Illustration by Jason Berg
Note: Although a “love list” might sound girly, this is not a project just for females (and it’s not for couples)! It’s for any individual who wants to identify and then claim more of what they love in their lives.
OK, now that I got that out of the way, I can start sharing some details. In Wednesday’s post, I brought up the idea of a “love list,” a list that you make over time detailing the things you love most in life—the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like you.
The concept generated a response from many of you, both here and on Twitter. One Twitter pal, @MoJoJules, mentioned how much she enjoyed the post, so I responded with “I think we should both make #lovelists & figure out how to get more of what we love in our lives. (like you needed an assignment!).” Her response: “girl get out of my head! I was thinking that! #lovelist ideas later! :)”
Then a few others caught wind of this love list idea, and asked what it was all about. Even though these lists need to be individual and personal, I began envisioning a way to work on them together, sharing and encouraging one another along the way. Here are some random thoughts I’ve come up with so far (but I really need YOU to help me shape how this might work, so speak up!).
- Start making your love list. My writer friend Julie Hammonds, who introduced me to this concept, taped several pieces of paper together on her pantry door, where she could see her list grow (she also used crayons and color to express moods and themes). You might want to carry around a small notebook, or keep a list in your iPhone. The important thing, I think, is to add to the list as moments strike you, not to sit down and brainstorm or try to write as many things on it as you can in one sitting. Any time you feel completely filled up with the goodness of something you just did or something that happened—something you saw or heard, or an interaction—add it to the list.
- Push your list deeper by asking why. For instance, I might write on my list “I love interacting with people who leave comments on my blog” (I really really do!). And that’s a fine thing to put on this list, but then I should probably push myself to identify what I love about it: I love sharing and hearing stories; I love connecting with new, interesting people; I love knowing that in some small way I’m helping others sort through their complex lives. I would also put this on my list: “I love taking care of errands on foot or by bike.” But what’s at the heart of that? First of all, living in a neighborhood that makes that possible. Second of all, having enough time in my day to tackle my errands at a slower pace. And I think I just love the feeling of accomplishing something that I need to do, like go to the post office or store, in a way that exposes me to neighbors, sights, and time to think and stretch my limbs.
- Share parts of your list on Twitter. If you are already on Twitter, you probably know how hashtags work—they create a link to a list of every tweet that includes that hashtag. For this project, the hashtag will be #lovelist. (NOTE: ON OCTOBER 18 I CHANGED THE TAG TO #thelovelist, AFTER DISCOVERING THAT A RAPPER WITH MORE THAN A MILLION FOLLOWERS HAD TAKEN OVER THE ORIGINAL HASHTAG.) Those of you on Twitter can join me in either share an item or revelation from your list, or you can create some of your list through your tweets. For instance, yesterday I tweeted this: “makin me happy: a delicious lunch (a papusa and a salad) with one of my favorite friends.” I was thinking about how whole I feel after I’ve had a chance to spend time with someone I can completely be myself with, and I thought, “That’s a big love list item for me!” Next time I tweet something like that, I’m going to include the #lovelist hashtag.
- Share your love list progress here on Fridays. I haven’t tried a weekly blog theme before, but I’m going to give it a go. Fridays, at least for a while, will be devoted to the love list project. I might write a post that spins off of one item I’ve added to my list; I might write about what I’m discovering about myself in general, through making my list; I might simply share my list and make that my post. I also want all of you to share your progress in the comments, and I might even ask some of you to consider writing a guest post for the Friday love list project. What do you think about that? :)
Really, I’d love to hear what you think about all of this. Do you want to participate? Do you like the idea of a weekly touchpoint here at Halfway to Normal? Does having group support make it easier, or does it make it harder to be honest with yourself?
Most importantly, do you think making a love list will help you take back your life?
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Hi Kristin,
I want to first let you know, the title of this post really drew me in. Life has been busy, and some days it feels like I’m just trying to play catch up, only to start again the next day. Why am I telling you this? Well, because as I read this post, I really believe I was meant to be here today. And to just let this idea sink in.
See, that’s all part of taking my life back. Or, getting it into some semblance of normality. Not that “normal” is what I strive for, just that maybe there’s more of a sense of harmony.
So – will a love list help me take back my life? Good question. I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that it just sounds like such an excellent idea at really just “feeling” love more deeply. And that’s a place I very much want to explore. I think it touches upon our soul, and can do that very deeply if we truly allow love.
So, count me in, Kristin. And let’s watch as love expands! For you. For me. And for everyone who both participates and is a recipient of that love!
Brilliant. Longing to make a change is one thing. Taking Active Steps to make it happen revokes one’s pass for The Road to Good Intention. I’m in.
Kristin, I really like this idea and am excited by the possibilities. One of the things I started to do on my blog was write a weekly gratitude list of all the things I was grateful for that week. It was a way to remind myself that there are plenty of good things around me, even if I don’t always see them.
I like how this “love list” project will give me another opportunity to dig deeper and find the things I truly love. It’s a great way of focusing your efforts, whether its personally or professionally. I’m at a point in my life where I really love where I am (physically and mentally) but I don’t want to get complacent. I think this is a great way to keep pushing forward.
I’m all in! I do like the idea of a weekly or biweekly touchpoint of some kind. For me, it helps keep me accountable for what I’m doing.
First, thanks Lance for sharing this on Twitter! Kristin, I posted on my facebook and mentioned how I love FB because of the way I can connect with people in my life in ways I might not otherwise. Makes for deeper relationships. I’ve had a few responses (and reposting). One idea that came up is to meet at our local sweet shop for a quick get-together, ice cream, and sharing of our lists. I’ll let you know how it goes!
Thanks for the wonderful idea!
Kristin-
I’m in on the blog topic sharing. It’s funny, because your post the other day made me start thinking about my own love list – one of the first things I thought of was how happy I feel when I do errands by bike or foot – remarkable! Also remarkable how little I have time to do that in my busy, busy life even though my neighborhood situation supports that love…
OK, I’m taping up my list tonight! It will be interesting to see what comes of it!
Nicola
Sounds interesting. I wish a “project” that included a “list” didn’t presuppose failure on my part at this point in my life. I’ll be a happy spectator…
I’m seriously excited about this. For many reasons and mostly cannot be spoken right now since I’m under brain fry from a test. LOL
I don’ t think it is to be something wrapped up in lists. I see it as finding the positive in life, instead of getting wrapped in the drama, the negative and taking control of life in a way that will effect things in a good way.
I’ll talk more about that later. :)
Blessings and wish those who are about to join this well! :)
TAKING BACK MY LIFE!!! WOOT!
Kristin, I think it’s a GREAT idea to share our love lists. Because, unbelievably, it is possible to get so caught up in the day-to-day that we can “forget” those things we love to do. Something in someone else’s list might just cause me to say, “Hey, I really used to love doing that.” Or it might jog my memory on something else I used to love to do. Maybe it’s something I want to make part of my life again or maybe not. Awesome idea!
I find myself, as a single mom, at a place where my youngest of 3 is now driving and I have all this free time after work (although not for long because I’m in the process of signing up for some classes at the local tech) and I’ve been wondering what path I’m going to take next. I know there are many things that I used to do that, over the years, have had to be set aside simply because I didn’t have time. It’s been 30 years since I’ve had this much free time. It’s glorious! She’s been driving for 6 months and I’ve enjoyed my freedom tremendously but now I’m ready for new (maybe some old) things! And I’m really excited about filling my life with things that I love, things that bring out the best in me so that I, in turn, can help to bring out the best in others. In a strange roundabout way I think focusing on ourselves to discover what makes us feel good makes us better people and better able to be a positive contributor to the lives of those around us.
I know it’s always good to focus on the positive, but on the flip side, paying attention to those things we do that make us feel bad is perhaps not such a bad idea either. For instance, when I’m in a group of people and they are being negative in their talk, sometimes it’s easy to pick up and join in which always leave me feeling horrible. If I were to take note of that, think about it and why I do it and what I can do to avoid it or extract myself from the situation, then next time it happens, maybe it will be a lot easier to not become caught up in it. I’m not a highly introspective person, so where this might be more natural or obvious to someone who is, it’s not to me.
Hi all! Your enthusiasm for this idea is really exciting! I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to start responding to comments yesterday—my blog was down for several hours, so my energies were focused on trying to figure out what was going on (and hoping my web host had a good backup). I’ll get started on some responses now. Happy Saturday!
Lance, I’m so glad you’re ready to jump in, and glad you’re not really seeking “normal.” I think maybe we need to redefine that idea to mean the life we were intended to live, and the person we were created to be. At least that’s my take on it. And it’s so easy to wander so far from those deeply-rooted parts of who we are, but maybe this is a way to start reorienting ourselves.
Dave, the road to good intentions is so long and tiring, isn’t it? I’ve been walking on it periodically for quite some time. Keep us posted on how you’re going about your list!
Meredith, I have read some studies about how important gratitude is in our lives. When I was trying to pull myself back up after my divorce, I reached a point where I felt like it was time to stop going to my therapist (after many great, helpful sessions) and focus instead on gratitude—seeing and gathering up all of the good things in my life, even if they are very small. This love list fits in nicely with that, but is a bit more proactive than reactive. Keep us posted if you’re writing about any of this on your blog!
Mikela, welcome to Halfway to Normal! (Thanks Lance!) I really love your idea of finding local friends who are interested in making love lists, and then meeting up somewhere to share them. So many great ideas are flowing.
Nicola, maybe we really *are* biologically related, after all! It’s so amazing how similar we are after all these years. Anyway, it sounds like you’ve already found a perfect example of how a love list might nudge you to make some changes in your life. If having the time to run errands by foot or bike is so enjoyable for you, I think you’re just going to have to figure out how to make some time for it each week. :)
Mark, I’m curious, why are you anti-list? It’s not like a to-do list breathing down your neck—it’s a pondering, rambling list. It’s fine, of course, if you observe from afar, but I do hope you’ll start jotting ideas down somewhere as they occur to you (because I’m pretty sure they will). :)
Jules, it’s definitely about “taking control of life,” and I’m so glad you’re in it with me. It’s a lot like exercising or praying or eating healthy—these things take some discipline and are much easier when we have someone alongside us.
Btw, Jules already wrote a great post about this project: http://mojojules.wordpress.com/2009/09/19/why-join-the-love-list/
Paula, I love how this seems to be just what you need at this moment in your life. I like your point about how something in someone else’s list might spark something in our own mind/heart—another benefit of not doing this alone. I also think there’s great benefit, once we’re more grounded in what we love, to being aware of the things in our life that make us feel just the opposite. Thanks for jumping in!
Good idea – though I’ll likely do this with the folks in the church where I’m located. Starting next Sunday we have a 6-week series about living. But we start out with asking what we would do if we got the news that we only had a few weeks to live. Would we reach out to someone we haven’t spoken to for ages? Would there be some things we always wanted to do that we finally take the time to do? I think it ties in nicely with the Love List idea. I’m thinking we might take a large bulletin board type space, and have folks use whatever color of post-it note they want to put up different things on their lists.
Now, in regard to the church, the first thing I saw when reading the diagram was not the idea for a love list, but instead I saw a reason why folks don’t like change in the church. Some folks are happy with the way things are (and they likely aren’t being challenged to grow as persons). Some folks don’t like the way things are, and they’d like to keep it that way because what they really like is complaining. Only a small percentage will consider changing anything.
I’ll play! This idea works.
At home, hubby and I have a love journal. Laugh if you must, but it’s what keeps us in check when we argue. You’d be surprised how hard it is to kick someone to the couch after reading a page on ten little things they love about you. Incredibly cheesy, I know, but effective.
That’s how I see your love list idea. Falling into despair and giving up becomes quite the challenge when you consciously go about jotting down ten little things you love about life.
I made a lovelist at the first of the year. I didn’t call it that, but a rose by any other….
“Live in beauty” was big on my list. I helps me when I don’t want to do the dishes or make the bed. If my house and garden are in order…beauty resides here.
Dennis, I think it’s a great idea to team up with people you know “in real life” for this project. I’d love to hear how it works, and also how the things you love most in life line up with (or don’t) the things you think you’d want to do if you found out you only had a few weeks left to live. (Also, I hear what you’re saying about the diagram—I didn’t use it because it perfectly sums up the love list concept, just because it represents my conscious decision to change some things about my life.
Laura, I’m not laughing—promise! A love journal sounds like a great marriage tool. And the line you’ve drawn between that project and the love list is strong: “Falling into despair and giving up becomes quite the challenge when you consciously go about jotting down ten little things you love about life.”
Talk to me, that’s a great example. Sometimes the things that bring us peace and contentment (and even happiness!) don’t always end up being the things we feel like taking care of first. Another good reason to take note of what we love!
very cool idea, love the idea of thinking about ‘why’. shall join on Friday, as it will make me happy to be part of a cool project – because I enjoy this community you have fostered #lovelist :-)
I really like this idea!!!! I’d be happy to join =)
Hi Kristin,
I just came over from Lance’s blog, because in just typing out the first few love list items that came to mind, I could feel my heart centre expanding. It’s a wonderful idea, and I’d love to join in. I love the idea of having it dynamic and constantly adding to it. Looking forward to Friday : )
I also came over from Lance’s blog. I’m very intrigued and I’d love to participate. At this point in my adventure/journey, I’m willing to try anything to feel more control over my life and the way I spend my time. Thank you for sharing this!
This is such a great idea! I just came over from Lance’s blog and think this is a brilliant idea. I’ve already gotten started.
I love this idea! I’ve actually done this on my blog a few times, but never with a group of people! That should feel awesome!
Trina, I enjoy this community, too. :) That makes it especially fun and meaningful to work on a project like this together.
Katie, I’m so glad you’re in! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts as you begin to think through what makes you feel most like *you*.
Hilda, hello! I love how you expressed this: “…in just typing out the first few love list items that came to mind, I could feel my heart centre expanding.” That’s how it feels to me, too—it’s sort of like knowing you’re home, within yourself.
Daphne, I hear you about being “willing to try anything to feel more control over my life.” I had reached that point in my life, too. I’m so glad you’re here to give this a try with me.
Carla, it’s so much fun to see you and others visiting from Lance’s blog. I’ll look forward to hearing more about how the love list is playing itself out for you.
Tabitha, since you “choose bliss” I’m not surprised you’ve done something like this on your blog. :) It’s very fitting—we have to recognize and claim what makes us feel happy and fulfilled, it usually doesn’t just happen on its own. Thanks for stopping by!
I saw you on Lance’s blog and I had to stop by. There are so many things I love and I’ll list a few here.
I absolutely love:
- Eating sushi with my wife.
- Watching my dog run after a tennis ball. (most passion is such a small package ever!)
- Coming home with a trunk full of food.
Great idea! I also posted one on Twitter.
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Doing this with a group amplifies the whole energy of it! Brilliant idea! Here’s to a group lovelist! xo
Hi
I just came over from Lance’s site where I posted my love list. I want to tell you that it really does feel good to go there again, to dig deep and realize what we love and why. I think I will tell each my kid and hubby about these special memories. If I like them I know they will too. Thanks for this fantastic project.
Kristen — I’m also from Lance’s site and I think this is a fabulous idea. Oddly, in my “works in progress” file, which I was recently mining…I had started this list, but for who’s know why stopped. Now, between you and Lance, I will pull it out and let it start growing again. I’ll be back on Friday…Did I say I LOVE this idea:~)
I am here from Lance’s site too!! I posted a little list yesterday but hope to be back tomorrow (here) to share in the list. It is truly a wonderful idea that I hope to do with my daughter too. Let the love grow!!
Karl, I’m so glad you stopped by and got into the #lovelist fun on Twitter. Did you noticed I quoted your tweet on my post today? :) http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/?p=486
Diantha, I think you’re right—doing this together impacts the energy level for everyone.
Yira, I really enjoyed seeing your love list on Lance’s blog, and I’m glad you’re into the idea of digging even deeper. I hope you’ll stop by again and let us know what you’ve discovered.
Sara, I love that this has reminded you to revive something you started a while back. I will really look forward to hearing more from you as your list progresses. It’s good to see you again!
The Exception, welcome to Halfway to Normal! And what a great idea, to share this concept with our kids. I wish I had started thinking deliberately about all of this at a much younger age—I’m sure it would have helped me in many ways.
You can save your search as a #lovelist in twitter. it’ll make it easier to update.
kristin! love the love list idea and so glad i happened to find this post. thank you for reminding me of something that i think has been in my head but has never actually taken shape. i have the perfect little notebook just waiting to be filled. much love to you.
Kristen,
This is a great idea, sort of a thoughtful variation on the gratitude list. If we can live more in love, kindness and gratitude, the world will benefit (we will too!)
Just found you via Twitter and love this idea. Will begin assembling my lovelist and posting it. Thank you for this positive way to make us all think about our lives, our loves and bringing us all together while doing it.