past days struggling accept introverted imagined bound routine wanted admit find interesting sort deal interesting feel long guilt guilt good point finger tired kids secretly worry good attitude permanently scar growing weary girls feels wrong light desperately miss written post grateful single moment insert self-kicking guilt limit nuclear families extended family ideal environment guilt root grow relieved saturday visiting family finally packed home restore dining room table back usual size successful estimating eggs morning we're eggs felt guilty feeling relieved people love fact jason extra wonderful families genuinely enjoy spending time multiplies guilt grow weary extra people love house insert self-ridicule self-image reality line blame guilt infamous culprit work self-image kind person image thrown instance pride people-person who's interaction conversation house guests ultimately person nature refueling time recognize care part free-wheeling spontaneous up-for-anything kind claim fact routines thrown whack days grouchy toddler meal schedule thrown admit round coping strategies makes feel needing routine time working coming terms denying girls door school yesterday super happy freelance writer quiet house sitting dining room table sweats drinking coffee diving back work routine happy perfectly fine 