Immediately after reading your blog today my mind began to fill with what I think is the basis of the wisdom of much of the "puritanical" thinking that we all rebel against.  I need more time to work on that, and I want to assure you that I've thought about all of this for years!  However, this old piece that I have saved for probably 35 years is so good that I need to share it for what it may be worth in the whole realm of this very complex subject.  It's called "Why It's Bad to Be Lucky in Love," and it's from a book, Evocations of Love, by Alexander King and Peter Altenberg.  This quote speaks of something that seems to have vanished in our world, beleaguered by the obsession of satisfying our sexual urges almost immediately at the expense of losing the priceless focus which should be fulfilling the heart's deepest need for a lifetime of companionship as partners in life.

"If you really love a woman, then her very breath, the emanation of her blouse, the smell of her hair, must have the power to enchant you utterly.  Everything about her should have a magical quality for you.  An ocean of longing ought to engulf you day and night while you are thinking of her, and this longing should almost make you ill, almost insane; and only then, when you have reached a state which borders on absolute frenzy, you should stretch out your arms and fold her in your embrace. On lesser terms you have no right to this happiness.
    Woe to those who are lucky in love!  They are denied the joyous, painful, slow accumulation of yearning which finally fulfills itself in the heart's ultimate ecstasy.  They have been cheated out of the most valuable gift that life has to offer.
    Whom does the Don Juan, flitting from flower to flower, actually cheat?  He cheats himself."