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We just entered the church season of Epiphany, and guess what? I had an epiphany! How cool is that?
And how lame am I to be surprised when God speaks to me? Somehow I never expect it—I keep it all locked up in Bible times, with the prophets and saints.
Epiphany began yesterday, January 6. I “celebrated” by maniacally taking down our Christmas tree, packing up the ornaments and putting the living room furniture back in its rightful place (all while drinking a beer and listening to very non-Christmassy music).
According to the most basic dictionary definitions, the day celebrates the “manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi” or the three Wise Men. In its lowercase version, an epiphany is “a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.”
My epiphany today has to do with a significant, defining factor of the book I’m writing; the “commonplace occurrence” that sparked the epiphany was my struggle with “January blues.”
The epiphany itself felt like a sentence delivered straight from God, into my entire being.
As usual, the dawn is preceded by darkness
I’m no expert in epiphanies, but I can say this: They are the brightest, most hopeful jolts of spiritual energy I have experienced. They scream “God is real! He knows you! He cares! He is in you and is guiding you, even when things seem most dark!”
Another thing I can say about epiphanies, based on my own limited experience, is that they tend to emerge out of our lowest, darkest places. Is that because when we hit those low places we stop trying to control everything, and we’re more open to listening? Or maybe because God is patiently waiting for us to experience and learn what we need to learn, so we can be most receptive to what he wants to say?
I’m not sure, but I do know I was feeling very low and dark on Monday night. That mood led to a classic “why not—what do I have to lose?” attitude, which freed me up to write this blog post about my struggle with depression. It was that form of surrender that opened the flood gates of support and shared experience from others, which in turn opened up how I see myself and my life, which in turn led to my epiphany.
So take that, darkness!
What about you?
I believe there are epiphanies waiting for all of us. And don’t worry—I also think there are other ways to open ourselves to them, besides hitting (or at least grazing) some kind of rock-bottom. For me, having a community and spiritual individuals to talk to helps a lot. My blog community really helped me open myself up this week. Conversations with my mom or Jason help, too.
If you don’t have that kind of community right now, or even if you are feeling unsure about God, I have good news. My friend Rachelle Mee-Chapman (aka Magpie Girl) has just started Flock, a “soulcare safe haven” dedicated to “finding a spirituality that fits.” There are so many good things being offered at Flock, but my favorite is the opportunity to ask questions of the “dream team of life coaches, spiritual directors, therapists, and more.”
And guess what? Rachelle has given me a six-month membership to give away here at Halfway to Normal. All you have to do to enter in the drawing is to leave a comment on this post. Tell us about a dark place you know, or an epiphany you’ve had. Share how you think God speak to us, or maybe why you fear he doesn’t. Just get your comment in by noon CST on January 14, when I will draw the name of a new Flock member.
(By the way, I’ve never done a giveaway here before, and I certainly don’t plan to do many, but this opportunity seemed just right for so many of you. If you want to leave a comment but don’t want to be entered in the drawing, just let me know.)
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Oh, wow. What an amazing opportunity. I could list a slew of epiphanies both large and small, but suffice it to say they are real, they are true and they often come at just the right time, when you think your very weak grasp on life is even more untenable. Thank God for epiphanies,, for speaking to us in big voices and little, for the way He spoke to you, and the opportunity you have to “pay it forward,” as they say.
Still, I kinda wanna peek behind the curtain and know what your epiphany was. Just curious. (sheepish grin)
I had been in a valley for the last couple of years, and especially the last six months or so. My life just isn’t where I want it to be (yeah, I know… lol) and I was really struggling. Pushing against walls that wouldn’t move, pulling knobs on doors that wouldn’t open, but also, in the words of Casting Crowns, “trying so hard to stop trying so hard.” A few months ago, a friend passed a prayer to me that was told to her when she was struggling with her life and her relationship with God:
Lord, teach me to be more secure in Your love for me.
I prayed it every night for a couple of months. Didn’t think much more about it at first except to pray it and hope for an answer.
Shortly after I started praying this short, simple prayer, I noticed a pattern. Things I read – Bible verses, blog posts, magazine articles, book passages -, sermons at church, songs on the radio…I often recognized in these things a message that God loves me no matter what. It doesn’t matter that I sin, He loves me and forgives me; it doesn’t matter that I’m weird, and insecure, and impatient, and hugely imperfect…He loves me. Those messages were a comfort and I started to climb out of the valley.
Then one night a few weeks ago, I prayed the little prayer: Lord, teach me to be more secure in Your love for me. And it hit me: He loves me. NO MATTER WHAT. How much more secure can you get? All of those little messages were God’s way of telling me I can’t screw it up, His love will never leave me. In that instant, my prayer was answered and I believed, really believed, that my Father in Heaven loves me and always will.
Oh – I meant to say that I don’t care to be entered in the drawing for the membership, I just wanted to share my epiphany.
Also, I think God speaks to us in a way that is significant to each of us. I love words – I love to read, and I love song lyrics as much as the music – so God talks to me through the words of authors, poets, bloggers, and lyricists. He knows that I don’t always pay attention so He repeats the message until I finally get it. The cool thing is that when I get it, I automatically know the difference between just a really interesting thought or passage and a message from God. (I admit that sometimes I feel a little nutty saying or thinking “God just spoke to me” even though the belief that He did is rock-solid.) I think He uses the medium and the method that works for each of us individually.
I had an epiphany when I realized that everything happens for a reason. I used to mourn the loss of a former career, sacrificed for family harmony and wholeness. Now I realize it wasn’t a sacrifice at all, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It propelled me into a direction I never saw coming, and I am now in the best place career-wise of my life.
I am so glad to have stumbled upon your blog. You are such an insightful writer. Great post!
It may not be surprise you feel every time God speaks to you in a big way. It’s that excitement of recognizing that He is speaking to you and in a very clear voice. It’s hard not to feel a little something something!
I was so fortunate to have so many epiphanies in the past year as I got past my bad breakup, rediscovered a bit about who I am and found love.
Funny you should write about this…today.
I’ve been buried by my circumstances: poor health, a struggling marriage, a daughter who is on the verge of leaving home, pain, and mental illness. And I was slogging along in self pity, forgetting gratitude, feeling hopeless and desperate.
Today, I read an assortment of “random” blogs which were in my Google Reader…and each one of them revealed a new side of a point God was trying to make to me….Basically that my future is, in part, in my own hands. And it is also in the hands of God. God is more than able to turn the tide and bring hope to my darkness, but He is waiting on me to change my attitude and take some action. While I’m not a proponet of “God helps those who help themselves,” there is SOME truth to that statement. Perhaps you’ve heard the expressionn “God cannot steer a car that is standing still.”
Anyway, that was my epiphany; both a prod and a reminder not to lose hope in a God who can do anything. I wrote a blogpost about my discoveries. See: http://cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com/2010/01/no-more-excuses.html–thanks for sharing your story with us, Kristen
I love how epiphanies happen in the most ordinary way. For me, it will happen when I’m doing the ordinary, everyday stuff – unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up the kitchen, driving down the road – I get hit with an AHA! sort of thought.
In my experience, they don’t always happen when I’m at my lowest – though I have had that happen – but when I’m at a dead end of my thinking process (a very tangled, not logical process, it must be said). When I feel like I am boxed into a corner of Whatever.
I loved reading Violet’s ephiphany, by the way.
Yeep – excited at the possibility of a chance at Flock!
Wow, darkness is like a gem for me. It is literally the place that makes me look up. Frankly, it is one of the only places that changes me. It is the shreaking pain of uncertainty, the sudden feeling of a loss of control (when I realize my husband is in a platonic friendship with a female co-worker, and I can’t possibly keep him all to myself) or when the tingling in my fingers makes me fear that I have m.s. and that I will lose functioning. That darkness heals me as I enter it and look at it and surrender it.
Jennifer, I love how you put this: “[epiphanies] often come at just the right time, when you think your very weak grasp on life is even more untenable.” So true. I’ll eventually let everyone know what my epiphany was—I’m still turning it over in my mind, getting to know it. (And I just might share it with you even sooner, seeing as how I have known you for 20 years.)
Violet, what a great description of what it feels like to struggle against life: “Pushing against walls that wouldn’t move, pulling knobs on doors that wouldn’t open, but also, in the words of Casting Crowns, ‘trying so hard to stop trying so hard.’” And what a blessing that your friend shared with you that simple, powerful prayer. What an amazing example of an epiphany that starts as a small kernel, building up over time. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Laura, yes, it does seem to be true that things happen for a reason. There are many different ways to think about it, but in the end, each philosophy eventually seems to result in a better, richer life. The hardest part is believing that when we’re in the midst of some despair, and not knowing how long we’ll have to wait for something good to emerge.
Kat, thank you! I’m glad you stumbled across Halfway to Normal, too!
The Modern Gal, that’s a good point. “Surprise” isn’t really the right word. It’s more a case of not being able to remember that feeling of having an epiphany, until you have another one. It’s so extraordinary, like a very distinct flavor that you can never begin to describe. Nothing in the world tastes like it, but the moment you taste it again, the memories of it all come flooding back, so strong. (Btw, I’m so glad you had the chance to rediscover things about yourself this past year. Your life will long be blessed because of it.)
One way the darkness would manifest for me is that I was afraid of bugs, specifically bugs in my apartment. Once I saw a bug in my apt and moved out temporarily, without even explaining to my roommate what was happening. I had been prone to episodes like this before: see something I was afraid of and then run away. Funny enough, I hold a high paying job and am able to function and be “on” but in my free time I would tend to unravel.
During the time of this episode and my hiatus from my apartment, I had an epiphany: That these episodes sustained because I would go deeper and deeper into myself. I thought, what if there were a gift here? What if, in my darkest moments, there were angels?
And so I pushed myself forward. I forced myself to call anyone and everyone I knew whom I felt comfortable with and get out of the house. In that week, I called someone with whom I used to work and found myself explaining my bug thing to him. What was funny was that instead of telling me to get over, he agreed that bugs could be pretty nasty, but that he could come get me and take me back to my apartment, where I belonged.
And he did.
We have been together for almost 3 years since that night…me and my angel! And, he is one of many angels I have encountered, often in the darkest of times. I also make sure to be an angel for others, when needed and appropriate!
Cynthia, I know that “slogging along in self pity” route. One of my least favorite versions of me is Me Feeling Sorry for Myself. Ugh. I also know what it’s like, though, to suddenly find messages at every turn that build upon each other in stunning ways. It gives me great hope, as a blogger, that blogs can be a part of that process. Thanks for sharing your story and your post! I’m so glad you’re not slogging along quite so much any more.
Sam, those so-called ordinary moments can be pretty amazing. I think it has something to do with not trying so hard—letting go to be ourselves in the world we encounter. In some ways, that’s also what happens when we’re in our low spots, too. The low spots are just much more difficult than the ordinary ones. :) And I completely relate to this description, that epiphanies happen when you’re at “a dead end of my thinking process.” Another moment for letting go?
Ashley, that’s a beautiful way to describe darkness—as a gem. I’ve gradually been able to see the good that comes out of dark moments, but I still have a hard time being comfortable with them.
Lisi, I do think Fear, in general, is closely related to darkness. Either it feeds it or is a response to it, or maybe both. It makes sense that you would relate one of your deep fears to darkness. Good for you, for pushing forward, forcing yourself out, where you were able to find light.
This is an awesome opportunity! I found Magpiegirl, through an amazing artist I follow called Kelly Rae Roberts. I heart Magpiegirl and her passionate focus.
I have been an educator for over 25 years, 14 of those have been as an elementary school principal. In July 2008, I was laid off for the first time in my life. I had joined a new school district and they went into financial peril. They closed 4 schools and laid off new employees to the district. I was devastated to say the least! Going from a six figure income to zippo. After 3 months of searching I found a position as an educational consultant working for a well known educational corporation. Worked in the heart of the inner city of LA which was SO challenging.
Then the unthinkable happened again! I went into a time of fear and hopelessness when I was laid off June 2009 from my position as an educational consultant. I couldn’t believe this was happening again. Then one day, about 6 months ago, I heard a sermon by one of my favorite TV pastors. He talked about God as a “God of the break through”! That was it! My God was my break through! He was going to be the one to awaken the joy and happiness that I had allowed the enemy to steal for the past months. My epiphany came, and it had been right there inside me the whole time. My my pity party was FINALLY over.
What a joy and release that has been!
Going on 7 months now, I’m still searching for that great position, and I know it will come. In the meantime, I started my own blog, still in it’s infancy, http://teachingwithsoul.wordpress.com. It’s my new full time “job”. Blogging out of the fear of being unemployed to embracing the certainty that I have been blessed with the talent and skills to mentor.
My life passion is to inspire,mentor, and equip teachers to “teach with soul”. My prayer is to eventually develop this into my own consultant company. To inspire other teachers to do “break through” teaching. To be released from mediocrity which I have seen too often in my work as a principal. I also plan to use my blog as my dissertation when I apply to a doctoral program at USC!
I’ve shared far too much already…thanks for the chance to become part of the “Flock”!
I had an epiphany when I realised that letting go was the only way forward, the only way I could be happy. I had held on so dearly to the past, to all the bad stuff that my life was a perpetuated negative rollercoaster… I got off, let go and things have turned around like you would not believe… it’s been a revelation.
These lyrics to an unreleased song by a favourite song-writer of mine really launched me in the direction of a big epiphany this last year:
“When I lost my way home
I was helpless like a small child.
No eyes of my own that could
Take me through the night time.
…
I slept through the daylight,
Woke up, it was midnight
There in the dark I saw Sun Mountain.
Here in my world I remember all the things I left behind
And if I need them they will be there a part of my mind.”
My major epiphany of 2009 was that “darkness” doesn’t equate “evil” “bad” “false” or any of the other scary things I was raised to think of it as. Darkness is simply the unmanifested, the void- that which we are all in this life to draw fruit out of.
The whitest, most pure, and noble horse is still white, pure, and noble whether light is shining on it or not, whether you or anyone else will ever see its hue. The truth that lies in the mere fact that darkness exists is just as much truth as the fact that light exists. The TRUTH of what IS is what matters.
This was very profound for me this year and has opened me up to all sorts of new experiences, friendships, and art-creating (I’m a musician, currently working on an entire concept album devoted to this theme of truth being true whether it is illuminated in light or simply out there waiting to be groped in the dark by the few who are brave enough to go where their eyes cannot see). I’ve become open in a way I wasn’t before and have come to learn I’m wise enough to find value and truth in whatever comes my way, whether I (formerly) first would’ve labeled the experience/ person/ or thing as “good” or “evil.” Therefore, for me I’m finding it’s better to abandon those titles and judgments from the get-go. I will admit that experimenting with this isn’t for the faint of heart, or those who don’t trust themselves to make wise, moment-by-moment decisions of what is best for them.
— — — — — —
Thanks for the opportunity to be entered in your raffle!
- G.
teachingwithsoul, yes, Magpiegirl is an amazing woman to have a connection of some sort with. Your passion and new focus sound amazing, too! Your story is a great example of all the good that can emerge out of what feels like a really difficult time. Sometimes it’s an epiphany that pushes us forward, and other times it’s much higher-level redemptive work going on, and our role is to just be open and willing. It sounds like a a bit of both has been happening for you. Blessings!
Mel, wow, I can relate to that! What you wrote perfectly describes the process I was going through in 2005. I’m so glad you’ve seen your life turn around in big ways, too.
Luckless Pedestrian, this is so powerful: “’darkness’ doesn’t equate ‘evil’ ‘bad’ ‘false’ or any of the other scary things I was raised to think of it as. Darkness is simply the unmanifested, the void- that which we are all in this life to draw fruit out of.” I love that way of thinking about darkness. I think part of the problem is that in religious circles, darkness is so often used as a metaphor for evil, but there are many kinds of darknesses, and many ways to approach it. You seem to have a great grasp on this concept, and I think you will have great success with your album. Please keep us posted!
My last epiphany happened right at the beginning of a final exam. It was in a course on Wisdom literature which I had come to strongly dislike. While writing the exam the hymn “I heard the voice of Jesus say” popped into my head and I had a little epiphany that went something like this “oh that’s right I don’t need to hold my faith and experience of God up in comparison with anyone else’s, In fact the ways in which I experience the divine are good and wonderful” The Flock group seems like a great way to continue finding and affirming a spirituality that’s right for me.
i’m so glad i found you…
and thanks for the opportunity of joining other seeking souls…
i’m hopeful i’ll find my tribe within the flock community :)
thank you!
One of my greatest epiphanies–though now that I think about it it was a long time coming–was when I discovered that I could be quiet and wait. I spent a great deal of my life trying to control everything because I thought no one else would. Then I discovered one day that if I let go and just listened the answers would come.
I’m still struggling with whether or not it is God or something else that is speaking, but just the fact that I’m even considering it is BIG for me.
I have epiphanies all the time, sometimes big, sometimes small. I can’t remember the last one I had, probably because it felt so natural, flowing with the rest of my life, that it’s just part of the conversation God and I have – even when I think I’m the only one speaking! When I do get answers or direction, it can come any number of ways – through the lyrics of a song I hear, like others here have said, through somebody’s actual words to me, or through my Tarot cards, which I use to clarify and literally put into images what the answers are.
i feel like i’ve experienced too many dark places in my life. they usually happen when my values are being challenged or when transition is occurring. some of the darkest places have occurred when i’ve lived with people struggling with deep depression. its hard to know how to encourage and not enable, how to love and not excuse, how to be present and care for oneself. there have been some dark, dark times.
My epiphanies usually come in the shower… it seems that this is the only place I get to be alone!
In early 2006, I began planning to go back to school. I had all my transcripts sent to the community college and had my financial aid ready to fill out. Then, I had my epiphany. My motives were so wrong!! I was going back to get the approval from a father whose standards were so high that I never felt that I measured up. I thought by finishing my education, I would receive his approval. I was sick! So I didn’t go back. I was disappointed in many ways, but felt free. I knew it was the right decision.
About a year later, same shower, it just washed over me how much I had changed and how I had come to value myself in spite of never feeling that I had received that approval from my father! At this time, I felt ready.
I enrolled, and although there were MANY obstacles, because I was doing this for me, I finally finished my Associate’s degree at the community college. I worked on it as a part-time, sometimes full-time student and never spoke a word of it to my dad.
One day this fall, my last semester, he started on me again about my education. I was so proud of myself that I was able to tell him that I was actually about to graduate. I had done it all without his constant questioning and badgering!
Now, I plan to enroll in a 4 year school in the fall. It is an exciting time! Epiphanies are wonderful! I can think of no better time to get enrolled in Flock than now!! Thanks for the giveaway and I know it will be such a blessed event for who ever gets to participate in it!
I’m so happy I followed Magpie Girl’s link over here. I never knew about the religious side of epiphany. Shame on me! Thank you for teaching me something new.
I’ve had many bouts of feeling down and isolating myself, and I think that one of the biggest ephanies I’ve had is just to remain open. It’s amazing when you do, the help that comes forth in the form of your Higher Power, friends, blogs, and other unexpected places – and in turn what others get from your being open can be a gift for them. Also letting go has been one of the biggest lessons for me in the last year. Letting go of the need to control things, turning it over to true source is the only way to move forward. Being devinely guided is a much better way to go, than muddling my way through on my own. Actually practicing the letting go is the challenge ;)
I guess my biggest epiphanies do come when I’m at my low points. One of the latest was simply “you are your own worst enemy. How do you expect me to help you when you won’t get out of the way?” Bam. Now that I got the message, I need constant vigilance to practice getting out of my own way and staying on my path, listening to that inner voice and finding the courage and support to listen to that advice and follow it, even if it looks odd from the outside. Flock seems like a great place to gather that support and have a community around each of our unique spiritual paths. Here’s to more epiphanies!
Thank you for that post. I was just wondering this morning as I was driving – if God has a plan for all of us, why is it so difficult for (some of) us to find it? I have tried many different ‘incarnations’ of a creative life, and I believe I have now found – and just started – the one that fits. So I guess that is an ephinany in itself. Spiritually, I’ve certainly been around the block (many times), trying on different beliefs and ideals, but come away from them feeling suffocated or too bound. I’ve only just discovered Magpie Girl (I’ve also been “distracted by shiny things since 1969″!!) and love what I’m finding so far. This community could be just the thing I need this year, to propel myself along into living my dream, and keeping grounded and real at the same time.
Thank you again
Mel
~*~
Allysa, I love your story: A stressful moment, struggling with something you weren’t enjoying very much, and then boom! A line from a hymn, and clarity. I bet we can all benefit from your epiphany—”I don’t need to hold my faith and experience of God up in comparison with anyone else’s. In fact the ways in which I experience the divine are good and wonderful.” Thanks for sharing it!
Claire, I’m glad you found Halfway to Normal, too. :)
Amie, if I didn’t know better I would think you were describing me here: “I spent a great deal of my life trying to control everything because I thought no one else would.” How wonderful that you’re on the journey away from that approach to life.
Patti B., that’s wonderful that your conversations with God and the epiphanies have become so natural and frequent. I wonder if that’s something we can all work toward, as we practice being more open and attentive.
the holly, it sounds like you’ve been able to really hone in on the problem-moments in your life (challenged values and transitions), which seems to be a big part of understanding and being OK with temporary darkness. I hope you have also seen moments of hope and light, and that the dark times aren’t too overwhelming and frequent.
Kimber, that’s too funny about the shower, but it completely makes sense to me. My epiphanies rarely happen when I’m sitting still, trying to write or think. They almost always come when I’m half-busy doing something else that doesn’t require much brain power. Anyway, good for you, for listening to your heart and acting on it, and for getting your degree (for the right reasons!).
I think the greatest epiphany I have had is that Godde can actually relate to me as a woman, as a creative woman. I spent my life on the sidelines, a wallflower looking in as I interpreted the men as have the connection to a God that was in their image. I was always puzzled by the accusation that church has become feminized. Not from my perspective. It was all male pronouns and men in leadership.
When I finally began to understand and accept that God is neither male or female but somehow both, creating us in Godde’s image, male and female, I began the shaky steps toward healing. Just now beginning to feel like i am strong enough to run, I finally find joy in listening to Godde speak to me, a woman.
I saw this great bumper sticker the other day: God is too big for one religion. Love it!! I think on this a lot lately. What if God is even bigger than christianity?!!! This really helps put things in perspective for me.
In the span of a few days I found out the thesis topic I’ve been researching on for months is not going to happen and then I got an email in which I found out that in two weeks I’ll no longer have a place to live so I’m trying to find housing in a country where I don’t speak the language while being located in a country 6 time zones away without reliable internet/phone access where I also don’t speak the languages.
I’m still angry with the whole situation, but I was able to put it in perspective when I started analyzing this data I’ve collected and finding households who literally spend 100% of their income on food. The global economic crisis combined with a series of natural disasters has made life difficult in this corner of the world. As if that weren’t enough the price of electricity is going to double this month and the price of hot water will quadruple. I’ve been told these prices also doubled last year. How can someone from outside even begin to understand their situation?
My most recent epiphany happened when I realised that letting go – of things and people and ways of being that I’ve been holding onto for oh so long – won’t create a desolate, lonely void…but will create space into which can come undreamed of wonders and treasure more suited to who I am now. And I reckon Flock may just be the place to find some of that.
it’s all “okay”. even when it’s not. that’s the epiphany I have…sometimes in cycles…I reach a place of clarity where I realize that all those things dragging me down are really only dragging me down because I have decided that’s what they’re doing/trying to do…This realization comes to me in small ways – sometimes as a wake up (feeling sorry for myself before church this past Sunday then suddenly spilling hot coffee on my wrist – not enough to be hurt, but just enough as if to say, hey! wake up! get out of yourself!; little ‘notes’ – a beautiful feather on the ground where I least expect it, a bright red cardinal on a grey dark day, stumbling on a few words or lines that remind me we are all connected to each other and to the universe…)
Thanks for sharing through your blog. Your courage and honesty are valuable to so many.
I have always felt an epiphany is an awakening with a little bit of the divine thrown in. It is being open to recognizing what the universe is showing you and the beauty is that it comes to you when you least expect it. The ‘divine’ for you may be named ‘God’ or ’spiritual energy’ or whatever you believe. Maybe, like me, you don’t know what to call it yet. Flock sounds like a cool place to try to figure it out. Thanks for your post.
Hi Kristin! I am surely interested in Flock, so here goes with my epiphany (recent – I seem to be having many over this last year):
It started with your blog at Christmas time about dark and light, which really got me thinking about that phenomenon in my own life. I was at first equating dark and light to sadness and happiness (not evil and good) and how those feelings are particularly intense for me at this time of year and truly are flip sides of one coin.
This ruminating started an avalanche of “signs from the Universe” that reinforced the ideas about dark and light and how they’ve played out in my own life. Happiness/sadness, good/absence of good, awareness/lack of awareness, so many ways to think about this and be open to all aspects of life and personality. The “signs” included a dream about a lightbulb being turned off, an email from a friend about her struggles with a child, an interview on NPR of the friends of a recently departed songwriter (who killed himself but I’ll be damned if I can come up with his name today) where the lyrics reflected these conflicts within him, and finally, a therapy appt with my husband where we recognized that our reactions to some things, while seemingly completely different/opposite, are actually about the same function (relieving pain) – truly an epiphany which will serve our marriage well.
So, while I can’t point to one single epiphany (although I guess your original blog maybe was the first blink of light in my brain), the openess that I’ve had to exploring these concepts has resulted in a series of small epiphanies, each building on one another. Where this goes for me has yet to be completely revealed, but I am grateful for the additional understanding it is already offering me.
Hi Kristin,
I just wanted to say that, coming from a very charismatic tradition, I’ve grown mistrustful of those bolt from the blue words from The Lord kind of thing. I’ve seen them manipulated to serve the ends of humans instead of the purposes from God, and I’ve seen folks devastated because they didn’t have those experiences. But one thing I think is true: God will be heard. I don’t think he does it very often, but he has the power to make even the most recalcitrant heart (like mine) sit up and pay attention. And I think this allows us humans to rest, rather than chasing after spiritual experiences, which, though they can come from God, are not God. But I guess that, right there, is my epiphany.
Also, I would really, really like a membership to Flock! It looks like it’s going to be awesome! Thanks!
Shannon
I think I’ve (almost) always been open to epiphanies in my life, and I’ve had a slew. But reading your post, I find myself feeling resentful about the ‘darkness before the dawn” probably because I’m feeling that right now, that darkness. In my head, I’m saying, “But most of my life has been a breeze, why should I have to experience darkness now?” And even as I “speak” those words, another voice is reminding me of previous stretches of darkness that were long or especially dark or both. I guess it’s that the non-dark aspects of my life right now are so lovely that it feels like a much greater contrast than I’ve experienced in a long time.
Anyway. Thanks for the food for thought, and I sure hope I win! I could *definitely* use some more soulcare support. Actually, I came here from Rachelle’s Facebook page, so I’m kind of following her around on the Internet, reading what she’s up to and looking for community. Thanks for providing me a new resource to investigate. Based on this post and the interview with Rachelle, I imagine I’ll spend awhile here looking around. Thanks!
I never, ever win anything (oops, look what I just put out to the universe) but I would love to win a Flock membership so…
I don’t tend to have epiphanies in the dark. Oddly enough, besides the times that I am sitting across from my spiritual director, my most frequent epiphanies come when I am driving my car and in the bathroom at the mall.
Peace…
Sherri, many churches don’t celebrate/acknowledge/follow the liturgical calendar, so you shouldn’t feel bad for not knowing about Epiphany. Lent and Advent are the main seasons people are aware of, along with the important days that end those seasons, but the rest have been lost in many ways. Isn’t it nice, though, when all of those dots connect and you get a glimpse of the bigger picture?
olive & hope, being open and letting go are such huge, important things to get a grasp on, aren’t they? I tend to be a very slow learner when it comes to those areas—I struggle with them, then I learn the sort of things you’ve described, then before I know it I’m struggling with them again. I love how you talk about both experiences, though, and all the good that comes from continuing to practice and work at it.
Andrea, this is so true: “Now that I got the message, I need constant vigilance to practice getting out of my own way.” I hate to think of all of the times I have gotten in the way of good that was trying to reach me. Also, listening to and trusting that inner voice is key. Thanks for sharing your perspective on this.
Mel, I know just how you feel about God’s plan for each of us often being difficult to discern. It can be so frustrating! What I’ve gradually learned, though, is that it’s usually about timing. There’s more we need to learn before we’re ready for the plan, or other certain life circumstances need to come together and fall into place before that plan can begin. I’m so glad you’re finding the creative life that’s right for you!
Cynthia, that’s such a wonderful realization. It makes me so sad and frustrated that so many women in many churches feel isolated from God’s love, gifts and promises. God doesn’t want us on the sidelines!
Jen N., I love that something as basic as a bumper sticker can make the lightbulb of understanding turn on!
Molly, that sounds like a *very* frustrating situation. Perspective is such an important thing when you’re feeling disappointment and anger. I’ve been thinking about that a lot these past couple of days, since the earthquake in Haiti. My struggles are so small in comparison.
Helen, ah, I’ve learned that beautiful truth in my life, too. Thanks for sharing it in such a beautiful way.
modergirlskitchen, I love this: “I reach a place of clarity where I realize that all those things dragging me down are really only dragging me down because I have decided that’s what they’re doing.” We are such complicated creatures, aren’t we? Thank goodness for all the little wake up calls along the way.
Laura, the word “awakening” is a great one to use. Suddenly everything becomes clear. Maybe the truth is there, waiting, and the divine is like the alarm clock that helps us open our eyes.
Beautiful post. I’m new here. Wandered over thanks to an email from Rachel regarding your giveaway. The Flock sounds like the perfect place for me right now, as I’ve been struggling a bit with my spiritual path and feel like I’m in a bit of a gray zone right now. I suppose that this is the most recent dark place I’ve been in…a place of many questions and not a lot of answers. A place where I want to be strong and firm in my beliefs, but can’t seem to figure out what those beliefs are or how they fit into my life.
Thanks for this chance to win a spot and thanks for this honest, encouraging post. Looking forward to reading more!
Nicola, I love the way you’ve described an “avalanche of signs from the Universe” (and I love that one of my blog posts started the whole process for you!). Dreams, emails, radio interviews, and therapy sessions—all of life really does work together when we’re open to it, doesn’t it?
Shannon, I completely hear what you’re saying. There’s a great potential danger in going around telling people that God told you something, and many people have been hurt either because of these revelations or because they didn’t get them. I think what you said here is spot on: “…he has the power to make even the most recalcitrant heart (like mine) sit up and pay attention. And I think this allows us humans to rest, rather than chasing after spiritual experiences.” Beautiful.
Luci, yes, I resent that darkness before dawn, too. I’m at a point in my life where I wish it didn’t have to happen, but I’m sort of resigned to it because I’ve seen how beautiful the dawn has been in my life. I think you’re on to something with this: “the non-dark aspects of my life right now are so lovely that it feels like a much greater contrast than I’ve experienced in a long time.” I know that’s how I would feel if I entered a great darkness in my life right now. I’m so glad you wandered over to Halfway to Normal! I think we’ve developed about as supportive a community as you can find on a blog. Flock will be able to take that even deeper.
Rebecca, that’s too funny! I think I have sensed a theme about Epiphanies: Sometimes they come when we’re at the end of our rope, about to give ourselves over to hopelessness, other times they come in the midst of the tedious day-to-day activities. They don’t seem to come when we’re trying too hard though, do they? (And I don’t think meeting with a spiritual director is an example of trying too hard, by the way! That’s more about being open.)
Ami, that grey area can really spread and grow, can’t it? It’s like a rolling fog sometimes. Figuring out what your beliefs are and how they fit into your life, as you put it, is a huge task. So many people never even try to figure that out—it sounds like you’re doing the hard work, and you will be blessed by it. So glad you wandered over to my blog!
I had one of my larger epiphanies recently when I had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy, and I was so ridiculously excited because I’ve wanted to be a mom more than any career or any other life aspiration. When I lost the baby, I had a slew of complications that dragged things on for 8 long weeks. Between surgery and a berzillion doctor’s appointments and strict orders to TAKE IT EASY UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, I found my grand realization. I need to slow down. I was going crazy at the thought of not doing my normal fast-paced activities, but when forced to think about my situation, I realized this was a sign… this quiet is where I needed to stay for awhile.
Alright everyone! I’ve absolutely loved hearing all of your stories and thoughts about epiphanies. I’m closing off the chance to enter the Flock membership drawing—I’m saying a prayer and getting ready to draw a name now, and will announce it shortly. But please continue to share your epiphany stories if you’ve just arrived at this post!
The winner is Luci! Congratulations!
I want to urge everyone who was hoping for a Flock membership to find a way to set aside some money and at least give it a try. Free is nice, but when you think of what we spend money on, and how so much of it doesn’t really impact our well-being, it’s worth it!
I also wanted to again welcome everyone who wandered over to Halfway to Normal for the first time via this giveaway. I hope you’ll become a regular part of our community here, too. You can sign up for posts via email, subscribe with an RSS feed, or become a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/Halfway-to-Normal/92902118213?ref=ts
And finally, a big thanks to Magpie Girl for this great opportunity!
Hey Luci Mama! Welcome to the Flock! I’ll be emailing tomorrow with registration information.
Thank you to everyone who commented and shared your story. I’m super excited that some of you have newly discoverd Halfway to Normal. There’s good soulfood here with Kristin!
Much Warmth,
Rachelle
I’m doing the Happy Dance now as I run between the laundry, the dishes in the sink, dinner in the crockpot, and my computer in preparation for an important phone call in, gosh, less than 2 hours! Eeep!
Thank you thank you thank you to Kristin and Rachelle, not to mention the ear that got prayed to before Kristin drew my name!
Oh, and as a very small gift in return to you two and all your readers, if you’re on Facebook, you might want to check out the App “On This Day, God Wants You To Know….” Mind you, I have no connection to this app at all other than being a fan, but it’s given me some lovely boosts lately, so I wanted to share.
http://apps.facebook.com/godwantsyouprod/index.php?source=news100_action_img3_msg105&ref=nf
More when I can!
Luci
Kate, thanks for sharing your story. A miscarriage has to be one of the darkest experiences a woman can have, particularly when it drags on due to complications. The fact that you were able to gain some important message out of it is pretty amazing. May you continue to be blessed by slowing down. Peace.
Rachelle, it means a lot to hear you saying there’s good soulfood here. Thanks!
Luci, I love picturing you doing the Happy Dance (even though I have no idea what you look like!). I felt the need to document the process of drawing a name, so I took two photos and Tweeted them (one of me reaching into the bag before I drew, and one right after): http://tweetphoto.com/8709665