Photo by Meena Kadri
As the new year approaches, I’ve decided I will strive to live less intentionally
in 2009.
I’m sure at several points in my past I’ve vowed to do just the opposite. Living “more intentionally” is one of those things that seems really impressive and desirable at first glance. But what does it really mean? And what might I be missing, in the process?
What we’re drawn to about intentionality, I think, is the level of implied thoughtfulness, presence and control. When you’re being intentional, life isn’t happening to you or around you, it’s happening because you decide that it should. You can explain it, respond, and even make quick adjustments as needed, because there are fewer surprises.
When you look at definitions for “intention,” you see words like “goal,” “objective” and “purpose” a lot, along with this sort of thing:
- a determination to act in a certain way
- what one has in mind to do or bring about
- a more carefully calculated plan
- implications of effort directed toward attaining or accomplishing
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with any of that. There is something wrong, though, with the assumption that doing every last thing with intention always results in a more desirable, admirable life. It’s time for most of us (especially us uber-logical, rational types) to compensate a bit.
No, the opposite of “intentional” is not “random.”
One way to achieve a better balance in any part of our life is to define and then embrace the opposite of the thing we’re trying to counter. If you’re too sedentary, you need to embrace some activity and exercise; if you talk too much you need to practice listening. You get the idea.
So what’s the opposite of being intentional? Being random and not grounded? It’s easy to go there, but I’m starting to think about it in a different way. If being intentional involves asking “why” a lot, and knowing exactly why you are or aren’t doing something, then the opposite involves not asking why. If we simply can’t break the “why” habit, we need to start giving ourselves a different “answer”—maybe just because will do the trick.
Here are some typical why’s for me: Why should I regularly read these certain blogs I read, and not those? Why should I call this friend to make dinner plans rather than that friend? Why should I buy this book rather than that one, or make the drive tomorrow morning rather than tonight?
The real question is, do I really need a list of rationale explaining every decision I make? Or can the so-called rationale simply be this: Because it feels right. Because I’m an instinctive creature. Because I want my heart to have a say, and when I come up with smart explanations for everything, my heart gets left behind.
Good things come to those who trust their instincts
When I think about the best things that have happened in my life, I realize they were guided far more by instinct than rationale. Some of the decisions that led to the best things in my life really didn’t make sense at all.
Yet I can feel myself getting caught up in a world (particularly a professional world) that is calculated, precise, formulaic and predictable. If I want this person to consider my book, I need to make friends with these people, which means I need to do these things and write often about those topics. I need to look at market niches and target audiences and well-defined brands, and then I need to be relentless in my pursuit of whatever it is I’ve identified. I need, in other words, to be intentional, calculated and goal-driven or I will not succeed.
Not only does that path make me feel really tired, it also takes the joy out of my work, which ultimately causes it to backfire. It distances me from what I am drawn to, what I feel, and what I sense I should be doing or writing about next—just because. And nothing good can come from any of us moving away from that.
Here’s to a less-intentional 2009. Happy New Year.
Similar Posts:
- A less intentional (more open-ended) social life
- Retracing my steps to the original idea
- Exhibit A: The less-intentional party
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this, especially as someone who frequently vows to be more mindful–and no, the opposite of that shouldn’t be mindless, to extend your reasoning.
Much of my life I’ve had the great joy of working in jobs that I fully believe in and can give myself to. This hasn’t come about because of any well-thought-out or “intentional” plan. It’s been serendipity, which I like to think of as “the things that happen to those who pay attention.” I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Here’s to letting it happen.
@BarbChamberlain
Thought provoking.
Makes me think about the importance of living in the moment. Or crafting the plan, but holding it loosely. We need to be open to our current location, those we meet, the situations we stumble upon, and the opportunities we have.
Enjoy your 2009, I am sure your new focus will be a blessing.
Jodi
Intentional – opposite would be accidental. I can go with accidentally meeting new people, finding new things to read, etc.
It’s scary to me to venture from the tried and true path to where I want to go. So if you don’t mind – I’ll be following you to see how it is working for you.
And I think I’ll just veer a little, every once in awhile!
Great post, thanks.
Deb @debworks
There is a thin-line, but important distinction, between intentional and contrived. I can be intentional about being in the community, giving myself the opportunity to meet and interact with others. Or I can contrive interaction by saying I am going to go “here” to try to meet “him” and talk about “this”.
It seems we often get these two concepts confuse and use them interchangeably. Instead of living life with intention we try to control and contrive aspects and minute details of life. This is what leads us to exhaustion. We are so pre-occupied with control that we forgo the experiencing the opportunities of life.
Barb, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. The fact that being less intentional made you think of serendipity is exactly where I was headed. I love your definition of serendipity, too. I was already thinking through a follow up post to this one, about paying attention.
Jodi, I really like how you describe this approach to balance: “crafting a plan, but holding it loosely.” You also used the phrase “be open,” which is key to what I’m trying to do. I suspect that exciting things are happening around us all the time, and that we miss them by our lack of openness. Thanks for your comment, and may 2009 be a blessing for you, too!
Deb, I think “accidental” can be one way to think about the opposite of “intentional.” Isn’t it interesting how “accidental” seems to carry negative connotations? (Even though you rightly point out that accidents can be happy ones.) I guess what I don’t like about that word here is that is suggests that things just happen to us, willy nilly. I believe there’s something bigger going on, and that my gut or my instincts or the nudging of God’s spirit (or whatever you want to call it) is often more spot-on than my logic and intellect. I agree–it can be scary, though! I will try to write some follow up posts about my little baby steps forward and back. Thanks for reading!
blackwasp19, I’m really glad you brought the word “contrived” into the conversation. I guess that’s what I often feel the result is when I think through things a bit too much and try too hard to make a specific thing happen. It’s like trying to find a spouse, right? The more you come up with a plan for meeting the perfect person, the less natural (and probably less successful) the search becomes. Ultimately, I do think living intentionally is a really good thing. It’s finding that thin line, as you pointed out, that’s important.
This is so So perfect for me. My gremlins are so noisy about “which decision.” That’s why I’m Embracing Whimsy in 2009. Let’s go be unintentional together!
Rachelle, I’m so glad to know I’m not alone on this quest. I’d love to figure out how we can actively support and encourage one another as we give it a try in 2009. Any ideas?
(For those of you who are wondering about Rachelle’s reference to “gremlins,” check out her great blog post on the matter: http://www.magpie-girl.com/20081228/quiten-down-how-to-shut-up-your-gremlins/)