photo fellow writer reader elisabeth kinsey years grow slightly comfortable talking faith company hipsters intellectuals effortless assure makes squirm stall stray pray fervently magical deliverance discomfort reading participated york city week squirming quite literary reading york perspective translates audience highly cultured educated skeptical hard-hearted people time waste silly old-fashioned notions belief jesus asked yorker friend carmen reading people crowding hostile christians imagined laughed replied honestly gulp venue goodness sakes east village denis woychuk writes opening naming establishment call place impossible find special knowledge guide place history left wing radicalism intended establish legitimate counter-culture venue obvious choice point view jesus counter-cultural left wing radical pretty woychuk thinking people coming talk jesus changed lives mysterious sultry walls soviet-era propaganda mystique black-clad yorkers crowded ordered cocktails felt filled disdain read essay entitled redeemed published book divorce scrambled find segment share essay pretty years walked institutions church marriage opened eyes confused previously read bare soul moments doubt made bold slated read whispered jason reading told read extra loudly boldly reader sally blakemore quirky hilarious irreverent alternative read story wonderful texan drawl reveled ability spin true tale stomach knots make matters worse told parents southern baptist intolerance ignorance forced failed marriage cleansed eyes world lord sally added plenty emphasis drawl word lord good chuckle crowd trust jason's advice walked podium deep breath read essay boldly confidently possibly institutions marriage church wrong life stories lives unpredictable turns desperately wanted demonize church idea marriage turns story looked crowd feel hostility skepticism people laughed attentive faces open sense detect open hearts break reading people approached share similar experiences faith life connected story hostile listeners distance learned lesson feel kind silly retrospect crowd dismiss talked jason carmen dinner reading admitted long narrow either-or all-or-nothing understanding people view faith imagination completely embrace belief completely reject experience proven fairly small percentage people fall extreme categories rest fall deep wide category call complicated past histories faith current feelings rich complexity good memories hard time separating churches people publicly claim feel fair amount confusion hope hope fluctuates vague tickle strong surge hard finger actively seeking grappling belief category completely shake curiosity longing day-to-day lives realizing relief feel glad share space story feels inclined join 