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<p style="padding-left: 360px;">Image by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/petesimon/">petesimon</a></p>
You may have seen a variety of articles and blog posts about how to use Twitter. If you haven't, you don't have to look far. Just type "how to use twitter" into Google and you instantly get approximately 170,000,000 results.

In <a href="http://www.twitip.com/what-should-you-tweet-about/">"What Should You Tweet About?"</a>, for example, Michael Martine of <a href="http://michaelmartine.com/">Remarkablogger</a> keeps it simple: "Know what your followers want" and "Give your followers what they want." Um, at least it sounds simple, until you actually try to do it.

<strong>Which is actually the theme of these how-to posts: What's supposed to make it all easier ends up making you feel really confused and full of self-doubt.</strong> You can find out what to tweet, what not to tweet, when to tweet, how much to tweet, the proper tweet-to-@reply ratio, whether you should follow someone back...the list of rules goes on and on.
<h4>Rule-makers abound, as do contradictions &amp; rebels</h4>
The rules also often contradict one another, leaving even more mass confusion in their wake. The question posed on Twitter, after all, is "What are you doing?" Seems simple enough. But then social media guru <a href="http://www.chrisbrogan.com/">@chrisbrogan</a> tweeted this the other day: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Talk about your community. It's not about you. Stop talking about you. Stop. MAKE it about them, dammit." </span></span>

<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Wow. He was serious. Too bad I didn't really get what he meant, or if he was talking about Twitter specifically or about social media in general. I tried to find out: "@chrisbrogan </span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Sorry, examples please? I tweet about my b-fast then share my pancake recipe. is that about me or my community? I'm confused." Unfortunately, no response, so I'm still not sure.
</span></span>

<strong>As <a href="http://www.magpie-girl.com/">@magpiegirl</a>, one of my favorite Twitter buds,  tweeted last week,<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> "reading how 2 twitter posts. don't self promote. don't tell us what u ate for brekkies. don't send out links. what ARE u supposed to tweet?" </span></span></strong>

It IS confusing. So confusing, that I recently tweeted this: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">dear self-appointed twitter rule makers: is the 'don't tweet what you had for b-fast' rule suspended on national doughnut day?" Sadly, another question without a response. I guess no one wants to admit to being a self-appointed Twitter rule-maker. </span></span>

<strong>For all the people who love the rules and want desperately to follow them, there are as many people who despise them, and find delight in breaking them.</strong> Oddly enough, I seem to be following many of them. (Take @TrinaMb,  another Twitter pal of mine, who tweeted this today: "<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">'how to use twitter rules' blow, need I say more?") </span></span>
<h4>I present to you...the Official Anti-Rule Rules!</h4>
Luckily though, after much research, I have uncovered the OFFICIAL rules of Twitter. I hope they'll clarify matters for people like @magpiegirl. Maybe @TrinaMb will even warm to them. <strong>You might want to commit them to memory and pass them along, so we can start reducing the number of people who are going about Twitter ALL WRONG.</strong>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>1. Be yourself on Twitter, rather than trying to be the person you think your you're supposed to be.</strong> In other words, only tweet about things that matter to YOU. If you don't really care about the newest iPhone apps, don't tweet about it just because it's a top trending topic and you hope it will garner more followers. On the other hand, if you DO care about what you put in your gullet for your first meal of the day, by all means, tweet what you had for breakfast. (Add some detail, if you wish. I, for one, want to know what flavor of jam you're enjoying.) The point is this: P<strong>eople are not stupid. The right people will gravitate toward authenticity, every time, and your Twitter experience will be better for it in the end (yes, even if you have fewer followers).</strong></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>2. Only follow people who use Twitter in a way that resonates with you.</strong> In other words, <strong>STOP COMPLAINING about how other people use Twitter. If you're following someone who annoys you, that's your problem.</strong> It would be a perfect opportunity for your mom to say "You made your bed, now lie in it." Or, if you don't want to lie in it, it would be the perfect opportunity to un-follow or even block those annoying people. Who needs additional annoyance in their lives?</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>3. Be highly suspicious of anyone who claims to be the King or Queen of Twitter.</strong> Each person who uses Twitter has as much authority as anyone else on Twitter, which is why it's pointless to wield that so-called authority in the first place. <strong>It doesn't matter how many followers they have, or how many updates, or how long they've been using Twitter.</strong> It doesn't even matter how popular their blog is (where they have every right to be the King or Queen, by the way). Twitter is a democracy. Everyone who uses it has an equal vote.</p>
But always remember this: When someone who has never used Twitter decides to slam it, we all have a right to gang up on them. There are no rules then.