toyfoto, this strikes me as very true: "While I don’t think marrying late makes you any more successful in marriage than marrying early, I do think it gives you a better chance at achieving the maturity to do so." Well put. Thanks for jumping into the conversation.

dee, I'm really glad you sensed this place is safe and respectful enough to add this "other dimension" to the conversation. I was wondering when the topic would overtly broaden in this way—issues surrounding same sex relationships and attitudes about women in general were very much on my mind as I read the Christianity Today piece. Thanks for all of the great insight and additional food for thought. There is so much I'd like to respond to—or even better, have an in-person conversation with you about!—but I'll focus on just two points you make that are really striking and well-put. First this: "Perhaps if we were less focused on the 'dos' and 'don’ts' of 'appropriate' sex, our respective churches and denominations could work on fleshing out a full-bodied...theology that supports healthy and life-giving sex interactions." Amen! Also, I love your thoughts on "be fruitful and multiply" and the great commission. Fascinating and new, for me. Thank you for speaking up.

Tyler, you're absolutely right—all of these "Christian principles" need to be talked about in churches/communities in a way that makes sense to and resonates with kids and teens. That's key. And it doesn't mean simplifying and dumbing it down, it just sometimes means approaching it from a different direction, and using different language (although I'm hardly an expert on teens, other than the fact that I was one). Anyway, thanks so much for sending the original tweet a couple weeks ago that alerted me to the Christianity Today article, and for your own post on the subject, which got all of my thoughts churning.

Songbird, your assessment of your first marriage is amazing. Your deep, inner awareness of his selfishness, your own fear of being too sexual, and your understanding that you in particular weren't desired—although this particular story is yours, my guess is that so many people can relate to aspects of it. Thank you for sharing it so honestly and eloquently. Also, can I borrow your summary of what you want your kids to know—the "love ethic"? That's what I want for my kids, too.

Sam, your story is so great. I love how you worked through various issues while you were dating and engaged, and I love how you share the whole story so honestly and matter-of-factly. That doesn't mean that the way you went about love and marriage is the right way for everyone (I know you don't think that, either), but it's so valid and real and beautiful, and I'm glad it was and is so right for you.