Wow, everyone. I'm loving this discussion. Thanks everyone for keeping it so civil and constructive, and for sharing from your own experiences as well as your understanding. It's going to take me a while to sort through and respond to everyone, but I just wanted to let you know how great you all are. I'll start responding to a few of you now, then will be back later with more.

Jennifer, I completely agree with this: "If love, compassion and especially tolerance became the mantra, I believe fewer young people would leave the church in search of greater belonging and acceptance." I think it's really important that we ask ourselves how this whole issue (and others like it) contributes to people walking away from God and their faith communities. I'm not saying we should make everything about faith easy, permissive, and lenient. I don't think that's what people actually want. But they do want to be heard, and loved, and understood, not judged and condemned. 

Meagan, this is a great point: "...sometimes the emphasis on ‘waiting’ bothers me because I don’t think early marriage is any kind of failure or recipe for disaster, and I also believe there is such a thing as waiting too long, or waiting for something unrealistic." I wanted to make sure I said, at some point, that I don't believe marrying young is a recipe for disaster. I just think waiting until you know a bit more about yourself can increase the odds of marrying someone who's a good fit. When two people marry young and it works for them, I don't believe it works *because* they married young—it works because of who they are, as individuals and as a couple. 

Ryan, this is just in response to your first comment, for starters. :) I just don't agree that the link between pre-marital sex and marital happiness is that clear, but I guess you know that. I'm pretty sure my first marriage was far more damaged by the "sex is bad" mantra and the guilt that ran through my head as a teenager. We were also just ill-suited for one another, and naive. Anyway, thanks for continuing in this discussion—I hope it's more energizing than frustrating! I'll be back with more, later.