:54', '', 424, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3148400833_4303209868.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(426, 1, '2009-07-24 12:38:11', '2009-07-24 16:38:11', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3512205272_8981095cb1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-427" title="3512205272_8981095cb1" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3512205272_8981095cb1.jpg" alt="" width="525" height="420" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/picken/">John Picken</a></h5>\r\nIf you''re a blogger, you''ve probably at least heard about the annual <a href="http://www.blogher.com/blogher_conference/conf">Blogher conference</a>, which is taking place, as I type, in Chicago.\r\n\r\nIf you''re a woman who blogs, you <em>definitely</em> know about it, and know several fellow bloggers who are there.\r\n\r\nAnd if you''re on Twitter, you''re getting Blogher updates every few minutes—what session they''re in, the temperature of the room, what the swag is like, how many pairs of shoes they packed, who they''re having lunch or cocktails with...you get the idea.\r\n\r\n<strong>As I read all of the updates and get a sense of who''s there, I''m simultaneously glad and sad I''m not a part of it. Isn''t that one of the most complex human emotions of all? That mixed sense of relief and regret that comes after we make a difficult decision?</strong>\r\n<h4>Why I decided not to go to Blogher</h4>\r\nNot going to Blogher actually wasn''t a very difficult decision. I probably should have spent more time thinking through it, and done a bit more research. It is in Chicago, after all, which is only a two hour drive from my house. And even if I didn''t want to spend the money on a hotel, there are several people I could have stayed with (my wonderful in-laws, for example).\r\n\r\n<strong>When it got down to it, I just had this sense that the Blogher crowd isn''t my core posse. That I wouldn''t fit in. That I would feel out of place, and simultaneously annoyed and hurt by the dynamics.</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes I still have the mind of a middle schooler, I guess. Part of me desperately wants the thing that gives you cred—the right designer jeans, the right friends, acceptance at the right table in the cafeteria—and part of me despises and resents it.\r\n\r\nI''ve never been to Blogher, so I''m completely speculating based on limited information I''ve gathered from blogs and tweets. But I get the sense that some of the same cred applies there: who you know and hang out with and how great your wardrobe is matter.\r\n\r\n<strong>Then you add to that the blogging cred, which throws me even more in a tizzy: how long you''ve blogged, what your stats are like, what kind of corporate endorsements you''ve snagged, and if you''ve achieved some level of blogging fame</strong> (like people recognize you when you''re walking down the street).\r\n\r\nI just don''t need that kind of pressure, at this point in my blogging career. I''m trying to do something my own way, building an audience more organically, and focusing on a hybrid subject matter that doesn''t fit the neat, tidy package of "Mommy Blogger" or "Feminist Blogger" (One session, for instance, is called "Have you found your Mommy Blogging tribe?" Umm, no. I haven''t.)\r\n<h4>Why I''m sad I''m not at Blogher</h4>\r\nBut on the other hand, I REALLY WISH I WAS THERE! I work from day to day in so much isolation, both as a freelance copywriter and as a blogger. <strong>To spend a couple of days with a bunch of women who really <em>get</em></strong> <strong>what I do would be amazingly fun and affirming.</strong>\r\n\r\nI need colleagues. I need comrades. <strong>I need people to gripe with and laugh with about this crazy non-lucrative thing we devote so much of our time and energy to.</strong> And I need (OK, I <em>want</em>) to meet many of the people I''ve connected with on Twitter and my blog who are at Blogher, <em>right now</em>. They''re in Chicago, having fun together, and I''m not. Booo on me!\r\n\r\nSo who knows? Maybe next year, two years into my blogging run, I''ll have a clearer sense about whether this conference is for me. Or maybe I''ll be faced with all the same, wacked-out, mixed feelings. Either way, I''ll be sure to let you know.', 'I''ve got that glad/sad feeling about missing Blogher 09', 0, '<em>The mix of relief & regret: one of the most complex of human emotions.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'ive-got-that-gladsad-feeling-about-blogher-09', '', '', '2009-07-24 12:39:55', '2009-07-24 16:39:55', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=426', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(422, 1, '2009-07-21 00:41:07', '2009-07-21 04:41:07', '', 'flaminglips2', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'flaminglips2', '', '', '2009-07-21 00:41:07', '2009-07-21 04:41:07', '', 420, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/flaminglips2.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(423, 1, '2009-07-21 00:41:13', '2009-07-21 04:41:13', '', 'flaminglips', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'flaminglips', '', '', '2009-07-21 00:41:13', '2009-07-21 04:41:13', '', 420, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/flaminglips.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(424, 1, '2009-07-22 13:09:24', '2009-07-22 17:09:24', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3148400833_4303209868.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-425" title="3148400833_4303209868" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3148400833_4303209868.jpg" alt="" width="547" height="364" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 300px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ajawin/">Gordana Adamovic-Mladenovic</a></h5>\r\n<strong>I should know by now that when my life shifts in a way that seems bad, I should prepare myself for something good.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s a hard pattern to trust and embrace, though, no matter how many times I''ve seen it take hold in my life. And I''ve seen it many times: When I moved from Michigan to Central Illinois. When I got divorced. When I left my church. When my first post-divorce relationship fell apart. When I lost my biggest freelance client.\r\n\r\nIn all of those cases, my life changed significantly, for the better. <strong>Sometimes the winds of change arrived in short order, like a gust of fresh air. Other times I spent much longer in what felt like a stagnant space of worry, heartache and despair before I felt the breeze of something new.</strong> But each time something good has happened.\r\n\r\nLately, I''ve been thinking a lot about where I was with my work two years ago. That was the summer I suddenly lost my primary client, who was responsible for well over half of my paid writing projects. I loved the work. It paid well and was consistent. And somehow I thought it would just always be there, until the day I got the news that they were planning to hire someone locally, full time. The amount of writing they needed had reached that tipping point, where it made more financial sense to hire someone than to pay freelance rates.\r\n\r\nI was devastated. Not only did I really enjoy the work and the people, but Jason and I were about a month away from our wedding and honeymoon to Greece. In other words, we were a month away from a lot of out-of-the-ordinary expenses and debt. (When you get married a second time, you don''t ask your parents to help out.)\r\n\r\nThere wasn''t much we could do. We managed to cut some costs on the wedding and reception, then we set our financial worries aside and went ahead and fully enjoyed every moment of our honeymoon, as planned. We arrived home to credit card bills and, for me, empty days of almost no client work.\r\n<h4>What does God have to do with this?</h4>\r\nYou might be wondering why this post is categorized under "Belief, doubt and hope." <strong>Essentially, this is a post about trust and faith, and God''s work in my life.</strong> If you don''t have that sort of belief in God—if you don''t believe he has a plan or is helping you work through the messes that just happen because we''re human—I realize this concept can seem like a stretch.\r\n\r\nSometimes it feels like a stretch to me, too. <strong>At each of those unhappy moments I was filled with doubt that God was there at all, or could possibly bring about anything good.</strong> But when it gets down to it, I always circle back to this bottom-of-my-soul belief that something much bigger than I can grasp, full of love and goodness, is working in and through my life.\r\n\r\nAnd I have evidence:\r\n\r\nI believe my move to Central Illinois allowed my ex and I to <strong>end a marriage</strong> that needed to end.\r\n\r\nI believe my divorce allowed me to <strong>get in touch with who I really am</strong>, what I really want, and what I really have to offer to others.\r\n\r\nI believe leaving my church allowed me to <strong>embrace God</strong> and my understanding of him in a completely new, very freeing way.\r\n\r\nI believe being in my first post-divorce relationship, and then ending it, allowed me to <strong>open up to love again</strong>, and helped me sort out what matters most to me in a relationship (which ultimately led me to marry Jason).\r\n\r\nAnd I believe I never would have been able to <strong>start writing this blog and my book</strong> if that client had continued its demanding freelance contract with me.\r\n\r\nBecause that''s what I did with those endless work days, two summers ago. <strong>I tried to set aside my fears about money and worth and professional success, and write down the stories I needed to write. </strong>All those stories were clamoring to get out. No one was necessarily going to pay anything for them, but it didn''t mater. I wrote and wrote and wrote.\r\n<h4>Remembering the past as I look ahead</h4>\r\nEventually the client work picked up again, and new clients came along. I continued blogging and working on my book proposal, and was committed to leaving time and space for that, rather than filling up all my work hours with client projects, like I had before.\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s hard to remember my life without this blog—the creative outlet, the impetus to think and write, the community of readers—just like it''s hard to remember my life without Jason, or my life in Michigan, or that time when God felt so far away.</strong>\r\n\r\nRight now the freelance work is a bit slow, again, and once again I''m trying not to worry about money or societal measurements of success. <strong>Instead, I''m trying to be open to what God might be doing in my life, and what I might be doing with this time I''ve been given. I''m trying to be expectant of that next big gust or gentle breeze of change.</strong>', 'Learning not to fear the winds of change', 0, '<em>Each unhappy change in my life has resulted in something good.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'learning-to-not-fear-the-winds-of-change', '', '', '2009-07-23 01:22:12', '2009-07-23 05:22:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=424', 0, 'post', '', 16),
(427, 1, '2009-07-24 12:24:10', '2009-07-24 16:24:10', '', '3512205272_8981095cb1', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3512205272_8981095cb1', '', '', '2009-07-24 12:24:10', '2009-07-24 16:24:10', '', 426, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3512205272_8981095cb1.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(428, 1, '2009-07-27 13:22:51', '2009-07-27 17:22:51', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/2325589562_1238c5d79f.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-429" title="2325589562_1238c5d79f" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/2325589562_1238c5d79f.jpg" alt="" width="485" height="519" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/smercury98/">SMercury98</a></h5>\r\nOne of the most fascinating and often disheartening things about being a parent is the opportunity to come face-to-face with the aspects of yourself you most love and hate.\r\n\r\n<strong>Whether it''s nature or nurture, it''s inevitable. You''re bound to see the best and worst of yourself in your children.</strong> The effect tends to be a surge of love and connectedness with them, and/or a pang of self-annoyance or even disgust.\r\n<h4>A good dose of admiration, balanced by that cringe factor</h4>\r\nMy 11-year-old, for instance, quickly assesses a situation and relies on logic and reason to confidently arrive at the "best" way to tackle it. Oh, I know that trait all too well. It is a double-edged sword. <strong>I have to admit, I admire her and feel more connected because she thinks like me in this way</strong>—and it will serve her well in life, for the most part.\r\n\r\n<strong>But I cringe as I watch her stubbornly stick to her guns about The Way to go about something.</strong> I want her to see and understand the many different and valid ways of thinking and problem-solving, and to have respect for other methods—a challenge perhaps she can take on now rather than struggle with daily as an adult.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to my 9-year-old, she thinks and lives in stories. She <em>adores</em> stories—reading them on the page, making them up in her head, acting them out, writing them down. I love and admire this about her, and we have a deep connection through this common love.\r\n\r\n<strong>Unfortunately, though, she takes after me in other respects, too. She wants things to come easily.</strong> In fact, she wants to instantly be the best at everything she tries. She avoids competition, and becomes bogged down in self-consciousness when people are watching her try something she isn''t already adept at. <strong>She''s prone to quit, just like I was as a kid. It pains me to no end.</strong>\r\n\r\nYesterday I watched her try playing Guitar Hero for the first time. She is nine, and she''s never tried this before. Before she was even halfway through the song she set the guitar down and walked away. I SO get exactly what she was feeling—that mix of feeling stupid for not being good at something, which then is engulfed by the more stupid feeling that comes from quitting. And I SO don''t want her to be like that. It''s probably the single thing I dislike most about myself.\r\n<h4>Hoping some of what they have rubs off on me</h4>\r\nBut then there are those traits in your kids that take you by surprise. You see something in them, and you know it must come from somewhere, but it where? How? When, exactly?\r\n\r\nOn Saturday we took the girls to a potluck at the Safe Haven tent community that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago (<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=407">Thinking outside of the shelter</a>). They took it all in. As we drove home, Q said over and over how glad she was that we went. Then she started brainstorming all the ideas she had for helping the tent community, from baking muffins for them to organizing a full-on fundraiser. I was in awe of her compassion, and her energy to funnel that compassion into action.\r\n\r\nThen last night, S pulled out the envelop of money she''s been saving to donate to <a href="http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.2667525/">Heifer International</a>. My parents are very enthusiastic about the organization, and it gets mentioned at our church from time to time, but starting a fund was completely S''s initiative. A few months ago she read an article in some magazine, and got it in her head that she wanted to save $20—enough to buy a flock of chicks for a family in need.\r\n\r\nAfter Q gave S some money for helping babysit a neighbor boy, S realized she had met her goal. She and Jason went to the Heifer website to read everything they could about how a flock of chicks can help a family. Then they made her donation. She was thrilled.\r\n\r\n<strong>As her mother, I was thrilled, too, but also stunned. Who are these children, so full of compassion and a spirit of giving that they put me to shame? I wasn''t like that as a child, and I have so far to grow as an adult!</strong>\r\n\r\nSuddenly I realize that while my girls have absorbed so many traits from me, there is much I should be hoping to learn from them, too. Perhaps there''s something in their blood that''s in mine, as well, and just hasn''t been fully tapped.', 'Seeing the best & worst of me in my kids', 0, '<em>Kids inherit from us, & there are traits we can hope to inherit from them.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'seeing-the-best-worst-of-me-in-my-kids', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=407', '2009-07-27 13:24:32', '2009-07-27 17:24:32', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=428', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(429, 1, '2009-07-27 13:20:57', '2009-07-27 17:20:57', '', '2325589562_1238c5d79f', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2325589562_1238c5d79f', '', '', '2009-07-27 13:20:57', '2009-07-27 17:20:57', '', 428, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/2325589562_1238c5d79f.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(430, 1, '2009-07-30 11:43:18', '2009-07-30 15:43:18', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3703451696_6240e92bdf.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-431" title="3703451696_6240e92bdf" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3703451696_6240e92bdf.jpg" alt="" width="455" height="453" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/robertopia/">Robert Kostin</a></h5>\r\nThere are so many ironic things about human nature, but here''s one I''ve been pondering the past few days: <strong>We want to be completely understood by others and we long to find our "tribe," yet we want to believe we''re unique, and maintain the image of being somewhat mysterious.</strong>\r\n\r\nI admit it. This is true of me.\r\n\r\nThat''s why I was cringing/laughing/squirming/nodding as Jason and I looked at one of the books he brought home from the library the other day: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stuff-White-People-Like-Millions/dp/0812979915/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1210035787&amp;sr=8-1">Stuff White People Like: The Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions</a>. According to Christian Lander, the book''s author, I''m not so unique. I''m pretty much a stereotype. And I''m VERY white. Almost seventy percent, in fact, according to the little survey at the end of the book.\r\n\r\n<strong>To be honest, these are not things I wanted to find out about myself. I''m really "white," <em>and</em> I''m a cliche? </strong>Ugh.\r\n\r\nI have read the <a href="http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/">blog by the same name </a>from time to time before, but until Jason brought home the book, I had never fully absorbed how much of <em>me</em> could be wrapped up in a book written by someone who''s never met me. Luckily, Jason and I had plenty of good laughs as we looked at the book together and saw such precise portraits of ourselves. That sort of softened the dismay. A bit.\r\n\r\nSo here''s the deal. The book includes 150 things white people like, 97 of which I have an affinity for. <strong>Coffee</strong> and <strong>Wine</strong>? Goes without saying. The <strong>Toyota Prius</strong>? I drive one. <strong>Bicycles</strong>? That''s how I get around when I''m not driving my Prius. <strong>Dinner Parties</strong>? We fed 12 people last night, although it was super casual...but we DID eat outside (see below). <strong>Hating Corporations</strong>? Man, this guy''s got my number.\r\n<h4>A bit of personal commentary on stuff I really like:</h4>\r\n<strong>- Farmer''s Markets (also Organic Food):</strong> As Lander rightly points out, "White people like farmer''s markets for a number of reasons," and he has my reasons pretty much nailed: supporting local economies and small businesses, buying direct from the farmer, eating healthily, and the social opportunity to interact with lots of people like me. All while spending time outside! (See below.)\r\n\r\n<strong>- Diversity (also Having Black Friends and Having Gay Friends):</strong> I love diversity in my food, in my community, in my daughters'' classrooms, in my music and movies, and especially in my friends. Jason and I happen to have a very diverse group of friends. Let me be very clear that we are not friends with these people <em>because</em> they are not like us. We''re friends with them for the many ways they are like us, but we''re also very glad for the diversity and broadened perspective they bring to our lives. (Please tell me I''m not getting myself into trouble here.)\r\n\r\n<strong>- Making You Feel Bad for Not Going Outside (also Eating Outside):</strong> This one made me laugh. I''m a sucker for camping, taking walks and hikes, eating meals on the patio, urging my kids to play outside, and setting my computer up on the front porch so I can work outside. And don''t forget the Farmers'' Market!\r\n\r\n<strong>- Wes Anderson Movies (also The Daily Show with Jon Stewart):</strong> This is about my particular sense of humor, more than anything else. And apparently it''s not just my sense of humor. As Lander says, "Wes Anderson movies have this way of being sort of funny and a little clever." And I would add "quirky," "dry" and "ironic." Jon Stewart is funny and clever and also political and smart, a perfect combination. (In my defense, though, I don''t just <em>pretend</em> to laugh. This type of humor actually causes me to laugh.)\r\n\r\n-<strong> Not Having a TV: </strong>I''m starting to feel sort of embarrassed here, but it''s true. We don''t have TV. Well, we have <em>a</em> TV, which is necessary for the Indy movies and Netflixed TV series (also included in Lander''s list), but we don''t get any channels on our TV. We''re really not trying to make a "better than you" statement, though. I just haven''t had TV in my home since I lived with my parents, so I''ve sort of forgotten what that whole thing is about.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Apple Products: </strong>What can I say? I''m a big fan. My first computer was a Mac Classic, bought in 1992, and I''ve never looked back. (And now, because I''ve shared my personal history with Apple products, I''m even more of a cliche. Nice.)\r\n\r\n<strong>- Public Radio:</strong> I remember hearing endless public radio as a kid, in the car on long car trips with my parents. Especially Prairie Home Companion. My parents would chuckle. I would think "This is the dumbest, most boring time-waster I''ve ever heard." But it made its way into my blood. Now there''s nothing I love more while cooking dinner or driving in the car than a good public radio show.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Irony:</strong> This is another one that really cracked me up—our love for turning things we hate into sweet, sweet irony. Ironic themed parties, ironic knickknacks around the house or on our desk, ironic conversations that run in circles until they turn themselves inside out. It''s all our idea of clever fun.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Divorce:</strong> I''m not sure how this makes me "white," and I don''t know anyone who "likes" divorce, but it certainly fits my profile. So there you have it.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Threatening to Move to Canada:</strong> This is another one that''s in my DNA, like Public Radio. I can''t help it. When Ronald Reagan was elected in 1980, my dad said we were moving to Canada. Then I married a Canadian (my first husband), so it was as much a possibility as a threat for a while. But those were mostly the Clinton years. By the time I reached desperation again, in the early 2000''s, my marriage was ending and I was back to empty threats.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Modern Furniture:</strong> Ah yes, the Danish mid-century modern sofa: I have it. And the Eames molded plastic armchair with a rocker base, too.\r\n\r\n<strong>- The New Yorker:</strong> I got hooked on The New Yorker magazine as a college student, when I was the poetry editor for the college literary magazine <em>(aside: I can''t believe literary magazines are not listed in this book)</em>. I quickly observed that the Much Cooler, older members of the editorial staff all read The New Yorker. So I admit: I subscribed and started reading it for the wrong reasons. But in my defense (once again), I''ve been reading it ever since. What I''m trying to say is that I actually <em>read</em> it, with great anticipation and pleasure, every week. It''s not just there on my coffee table to make me fit the stereotype.\r\n\r\nThere are many more things on the list that fit the bill, like these random aesthetic preferences: <strong>Glasses, Hardwoood Floors and T-shirts</strong>. I not only <em>have</em> all of those things, I have strong feelings about them. Now I''m trying to decide which ones I can give up, to diversify my persona a bit.\r\n<h4>My saving "not-so-white" graces</h4>\r\nLuckily, there are several categories in the book that don''t fit me at ALL, allowing me to retain some of my sense of individuality and uniqueness: <strong>Religions Their Parents Don''t Belong To, Hating Their Parents, Marathons, Snowboarding, Veganism/Vegetarianism, Lawyers, Bottles of Water, St. Patrick''s Day, Rugby, and Having Children in Their Late Thirties</strong>, among others. Those, I just don''t get.\r\n\r\nAnd Jason is even more white than me, by about ten percentage points (wait, is that a good thing?). OK, how about this: after dinner last night, we had three of our friends who were there take the survey, and they were all only in the 20-30 percent range (one of the friends who took it is black, but he''s been accused before of not being "black enough"). Anyway, that means we have friends who aren''t exactly like us. Which is a good thing, right?\r\n\r\nObviously, this post, like the book that inspired it, is all in good fun. But it does raise some interesting questions, beyond the hard-to-resist "how white are <em>you</em>?" question.\r\n\r\nFor instance, <strong>is it more important to be understood and part of a tribe, or to be unique?</strong> Is it funny or disconcerting (or both) when someone nails your type so perfectly? And if you''re not actually white at all, do you find this whole concept troubling or a hoot?', 'Confessions of a white stereotype', 0, '<em>I just discovered, to my dismay, that I''m a VERY white cliche.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'confessions-of-a-white-stereotype', '', '', '2009-07-31 15:14:09', '2009-07-31 19:14:09', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=430', 0, 'post', '', 9),
(431, 1, '2009-07-30 11:20:39', '2009-07-30 15:20:39', '', '3703451696_6240e92bdf', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3703451696_6240e92bdf', '', '', '2009-07-30 11:20:39', '2009-07-30 15:20:39', '', 430, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/3703451696_6240e92bdf.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(432, 1, '2009-08-03 11:49:26', '2009-08-03 15:49:26', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3543209293_43d437c7bd.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-433" title="3543209293_43d437c7bd" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3543209293_43d437c7bd.jpg" alt="" width="403" height="500" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 150px;">Photo courtesy of <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/cushinglibrary/">Cushing Memorial Library</a></h5>\r\nDo you ever have so much to clean around the house that you do nothing at all? The same can be true when you wake up one morning and realize your garden has become a jungle of weeds, or when you come back to work after a week away and find a frightening number of emails filling your inbox.\r\n\r\nI am the type of person who thrives on being busy and having deadlines, <strong>but the moment "busy" crosses the line to the land of "overwhelmed," I''m paralyzed.</strong> Even if I have a half hour to devote to making a dent in whatever mountain is looming over me, my available time and energy is like a speck in a very big picture. It''s easier to just set that picture aside and distract myself with something else.\r\n<h4>An even bigger picture: The kingdom of heaven on earth</h4>\r\nThis is what it can feel like to be charged with bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth. <strong>My faith has been transformed in many ways the past few years by the understanding that heaven is not something we simply long for at that time when we die, but it''s something we should long for here on earth</strong>—day-to-day harmony and orientation and <em>rightness</em> between real people and God, as well as all creatures and fields and sky. That''s what Jesus was talking about when he prayed the Lord''s Prayer: "...on earth as it is in heaven." That''s why he was put on the earth in the first place.\r\n\r\n<strong>"Overwhelmed" is the word that best describes what I feel when I start contemplating the complex, deeply-rooted tangle that is formed by so many societal problems and justice issues.</strong> I definitely experience waves of compassion, but they are followed by tsunamis of helplessness.\r\n<h4>A small part of the kingdom, coming into focus</h4>\r\nSometimes, though, in that enormous sea of neediness, something comes into focus, drifting directly into your life. <strong>It''s a confluence of circumstances—the particular heart you have, finding itself in a certain place at a certain time, with just the right combination of need and inspiration and support.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s the sort of thing that''s happening right now for Jason and I, and some members of our small group from church. It started when we became friends with Jesse, who goes to our church and started a <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=407">tent community</a> called Safe Haven as an alternative housing option for some of the growing number of homeless people in our community.\r\n\r\nIn the past week, though, a series of events have really spurred us on toward action, rather than just encouraging words. We attended a Safe Haven open house, went to a court hearing, invited Jesse and others over for dinner to continue the conversation, and learned that Safe Haven <a href="http://news-gazette.com/news/courts_crime_fire/2009/07/31/homeless_must_vacate_champaigns_tent_city_after_tonight">lost its zoning appeal</a>. This past Friday, July 31, was the last night the members of the community could set up tents for the night on the Catholic Worker House property near our church.\r\n\r\nYesterday afternoon, six of us attended our church''s council meeting to discuss how we might be able to do something for the homeless community, which, in our town, is centered in the half mile radius directly around our church building.\r\n\r\nThe point, really, is this: There are 15 human beings, currently without other housing options (for a variety of reasons), who are trying to be creative about practical solutions, all the while building a true community in a world that has largely left them feeling very cold, afraid and alone. And here we are, at this particular time and place, with these eyes and hearts. The perfect mix of need, inspiration and opportunity doesn''t present itself every day. <strong>And although the need is big, the ways we could help feel significant, yet manageable.</strong>\r\n<h4>Faith without action is dead</h4>\r\nAs the backdrop for all of these events, it''s probably no coincidence that our small group chose to spend the summer studying James. (Incidentally, the choice was made in May, before the tent community was even formed.)\r\n\r\nGoing into it, I was feeling like James is one of those books I know all too well from my college days. It even struck me as a bit of a Bible study cliche.\r\n\r\nBut I''m at a very different point in my life, now, so the book I encountered is a very different book. <strong>My own struggles and heartaches have been my crash course in compassion,</strong> allowing me to approach the poor and needy in different ways, and also allowing me to understand a bit more what this faith I have is all about.\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.</em> <strong>~ James 2:14-17</strong></p>', 'Action: CPR for dying faith', 0, '<em>It''s easy to feel overwhelmed...until a need comes into focus & you act.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'action-cpr-for-dying-faith', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=407', '2009-08-03 11:53:25', '2009-08-03 15:53:25', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=432', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(433, 1, '2009-08-03 11:43:44', '2009-08-03 15:43:44', '', '3543209293_43d437c7bd', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3543209293_43d437c7bd', '', '', '2009-08-03 11:43:44', '2009-08-03 15:43:44', '', 432, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3543209293_43d437c7bd.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(434, 1, '2009-08-07 13:00:20', '2009-08-07 17:00:20', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2971109215_15603e4129.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-438" title="2971109215_15603e4129" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2971109215_15603e4129.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="500" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ajawin/">lepiaf.geo</a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/anlexb/"></a></h5>\r\nIs it safe to say we all want to be happy? Probably. After all, <a href="http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/34560/Aristotle/254722/Happiness">Aristotle came to that conclusion</a> more than 2,000 years ago, and I''m not about to argue with him.\r\n\r\n<strong>What we <em>can''t</em> assume, though, is that we all have the same definition of "happy" or can follow the same steps to get there.</strong>\r\n\r\nFor me, happiness is most intense when I''m sitting on my porch on a beautiful day, working on my writing or reading something amazing written by someone else. Or in those moments after a delicious meal, when everyone is too content to move so we all linger around the table, wandering from one topic of conversation to the next. Or when I''m watching my children enjoy life in some jubilant or focused way—whether they''re playing in the waves, or concentrating on a detailed drawing.\r\n\r\nWhen are you most happy?\r\n<h4>Getting just a tad academic about happiness</h4>\r\n<strong>I''ve been thinking about happiness a lot lately—that''s right, thinking about it perhaps more than living it. </strong>First my husband left a comment on my <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=432">last post</a> (usually he shares his comments with me verbally, but every so often he types them in). The comment included this idea about happiness, from the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Mihaly-Csikszentmihalyi/dp/0060920432">Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience</a> by Mihály Csíkszentmihály (in Jason''s words):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>...his idea is that People are happiest, most satisfied when they are working hard toward a challenging but attainable goal. It is at this moments when consciousness about self and time fade to the background and you have boundless energy to keep working toward your goals.</em></p>\r\nThen, <a href="http://www.uptous.com/uptous.htm?_flowId=login-flow">Up to Us</a>, a parenting organization that''s on Twitter (@UpToUs), shared this link to a Stanford University article: <a href="http://www.stanford.edu/dept/bingschool/research_dls_2008tsai.html">We''re All Pursuing Happiness. But What Kind?</a> The paper, written by Simon Firth about the research of Professor Jeanne Tsai, examines the issue of whether we all actually want to be happy (Tsai says yes), and if we want to be happy in the same way.\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s important to consider, Tsai says, both what someone <em>actually</em> feels, as well as what they <em>aspire</em> to feel. </strong>\r\n\r\nWe tend to all experience the same sorts of emotions, regardless of the culture we grew up in, our socio-economic status, and even gender and temperament. But <strong>we vary greatly when it comes to what we <em>want</em> to feel, which gets more to the heart of how we each define happiness.</strong> And it all starts forming early in childhood.\r\n<h4>Our Western ways: All excitement, all the time</h4>\r\nIn particular, Tsai looks at the differences between children from Eastern and Western cultures. Essentially, American and European cultures stress excitement over peacefulness, and activity over calm.  "The more [children] see happiness represented as either a low or high arousal emotion, the more they wish for that kind of happiness themselves," Firth writes.\r\n\r\nThese are generalizations, of course, but they leave me wondering many things: <strong>How are we forming our children''s understanding of happiness? </strong>Are we presenting them with aspirations that are attainable and sustainable, or are we setting them up for lives of perceived unhappiness?\r\n\r\n<strong>And what does all of this teach our kids about what''s commonly considered the <em>opposite</em> of happiness—depression?</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Depression, [Tsai] pointed out, is often defined in terms of an absence of positive emotional states. But if you are defining positive emotional states only as excitement states, you''re potentially bringing a cultural bias to your clinical definitions of depression.</em></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>Embarking on a week of happiness</h4>\r\nI don''t have the answers, but I know I''m going to be thinking about all of this next week, when we''re all together as a family at a cottage on Lake Michigan—the annual vacation that tends to define happiness for us, as a family. I''ll be asking myself what exactly it is about that time that makes us feel so happy: The peace and rest? Just being together? The change of scene? The many fun activities?\r\n\r\nAnd when I''m not pondering, of course, I''ll thoroughly revel in living that happiness.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1457429942_2ea203486c.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-439" title="1457429942_2ea203486c" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1457429942_2ea203486c.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lilie-melo/">lilie-melo</a></h5>', 'What are we teaching our kids about happiness?', 0, '<em>We all want to be happy, but is your definition the same as mine?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-are-we-teaching-our-kids-to-define-happiness', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=432', '2009-08-07 16:09:12', '2009-08-07 20:09:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=434', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(435, 1, '2009-08-05 12:57:13', '2009-08-05 16:57:13', '', '478097388_14c393509d', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '478097388_14c393509d', '', '', '2009-08-05 12:57:13', '2009-08-05 16:57:13', '', 434, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/478097388_14c393509d.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
INSERT INTO `wp_d8mand_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_category`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(436, 1, '2009-08-06 15:10:05', '2009-08-06 19:10:05', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3041451506_1cc6a1c0b4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-437" title="3041451506_1cc6a1c0b4" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3041451506_1cc6a1c0b4.jpg" alt="" width="509" height="381" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Image by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mojodenbowsphotostudio/">Photo Mojo</a></h5>\r\nTwitter was down this morning. For 128 minutes, give or take a few. (And even longer, sort of for me—hours after I was able to see other people''s tweets, I was still unable to post one of my own.)\r\n\r\nOf course, I go for hours at a time without Twitter each day—and not just when I''m sleeping! I don''t need to be on Twitter every waking moment. For the site to be down in the morning, though, when I apparently rely on it most, was harsh.\r\n\r\nBut life''s challenges always come with teaching moments, right? Here are a few things I learned about myself and life during those long, Twitter-free hours:\r\n\r\n<strong>I need Twitter in the morning like I need coffee.</strong> It''s my dual-activation ritual. The two go hand in hand—both are vices that have a slightly-too-powerful hold on me, but aren''t damaging enough  to inspire a change of habits. Both do something to wake up my mind and get my thoughts and ideas churning.\r\n\r\n<strong>A constantly refreshed Twitter page never loads, just like a watched pot never boils.</strong> And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. (When Twitter finally came back up, and everyone was tweeting about their pain and agony, I particularly liked this one, from @Neilochka: <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">"Rather than using Twitter''s downtime to be productive, I just sat here and hit refresh 4000 times.")</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>Sometimes you just have to step away from the computer.</strong> Turns out, it''s good for you. Not only does it keep the aforementioned insanity at bay, but some technology-free activities and fresh air can do great things for your perspective. After a half hour of checking on Twitter''s health every other minute, I gave up and took the dog for a walk. It did me good. (At least until the site was back up and I began incessantly trying to post tweets, to no avail.)\r\n\r\n<strong>You don''t know what you''ve got until it''s out of reach.</strong> Or you don''t realize how much you care about people until you want to reach out to them and don''t know how. In other words, it''s time to exchange some phone numbers and email addresses, Twitter pals! Because some of my closest friends, allies and confidants are people I don''t know how to reach outside of Twitter.\r\n\r\n<strong>For better or worse, Twitter has changed how I think.</strong> Even when I can''t tweet, I think in 140-character nuggets. The days of long, rambling, stream-of-consciousness thoughts seem to be gone. Now I go for the concise, poetic, witty and engaging, even in my head, paring my thoughts down as I go. I imagine my audience, too, even though they''re thankfully not in my head: Would they find this interesting or funny? Would they respond?\r\n\r\n<strong>Twitter''s not a monologue—it''s all about the conversation. </strong>Even hours after the site was back up, and I could read other people''s tweets as they appeared, I couldn''t get a tweet of mine posted for the life of me. It wasn''t even so much that I had something *I* needed to say, with any importance of its own—I kept seeing things I wanted to respond to, but couldn''t. People are out there, needing encouragement and sympathy, needing someone to laugh and acknowledge, and share ideas. But for the past two or so hours, I''ve been  listening in without being able to speak up. It''s like a bad dream—I keep opening my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.\r\n\r\n(Update: As of 2:05 pm CST, I still have yet to successfully tweet anything. Of course, when all else fails on twitter, I can always blog about it, right? Hope to interact with my Twitter pals again soon!)', 'The morning Twitter was down', 0, '<em>I learned a few things about myself during Twitter''s sick leave.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-morning-without-twitter', '', '', '2009-08-07 11:20:12', '2009-08-07 15:20:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=436', 0, 'post', '', 6),
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(438, 1, '2009-08-07 15:52:31', '2009-08-07 19:52:31', '', '2971109215_15603e4129', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2971109215_15603e4129', '', '', '2009-08-07 15:52:31', '2009-08-07 19:52:31', '', 434, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2971109215_15603e4129.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(439, 1, '2009-08-07 15:52:57', '2009-08-07 19:52:57', '', '1457429942_2ea203486c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1457429942_2ea203486c', '', '', '2009-08-07 15:52:57', '2009-08-07 19:52:57', '', 434, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1457429942_2ea203486c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(440, 1, '2009-08-11 17:54:12', '2009-08-11 21:54:12', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3821.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-441" title="img_3821" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3821-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n\r\nThat is the question. At least it has been for me these last few days. Our family is at a cottage on Lake Michigan—our annual summer getaway. Because I''m often a divided person, this is the sort of conversation (argument?) the three prominent parts of me been carrying on in my head:\r\n\r\n<strong>Professional Me:</strong> It''s Tuesday. I always blog on Monday, but I haven''t blogged since . Do people know I''m on vacation? Will they decide I''m not a very serious blogger, because I didn''t write several posts ahead of time and set them to automatically publish while I''m away, pretending to relax?\r\n\r\n<strong>Mama Me:</strong> That''s ridiculous. You''re on vacation. You can''t let your blog run your life. Sometimes you have to let go. If you can''t relax like normal people, you have to make yourself relax. Focus all of your attention on your family. The blog will be there when you get back. If the audience isn''t, then good riddance.\r\n\r\n<strong>Me Me:</strong> Those are all fine points, but you''re missing the real issue: I can''t go a week without writing. I feel like I''m starting to suffocate—like all the oxygen is being sucked from my world. If I don''t have an outlet for all of my thoughts and ideas, I''ll be distracted and grumpy. I won''t even be able to fully enjoy these days with my kids, unless I create some balance for myself.\r\n\r\n<strong>Mama Me:</strong> Oh, so this vacation is all about you? Do you think the kids are going to remember the great blog post you wrote during vacation, 2009? You can''t set your needs aside for one week? Did your mom ever do anything for herself on family vacations?\r\n\r\n<strong>Me Me:</strong> Exactly. Maybe if she would have, I wouldn''t be dealing with all the inner Mama guilt. The kids don''t need me to be focusing on them every minute. They need me to be happy and content. In order to be who I am, I have to write. Not as much as usual, but I have to write at least a little.\r\n\r\n<strong>Professional Me:</strong> All I know, is that if I can''t locate a decent wireless signal sometime soon, I''m going to slowly start losing it. Then you''ll all be sorry. It''s almost impossible to relax, knowing the entire social media realm is buzzing along, and I can''t access it when I want to. Not all the time of course—just if I need to!\r\n\r\n<strong>Mama Me:</strong> If anyone ruins this vacation it''s going to be you. And that computer. Which you shouldn''t have even brought. There—I said it.\r\n\r\n<strong>Me Me:</strong> [<em>Sneaks away with a notebook and pen, to write down her thoughts in peace.</em>]\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3823.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-442" title="img_3823" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3823-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>', 'To blog or not to blog on vacation?', 0, '<em>A little argument with myself—and my other selves—about vacation balance.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'to-blog-or-not-to-blog-on-vacation', '', '', '2009-08-11 17:55:42', '2009-08-11 21:55:42', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=440', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(441, 1, '2009-08-11 17:51:11', '2009-08-11 21:51:11', '', 'img_3821', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_3821', '', '', '2009-08-11 17:51:11', '2009-08-11 21:51:11', '', 440, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3821.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(442, 1, '2009-08-11 17:51:39', '2009-08-11 21:51:39', '', 'img_3823', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_3823', '', '', '2009-08-11 17:51:39', '2009-08-11 21:51:39', '', 440, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_3823.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(443, 1, '2009-08-14 01:05:17', '2009-08-14 05:05:17', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/lake.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-444" title="lake" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/lake-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by Jason Berg</h5>\r\n<em>As many of you know, I''m at Lake Michigan on a family vacation. On Tuesday evening, our 11-year-old daughter fell off her Razor scooter near the cottage, breaking both bones in her forearm. This post is taken from something I wrote in a notebook on Wednesday, as we all began recovering from the experience.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Yesterday was a day for wave jumping and village building.</strong> It was a day for welcoming grandparents and singing loudly, for silliness and constant activity.\r\n\r\nYesterday was about independence, bravery and daring acts. It was a day to careen down hills too big, on scooters too fast.\r\n\r\n<strong>Yesterday was a day for pain and tears</strong>, for needing your mom to say everything will be OK as you drive to the emergency room in a town that is not home. It was a day of drama and waiting—for doctors, for pain medication, for x-rays, for answers—a day partly charged, partly dull. It was a day of new experiences—drugs that make you forget your pain and even forget who you are, as bones are pulled and shifted, and a cast is wrapped, heavy and foreign yet a part of you.\r\n\r\n<strong>Today is different. Today is a day for rest—for doing as little as possible, and being just fine with that.</strong> It’s a day of jigsaw puzzles and colored pencils, of feather pillows and naps, of concerned looks and reassuring smiles.\r\n\r\nToday is about moving slowly, or almost not at all. It’s a day for forgetting what you should do, or what you thought you wanted to do.\r\n\r\n<strong>Today is a day for being thankful for what is, and thinking of nothing more.</strong> It’s a day for time to slow drastically down—for the people that matter most to come into sharp focus, and for everything else to blur and fade away.\r\n\r\n<strong>Because of yesterday and today, we will see tomorrow with new eyes, whatever it brings.</strong>', 'A day for fear, a day for calm', 0, '<em>A trip to the emergency room slows time, magnifying what matters.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-day-of-fear-a-day-of-calm', '', '', '2009-08-14 01:08:21', '2009-08-14 05:08:21', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=443', 0, 'post', '', 10),
(444, 1, '2009-08-14 00:53:00', '2009-08-14 04:53:00', '', 'lake', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'lake', '', '', '2009-08-14 00:53:00', '2009-08-14 04:53:00', '', 443, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/lake.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(445, 1, '2009-08-17 01:40:29', '2009-08-17 05:40:29', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3587753739_7a5123f63b.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-446" title="3587753739_7a5123f63b" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3587753739_7a5123f63b.jpg" alt="" width="514" height="342" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/hawee/">Ha-Wee</a></h5>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>The Case for Early Marriage: Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot.</em></p>\r\nJust seeing the words <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/august/16.22.html">"The Case for Early Marriage"</a> on the <em>Christianity Today</em> website caused me to seize up inside. It was an automatic physiological response—the bodily equivalent to shouting <em>"Oh no!"</em>\r\n\r\nAfter all, Jason and I have both determined that marrying our first spouses too young is at the heart of why those marriages failed. We''ve had many long discussions about how our beliefs, families and church communities led us—directly or indirectly—into marriage (at age 22 for me and my first husband, 20 for Jason and his first wife).\r\n\r\n<strong>We''ve spent even more time talking about how we want our three daughters to understand their sexuality, relationships, and eventually marriage.</strong> And although we''re not quite sure how we''ll communicate the message, we''ve decided that waiting to get married (loosely defined as some time after 25) is more important than waiting to have sex. (I wrote about this in more detail in the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143">Politics, religion &amp; sex</a>.)\r\n\r\nNow a Christian author and thinker is blatantly <em>encouraging</em> people to get married at a younger age? Even more so than the church already does? It''s alarming.\r\n<h4>There isn''t a formula for love and happiness</h4>\r\nI can agree with certain things the article''s author, Mark Regnerus, says. "The [abstinence] message [of the church] must change," he writes. I agree. Regnerus also suggests that the church has placed too much focus on sex—on not having it, to be exact. I agree with that, too.\r\n\r\nI just don''t agree with where he takes the argument from there—to a case for earlier marriages. And I can''t wrap my head around how encouraging Christians to marry younger, as a rule, will help anything or anyone.\r\n\r\n<strong>Is there any real evidence that marrying at a young age is the key to happiness, any more than waiting until marriage to have sex?</strong> And are those Christians who marry in their 30s after having sex doomed to a train wreck of a marriage and sex life? Hardly. It absolutely all depends on the two people in question. Period.\r\n<h4>Am I devoting too much energy to the wrong issue?</h4>\r\nBut as I thought through all my protestations and logical arguments and better approaches, I kept returning to the same elemental question:\r\n\r\n<strong>How and when did the church decide to elevate certain issues above others? </strong>\r\n\r\nIs it because, as sinful behaviors go, sex is more black and white? You either have it or you don''t; you''re either married to that person or you aren''t? Alcoholism and porn addiction, on the other hand, can be trickier to pinpoint. How can you be sure when those lines have been crossed?\r\n\r\nIf you think those sins are fuzzy, what about these: Pride, anger, greed, an unforgiving heart, and placing "other gods before you." Those fall into categories so thick with grey, soupy fog, you can''t begin to see clearly. So maybe the church feels it''s just easier to put those things on the back burner and elevate the "big," obvious sins.\r\n<h4>Shifting the focus from sex and early marriage to love and compassion</h4>\r\nAll of these thoughts lead me to a followup question: <strong>What are we ignoring while we''re in the process of spending so much time and energy focused on these few particular issues?</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat would the world look like, for instance, if the church spent as much time teaching our teenagers to love others with compassion, as we spend pounding the "no-sex-outside-of-marriage" message into their heads? What if we, as parents, spent more time guiding our children on the journey of discovering who God created them to be, and less time telling them what the Bible says they''re not supposed to do?\r\n\r\nWhat would marriages look like if churches began honestly addressing the many, varied ways we sin against one another <em>within</em> marriage, rather than only focusing on those sins that take place outside of legal marriage?\r\n\r\n<strong>Which ultimately leads me to wonder this: What did/does Jesus want most for us?</strong> To be compassionate and merciful? To forgive freely? To love our neighbors as ourselves, and to love God?  And <em>if </em>we focused more on those things, would everything else—healthy, fulfilling sex and relationships included—fall more organically into place, as God intended?', 'Why the case for early marriage worries me', 0, '<em>Is the church''s focus on chastity just distracting us from the real issues?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'why-the-case-for-early-marriage-scares-me', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143', '2009-08-17 09:35:54', '2009-08-17 13:35:54', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=445', 0, 'post', '', 53),
(446, 1, '2009-08-17 01:22:40', '2009-08-17 05:22:40', '', '3587753739_7a5123f63b', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3587753739_7a5123f63b', '', '', '2009-08-17 01:22:40', '2009-08-17 05:22:40', '', 445, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3587753739_7a5123f63b.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(447, 1, '2009-08-19 11:32:08', '2009-08-19 15:32:08', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1286382332_69f469aeb3.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-448" title="1286382332_69f469aeb3" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1286382332_69f469aeb3.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 330px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/52871206@N00/">Made Underground</a></h5>\r\nWow, y''all. I was pretty much blown away by the level of discussion around my previous post, <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=445">Why the case for early marriage worries me</a>. You all were thoughtful, candid, smart, insightful, and amazingly considerate, when you think of the variety of viewpoints and deeply-held convictions surrounding topics like belief, sex and marriage.\r\n\r\nSince we seem to have touched on some important ideas, I was hoping to keep the dialogue going, and give it a bit more direction and shape. Sharing our own experiences and stories—what has happened in our lives and why—gives perspective, but it is what it is: a retelling of what happened (and I love it for what it is, by the way).\r\n\r\nSharing our opinions and structures of spiritual belief (or lack of it) can send us running in endless circles—no matter what we say and how eloquently we argue our point, there will be people who see things differently from each of us (thank goodness!).\r\n\r\nBut what about this concrete question: <strong>What will you (or have you) told your children, when it comes to sex, relationships and marriage? What do you want and hope for them, more than anything else? And how will you feel if they take a different path?\r\n</strong>\r\n\r\nAs I re-read the comments on my previous post last night, two aspects kept pushing me back to these questions about my kids (and they''re questions I''ve pondered before, and even addressed in the post <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143">Politics, religion &amp; sex</a>).\r\n\r\nFirst, I was really moved and inspired by this particular part of <a href="http://revsongbird.typepad.com/">Songbird</a>''s comment:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Here’s what I want for [my children] (who are 23, 18 and 14 now). I want them to view themselves as whole people, loved body and soul by God. I want them to love themselves, body and soul, and to recognize how inextricable those two parts are. I want them to love another person, body and soul, and to regard that person’s wholeness to be as precious as their own. In talking to them, I’ve called it a Love Ethic where sex is concerned. Love yourself, love your partner, and remember that how you live is an expression of how you love God. It’s for them to work out when that happens, and I trust them to be true to their teaching.</em></p>\r\nAnd then, a friend who responded to that same post privately in an email, told me how much she appreciated this last paragraph, which got somewhat lost in the bigger picture:\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><strong>What did/does Jesus want most for us?</strong> To be compassionate and merciful? To forgive freely? To love our neighbors as ourselves, and to love God?  And </em><em>if we focused more on those things, would everything else—healthy, fulfilling sex and relationships included—fall more organically into place, as God intended?</em></p>\r\n<strong>The two seem clearly related: My body-and-soul hopes for my children, who I love so much it hurts, and Jesus'' hopes for his children, who he loves even more than we can imagine.</strong>\r\n\r\nSo think about this, and if you feel like it, share your response with the rest of us: What do you want most for your children, when it comes to their sexuality and relationships? (If you don''t have children yet, try to imagine it!) And how will you communicate those hopes to them?', 'What will we tell our kids about sex & marriage?', 0, '<em>What do you want for your kids, body & soul, more than anything else?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'what-will-we-tell-the-kids-about-sex-marriage', '', 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=445\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=143', '2009-08-19 11:32:46', '2009-08-19 15:32:46', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=447', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(448, 1, '2009-08-19 11:29:26', '2009-08-19 15:29:26', '', '1286382332_69f469aeb3', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '1286382332_69f469aeb3', '', '', '2009-08-19 11:29:26', '2009-08-19 15:29:26', '', 447, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/1286382332_69f469aeb3.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(449, 1, '2009-08-25 00:25:52', '2009-08-25 04:25:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/carmela.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-450" title="carmela" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/carmela.jpg" alt="" width="508" height="451" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photos by Jason Berg</h5>\r\nJason and I were in Grand Rapids for a wedding this past weekend. My dear friend Carmen, who I''ve known since 1993, was getting married the day after her fortieth birthday.\r\n\r\nThe lucky man, Kevin, was friends with Carmen in middle school, in the eighties; after 20 years of no contact whatsoever, they rediscovered one another on Facebook last summer.\r\n\r\nIn the months leading up to the wedding, I was thrilled over Carmen''s happiness. But I have to admit, I was a tiny bit concerned, too. That''s what tends to happen when someone you love is about to take a big step—at least one that you feel so disconnected from.\r\n\r\nWho is this Kevin guy, anyway? Does Carmen really know him? After living in Montana for years, how will he fit into her well-established, fast-paced New York City life? I couldn''t wait to meet him, and see for myself.\r\n<h4>Fast forward one year since I first heard Carmen talk about Kevin...</h4>\r\nIn the days leading up to the wedding weekend, I was looking forward to many things—seeing Carmen and other old friends, meeting Carmen''s best friend Angie (who''s become a virtual friend of mine over the past year), and just enjoying the revelries of a very fun wedding planned by a very fun person.\r\n\r\nMeeting Kevin, though, was still what I was anticipating the most. I wanted—no, <em>needed</em>—to know more about this person, who my dear friend was choosing to join her life with. I needed to see them together.\r\n\r\nThe state fair themed wedding (yes, for real) took place on Carmen''s dad''s horse farm. Chairs were set up in the side yard, white rail fences surrounded the pasture, and horses threw their heads back, shaking their manes in the background. Carmen was festive, quirky and gorgeous in bright yellow; music from the 1945 Rogers and Hammerstein musical, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1110875392/tt0038116">State Fair</a>, accompanied the processional.\r\n\r\nDuring the wedding ceremony, a selection of parents, siblings, and some long-time friends shared stories. Carmen and Kevin also shared their story, as a twosome. The teenage installment, as well as the events of the past year, were told in a fun, tag-team style of microphone passing and finishing one another''s sentences.\r\n<h4>And now for a twist...</h4>\r\nWhen it was all said and done, I definitely learned quite a bit about Kevin. <strong>But to my surprise, I learned even more about <em>Carmen</em>, the person I was sure I already knew.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>The creative, charming, talented, stylish, big-city Carmen I''ve known for 15 years, was suddenly rounded out and made so much more complex by the details and images unfolding before me:</strong> Little Carmen''s much-despised orthopedic shoes, and her tendency to kick people in the shins when she was mad. Her fearless affection for an enormous pet boa constrictor, which she purchased with the money relatives gave her at her first communion. Her love for the outdoors and life on her dad''s farm, where she helped him build a fence in the rain so she could have her own little menagerie of livestock.\r\n\r\nThe stories were upheld not only by the words, but also by the people all around me. There, at the wedding, were Carmen''s parents and her sister, her high school pals and her extended set of boisterous Polish aunts, uncles and cousins. <strong>And there in the middle of it all was Carmen, the person I know and love so well—still very much that person, but also someone else, even more complete, more beautiful than I could previously comprehend.</strong>\r\n\r\nThen there was Kevin, too—by Carmen''s side. And it all made sense, in the sort of way something just <em>does</em>, when you understand the bigger picture and stop over-thinking it.\r\n\r\nIt all came together at a wedding on a farm, fun and comfortable, allowing everyone to be just who they are, from big city friends to country cousins and everyone in between. <strong>We were all brought together by the wonderful complexity of humanity, and, of course, the wonderful complexity of love.</strong>\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/ckwed.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-452" title="ckwed" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/ckwed-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5>Carmen and Kevin, after saying their vows.</h5>\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_4434.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-454" title="img_43611" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_43611-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5>The lovely bride trying her hand at some state fair feats of strength.</h5>\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_4434.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-453" title="img_4434" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_4434-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5>Carmen ordering a sundae at the ice cream stand.</h5>', 'Meeting your other half ', 0, '<em>A wedding reveals more beautiful facets of a friend I thought I knew well.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'meeting-your-other-half', '', '', '2009-08-25 23:04:26', '2009-08-26 03:04:26', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=449', 0, 'post', '', 11),
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(453, 1, '2009-08-24 18:25:59', '2009-08-24 22:25:59', '', 'img_4434', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_4434', '', '', '2009-08-24 18:25:59', '2009-08-24 22:25:59', '', 449, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_4434.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(454, 1, '2009-08-24 18:26:44', '2009-08-24 22:26:44', '', 'img_43611', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'img_43611', '', '', '2009-08-24 18:26:44', '2009-08-24 22:26:44', '', 449, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/img_43611.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(455, 1, '2009-08-24 18:31:35', '2009-08-24 22:31:35', '', 'carmandme', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'carmandme', '', '', '2009-08-24 18:31:35', '2009-08-24 22:31:35', '', 449, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/carmandme.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(456, 1, '2009-08-26 13:20:23', '2009-08-26 17:20:23', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2263627409_4b6cde6d8b.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-457" title="2263627409_4b6cde6d8b" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2263627409_4b6cde6d8b.jpg" alt="" width="510" height="382" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/tmaull/">tmaull</a></h5>\r\n<strong>I''ve been thinking a lot about working together—you know, joining forces to make even better things happen. </strong>"Collaboration" is the buzz word I could use, but I''m a little weary of it.\r\n\r\nThis post won''t be a complete thought, as much as it is a sharing of ideas, hopes, and some frustrations. I''m sure you''ll have many to add.\r\n<h4>A senator who made working across the aisle more than just an empty promise</h4>\r\nWhen the radio alarm sounded this morning, the <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90557651&amp;ps=rs">headline story</a> was about the life of Senator Ted Kennedy, who died last night. Jason and I stayed in bed, to listen to the inspiring tribute (NPR likes to refer to "driveway moments"—when you sit in your car in the driveway to listen to the rest of a story; I''m a big fan of NPR "bed moments," too).\r\n\r\nAs a senator since 1962, Kennedy was the third-longest-serving senator in history, so his legacy—particularly around issues of health care, civil rights and the economic well-being of individual Americans—is enormous. <strong>But what struck me most about this morning''s news coverage, was his willingness to be open to those who saw issues differently from him, and to find common ground, never compromising what he stood for in the process.</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Sen. Edward M. Kennedy was a Democrat''s Democrat, so much so that he became a rallying point for those in his party and an object of derision for Republican opponents. Yet his affability and capability to span the partisan divide on an array of legislative matters prompted an outpouring of condolences from those in the GOP as well as the Democratic Party following his death Tuesday at age 77 from brain cancer.</em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 210px;">From <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112233439&amp;ps=rs">"Republicans Join Democrats in Mourning Kennedy"</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h4>An organization that sees an opportunity to do even more good, by choosing to work with others</h4>\r\nLast Friday, while in Grand Rapids, I had the opportunity to chat with an colleague of mine from a decade ago, who now works for <a href="http://www.habitatkent.org/">Habitat of Humanity Kent County</a>. Sandy has been an inspiring person to be around since the day I met her, and I''ve long admired the work of Habitat, an organization our church is particularly committed to and involved with.\r\n\r\nI was surprised, though, to hear Sandy get all excited not just about helping families get into homes, but also about their most recent project: job training and development.\r\n\r\nThis is how it works: Kent County''s Habitat has become the number one green/sustainable builder in the state—all of the homes they build are LEED-certified. These green building sites are becoming training labs for people who have various barriers to employment, who are identified by Goodwill. Grand Rapids Community College is doing the training, and Habitat homes are getting built (and foreclosed homes are getting rehabed) in the process. How cool is that?\r\n<h4>Involving the very people we want to help makes all the difference</h4>\r\nYesterday I interviewed Jenn, a neighborhood revitalization expert at a Grand Rapids organization called <a href="http://www.dwellingplacegr.org/">Dwelling Place</a>. I was inspired by the multiple ways they serve the homeless population (and recently homeless, thanks to the 900 units of housing Dwelling Place has created in the neighborhood known as Heartside). <strong>It''s not just about providing services like food and shelter, it''s about pride and ownership, business development and opportunities to get involved and have a voice.</strong>\r\n\r\nJenn said the most important thing they do is work to make connections—between the homeless population and local businesses, between existing populations and people moving into the neighborhood, and between the local government and the people in need. Involving the homeless community in the conversation and the process is huge, when it comes to working together to make their lives better.\r\n<h4>Public schools work for all kids only when all parties work together</h4>\r\nThis morning we took my girls to their first day of school. It was the traditional first-day entourage, that I <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=32">posted about</a> two years ago: me, Jason, my ex-husband, and his wife, and this year the addition of our pup, Maeve.\r\n\r\nI''m a big believer of public schools, and I really love our neighborhood elementary school. One of the things I love most about it is the diversity of kids it serves, from ethnic and racial diversity to socioeconomic diversity, and a variety of academic skill levels.\r\n\r\nBut it''s that very community strength, of course, that makes serving all kids a challenge. I don''t mean just getting them through the school year and advancing them to the next grade level. I''m talking about inspiring and exciting them, and truly pushing them to be the best they can be.\r\n\r\nI respect the challenges facing the teachers and principals; I also get frustrated when I see which kids are getting lost along the way, in one respect or another, on both sides of the spectrum and in between. <strong>Working together is the only way we''re going to make it happen—parents working with the schools, kids working with other kids who are like them as well as those who are different, parents working with their kids, at home.</strong>\r\n\r\nIn our family, we have even more people to work with: two sets of ex-spouses and step parents. So in the spirit of working together, here''s to a year of sharing visions, seeing possibilities, working "across the aisle," and making the most of all we can bring to a shared table.', 'Working together: From Senators to ex-spouses', 0, '<em>There''s only one way to get the job done right (& it''s not doing it yourself).</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'working-together-from-senators-to-ex-spouses', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=32', '2009-08-26 13:21:01', '2009-08-26 17:21:01', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=456', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(457, 1, '2009-08-26 13:17:10', '2009-08-26 17:17:10', '', '2263627409_4b6cde6d8b', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2263627409_4b6cde6d8b', '', '', '2009-08-26 13:17:10', '2009-08-26 17:17:10', '', 456, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/2263627409_4b6cde6d8b.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(458, 1, '2009-08-28 05:31:31', '2009-08-28 09:31:31', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3599478325_f9030e5eb6.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-459" title="3599478325_f9030e5eb6" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3599478325_f9030e5eb6.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="335" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/khrawlings/">Kevin Rawlings</a></h5>\r\n"I have to write a ''faith'' post tonight, <em>and I don''t wanna!</em>" I complained to Jason, as we were settling in for the night. "What am I going to write about? I''m just not feeling very...I don''t know...."\r\n\r\n"Faith-full?" Jason asked.\r\n\r\n"Yeah. I guess that''s it."\r\n\r\nMaybe some of you haven''t noticed, but I organize my blog posts into three categories: Love, family &amp; community; Culture, ideas &amp; paradigms; and Belief, doubt &amp; hope. I originally decided to go this route as a way to give my otherwise undefinable blog some definition.\r\n\r\nOne of the side effects, though, from a writer''s standpoint, is that the categories impose some structure and balance when it comes to what I write about. Sometimes that structure is welcomed, other times, not so much. It''s not like I write the posts in any particular order, but if things begin to get lopsided, I notice.\r\n\r\nThat''s what is happening tonight. It''s time to write a post about my faith, and that isn''t always an easy assignment. As I talked to Jason about some half-baked, not very exciting ideas I had, I eventually admitted that <strong>my life, these past few weeks, has generated a perfect storm for back-burnered faith.</strong>\r\n\r\n"Oh," I said, that proverbial light bulb flicking on in my mind. "I guess I should write about <em>that</em>."\r\n\r\nJason smiled and nodded, then opened his book. His work was done.\r\n\r\nSo that''s what I''m writing about—the struggle to remain close to God. There''s this big chasm that separates us from God. To bridge it (or to even begin to), we have to first be oriented toward it; then we have to be open, and diligent, too.\r\n\r\nThat''s a tough combination to capture every day. When I''m at a place in my life where my orientation is all askew, and "diligence" strikes me as a foreign word, I''m left with the many ironies of being so very human:\r\n\r\n<strong>When I''m busy and stressed, I orient myself away from God and his peace.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>When I''m out of my routine, I forget about God and his constancy.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>When I''m traveling and away from my church community, I lose sight of God and his tangible love.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>When I''m overly tired, I close myself off to God''s refreshing, renewing grace.</strong>\r\n\r\nAnd even though I''ve been here before, each time it takes me so long to recognize where I am, and to navigate my way home. Does anyone know of a more direct route?', 'When I''m not feeling very faith-full', 0, '<em>Life has a way of blocking my view of God when I need him most.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'when-im-not-feeling-very-faith-full', '', '', '2009-08-28 00:32:12', '2009-08-28 04:32:12', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=458', 0, 'post', '', 15),
(459, 1, '2009-08-28 00:08:43', '2009-08-28 04:08:43', '', '3599478325_f9030e5eb6', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3599478325_f9030e5eb6', '', '', '2009-08-28 00:08:43', '2009-08-28 04:08:43', '', 458, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/3599478325_f9030e5eb6.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(460, 1, '2009-08-31 17:15:34', '2009-08-31 21:15:34', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/314088675_de35b12b87.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-461" title="314088675_de35b12b87" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/314088675_de35b12b87.jpg" alt="" width="496" height="500" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/darwinbell/">Darwin Bell</a></h5>\r\nShould kids be "forced" to read books they aren''t naturally drawn to, or should we just be happy that they''re reading anything at all, whatever it might be?\r\n\r\nThis question has been needling parents and teachers for a number of years, and it got plenty of people particularly riled up over the weekend, when it was addressed in a <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/30/books/30reading.html?em">New York Times article: A New Assignment: Pick Books You Like.</a> (Thanks to Twitter friend and school librarian, @bookhouseboy, for letting me know about the article!)\r\n\r\n<strong>A generation ago, it wasn''t really a question; of course kids should be forced to read the classics, at least when it comes to school assigned literature.</strong> The question itself might be relatively new, for teachers, but this <em>type</em> of question isn''t really new. There are many age-old versions of it, and many subtleties surrounding the question, that aren''t nearly so black and white.\r\n\r\nFor instance: <strong>Should picky eaters be forced to swallow down vegetables, or should parents be happy when they eat <em>anything</em>, assuming that good nutrition habits will come later?</strong>\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to reading, the two sides of the argument are summed up here (from the New York Times article by Motoko Rich):\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>In the method familiar to generations of students, an entire class reads a novel — often a classic — together to draw out the themes and study literary craft. That tradition, proponents say, builds a shared literary culture among students, exposes all readers to works of quality and complexity and is the best way to prepare students for standardized tests. </em></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>But fans of the reading workshop say that assigning books leaves many children bored or unable to understand the texts. Letting students choose their own books, they say, can help to build a lifelong love of reading.</em></p>\r\nPersonally, I tend to avoid seeing things as black or white so it doesn''t surprise me that I can see positive aspects to both approaches. I do have some opinions, though, and I''m really liking the food metaphor, so I''m going to run with it as I share my thoughts about how and what kids should be reading. <em>(Disclaimer: I speak as a parent and lover of books, and do not pretend to understand all of the challenges teachers face in the classroom and regarding district regulations.)</em>\r\n<h4>Choice as motivator: Green beans or Brussels sprouts?</h4>\r\n<strong>I think kids <em>should</em> be eating some vegetables and reading some classic literature, but they can also be given some limited choice in the matter.</strong> It seems to me that forcing any specific thing on kids, in a specific way, makes most of them feel cornered and resentful, and even rebellious. If the grownups make it clear (you <em>will</em> be eating some vegetables tonight with dinner) but give them options (should I make green beans or Brussels sprouts?), kids tend to take more ownership in the matter. This approach offers freedom within structure. The same goes, I would think, for reading teachers who offer options: Everyone in this class must chose to read either Harper Lee or Anne Frank—you pick.\r\n<h4>An appetizing disguise never hurts: Some Hollandaise for that asparagus?</h4>\r\nJust because something is really good for you doesn''t mean it''s destined to be a bitter pill to choke down. In other words, <strong>not every classic piece of literature has to be slopped onto the plate like a pile of lukewarm, mushy peas.</strong> So don''t throw the vegetables out because kids turn up their noses—find fresh ways to approach them and serve them. Take the classic literature and have kids read it, but let them respond to it in exciting formats and new ways. Disguise it just enough, under a bit of Hollandaise sauce, and soon maybe the good habits will come without requiring extra effort.\r\n<h4>It''s all about community: Avoid eating alone</h4>\r\n<strong>Just as dinner, ideally, is not only about directing food toward your stomach, reading is not just about ingesting words.</strong> We tend to think about reading as a solitary activity, but I think the communal aspect of engaging books and ideas is as important as each individual actually reading the book. It worries me to think that a class of kids might all be reading different books, so they might miss out on those important opportunities to discuss, form opinions, and debate. It''s almost as sad as the thought of some family members, night after night, each heating up their individual frozen dinner of choice and eating it when and where they want, without the motivation to plan and share the food, the space, and the accompanying conversation.\r\n<h4>Save room for what''s sweetest: The undeniable validity of ice cream</h4>\r\nIt''s important to teach kids that what''s good for them is usually not what tastes sweetest, and that''s OK. It''s a huge life lesson—the best things in life take work and discipline—so the sooner they learn it, the better. But that doesn''t mean there isn''t a place for everything gooey, sugary, sticky and rich. There just has to be balance and moderation. I think kids, parents and teachers can all work together to find that sweet spot, as long as they share common goals and ideals. <strong>There''s always room for dessert after dinner, and always a place for those Valentines Days and Halloweens of abandon and sweet celebration, when the healthy diet is temporarily put on hold. Let the kids go crazy and read what they want.</strong> Just make sure they brush their teeth really well when they come down from their sugar high.', 'Books as broccoli (they''re good for you!)', 0, '<em>Should teachers assign books or let kids be picky readers?</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'books-as-brocolli-theyre-good-for-you', '', '', '2009-09-01 13:04:06', '2009-09-01 17:04:06', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=460', 0, 'post', '', 9),
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(462, 1, '2009-09-02 05:40:28', '2009-09-02 09:40:28', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3310222646_9b51d4cc6b.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-463" title="3310222646_9b51d4cc6b" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3310222646_9b51d4cc6b.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="357" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 450px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fimbrethil/">Fimb</a></h5>\r\nMy kids are at a great stage. Well, there''s the sisterly bickering, which I could do without, but I love the rest. <strong>At 9 and 11, they''re self-sufficient in all the right ways, without being <em>too</em> self-sufficient.</strong>\r\n\r\nFor instance, they shower and dress themselves (sure, S requires a bit of nagging), but they still love sitting on my lap. They can comb their own hair after washing it, but they still love to have me comb the affection on them. They are just fine walking the dog all by themselves, yet they still hold my hand when I''m walking with them. They can stay home alone while I run a quick errand, but they still love it best when we''re all around the table together.\r\n\r\n<strong>It was a bit of a shock, then, when my 11-year-old <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=443">broke her arm</a>.</strong> Suddenly, I had to start bathing her (every other day, at her pre-teen insistence). And dressing her (she is very picky about clothes). And changing her earrings and putting up her hair (in her very particular way). Oh, and helping her pack her backpack, open bags of pretzels, cut her meat, butter her toast, and do a variety of other tasks that she''s done on her own for years.\r\n\r\nWhen school started a week ago (middle school!), Q''s dependency really sunk in. Not only did I have to do all of these things for her, I had to do them on a schedule! For the very child who is our most self-sufficient—the one we never have to remind about anything, let alone nag!\r\n\r\nEven though Q herself hasn''t grumbled once about the inconveniences of having a cast up to her armpit, I admit, I was grumbling a bit inside.\r\n\r\n<strong>Tonight, though, as I gave Q her bath—this big girl, my firstborn, who is growing up so fast and has long been "too old" for baths—I reveled in it.</strong> I poured the warm water over her back; she marveled at how good it felt. I massaged her scalp with shampoo; she said it was like being at a fine spa. I rinsed out the suds, all of my techniques for keeping water out of ears and eyes coming back to me. Then I dried Q off, wrapped her up, and hugged her, remembering that wonderful feeling of holding a warm, clean baby, all swaddled in fluffy towel.\r\n\r\n<strong>And all I could think was how glad I am that I slowed down enough to appreciate this unexpected gift. The cast will come off in about a month, but Q and I have bonded in that deep, "I need you" way, once again.</strong>', 'A sweet taste of mother-daughter time travel', 0, '<em>Needing someone (and being needed) spawns the deepest kind of bond.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-sweet-taste-of-mother-daughter-time-travel', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=443', '2009-09-02 00:41:26', '2009-09-02 04:41:26', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=462', 0, 'post', '', 18),
(463, 1, '2009-09-02 00:10:51', '2009-09-02 04:10:51', '', '3310222646_9b51d4cc6b', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3310222646_9b51d4cc6b', '', '', '2009-09-02 00:10:51', '2009-09-02 04:10:51', '', 462, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3310222646_9b51d4cc6b.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(464, 1, '2009-09-08 02:10:27', '2009-09-08 06:10:27', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3052497993_7894a96c46.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-465" title="3052497993_7894a96c46" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3052497993_7894a96c46.jpg" alt="" width="530" height="358" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/vincepal/">Vincepal</a></h5>\r\nI''m trying to figure something out, and it''s going to require that I do some generalizing here, so please bear with me.\r\n\r\n<strong>If Christians believe that God is good and all powerful and on their side, why do they seem so much more afraid than everyone else?</strong>\r\n\r\nBecause that''s the main thing I get, when I look around at mainstream Christian blogs and news outlets and I catch wind of what''s being preached from the pulpits of many evangelical churches: Fear.\r\n\r\n<strong>There''s the fear that our kids might actually like and look up to a liberal politician—a black one at that!—if they watch President Obama talk to them tomorrow about working harder and staying committed to their education. </strong>Because let''s face it, people really can''t think that Obama''s secret plan is to indoctrinate their children with his socialist agenda, as some far-right critics have claimed. (There''s an overview of the controversy <a href="http://www.startribune.com/politics/57642592.html">here</a>, and an interesting tie between Obama and trustworthy nature of Mr. Rogers <a href="http://content.usatoday.com/communities/Religion/post/2009/09/what-if-obama-comes-across-like-mr-rogers/1?csp=34">here</a>.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Then there''s the fear that if your church or denomination—or even your state—has a reasonable dialogue around the issue of homosexuality, something really bad will happen to innocent old you.</strong>\r\n\r\nFor instance, you might get caught in a <a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1965_the_tornado_the_lutherans_and_homosexuality/">Jesus-orchestrated tornado</a>, or God might get busy <a href="http://christwire.org/2009/08/god-starts-more-wildfires-reminds-californians-to-say-no-to-homos/">starting some divine fires</a>. Because, you know, God isn''t very clever or creative, so he always resorts to natural disasters when he wants to get our attention about something that isn''t remotely related to our shameful treatment of the environment.\r\n\r\n<strong>And what about the predominantly Christian fear surrounding sex education?</strong> The type of sex education that isn''t focused solely on abstinence-only forms of birth control and STD prevention. What are people afraid of? That too much accurate information might give our kids ideas they don''t already have.\r\n\r\nWhen someone <em>does</em> unintentionally get pregnant (perhaps because they weren''t fully informed?), there''s fear, too, and not just about abortion. What if these babies who didn''t get aborted are raised in non-Christian, liberal homes? Maybe even by single moms! Gasp! Trying to actually help these women find places to live and ways to support themselves and their babies is just too risky. Christians should just adopt them all. (Check out the article <a href="http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090914/joyce">"Shotgun Adoption"</a> in the September 14 edition of The Nation.)\r\n<h4>What are we afraid of?</h4>\r\nWe are all entitled to our political opinions, our interpretations of the Bible, and our understanding of who God is and how he works in the world, so I''m going to share mine: <strong>God does not use fear to communicate, manipulate or otherwise discipline us.</strong> Plenty of Christians might do that—and non-Christians, too—but we should know by now that God''s people too often don''t follow God''s lead.\r\n\r\nAs one of my favorite verses in the New Testament state, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)\r\n\r\nCan we just try using that as our guide to help us determine if some communication or idea is actually from God? Again, I''m not saying we can''t disagree and feel strongly about one of these issues I''ve mentioned, but can we at least honestly ask ourselves "Are my feelings about this rooted in any form of fear?"\r\n\r\n<strong>Because maybe the number one thing we''re afraid of is the prospect of asking ourselves the question: What am I afraid of?</strong>', 'True faith leaves no room for fear', 0, '<em>What are Christians so afraid of? Let''s at least start asking the question.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'faith-leaves-no-room-for-fear', '', '\nhttp://christwire.org/2009/08/god-starts-more-wildfires-reminds-californians-to-say-no-to-homos/', '2009-09-08 02:12:02', '2009-09-08 06:12:02', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=464', 0, 'post', '', 22),
(465, 1, '2009-09-08 01:54:22', '2009-09-08 05:54:22', '', '3052497993_7894a96c46', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3052497993_7894a96c46', '', '', '2009-09-08 01:54:22', '2009-09-08 05:54:22', '', 464, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3052497993_7894a96c46.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(466, 1, '2009-09-10 13:51:17', '2009-09-10 17:51:17', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/451557688_8e483bdd7a.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-467" title="451557688_8e483bdd7a" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/451557688_8e483bdd7a.jpg" alt="" width="533" height="354" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lollyknit/">LollyKnit</a></h5>\r\n<strong>I''m a frustrated artist. Yeah—how cliche is that?</strong>\r\n\r\nFrom what I''ve heard about the publishing world, I should just get used to it. "Frustrated" is the hopeful author''s middle name.\r\n\r\nAn editor who a year ago seemed eager to move forward with my book proposal for Halfway to Normal (we just had to work out a minor concern with the topic of one chapter), recently told me the publisher is no longer interested. I spent the past year <em>improving</em> the proposal in many ways, but no thanks.\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s not just rejection that I''m having a hard time with, though. As a writer, I''ve lived through plenty of rejection.</strong> It''s the <em>rationale</em> behind the rejection, and the fact that I can''t seem to do anything to alter my situation.\r\n<h4>A shift in the publishing landscape</h4>\r\nWhat the editor said is that while I have "a lot of talent" and a "strong proposal," the "publishing landscape has changed in the past year." Particularly for memoir-type books. <strong>Essentially, if you don''t have a strong "author''s platform,"—in other words, if you''re not already widely known for something you''ve done—you''re out of luck.</strong>\r\n\r\nI''ve done just about everything a regular person can do to build her platform—at least in a way that feels genuine to me. I''ve developed significant connections on Twitter and Facebook, I''ve built a community around my blog that is committed and engaged. I''ve published an essay in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce/dp/1580052762">an anthology</a> that''s on its third print run, and have participated in readings at Powell''s Books in Portland, Women &amp; Children First bookstore in Chicago, and KGB Bar in New York (scheduled for Sept. 23). I''ve even garnered a letter of endorsement for my book proposal that''s so significant and glowing, it makes me blush.\r\n\r\nSo what''s Plan B? Should I start dreaming up crazy schemes and scandals to pitch to Oprah?\r\n<h4>As readers, we lose out</h4>\r\nMy frustration isn''t just about my dreams to publish, though. <strong>The bigger issue is what ultimately emerges as a result of this sad trend in the publishing industry, brought on by their financial woes, and who loses out the most.</strong> I don''t think it''s the would-be authors, it''s the readers.\r\n\r\nPersonally, as a reader, I want stories from people''s lives more than I want self-help books. And when it comes to <em>whose</em> stories I crave, its the stories of real, average people—people like me. I''m a mom who knows kids can be maddening; an ex-wife and new wife who knows marriage takes work; a Christian who struggles with God and with church, but doesn''t want to walk away from either one; a writer with modest successes and dreams, who works at it day after day. <strong></strong>\r\n\r\nI don''t need to hear life stories from a famous athlete, or a hip young pastor of a mega church, someone who made a million overnight, or a woman with eight babies. While I might be intrigued, inspired or fascinated by some of those stories,  they leave me feeling more empty and hopeless. <strong>I need to hear stories that remind me I''m not alone in my failures, my struggles, my messes, or my everyday hopes and dreams.</strong>\r\n\r\nAnd I want to be someone who is able to share some of my own stories with as many people as possible. That''s all.', 'A publishing Catch 22', 0, '<em>How the focus on author''s platforms might ultimately change what we read.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'a-publishing-catch-22', '', '', '2009-09-10 13:51:17', '2009-09-10 17:51:17', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=466', 0, 'post', '', 13),
(467, 1, '2009-09-10 13:41:03', '2009-09-10 17:41:03', '', '451557688_8e483bdd7a', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '451557688_8e483bdd7a', '', '', '2009-09-10 13:41:03', '2009-09-10 17:41:03', '', 466, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/451557688_8e483bdd7a.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(468, 1, '2009-09-14 01:01:52', '2009-09-14 05:01:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3746130735_503fba2127.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-469" title="3746130735_503fba2127" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3746130735_503fba2127.jpg" alt="" width="520" height="407" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/genealogyphotos/">Genealogy Photos</a></h5>\r\nIn my little nuclear family, there are five people and three last names.\r\n\r\nI have my parents'' last name, my two daughters have their dad''s last name, and Jason and his daughter share a last name.\r\n\r\nUsually it just is what it is, and we don''t even think twice about it. Sometimes we joke about it, and combine all three of our last names into a hyphenated, five-syllable conglomeration (it could easily be worse than five syllables, you know).\r\n\r\n<strong>And sometimes being a family that doesn''t share a last name in common is a logistical pain, or even a social hurdle.</strong> On Saturday, for instance, we all were at the farmers'' market and decided to participate in a community art project. As we were getting ready to leave, the woman organizing the project said, "Oh, I need you to sign your family in so we have a record of everyone who worked on these pieces."\r\n\r\nI wrote each name on the sign-in sheet, but I felt the urge to add several footnotes detailing our relationships to one another—wife, daughter, step-daughter, and so on. Maybe a diagram would help clarify?\r\n\r\n<strong>It''s not a huge deal, of course, but sometimes I feel the need to explain myself to people, or like I somehow have to legitimize my very real connection to these people I don''t seem legally connected to.</strong> Is that old-fashioned of me?\r\n<h4>All of my names: I can explain everything</h4>\r\nI generally don''t feel old-fashioned. After my divorce, I didn''t think I''d ever get married again, because I questioned the importance of a legal document of the sort (clearly I changed my mind, but that''s another story).\r\n\r\nAnd when it comes to marriage and names, I had long questioned my decision to take my first husband''s name, which I did because it seemed symbolically important, at the time. After our marriage ended, even though I struggled with the idea of having a different last name than my daughters, I decided to reclaim my maiden name. In that case, <strong>the change symbolized a reclaiming of my individual identity—the one I started life with, the me that was just me, and didn''t need to legally change in order to bind my heart and soul to another.</strong>\r\n\r\nIncidentally, it was also a heck of a lot of work to legally revert to my maiden name, so when Jason and I decided to get married, my first and final thought was pretty much "no way am I taking on a different name <em>again</em>."\r\n<h4>Making your own decisions, your own meaning</h4>\r\nWhat it gets down to, though, is what ultimately matters to me (or to you). What actually brings meaning and rich symbolism to your life (because symbols can be strong and have a purpose)? Are you able to let go of what you think you are <em>supposed</em> to do, or what''s expected of you, embracing what matters and shedding what might be nothing more than empty tradition?\r\n\r\nI''m not advocating for name-keeping. I''m just an advocate for figuring out what matters to each of us, and why. When I was younger, <strong>I craved labels and names that could serve the purpose of helping me sort things out, and could give others a user-friendly interface for accessing me.</strong> I wanted people to glance at the public face of my life, make a guess about what was going on, and pretty much be right. Not only was that easier and cleaner, it made me feel like I had somehow succeeded at something important.\r\n\r\nNow I''m more willing to embrace complexity, or at least to roll with it. I can see, at times, that people are confused about my family, for any number of reasons. And I sort of think a bit of that confusion is good, more than bad. <strong>It forces people to think about what''s "normal," and if there''s really any such thing. It makes me more confident about standing behind the decisions I''ve made about my own life, whether or not they''re decisions you would make for your life.</strong>\r\n\r\nAs a result, of course, it also makes me more open to what others choose for themselves, even if I don''t "get it." I don''t, after all, need to get it. <em>They</em> need to get it.\r\n\r\nSometimes I still fall back into my old ways of wanting everything to be nice and neat and crystal-clear. Or I have those old, knee-jerk habits of feeling apologetic because my life simply <em>isn''t</em> nice and neat. But I''ve come a long, long way. I can assure you of that.', 'What''s a family? What''s in a name?', 0, '<em>Some families are just more complicated than others.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'whats-a-family-whats-in-a-name', '', '', '2009-09-14 23:15:10', '2009-09-15 03:15:10', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=468', 0, 'post', '', 19),
(469, 1, '2009-09-14 00:27:54', '2009-09-14 04:27:54', '', '3746130735_503fba2127', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3746130735_503fba2127', '', '', '2009-09-14 00:27:54', '2009-09-14 04:27:54', '', 468, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3746130735_503fba2127.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(470, 1, '2009-09-16 12:57:52', '2009-09-16 16:57:52', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/2686982308_de4f09bb4c.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-471" title="2686982308_de4f09bb4c" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/2686982308_de4f09bb4c.jpg" alt="" width="536" height="356" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 360px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/wwworks/">Woodleywonderworks</a></h5>\r\nWhen I was in college, living in the dorms, we had a field day each fall, involving everything from straight-up sports like softball to crazy relays and mud fights. One of the relays involved running across the soccer field with a partner, probably after doing something crazy at the other end. I don''t remember the crazy part, just the running with Terry, the very tall guy I happened to be paired with.\r\n\r\nTerry was lithe and long-legged, full of energy and a competitive spirit. Terry could run like the wind; I, in effect, became one with the wind.\r\n\r\nI''ll never forget the feeling of running across that field. Terry essentially pulled me up and along by our clasped hands, his long legs propelling us as my feet pedaled the air frantically, occasionally making brief contact with the earth. <strong>I must have looked like a cartoon character, scrambling without traction, ready at any moment to fly sprawling on my face. I was simply hanging on for dear life.</strong>\r\n\r\nThat''s what my life has felt like for the past month or so, and I don''t like it. It''s not exhilarating, it''s exhausting. <strong>It makes me feel like I''m running a race that isn''t mine, on legs I don''t control.</strong> It makes me feel like I''m always on the brink of a major wipe out. Something has to change.\r\n<h4>The practical</h4>\r\nThis past week, I''ve started to take some really practical steps toward taking back my life—baby steps, not the full speed ahead kind.\r\n\r\n<strong>I committed to a new gym routine</strong>, one that''s regular but not overly ambitious. I''ve been getting in lots of physical activity all summer—walking the dog, biking to the coworking space, working in the yard—but I haven''t had that regular, sustained kind of exercise that gets your heart pumping and makes you really sweat. I need that for physical and mental health, and I''m the only one who''s going to make it happen.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m learning to delegate more</strong>, and even say no. Last week, at a worship leaders'' meeting at church, I found myself getting excited about new ideas and my willingness to help make them happen. Mid-meeting, I stopped myself, and even spoke up about my hereditary problem of being too optimistic about what I can do with the hours in a day. I scaled back my involvement to something more reasonable, and even pinpointed the most stressful, time-consuming aspect of leading worship for me: the planning. Then, a few days later, I completely delegated the planning of this Sunday''s service to a friend with gifts in that area. It felt great.\r\n\r\n<strong>I''m devising strategies for doing battle with stress. </strong>Stress is one of the things I really need to manage. It comes in many forms, and feeds itself into areas that otherwise don''t need to be stressful. There''s stress about money; Jason and I talked about trying a cash-only budget plan for a month, for groceries and pocket money. There''s stress about a messy house; I''ve been more firm about recruiting the kids to help. On busy evenings, like yesterday, Jason and I have decided to abandon our elaborate meal plan for something much simpler, involving fewer dishes. And I''m making all that overwhelms me around the house more manageable by setting a "cleaning timer" for 20 minutes, tackling as much clutter as possible, then letting go. Baby steps are important.\r\n<h4>The emotional</h4>\r\nPerhaps the even bigger issue, though—the one that''s more elusive and eats away at my core if I ignore it—is taking back that part of my life that embodies who I am and what I love. <strong>It''s the emotional-spiritual-personal part of me that slowly dies when I forget to feed it.</strong>\r\n\r\nA writer I know, <a href="http://www.juliehammonds.com/">Julie Hammonds</a>, devised something she calls "The Love List." (She writes about it in her essay in the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Me-About-My-Divorce/dp/1580052762">Ask Me About My Divorce</a>, which also includes an essay I wrote.) When Julie was recently divorced and at a crossroads in her life, she taped a large piece of paper on her pantry door, and wrote at the top <strong>"What do you love?"</strong> <strong>She was determined to grow her future in the fertile ground of what she loves most in life—what makes her feel very much alive, and very much herself.</strong>\r\n\r\nI feel like I''ve lost much of that connection to what I love. From time to time, I glance at this race I''m running and don''t know how I got here, or why I''m running it at all. Although I''m certainly not at a sad moment in my life, or a significant crossroads, it seems like the right moment to start making a love list, as the groundwork for taking back my life.', 'Taking back my life', 0, '<em>I need some practical strategies, but I also need to know what I love.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'taking-back-my-life', '', '', '2009-09-19 14:35:45', '2009-09-19 18:35:45', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=470', 0, 'post', '', 12),
(471, 1, '2009-09-16 12:35:12', '2009-09-16 16:35:12', '', '2686982308_de4f09bb4c', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '2686982308_de4f09bb4c', '', '', '2009-09-16 12:35:12', '2009-09-16 16:35:12', '', 470, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/2686982308_de4f09bb4c.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(472, 1, '2009-09-18 01:00:46', '2009-09-18 05:00:46', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/11.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-520" title="11" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/11-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Illustration by Jason Berg</h5>\r\n<em>Note: Although a "love list" might sound girly, this is not a project just for females (and it''s not for couples)! It''s for any individual who wants to identify and then claim more of what they love in their lives.</em>\r\n\r\nOK, now that I got that out of the way, I can start sharing some details. In <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=470">Wednesday''s post</a>, I brought up the idea of a "love list," a list that you make over time detailing the things you love most in life—the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like <em>you</em>.\r\n\r\nThe concept generated a response from many of you, both here and on Twitter. One Twitter pal, @MoJoJules, mentioned how much she enjoyed the post, so I responded with "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">I think we should both make #lovelists &amp; figure out how to get more of what we love in our lives. (like you needed an assignment!)." Her response: </span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">"girl get out of my head! I was thinking that! #lovelist ideas later! :)"</span></span>\r\n\r\nThen a few others caught wind of this love list idea, and asked what it was all about. <strong>Even though these lists need to be individual and personal, I began envisioning a way to work on them together, sharing and encouraging one another along the way.</strong> Here are some random thoughts I''ve come up with so far (but I really need YOU to help me shape how this might work, so speak up!).\r\n\r\n<strong>- Start making your love list.</strong> My writer friend Julie Hammonds, who introduced me to this concept, taped several pieces of paper together on her pantry door, where she could see her list grow (she also used crayons and color to express moods and themes). You might want to carry around a small notebook, or keep a list in your iPhone. The important thing, I think, is to add to the list as moments strike you, not to sit down and brainstorm or try to write as many things on it as you can in one sitting. Any time you feel completely filled up with the goodness of something you just did or something that happened—something you saw or heard, or an interaction—add it to the list.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Push your list deeper by asking why.</strong> For instance, I might write on my list "I love interacting with people who leave comments on my blog" (I really really do!). And that''s a fine thing to put on this list, but then I should probably push myself to identify <em>what</em> I love about it: I love sharing and hearing stories; I love connecting with new, interesting people; I love knowing that in some small way I''m helping others sort through their complex lives. I would also put this on my list: "I love taking care of errands on foot or by bike." But what''s at the heart of that? First of all, living in a neighborhood that makes that possible. Second of all, having enough time in my day to tackle my errands at a slower pace. And I think I just love the feeling of accomplishing something that I need to do, like go to the post office or store, in a way that exposes me to neighbors, sights, and time to think and stretch my limbs.\r\n\r\n<strong>- Share parts of your list on Twitter.</strong> If you are already on Twitter, you probably know how hashtags work—they create a link to a list of every tweet that includes that hashtag. For this project, the hashtag will be #lovelist. <strong><em>(NOTE: ON OCTOBER 18 I CHANGED THE TAG TO #thelovelist, AFTER DISCOVERING THAT A RAPPER WITH MORE THAN A MILLION FOLLOWERS HAD TAKEN OVER THE ORIGINAL HASHTAG.)</em></strong> Those of you on Twitter can join me in either share an item or revelation from your list, or you can create some of your list through your tweets. For instance, yesterday I tweeted this: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">makin me happy: a delicious lunch (a papusa and a salad) with one of my favorite friends." I was thinking about how <em>whole</em> I feel after I''ve had a chance to spend time with someone I can completely be myself with, and I thought, "That''s a big love list item for me!" Next time I tweet something like that, I''m going to include the #lovelist hashtag.</span></span>\r\n\r\n<strong>- Share your love list progress here on Fridays.</strong> I haven''t tried a weekly blog theme before, but I''m going to give it a go. Fridays, at least for a while, will be devoted to the love list project. I might write a post that spins off of one item I''ve added to my list; I might write about what I''m discovering about myself in general, through making my list; I might simply share my list and make that my post. I also want all of you to share your progress in the comments, and I might even ask some of you to consider writing a guest post for the Friday love list project. What do you think about that? :)\r\n\r\nReally, I''d love to hear what you think about all of this. Do you want to participate? Do you like the idea of a weekly touchpoint here at Halfway to Normal? Does having group support make it easier, or does it make it harder to be honest with yourself?\r\n\r\n<strong>Most importantly, do you think making a love list will help you take back your life?</strong>', 'The love list project', 0, '<em>An idea about how we might begin to take back our lives, together.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'the-love-list-project', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=470', '2009-10-30 16:25:41', '2009-10-30 20:25:41', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=472', 0, 'post', '', 49),
(473, 1, '2009-09-17 13:51:36', '2009-09-17 17:51:36', '', '8tksm', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '8tksm', '', '', '2009-09-17 13:51:36', '2009-09-17 17:51:36', '', 472, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/8tksm.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(474, 1, '2009-09-21 12:38:44', '2009-09-21 16:38:44', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/9725014_1ac264dd76.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-475" title="9725014_1ac264dd76" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/9725014_1ac264dd76.jpg" alt="" width="523" height="412" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/deia/">Andreia</a></h5>\r\nLast night I had to share some very sad news with my girls: Our friend Maricela died of cancer.\r\n\r\nMaricela intersected with our lives in many ways. We first met her and her two daughters at the church we went to when we first moved here in 2001; for about a year, I often gave them a ride to church, since Maricela didn''t have a car. Her younger daughter, Celeste, was in my daughter''s kindergarten and fourth grade classes, and last year, as fifth graders, they shared a table at math. Maricela also taught the native Spanish speakers at my girls'' elementary school, spending part of every day last year in my younger daughter''s third grade classroom last year.\r\n\r\n<strong>News about cancer stealing life from anyone you care about is hard to take. When you have to figure out how to share that news with your children, it seems impossible.</strong>\r\n<h4>Coming to terms with my very real feelings about heaven</h4>\r\nI found out that Maricela died Saturday morning, and spent a lot of time Saturday processing waves of sadness and thinking about how and when to tell my girls, who were at their dad''s house for the weekend. I had a natural desire to not cry in front of my kids—they''ve certainly seen me cry, plenty, but I wanted them to feel what they felt and not take cues from me. I also had that mama bear urge to protect them, and make everything OK. But how can it be OK?\r\n\r\nAs I sorted through all these thoughts in my mind, <strong>I considered the nice, neat sentiments Christians have responded to death with for ages:</strong> <em>Maricela is with God, in heaven. She''s not in pain anymore, and she''s with other people she loves who died before her.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>While I believe this—I believe that when we die we don''t just rot in the ground, that in some sense we join God in a perfect place, and that Maricela is there—I have never been able to take comfort from this belief. </strong>This is hard for me to admit, but it''s true. Believing in some sort of heaven doesn''t make me feel better at moments like this, and I couldn''t imagine telling my kids that, in hopes of making them feel better. It''s too abstract, and doesn''t seem to fully take into account the very real, earthly pain that comes with a death like this.\r\n\r\nIt also doesn''t address the day-to-day emotional needs of Maricela''s two young daughters, whose extended family lives in Mexico and whose dad has not been a part of their lives for several years. The ache I feel for them is almost too much to bear, and I could see that compassion registering in my daughters'' eyes as I talked to them last night. Believing in heaven seems almost irrelevant.\r\n<h4>Recognizing what I do believe, and hanging on</h4>\r\nThis experience has made me face these issues in ways I haven''t quite had to, before. And in the midst of all the doubt and confusion and sadness, I am able to grab onto something very solid that I do believe: <strong>I believe that God can comfort and protect Maricela''s daughters in ways we can''t humanly begin to comprehend.</strong> Also, I believe that if I pray for them, and if my girls pray for them too, it will make a difference. I don''t know how I know that, I just really really do. And for now, I''m clinging to that belief.\r\n\r\n<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/parachute.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-476" title="parachute" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/parachute-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5>My daughter and Maricela''s daughter on a kindergarden field trip (both on the far left of photo).</h5>', 'Not talking to my kids about heaven', 0, '<em>Some sad news brings me face to face with what I believe.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-can-i-talk-to-my-kids-about-heaven', '', '', '2009-09-22 18:00:23', '2009-09-22 22:00:23', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=474', 0, 'post', '', 11),
(475, 1, '2009-09-21 12:25:18', '2009-09-21 16:25:18', '', '9725014_1ac264dd76', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '9725014_1ac264dd76', '', '', '2009-09-21 12:25:18', '2009-09-21 16:25:18', '', 474, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/9725014_1ac264dd76.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(476, 1, '2009-09-21 12:27:22', '2009-09-21 16:27:22', '', 'parachute', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', 'parachute', '', '', '2009-09-21 12:27:22', '2009-09-21 16:27:22', '', 474, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/parachute.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(477, 1, '2009-09-23 14:14:05', '2009-09-23 18:14:05', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3817952806_e82eb453e7.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-478" title="3817952806_e82eb453e7" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3817952806_e82eb453e7.jpg" alt="" width="522" height="348" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 420px;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/gifrancis/">gifrancis</a></h5>\r\nOpposites may attract, but there’s a lot to be said for going through life with someone who seems to share your brain.\r\n\r\nI can safely say this, having been married for a decade to someone who decidedly did NOT share my brain. Now, two years after marrying Jason, while I would never claim that any marriage is a breeze, I can say without a doubt that not every marriage is destined to be a major struggle.\r\n\r\nThere are many ways to "share the same mind" with someone, from how you problem solve to how you react in various situations. One of the big ones, though, manifests itself in a shared love for the same things. I’ve been thinking about this a lot the past week as I’ve been mulling over what I love most in life, for the <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=472">Love List Project</a>. While the project is meant to be tackled as an individual, <strong>it''s hard to deny how much easier it is to enjoy the things on your love list when your spouse or partner loves them, too.</strong>\r\n\r\nHere’s an example: I love sharing my home, food and hospitality. Thankfully, Jason does, too. Not only are we both OK with having people over, it’s one of our favorite things to do—as long as we have the time to cook, clean and eventually relax the way we like to, that is.\r\n\r\nRecently we''ve taken this activity we love to an extreme. One of Jason’s colleagues has been staying with us for almost two weeks, now. This is a stretch, even for me, an extrovert who doesn’t need as much privacy as some people. Our day to day life can be complicated. We have one bathroom, three kids, a dog, and a lot of commitments. Offering warm hospitality for an extended period of time could easily feel overwhelming.\r\n\r\nAmazingly, though, it’s gone really well.  It certainly helps that Nate, our guest, is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. <strong>It also helps that when we throw ourselves into something we love, it can energize and inspire us, offsetting the ways it might also drain and wear on us.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>But what helps the most is that Jason and I are in our element together, working side-by-side to accomplish something that matters to us</strong>—making someone comfortable and at home, serving some of our favorite meals, and engaging in different conversations around the dinner table, as we deepen a new friendship.\r\n\r\nSuddenly, because Jason and I took on something we love together, we were able to transform what could easily be stressful into a rewarding labor of love. I feel very grateful for that.', 'Hospitality as a team sport', 0, '<em>Life is much easier when you & your spouse love the same things.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'hospitality-as-a-team-sport', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=472', '2009-09-23 14:14:05', '2009-09-23 18:14:05', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=477', 0, 'post', '', 7),
(478, 1, '2009-09-23 13:58:51', '2009-09-23 17:58:51', 'SONY DSC', '3817952806_e82eb453e7', 0, '', 'inherit', 'open', 'open', '', '3817952806_e82eb453e7', '', '', '2009-09-23 13:58:51', '2009-09-23 17:58:51', '', 477, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3817952806_e82eb453e7.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(479, 1, '2009-09-25 01:44:56', '2009-09-25 05:44:56', '<a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/lovelist.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-480" title="lovelist" src="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/lovelist-538x403.jpg" alt="" width="538" height="403" /></a>\r\n<h5 style="padding-left: 390px;">Illustration by Jason Berg</h5>\r\n<strong>Welcome to installment #2 of the Love List Project!</strong> (If you need some background, read these posts: <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=470">Taking back my life</a> and <a href="http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=472">The Love List Project</a>.)\r\n\r\nThis week, just to keep things moving as we continue to figure out how this project might develop, I''m going to share what I have on my list so far. I''m also going to share a sampling of Twitter posts with the <a href="http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23lovelist">#lovelist hashtag</a>, so we can see how others are interpreting the concept.\r\n\r\nThere''s really no right or wrong way to make a love list. I''m sort of making it up as I go. I just hope as our lists develop we can begin to adjust and shape our lives around them, to some extent. <strong>The point of the Love List Project isn''t to just give ourselves occasional shots of happy elixir, it''s to make our lives more full and rich, and more affirming of who we really are.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>OK, here''s my list:</strong>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4085747802" class="msgtxt en">- I love having a front porch &amp; having the luxury of enough open-ended time to really enjoy it.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4093323713" class="msgtxt en">- I love hanging out with good friends when there''s no agenda, and the conversation is rambling &amp; full of good stories.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4096390252" class="msgtxt en">- I love standing really close to J at crowded concerts, where it''s too loud to talk so we just share space &amp; experience instead.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4103471689" class="msgtxt en">- I love Saturday mornings that are free of concrete plans (other than drinking coffee, cooking a big b-fast &amp; listening to npr).</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4115510400" class="msgtxt en">- An Iron &amp; Wine concert reminds me what I love so much about words &amp; music. I''m completely transported by story, image, sound.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4134064272" class="msgtxt en">- I love dinner w the whole family around the table, and maybe an extra random person or two.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4161972552" class="msgtxt en">- A fun night at home with J &amp; all 3 of our silly girls always makes everything better.</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4317437475" class="msgtxt en">- I love traveling because it snaps me out of my usual routine &amp; environment. so many new things to see &amp; ponder!</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><strong></strong><span class="entry-content">- I love it when I have the courage to open up to a stranger—I''m often surprised by how much we share in common &amp; connect.</span></span></p>\r\nWhen I look at the list as a whole, I definitely notice some themes. One is that I crave open-ended blocks of time and the organic experiences that flourish there. These next few weeks I''m definitely going to be thinking more about how I schedule my life, what''s necessary and what isn''t.\r\n\r\n<strong>Now for some of your #lovelist entries</strong>. (If you aren''t on Twitter, I really hope you''ll feel like sharing some pieces of your love list with us in the comments section here.)\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4084481294" class="msgtxt en">- When I get off the bus in the morning, and the streets are quiet, it reminds me this city belongs to me. And, I love it. <em>@Lesley3fold</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4095572571" class="msgtxt en">- I love ending a nutty day full of stress with a good talk with my gf. <em>@MoJoJules</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4096097870" class="msgtxt en">- I love the way my dog (Romeo the pomeranian) is always happy to see me. <em>@lizdyer</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4101009357" class="msgtxt en">- I love the inspiration that happens when sermons come together. <em>@RogueReverend</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4101546241" class="msgtxt en">- Today I woke up to my 5 year old saying "I can''t wait to start my day" <em>@mixmade</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4106881391" class="msgtxt en"> - I love the affirmation of friends who have no agenda other than accompanying me on my journey! <em>@Debbe_Perry</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4111366198" class="msgtxt en">- I love making things beautiful: editing writing, cleaning a corner, untangling a problem through words. <em>@scheidel</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4136708724" class="msgtxt en">- I love it when people drop by unexpectedly. </span></span><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4136708724" class="msgtxt en">Apple pie, a bit of ice cream, wine and listening to @rustytriebert play guitar. <em>@mikelarussell</em></span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4121803851" class="msgtxt en">- I love that my street reminds me of the feeling of dorm life - "sure come on over and hang out." <em>@OSG</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4148731596" class="msgtxt en">- Home made cream of acorn squash soup makes me oh so happy. <em>@delightedscribb</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4314928634" class="msgtxt en">- Few things are better than great friends, good food and interesting conversations. <em>@McMer314</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4343834146" class="msgtxt en">- Received a "thinking of you" email from someone who is crazy busy, but took the time to actually think of me. <em>@lje2me</em></span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4335034094" class="msgtxt en">- I love the act of storytelling: listening, learning, reciprocating. <em>@scheidel</em></span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4170925264" class="msgtxt en">- I love wearing things that remind me of people I love. Today: crisp white collard shirt=my sister, ring=my gram, jeans=friendstacy <em>@revjulie</em></span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4151925726" class="msgtxt en">- music, family, my little boys heads at night to kiss and sniff. <em>@dtatusko</em></span></span></p>\r\n\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4105037823" class="msgtxt en">- being at work (at the library) hence, when someone recommends a book, I can request it or go to stacks. <em>@suzigurl</em>\r\n</span></span></p>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4084481294" class="msgtxt en">- </span></span><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4079404450" class="msgtxt en">enjoying simple pleasures: french vanilla coffee from dunkin'' donuts.</span></span><span class="status-body"><span id="msgtxt4084481294" class="msgtxt en"> <em>@starxlr8</em></span></span></p>\r\nAnd I must say, I''m really curious to know what you''ve been thinking. <strong>Does having a more concrete awareness of what you love make you feel differently about your life?</strong> Do you find yourself living differently, or wanting to make adjustments? Have you found that many of the things you love most are things you already have, and you just want to make sure life doesn''t crowd them out? Are you comfortable with the things you love, or do you feel some abstract pressure to love other types of things?\r\n\r\n<em>Btw, isn''t the illustration Jason made for me great? If you''re writing a #lovelist related post on your blog and planning to link back here, let me know if you''d like to use the graphic, too.</em>\r\n<p style="padding-left: 30px;"></p>', 'Know what you love', 0, '<em>Bits & pieces from the beginnings of my #lovelist, and yours.</em>', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'know-what-you-love', '', '\nhttp://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=470', '2009-09-25 01:44:56', '2009-09-25 05:44:56', '', 0, 'http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=479', 0, 'post', '', 10);
