The whole idea of a "process" or "continuum" of forgiveness, especially when we're talking about life-altering offenses, makes sense. Forgiveness is so often talked about as an act of will, a choice, or even a spiritual discipline. But the fact is that it is almost always a non-victim who uses this language. To tell a rape victim she should "choose to forgive" her rapist, you might as well be telling her to "just get over it." But perhaps even a rape victim (waaaaaaay down the line when the pain is not her only reality) could at some point conceivably "choose" to enter into a process of forgiveness? I believe it was in The Shack that forgiveness was described as removing your hands from around the throat of the person who hurt you. But I don't think it's always possible to even choose to take your hands from around the offender's throat; sometimes one might only be able to ask God to pry our fingers off, one by one. But as in so many other situations, maybe it begins by facing in the right direction. It is completely different to stand in the middle of pain, hate and anger, facing in the direction of hopeless, blind hatred, willing the offender to die, than it is to stand in the exact same spot, facing in the direction of someday, somehow, hopefully, maybe forgiving the offender. And maybe that's really all that we DO choose.