because I was reading the post from today, I clicked on this one - and they are intimately related!!!  

I firmly believe that sexuality is about honoring and respecting our bodies and ourselves and the gift of pleasure that God has given us. But far too often, we limit discussions about sexuality to intercourse and marriage - when sexuality encompasses what clothes we decide to wear, how we feel about our physical bodies, intimacy with another human being, etc. 

Sex=marriage doesn't work.  It doesn't work because it dishonors all of the parts of sexuality that we experience before/during/after/without intercourse. It doesn't work because it creates a cycle of shame that leads men and women to hate their bodies and their selves (and this happens disproportionately with women).  It doesn't work because sex within marriage is not always holy and healthy and equating them has led to the perpetuation of marital rape and spousal abuse. 

Sexuality and marriage are intrinsically connected, but they are not mutually exclusive. 

My partner and I waited three years before "doing the deed." That's not to say that we didn't do everything BUT before then. We lived together for a year and a half before we were eventually married - seven and a half years after our relationship officially began. In all of this time, both beforeand after marriage, my partner and I took seriously our discussions about our bodies and our relationship. We honored and respected each other. We grew together emotionally and spiritualy and physically. We gave in to some temptation. We prayed together. We made mistakes and we learned from them. In all of that, the only shame/guilt I have felt has come from outside. Imposed upon me by people who didn't take the time to listen to or hear or share with me what I was experiencing.  I think Betty is right - when we feel shame for something it does make us think about whether what we are doing is right or wrong.  But when blanket shame is imposed upon us, without the understanding of what is really happening in any given relationship, I think we are talking about a different animal.